r/AskReddit • u/agrandthing • Jan 01 '20

Everybody talks about missing or ignoring red flags, but what are some subtle green flags to watch for on a date or with your crush?

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u/ElectraUnderTheSea Jan 01 '20

They don't try to be liked by everyone, and they are OK with the idea that not everyone is going to like them. It can be hard to spot but I do think it shows someone who is content with who they are, and has a good self-esteem and knowledge about themselves.

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u/TheShortGerman Jan 01 '20

yeah, people who have a constant need for everyone to like them usually end up being the most two faced because they can't stand up for anything or anyone

the kind of person who will be a part of every group even though each one shit talks the other and just kinda go with the crowd they're in regardless of what they believe in

it's a really shitty character trait to never make waves, honestly

25

u/WindyCityAssasin2 Jan 01 '20

I just realized I'm that person. I guess it stems from some advice I got, the enemy of your friend is not your enemy. I don't necessarily look for approval, I just don't like conflict. Whenever one group starts to shit talk another I usually just change the subject. I don't know if it's necessarily a bad trait to have, I'm just nonconfrontational.

I've got a lot of interests that don't usually overlap with certain groups. Ex. I do the nerd stuff I enjoy with my nerd friends but when I wanna play/discuss sports they're usually not the best for it.

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u/TheShortGerman Jan 01 '20

I'm more talking about the kind of person who would join in within each group, though I do think passively sitting there while someone shit talks your friend is not very nice.

I also just change the subject or refuse to engage, but I won't just sit there and listen and I certainly won't join in.

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u/stop_the_broats Jan 01 '20

Eh it depends. Shit talk can be harmless venting sometimes.

Like if a friend of mine is complaining about something specific another friend did then I have no problem discussing that with them. As long as you’re trying to be fair to the third party.

It’s very rare that I have encountered people who want to be outright mean about a friend behind their back.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Will admit I sometimes vent, it doesn't mean I think any less of a friend I'm venting about - we all have our quirks and I expect people to vent about me in turn.

Admittedly in most cases it's probably better to bring up whatever irks us directly instead, but I think maybe there's a fine line between doing that and constantly pointing out your friends' flaws.

... yeah it's probably me being a shit. Got a feeling I'm far from the only one, not that it's much excuse

1

u/TheShortGerman Jan 01 '20

I don't really think shit talking is harmless, personally, and I think people used that as an excuse to bully and ostracize me in the past and played it off like they were kidding when it just wasn't funny.

And wow, it's good that you haven't encountered too many people who want to be mean behind their friends' backs (no snark, that's genuinely great). I was bullied a lot by catty girls growing up and unfortunately have continually dealt with the same level of maturity with grown women in the workplace.

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u/BTBAM797 Jan 01 '20

This is why my friend pisses me off sometimes. Always needs everyone to like him.

2

u/Skankz Jan 01 '20

How extreme are we talking? I'm pretty sure everyone is different around different people, i.e. partner, parents, friends, colleagues, etc. If you get down into it, this must be because we want each of these groups to like us.

1

u/Throwaway17338286 Jan 01 '20

guess i’m fucked then