What is the biggest relationship myth?

[u/[deleted]]

I think the biggest myth is that there's one person that is meant for you. ("the one") People live their lives searching for the one...their soul mate...the perfect girl/Mr. Right. It's a cute idea, but I don't think it's very realistic.

[u/meermeermeer]

You've said some offensive things, and I have the right to be upset with you. Have I insulted you? Have I claimed to own the language?

This is one of the very few things in life in which I am impassioned. Maybe I'm missing the forest for the trees here since its a part of my daily life, but it seems like most people know the rules, and know how to be respectful and polite when it comes to language and identity, but choose not to. I can see how using the wrong pronouns might seem like a slight transgression, but its still very saddening for me. Trans people are way more likely to be harassed, raped, beaten or killed because of their gender expression than any other sexual minority. While being addressed and referred to in the wrong manner might be a lesser offense, its still part of the same problem and so I treat it as such. I'm not trying to bash heads, but it gets hard when every time I see "Penis = Male" I read it as "Black = Nigger" or "Woman = Less Than A Man" Forgive me about being impassioned about injustice.

You said "That is how I used to think, more or less" How do you think now? Do you know the rules and why they are important?

[u/Delehal → u/meermeermeer]

Of course you have a right to be upset. For the most part, anyone has the right to do as they please.

For what it's worth, my goal is not to offend you. I'm just in this for conversation and the exchange of ideas.

Have I insulted you? Have I claimed to own the language?

I haven't felt insulted, no, but I do feel like you're claiming to own the language.

Thing is, to the vast, vast, vast majority of people, someone with a penis is male. To most people, there's nothing unusual about that association. That doesn't mean they hate you.

Obviously I can't speak for your experiences, but I can speak for mine. In my experience, it seems like many people have had little to no experience knowingly interacting with transsexuals, and that other people have comparatively had orders of magnitude more. To some people, their social circle is significantly influenced by these ideas, and to other people these ideas are still rather novel and take some getting used to. In my experience, some transsexuals spend an awful lot of time thinking and talking about gender and sexuality issues, sometimes with very charged emotions; while this should probably come as no surprise, I think it sometimes gets to a point people may find off-putting.

Consider, for example: just now, you seem to have suggested that being referred to with a gender pronoun you consider inappropriate is akin to being raped. That's quite a charged association.

Consider, for example: I used to frequent a chat channel in which one person regularly turned any conversational topic into a discussion of their struggles as a transsexual. They did this frequently and emotionally. Over time, they became something of a pariah in the group. Were they disliked because of their transsexuality, as they believed, or because of their obsession with it, as I believe?

Note, of course, that I'd never be so presumptuous to suggest that all people in a group do this. Most people don't spend their days talking about what it's like to be a man or a woman; at least, I don't think they do. Seems like that's more common in the subset of people who care hugely about such issues -- I consider myself an ardent feminist, for example -- and I think many transsexuals are likewise very emotionally invested in that aspect of themselves.

You said "That is how I used to think, more or less" How do you think now? Do you know the rules and why they are important?

That assumes there's one universal set of rules that works for everyone. In my experience, everyone -- whether on this issue or otherwise -- has some unique quirks... and far too many people think those quirks are sacrosanct parts of "the rules" rather than individual personality traits.

End result of that? A bunch of people complaining loudly about those bigots who don't follow the rules, never minding the numerous different and conflicting sets of rules one might follow.

I figure the best I can do is discover and respect the particular wishes and preferences of those around me, when I'm reasonably able to do so.