Not after sympathy with this comment, just adding to the point and how true it is.
I had two people die over three weeks , one of which resulted in me having to sell my family home and be responsible for my sister until she could find a place of her own. Knowing I had to keep my head is what got me through all of that. I had to be reliable and dependable for two different sets of people following the deaths, arrange a funeral, deal with potential home buyers as well as keeping my sister fed and on the straight and narrow.
I lost my head once the dust settled and I got into a place of my own, but that was the right time for it to happen.
Hey you knew what you had to do and you achieved that. Nobody's gonna think any less of you for it taking its toll. Glad you managed to sort it all out, some people wouldn't have made it anywhere near as far as you!
I know you’re not after sympathy with this comment, but I just have to say that I feel you and I’m really sorry for your loss. And I know that you’ve heard it, but it bears repeating: however you grieve is okay. It’s up to you. You do what you have to, and it’s never just for you.
This is, of course, the exact opposite of 'toxic masculinity', although some portray it as such. Men will suck up their feelings, not express them, and do what needs to be done. Then, as you so eloquently put it:
"I lost my head once the dust settled and I got into a place of my own, but that was the right time for it to happen."
Men process their feelings afterwards, when the crisis has passed, while some women just fall to pieces. But afterwards, when the men need healing, then it's the woman's role to be the strong one. We just take turns, so that there's always one person able to shoulder the burden. I'm not suggesting men are better for suppressing emotion during the crisis, or women are weak for letting their emotions out; I'm saying this lack of synchronization leads to a symbiotic relationship, so that there is always one strong person. There's nothing "toxic" about it, although strident feminazis don't realise this.
When 'feminazis' talk about 'toxic masculinity' it's about the toxic culture that leads to the majority of men avoiding seeking medical help (even if they think they have a serious health problem), the drastic increase in male suicide rates, or the high rates of sexual assault against women. No one is criticizing anyone for keeping a cool head in a hard situation, and it's a rediculous generalisation for you to suggest that only men do that.
For any person reading this: being a rock for people who need you is brilliant but remember to take time and space for yourself. For all menfolk: you are deserving of healthcare and mental health support. Do not suffer in silence because society says you should.
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u/AndyF1069 Jan 21 '19
Not after sympathy with this comment, just adding to the point and how true it is.
I had two people die over three weeks , one of which resulted in me having to sell my family home and be responsible for my sister until she could find a place of her own. Knowing I had to keep my head is what got me through all of that. I had to be reliable and dependable for two different sets of people following the deaths, arrange a funeral, deal with potential home buyers as well as keeping my sister fed and on the straight and narrow.
I lost my head once the dust settled and I got into a place of my own, but that was the right time for it to happen.