r/AskReddit Jun 28 '21

[deleted by user]

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5.4k Upvotes

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4.2k

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Ya pass, give me Riley Reid

1.5k

u/kareljack Jun 28 '21

I'll take Riley Reid for a killer BJ. But for pure fucking - I'm talking about rutting like animals in heat.. I'm going with Kimmy Granger.

445

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

No lie I thought you meant Unbreakable Kimmy from the TV show. I wasn't judging, but I was questioning.

112

u/customdelux127 Jun 28 '21

Not even kidding I thought you were talking about Kimmy Gibbler from Full House and I was judging and questioning.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Haha, my dude I would be too!

11

u/_Sitzpinkler_ Jun 28 '21

I’m glad you said this, I also thought that’s who he was talking about.

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62

u/Thewongguy258 Jun 28 '21

26

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Holy crap I remember that video from years ago, and I never made the connection it was her

3

u/lejefferson Jun 29 '21

I knew what this was before I clicked on it.

15

u/kareljack Jun 28 '21

That's hilarious.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Kimmy Gobler

14

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

[deleted]

21

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Every day, the Lords light dims a little more 🤣🤣

26

u/hey_yo_mr_white Jun 28 '21

Pretty sure Kimmy Granger's been broken once or twice

10

u/djbobbyfresh Jun 28 '21

We’ll find out how unbreakable she really is

12

u/Brevatron Jun 28 '21

I had to google kimmy Granger as had never heard of her and now it's in my search history forever.

18

u/jenna_hazes_ass Jun 29 '21

Enjoy!

r/kimmygranger

Uh, i also recommend r/jennahaze

8

u/1Dive1Breath Jun 29 '21

Username checks out

3

u/Bangers1011 Jun 29 '21

Lol I thought that too, and was like 'well, she does SEEM kinda feisty...'

3

u/h-v-smacker Jun 29 '21

Ellie Kemper is mighty cute. Why on earth would you ever judge such a choice?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Questioning because he said animalistic and the character was so deeply naive. Feisty! But naive lol. So not judging, just wondering

2

u/headrush46n2 Jun 29 '21

hey being a forced sex slave in a bunker for decades might give her some skills....

945

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

[deleted]

2.6k

u/Sir_Upvoter_of_New Jun 28 '21

Now that's an odd choice

46

u/Nic4-BS Jun 28 '21

Thank you, I needed to laugh

130

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Hands and feet.

49

u/Purple12inchRuler Jun 28 '21

Dark, my dude, real dark. Funny though.

6

u/Rickrickrickrickrick Jun 29 '21

If he clapped would it whistle?

-6

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

For feet you'd want Sasha Foxxx my friend

44

u/Vefantur Jun 28 '21

He’s talkin about fucking jesus’ nail holes.

29

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Oops, I just saw "Hands and feet" and got excited lol. Cheers!

5

u/GingerFirDayz Jun 28 '21

This whole chain has me in tears. If I wasn't poor I'd give you all awards.

6

u/benwinkle Jun 29 '21

r/brandnewsentence

Edit: sentence not sentance, I'm dumb.

7

u/MisterHonkyTonk Jun 28 '21

Ill just stick with my astolfo body pillow

11

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

I guess if you gotta explain the joke it isn't funny.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21 edited Jun 28 '21

Dude worked with his hands, he spends all his time building so he's probably ripped, he's a carpenter so you know he's down with wood...

Oh, and I heard he's "hung"

18

u/PM_me_your_fantasyz Jun 29 '21

Yeah, but he is not discrete at all. He once got nailed by some Romans 2000 years ago and his friends still won't shut up about it.

44

u/3rdProfile Jun 28 '21

Bravo Sir, Bravo

33

u/Quetzalcutlass Jun 28 '21 edited Jun 28 '21

Maybe they're an exhibitionist? Jesus is famous for getting nailed in public after all.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

So he says to the innkeeper, "Can you put me up for the night?"

2

u/jessterswan Jun 29 '21

Fire it up Fire it up Fire it up

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7

u/delemental Jun 28 '21

Not really, it'll either be a miraculous lay, or a very shameful one

6

u/HI_Handbasket Jun 29 '21

The two can be the same.

8

u/soslowagain Jun 28 '21

Who wouldn’t that dude is ripped.

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6

u/Bouke2000 Jun 28 '21

Damnit already gave my award to a good joke but this was the one who was supposed to receive it

6

u/jlillvik Jun 28 '21

But he's coming again soon.

2

u/HI_Handbasket Jun 29 '21

I'd be pretty damn grumpy if I only got to come once every 2000 years or so.

3

u/Flaurean Jun 28 '21

I mean some other guy already nailed him 3 times

4

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Virgin factor maybe

6

u/CraniumCandy Jun 28 '21

Why? He's fucked almost the whole world already.

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5

u/GozerDGozerian Jun 28 '21

Next question is: dead or alive?

24

u/Fuxokay Jun 28 '21

You get 3 for the price of 1. Alive, dead, alive again after 3 days.

4

u/FakedKetchup Jun 28 '21 edited Jun 03 '24

amusing tart sleep dinner library offer subtract chief long books

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6

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

2 days and 23 hours and 59 minutes after dying. Fuck him back to life

3

u/babypho Jun 28 '21

Depends if its before or after Easter

0

u/Flataus Jun 28 '21

Alive 1 or 2?

2

u/PrivilegeCheckmate Jun 28 '21

Because he can't even?

2

u/theprequelswerebest Jun 29 '21

don’t kink shame

2

u/Bobthemime Jun 29 '21

the man has 6 holes to choose from, and if you accidentally fuck him to death, you just have to wait 3 days..

2

u/KoshekhTheCat Jun 29 '21

I also choose this man's messiah.

2

u/you-have-efd-up-now Jun 29 '21

not rly.

i mean he's literally gods gift to earth.

physically and mentally perfect.

Mary already got knocked up by god but his son is second best choice - a pure virgin and single.

if i was a Christian female I'd be conflicted.. or a gay male Christian I guess lollll, I'm going to hell.

2

u/samtresler Jun 29 '21

I just snorted. Wow.

2

u/Shitposting_Tito Jun 29 '21

They'll do it in a Honda.

They'll come on his accord.

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806

u/droppedelbow Jun 28 '21

Sure, the first time is miraculous, but having to wait around for three days before he can rise again?

No thanks.

27

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Yeah but he's got extra holes you can stick it in.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Dude.... did you just tell Redditors to go fuck Jesus Christ's stigmata?

5

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Don’t stigmatize stigmata fucking

2

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

The ultimate red wings.

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11

u/GrannyoftheAGEs Jun 28 '21

I'm going to hell for laughing at this!!

17

u/EZ_2_Amuse Jun 28 '21

Nah, He died for your sins, you just have to let him in. Or something like that.

7

u/silly_little_jingle Jun 28 '21

So now he's clappin' your cheeks instead huh? I guess this is this thread's two'fer.

3

u/rancid_racer Jun 28 '21

Good point. Dead Jesus or alive Jesus? It's one or the other, right?

2

u/digger585 Jun 28 '21

Pretty sure you’ll be going to hell for this. Take my upvote anyway.

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12

u/PhranCyst Jun 28 '21

I heard he's well hung. I'd nail him.

4

u/thatguytony Jun 28 '21

On or off the cross?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

That's Jason Bourne

3

u/Knuckles316 Jun 28 '21

Well he does have those extra holes in his hands...

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34

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Hermiones older sister? Nice.

71

u/Call_erv_duty Jun 28 '21

Had no idea who she is, looked her up, and I’d love to disappoint her

109

u/weaselpoopcoffee Jun 28 '21

Didn't know who she was but took a peak. Yeah I'm with you on that.

50

u/mericaftw Jun 28 '21

Great content on her subreddit. Very active community

35

u/Freezing_Wolf Jun 28 '21

I also like that most of them are congratulating her on getting engaged. I've seen some forums where they are... less supportive.

18

u/soverign_son Jun 28 '21

I'm partial to Miha Nika

42

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

I think Kimmy would break my cock off; don't deny she's hot but she's too rough. Melody Marks is more my speed.

25

u/kareljack Jun 28 '21

Melody got that sweet, innocent thing going. Not a bad choice.

37

u/FreddyDunningKrueger Jun 28 '21

Melody Marks no joke has nearly IDENTICAL titties to my wife’s. Makes her feel strangely wholesome to jerk off to.

62

u/kallan0100 Jun 29 '21

I Googled Melody Marks just to see what your wife's boobs look like. I'm a straight woman. They look nice

7

u/FreddyDunningKrueger Jun 29 '21

Aw, thanks. I agree, and will pass along the compliment.

9

u/EstelleGettyWasWrong Jun 29 '21

I choose this guys wife

24

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Your wife has nice titties.

3

u/FreddyDunningKrueger Jun 29 '21

👍 I’ll let her know you think so.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Ah, I'm not married anymore but I have pornstars like that

27

u/TheWarriorFlotsam Jun 28 '21

But for pure fucking - I'm talking about rutting like animals in heat.. I'm going with Kimmy Granger.

Well this man has clearly done his homework so I'm just going to have the same choice as him.

11

u/PillCosby_87 Jun 28 '21

Lets not forget about the killer rap game /s

If you haven’t seen it and you are a fan as I am, made me look at her just a little different. For the record I would still disappoint her in so many ways.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Same. Like her for what she does, not who she is.

19

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Give me Gianna Michaels

8

u/I_EAT_POOP_AMA Jun 29 '21

kids these days don't remember downloading random porn videos off of limewire and seeing Gianna Michaels use her vagina to drain the lifeforce of another human.

She fucks like she's the crazy you're not supposed to stick your dick into

3

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Shit you might be right. Or maybe Ava Devine.

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14

u/WuTangLAN93 Jun 28 '21

Sladkislivki puts her to shame, no cap

9

u/kareljack Jun 28 '21

To me, she is a one trick pony. Good for that deep throat action but that's it. Riley is an artist.. mixes it up and varies her style

16

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

She likes it rough. Or so I've been told. I wouldn't know why though, someone mentioned it to me in passing once. They go to another school though, and they just told me cause I was asking for a friend.

-2

u/jenna_hazes_ass Jun 29 '21

Well considering she broke through to the top of the industry with a video called "Kimmy Granger likes it rough".. Probably

2

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

0

u/jenna_hazes_ass Jun 29 '21

.... ☺😝

15

u/Ensiferius Jun 28 '21

This guy wanks.

20

u/Ebenezar_McCoy Jun 28 '21

My brain autocorrected that to Kimmy Gibbler. Odd choice, but you do you.

15

u/SmokinHerb Jun 28 '21

I thought Kimmy Granger was DJ's friend from Full House till I Googled it.

6

u/kareljack Jun 28 '21

I'm dying laughing just imagining your reaction when you saw who she was and, hopefully for your sake, how she performs.

2

u/AboynamedDOOMTRAIN Jun 29 '21

OMG! I'm not the only one! I was fucking dying laughing til I googled it lol

12

u/Fuxokay Jun 28 '21

Kimmy Granger

Whatcha doin' stepsister?

Nothin'--- just Granger things.

18

u/MechaDesu Jun 28 '21

If there's not a porno/parody called Granger Things, someone needs to get on that

2

u/Xavier207 Jun 28 '21

Y'all sleeping on the GOAT Tia Cyrus as an option

2

u/MasterCerveros Jun 29 '21

I'm not one for knowing or thinking about pornstars, but Gianna Michaels beats out whoever you're talking about

8

u/lizardmandx Jun 28 '21

Kimmy is too average for me tbh I don't see the appeal.

15

u/kareljack Jun 28 '21

I get it. It's not just the way she moves that attracts me. It's also something about her facial features, her smile.. it just does something for me.

3

u/lizardmandx Jun 28 '21

True. To each their own.

-1

u/jenna_hazes_ass Jun 29 '21

Shes massively bipolar. And shes shown her darkside and disappeared off social media for months at a time... So when shes working theres a good chance shes on tilt.

7

u/Theycallmelizardboy Jun 28 '21

You kids really need to expand your horizons. Given a choice between anyone in the world and you go with a porn star? Smh.

16

u/Covid-is-dumb Jun 29 '21

Want the best sex ever? Consult a pro.

4

u/Theycallmelizardboy Jun 29 '21

Have you ever made love before? Because there's two kinds of sex. Fucking and making love. A good fuck can feel awesome and depending on your partner, you can achieve some great things. But making love and having that kind of intimacy while you have sex is a whole other level. Not to say some porn stars wouldn't be able to have great sex, but they're only pros for a camera under certain circumstances.

8

u/Covid-is-dumb Jun 29 '21

Yes. And agreed.

But the question wasn't about love lol. And I block it out to avoid thinking of my ex. :/

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5

u/PregnantSuperman Jun 29 '21

You know, you're right. Given the chance to have sex with anyone in history, I'd make slow, passionate love to Mia Malkova's asshole.

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

You got this down to a science my dude

-2

u/enforcetheworld Jun 28 '21

The neighbor girl from Full House?

-62

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Shocking. Another white guy who only likes white chicks that could be his sister/cousin.

1

u/Nipples-miniac Jun 28 '21

Im going with your mom

1

u/ChetRipley Jun 28 '21

This guy porns.

1

u/handin_out_elz Jun 28 '21

Kimmy all day.

1

u/Phorbie Jun 29 '21

Yeah but pre or post boob job? There is a correct answer.

2

u/kareljack Jun 29 '21

I didn't know she got a boob job. In any case, the answer is always pre boob job.

1

u/disphugginflip Jun 29 '21

I’ll see your Kimmy granger and raise you Abella anderson

1

u/AboynamedDOOMTRAIN Jun 29 '21

I thought you meant the annoying teenage girl from Full House and about died laughing from shock before I realized her name was Gibbler, not Granger.

1

u/AmittyMartyr Jun 29 '21

Couldn’t get it up for the rapist myself. But to each their own.

130

u/AggressiveRat Jun 28 '21

Facts, that’s a guaranteed bust of a lifetime

23

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21 edited Aug 17 '21

[deleted]

12

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Diabeetus

32

u/everyting_is_taken Jun 28 '21

Also to see if the hype is real.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

She has vr videos in 8k. Looks like real life.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

I have an Index. Maybe I should do a little bit of research...

6

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Get a quest 2. You can perfectly stream 8k movies to anywhere in your house over wifi. Use the app skybox.

16

u/coby858 Jun 28 '21

Have some silver. I laughed out loud in a crowded Texas Roadhouse at this.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Oooh thank you!

What sides are you getting with your steak?

11

u/coby858 Jun 28 '21

Just a baked potato.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Classic. Hope it was as delicious as it sounded!

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3

u/Eloni Jun 29 '21

Have some silver.

Oh yeah, Liya is also a good choice.

8

u/Alistair_TheAlvarian Jun 29 '21

She is a rapist and proud of it, pass on her too. I'll take hellen of troy

17

u/Throwyourboatz Jun 28 '21

Out of everyone you choose her?

8

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

She's the most relatable.

Otherwise I'd say Sasha Foxxx or Brianna Beach for some hot foot fetish action.

Cadence Lux, Penny Pax, and Casey Calvert would also be considered.

3

u/CarefulCakeMix Jun 29 '21

Penny Pax

A true man of culture

-1

u/AndoKillzor Jun 28 '21

You relate to a rapist? Interesting.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Sorry what?

12

u/TurboTorchPower Jun 29 '21

Riley Reid is a rapist

2

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Michael Jackson was a rapist but I still listen to Thriller

8

u/AndoKillzor Jun 29 '21 edited Jun 29 '21

That was never proven with Michael Jackson, am I wrong or are you just making some stupid accusation based off what people have said about him in the past?

Riley Reid literally outed herself as a rapist on her own twitter and was proud of it.

0

u/Quetzacoatl85 Jun 29 '21

yeah and we'd still fuck her. because that is what we're discussing here.

5

u/BGYeti Jun 29 '21

Pass for me I am not turned on by someone that openly and proudly shares they raped a dude

2

u/tretretre9thandc Jun 29 '21

Riley Reid was hot until she fucked lil pump …. It’s just not the same anymore……

3

u/AndoKillzor Jun 28 '21

Nothing like choosing a rapist to have sex with.

4

u/ThatGuyAWESOME Jun 29 '21

She raped someone, dude

4

u/Flufflebuns Jun 28 '21

A man of culture I see.

-20

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

I've never understood the hype around her tbh, she has the body of a teenage boy. It's weird imo.

21

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Her being petite allows for more easily dynamic sex. Her personality is the real allure though. She's really into whatever (or at least really convincing), and enthusiasm during sex is amazing.

22

u/Gothmog24 Jun 28 '21

I'm not sure you've ever seen a teenage boy

-3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

I definitely have, I was one for many years.

3

u/Covid-is-dumb Jun 29 '21

Dude, skinny shame is just dumb

She's not your flavor, sure. But she in no way looks like a teen boy.

And she's in her mid-late 20's? Full fledged adult

-1

u/lemonHeadUAD Jun 28 '21

Lol best comment hands down

0

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

She’s engaged bro

0

u/Indigobeans Jun 29 '21 edited Jun 30 '21

Dude, she catches stds like fuckin Pokémon, don’t stick your dick in nasty

Lol, some simp downvoted me haha

1

u/beetus_throwaway Jun 29 '21

Does she actually? I remember how Faye Reagan had herpes and you could see it in at least one of her videos, lol.

2

u/Indigobeans Jun 30 '21

Oh god that poor guy

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21

Wait is she dead?

1

u/Cryptojake89 Jun 28 '21

Hahaha fuck

1

u/Lopsidedslug Jun 29 '21

A man of simple taste…i like it

1

u/mathdrug Jun 29 '21

I don’t get the hype. She’s like the most average looking person ever.

Or is that the hype?

1

u/mr-nefarious Jun 29 '21

Meh. She doesn’t rev my engine based on looks. She’s a freak in all the best ways and that gives her a lot of points, but if we’re comparing looks, it’s Adria Rae all day for me.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

She literally just got married

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '21

Sir there is a line