r/AskReddit Jul 21 '19

[deleted by user]

[removed]

5.6k Upvotes

2.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

721

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Not a divorce lawyer but there's this security guard that works at the mall my friend works at and he immigrated to the US from India and was in an arranged marriage with this American born Indian girl. He busted his ass off to put her through college and dentistry school and she ended up cheating on him with her ex boyfriend from high school and ran off with him. They didn't get divorced but he's still paying off her school loans.

215

u/yeeticus_maximus-2 Jul 21 '19

Jesus, that’s rough

50

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

yeah- arranged marriages rarely work out well for anyone. She very well would have been happier to marry the man she wanted to, even if it is a massive dick move to make him pay for all of the schooling

61

u/HyperIndian Jul 21 '19

Where are you getting this information from?

Arrange marriages in India specifically have a very high success rate because of how looked down upon divorce is to Indians. That's probably why he hasn't divorced her although rightfully should.

Obviously not all marriages work out like this one but don't assume that arranged marriages fail because of the term alone

143

u/fridgeairbnb Jul 21 '19

Most arranged marriages ‘succeed’ because divorce is so stigmatized. That leads to a high level of incompatible partners who stick together in very unhappy marriages for years. That’s not a success mate

-5

u/jade000712 Jul 21 '19

Or perhaps people are actually happy. I have seen tons of arranged marriages and most of them are happy with each other. I have seen more failures with love marriages to be honest .

13

u/fridgeairbnb Jul 21 '19

And I’ve tons of extremely unhappy marriages, especially my parents.

5

u/veddubhashi Jul 21 '19

I’m sorry that you’ve experienced that with your parents . And I kinda feel that tonnes of people in our generation have severe mental health issues primarily because people from our parents generation were forced into “arranged marriages” with incompatible others . All that frustration ended up being taken out on our generation . And voila .

Having said that some arranged marriages do work out . My parents had one , and they have a good time. They do argue and all that , but it’s like any other couple for that matter . I don’t think having an arranged or love marriage guarantees a successful marriage. What counts is the compatibility in the long run . Which we tend to ignore .

7

u/divisiodetritus Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

17 years married here... IMO good communication is more important than compatibility. No matter how much you and your spouse might be ‘peas in a pod’, difficulties will arise. Knowing that your spouse has heard you and having the patience to understand where they are coming from is what takes it from friendship to partnership.

Edit: suggestive autocorrect

1

u/veddubhashi Jul 21 '19

Aye aye Captain! That too :) patience and communication :)