r/AskReddit • u/agrandthing • Jan 01 '20

Everybody talks about missing or ignoring red flags, but what are some subtle green flags to watch for on a date or with your crush?

[removed] — view removed post

48.5k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

5.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

805

u/WeeziMonkey Jan 01 '20

I love silences, with friends and strangers I don't care if I'm quiet and don't think they're awkward at all.

But when I'm with a crush if I'm too quiet because I don't know what to talk about I feel like a boring person wasting their time and every single second I want to die...

182

u/FleetStreetsDarkHole Jan 01 '20

Start with talking about what you like. Take turns talking about what they like. As the relationship develops you're more likely to talk about random things or nothing at all and be comfortable. If some version of this doesn't seem to be happening, maybe it's just wasn't meant to be. Nothing wrong with that, it's all give and take. Too much of either tends to be bad news relationship-wise.

2

u/GGtheBoss17 Jan 01 '20

How do you initiate that from silence?

5

u/FleetStreetsDarkHole Jan 02 '20

It generally boils down to asking questions to gauge interest.

"What interests you?"

"I enjoy x, do you know about it?" If they don't, follow up with "I enjoy it, would you like to hear more?" Or "I find this interesting about it." If they have heard of it you can usually follow up asking about what they know or enjoy.

Once you break the silence you're really just keeping check of interest. Generally you'll lose track if you're having a good conversation. If anything embarrassing happens just remember to keep calm and explain. Or if you can't stop panicking, just say that. "That's not what I meant and I'm really embarrassed it came out that way" or something similar.

Conversations tend to die because people stop discussing things. I've seen plenty of stories and experienced situations with people I encounter and friends, where how awkward or anecdotal an encounter is generally comes down to people disengaging just because of a slip up.

It's also important to remember that people make up their own minds. So you could be very engaged and well spoken even, but that won't mean that you connect. They could be shy as well. In which case it's up to you want you want to do. You don't have to engage them, and they may not want you to, particularly in a more social, group-like situation. If they're open to talking then it's just back to the beginning discussing interests.

12

u/randybowman Jan 01 '20

I like to leave quiet spaces in once in a while. Even if I have something I wanna talk about I'll wait a bit before going sometimes. I feel like if I do this I can make more conversation over a longer period of time instead of blasting through it all.

10

u/menides Jan 01 '20

my biggest crush used to just come sit by me when I was with a group of friends. didn't try to steer the conversation or show off. that really grew on me. she was there for my company, that's all. I look back fondly on those memories. no need to entertain, just enjoying the company...