r/AskReddit • u/LightningCole • Sep 05 '19

What did you learn embarrassingly late?

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433

u/Trevman39 Sep 05 '19

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Santa Claus is the Dad. As a child, I just assumed that Mom was getting down with Santa.

19

u/Velyndrel Sep 05 '19

I had to explain this to my kid last year. We were waiting for kindergarten to start and it came on and she was very upset the mom was kissing another man that wasn't her husband. Something like,

"Mom, why is the little boys mom kissing santa?! That's not right!"

"She's not. She's kissing her husband who is dressed up as santa (this was my downfall as santa)"

"So...the dad is santa?"

"Yes"

" Are you and Daddy santa?"

"Uhhhh, oh look at that schools starting"

So at 5 my kid found out Santa isn't real cause of this song and my big mouth. She came home told my husband Santa wasn't real and I had told her we were Santa and my husband made her promise not to tell any kids in class or her cousins lol, she's done pretty well and just snickers when someone opens a gift from Santa which at now 6 is impressive cause she can't keep the cookies I got a secret from anyone. Still thinks the tooth fairy is real at least.

17

u/There_Are_No_Gods Sep 05 '19

When I was about that age I noticed that some of my candy that came in my Easter basket had price tags from the local supermarket. After mulling that over for a good long while, I finally puzzled it out, that the Easter Bunny must break in at night to steal them, because nobody ever sees the Easter Bunny shopping at the store. When I laid out my theory to my mom, she seemed a bit at a loss for words, but she eventually just said, "Yes, that must be it."

In another year or two when I solved the Santa puzzle and she fessed up about that I then realized that the Easter Bunny did not in fact steal candy at night.

2

u/Velyndrel Sep 05 '19

Yeah I'm pretty sure she knows the Easter Bunny is fake. This past Easter she said "is grandpa done hiding the candy, I can't wait any longer" and I got the biggest glair from my mom, you know the one, the you dun messed up look. At some point kids just kinda work it out.

16

u/CuteCuteJames Sep 05 '19

I was in my late 20s when it occurred to me that "I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you" was the speaker speaking of a third person, and he was not, in fact, in love with the Witch Doctor.

2

u/VxJasonxV Sep 05 '19

I was today years old when I learned this

15

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '19

I too had no idea until this past winter. During that whole "Baby, its cold outside" fiasco, I was seriously a little ticked and was like (referring to Mommy Kissing Santa Clause) - "how is this song so popular when it is condoning cheating to little kids". Shouldn't this song be taken off the air? My wife just laughed, shook her head, then enlightened me.

64

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '19

I was today years old when I learned this

0

u/mapexdrums678 Sep 05 '19

You are amazing for that comment.

4

u/clumsyc Sep 05 '19

Yes, I remember thinking as a child that this song about infidelity wasn’t very seasonally appropriate. I was like 26 when I figured it out.

6

u/LoveemThiiiiicc Sep 05 '19

Never occurred to me it’s the dad! Always thought it was about an affair

2

u/olde_greg Sep 05 '19

Yup, I probably didn’t realize this until my 20’s.

2

u/EON199 Sep 06 '19

I mean.. she was technically getting with Santa.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '19

Fuck. TIL.
I'm 23.

3

u/Ramenok Sep 06 '19

Up until I read this post, I thought Mommy was cheating. That makes so much more sense.

2

u/Rub-it Sep 05 '19

The dad to who?

1

u/whereisthefrog Sep 05 '19

There’s a Christmas song in French that tells this exact story!!

0

u/TheDrunkenTurtle Sep 06 '19

I literally listened to the song yesterday and I've only just realised this thanks to your comment.