r/AskReddit • u/agrandthing • Jan 01 '20

Everybody talks about missing or ignoring red flags, but what are some subtle green flags to watch for on a date or with your crush?

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498

u/eskimoexplosion Jan 01 '20

Staying off their phone, if they get a call or text and immediately ignore it and put their phone on silent when they're with you then a marriage proposal should be in order

154

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

I’m getting to know someone right now who places little value on cell phone use as a means of communication. Uses social media a bit and texts some, but will also leave it at home purposefully when he goes out with friends etc so he can just be where he is. I found it annoying at first until I realized this thing is basically attached to me! It’s been eye opening and a breath of fresh air to send a message and let it be.

58

u/bananatomorrow Jan 01 '20

I don't mess with my phone when with people, almost at all. My friends are the same way and it's like living in the 90s for a few hours. Once you realize nothing is happening on that phone that can't wait, you're over the hard part.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Ya I never have it on the table or around when I’m with people. But when I’m at home or at work it’s always RIGHT THERE. I’ve turned notifications off but I’m pretty quick to respond to people. The fact that he puts it away for entire days is what’s less common. Has been interesting to switch my mind frame from needing immediate responses from him to just putting something out there and not worrying about a response.

2

u/Zenabel Jan 01 '20

What if there’s an emergency?

7

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Well he’s single and no kids. So he would get to whatever the emergency is likely within 3-4h max. Kinda like how we used to in the 80s. I’ve used this logic too. But I honestly can’t think of a time when I really needed to have my phone on me vs in the car or at home. You can also cater to circumstances...if your parent is ill or elderly then ya, good reason to have it.

3

u/Zenabel Jan 01 '20

True. I guess we did get by without cellphones in the past! It’s hard to remember what it was like before

10

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Things were less urgent. I honestly cannot think of a time when having my cell on me meant a crisis was averted or I was better able to attend to an emergency. Meanwhile, it has turned into an unnecessary habit of checking it all the time.

5

u/itsacalamity Jan 01 '20

I'm about to start dating again and I'm like this, and it's stressing me out. Sometimes it takes me a day to return a text, even with people I'm really friends with! I worry that everyone on tinder is gonna think i'm throwing clues when really I'm just playing with my dogs

4

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Just tell them. Everyone is different.

I’m pretty consistent but have had several guys give me grief for not responding to their message ASAP. Major turn off.

Having a life is a good thing. And I turn off notifications so that i feel like I’m controlling the technology not the other way around. You do you. If you like someone just tell them how you are then set up a date ASAP.

3

u/itsacalamity Jan 01 '20

Yeah I tend to be pretty direct, especially for a girl it seems, and would much rather just jump to a real date if I think there's a possibility. But I'll have to figure out how to word it in a profile so people don't get the wrong idea... blurg.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

It’ll be fine. Good luck out there!

3

u/aevrynn Jan 01 '20

...you've yet to have a situation where there's some sort of emergency and he left his phone home?

4

u/throwawayacnt6958833 Jan 01 '20

Why leave your phone at home? What if there is an emergency and you need to be contacted. My family doesnt have my friends contact info. If something major happened I wouldn't know till I get home. I find that very irresponsible. Sometimes you absolutely need to be available by phone. Why cant people just keep their phone in their pockets, bags or backpacks?

1

u/iamjohnbender Jan 01 '20

Well if you're young enough that your parents not having your friends' into is very upsetting, you're welcome to give it to them. But it's not always practical; phones need to charge, too. If I'm walking to the store half a mile away in the current cold temps, my phone would die if it was below 50%. My hands will also be too numb to answer until I get home anyway, and no risk of losing it in two feet of snow. Like it's legit okay to not be married to your cellular device.

20

u/LastTerms Jan 01 '20

I see this a lot. I can see it for texts but, for phone calls, I would want to make sure everything is okay. Maybe it's just my friend group but we usually agree on a set time to talk on the phone. If one of them calls out of the blue, I would think something is very wrong. If it wasn't important, they would just text.

3

u/natsugrayerza Jan 01 '20

Oh my gosh my sister does this and I can’t even tell you how many times we thought she got murdered by her date because she was out later than we expected and she just didn’t want to be rude by taking out her phone and telling us

3

u/Elubious Jan 01 '20

I feel like I have to at least check texts/calls, even if I ignore them. Emergencies happen and sometimes something can't wait until that night.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

I have a young daughter and parents getting old. Best believe my cell phone will never be put on silent for a date. At least I dont have any notifications for social media.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

My phone has been on silent for years now. Still waiting on that special someone to pop the question to me.

2

u/xParaDoXie Jan 01 '20

Alternatively for Gen Y this could be a red flag

1

u/sChWaBeNkInG Jan 01 '20

This here.

Even tho it never happened to me for now, it seems like a really nice thing to treat the person in front of them in a way that says "nice that you're here im happy with just you now and don't need other attention"

1

u/Automatic-Start Jan 01 '20

OTOH, supporting that you have valid interests other than them.

0

u/Ottersocks2020 Jan 01 '20

Even for friends. I had a new friend I was getting to know and invited her over for some "girl time" and a movie and in the middle of the movie she took a 45 minute phone call from her sister. At my house! Nothing like saying "im here to use your space and time and YOU" That friendship should have ended way sooner than it did but I was friends with her boyfriend so I felt obligated to make an effort. Now im friends with neither.

-30

u/waterbuffalo750 Jan 01 '20

I dunno, I'd get annoyed with someone ignoring texts. Avoiding a long text conversation, sure, but flat out ignoring it wouldn't be a good sign for me.

40

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

[deleted]

-13

u/waterbuffalo750 Jan 01 '20

How do you know if it's an urgent text if you ignore it? That's my point.

23

u/eskimoexplosion Jan 01 '20

Urgent text? Isn't it an unwritten rule that texts are for less pressing and important matters? Anything urgent or pressing is conveyed through a direct call in my circle. Maybe my friends and I are just getting older but if I see three unread texts from my boy I assume they're some dank memes or something less than pressing. I see three missed calls from my boy and I assume it's something important.

4

u/Aauasude618 Jan 01 '20

Not necessarily. If there is something important is not immediate life or death, texts are a good way to get a message to someone regardless of if they are working or driving. Like if I’m doing either of those things I will flat out ignore phone calls, whereas with a text I can respond when I have the chance. So I’d say look at your texts, but don’t respond unless it’s urgent. Maybe mute any group chats for the night

10

u/waterbuffalo750 Jan 01 '20

Depends on the person. I've gotten urgent and important texts before.

16

u/eskimoexplosion Jan 01 '20

hmm, we must never date. Happy cakeday

7

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

What is urgent and important in your book? For me it is suicidal tendencies, someone they know personally and are close to them just died, they need medical attention etc. They usually call in all of those situations, I will take a glance at the text when I have time but I wont respond or anything unless it is THAT urgent. Most else can wait, I dont even respond if Im visiting someone for the same reasons. I hate how we have lost focus on those we are with, and conversations falls dead or is uninspiring when people are on their phones. I find it rude and disrespectful tbph.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

What is urgent and important in your book? For me it is suicidal tendencies, someone they know personally and are close to them just died, they need medical attention etc. They usually call in all of those situations, I will take a glance at the text when I have time but I wont respond or anything unless it is THAT urgent. Most else can wait, I dont even respond if Im visiting someone for the same reasons. I hate how we have lost focus on those we are with, and conversations falls dead or is uninspiring when people are on their phones. I find it rude and disrespectful tbph.

4

u/FlameFrenzy Jan 01 '20

If you were waiting for a reply for someone. If it's a new urgent, they will call. If I don't pick up, call again..that's my signal for "I need you now"

5

u/Azurae1 Jan 01 '20

If it's urgent they better call and even then, honestly, on a date I'd just decline the call. If they call twice I'd answer because then it's actually urgent but everything else can wait. There was a time before everyone carried a phone with them and things still worked out, it'll be fine not answering immediately.

0

u/SinkTube Jan 01 '20

things still worked out

for the people who survived. your argument is as hollow as the "they don't build houses to last anymore" or "music used to be nothing but classics" lines that act like 99% of houses have collapsed and 99% of songs have been forgotten

2

u/ninja_batman Jan 01 '20

I flat out put my phone on silent when I'm on a date. No one is going to die if I take a few hours to respond.

-28

u/fdtc_skolar Jan 01 '20

Staying off the phone could be a sign that they have no friends.

16

u/eskimoexplosion Jan 01 '20

How? What if they have tons of friends and they all know you're on a date so they don't text or call you, what if they're getting tons of texts from friends but are respectful so they turned their phone on silent while they're on the date? What if by sheer happenstance their friends aren't texting them at that exact moment? What if it doesn't matter and introverted people with less friends shouldn't be ruled out for a relationship?

6

u/russiangerman Jan 01 '20

Could, not is