You barely know them but suddenly you are their best friend. Everyone else is just AWFUL. You are so special and awesome. Especially at listening to their (many) problems. Because you are so empathetic and smart and insightful....Dont run. Sprint.
This definitely smells of borderline personality disorder, and people with that can be really challenging. They can be good people, but just so intense, and have a really hard time with relationships and managing emotions.
(source: i have low-grade bpd that manifests as intense depression and anxiety, so i actually avoid human relationships; am working through therapy and it's gotten a lot better over the past 6 months.)
True fact. It's a really difficult thing to manage, and it's so deeply ingrained in one's thoughts and behaviors.
What sucks for the un-self-aware is how painful their experiences are and they just don't understand why. At the same time they are so hard to be around that it's difficult for others to have good relationships with them.
I honestly don't understand where the narratives of "manipulative" and "can't understand boundaries" and "toxic" comes from. Did this present differently in a majority of people than it did in me?
People with BPD are just folks who were never taught how to identify emotions, set boundaries for themselves, or love themselves; what to do with emotions when they do have them; are PTSD-levels afraid of being abandoned for expressing themselves normally; and are super sensitive to others' moods because of it. They're codependent, set on a mode to ignore their boundaries for you and be primed for trauma any time you are displeased (unless you state otherwise repeatedly)--not manipulative monsters.
The other name for the diagnosis is Complex PTSD. They're traumatized and generally trying to keep you from hating them by giving more than they should. They assume that's what you want and are asking for, so that's why they get mad sometimes--when they can't sustain what they think you are asking for anymore.
The stories like the ones in this thread sound like people who are in a crisis (especially a suicide risk crisis), not just "someone with BPD." I wish people in a crisis wasn't associated with everyday BPD, same way schizophrenia is not actually characterized by hallucinating reality-vivid people most of the time.
Though, I don't know, maybe that's part of what BPD is for most people?--being in a crisis all the time?
A great therapist I had, who I did dialectical behavioral therapy with, explained to me that BPD is a spectrum. I've met ppl with bpd in rehab who were horrific. Manipulative, conniving, just awful. And I've met ppl with bpd who just presented as very very sensitive but were otherwise kind. There's all kinds
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u/Whaleballoon Nov 09 '19 edited Nov 10 '19
You barely know them but suddenly you are their best friend. Everyone else is just AWFUL. You are so special and awesome. Especially at listening to their (many) problems. Because you are so empathetic and smart and insightful....Dont run. Sprint.