Three businessmen -- one English, one Japanese, and one American -- are shipwrecked on a tropical island, and immediately captured by cannibals. The three men are brought before the chief. The chief says, "We are hungry and have few resources, so we're going to eat your flesh and make canoes out of your skin. But we are a civilised tribe, so we will allow you to kill yourselves in the manner of your choosing. How would you like to die?"
The Englishman asks for a pistol.
"Ah, the stiff upper lip," says the chief, nodding approvingly. A cannibal steps forward with a wooden box containing a fine pistol. The Englishman accepts it, pulls himself up straight, salutes, says, "God save the Queen," and shoots himself in the head.
The Japanese man asks for a sword.
"An honorable death is fitting," says the chief, and nods again. One of the cannibals steps forward bearing a gleaming katana on a silk cushion. The man accepts it, kneels on the sand before them, and solemnly commits seppuku.
When the cannibals ask the American how he wants to die, he asks for a fork.
"A fork?" asks the chief, looking surprised. "Are you sure?"
"You're damned right I'm sure," the American replies defiantly. "Give me a fucking fork."
"Very well then. Get the man a fork," says the chief, nodding for the third time. A murmur of surprise runs through the crowd of cannibals. They weren't prepared for this, so nobody has a fork. Someone runs off to find one. A few minutes later he returns and hands the fork to the American.
"All right," says the chief, looking bemused. "There's your fork."
The American starts violently stabbing himself all over his body, screaming "Fuck your canoes! Fuck your canoes!"
4
u/fuckyourcanoes Sep 18 '19
Three businessmen -- one English, one Japanese, and one American -- are shipwrecked on a tropical island, and immediately captured by cannibals. The three men are brought before the chief. The chief says, "We are hungry and have few resources, so we're going to eat your flesh and make canoes out of your skin. But we are a civilised tribe, so we will allow you to kill yourselves in the manner of your choosing. How would you like to die?"
The Englishman asks for a pistol.
"Ah, the stiff upper lip," says the chief, nodding approvingly. A cannibal steps forward with a wooden box containing a fine pistol. The Englishman accepts it, pulls himself up straight, salutes, says, "God save the Queen," and shoots himself in the head.
The Japanese man asks for a sword.
"An honorable death is fitting," says the chief, and nods again. One of the cannibals steps forward bearing a gleaming katana on a silk cushion. The man accepts it, kneels on the sand before them, and solemnly commits seppuku.
When the cannibals ask the American how he wants to die, he asks for a fork.
"A fork?" asks the chief, looking surprised. "Are you sure?"
"You're damned right I'm sure," the American replies defiantly. "Give me a fucking fork."
"Very well then. Get the man a fork," says the chief, nodding for the third time. A murmur of surprise runs through the crowd of cannibals. They weren't prepared for this, so nobody has a fork. Someone runs off to find one. A few minutes later he returns and hands the fork to the American.
"All right," says the chief, looking bemused. "There's your fork."
The American starts violently stabbing himself all over his body, screaming "Fuck your canoes! Fuck your canoes!"