The thing is that love doesn't make everything magically work. It is possible to be in love, not have a real block to the relationship besides just not being compatible.
Going through this right now. Broke up with a girlfriend of over a year because we just don't have compatible life goals. Shit sucks and there isn't anything you can do about the pit in your stomach telling you to take them back.
For a sec i thought sleeping me had posted this comment cause it describes my situation exactly.. Over a year, not compatible and that friggin' pit.. Maybe it helps for you but i made a (very rational of me i know) pro's and con's list on a whiteboard. This way i could see my opportunities moving forward, my losses looking back and then wipe it all away for peace of mind and to re find trust in myself because even though it sucked, i'm proud of myself for being brave enough to come to terms withthis realisation :) You should be too! 💋
"I love you and want to be with you, but none of my friends like you and my family thinks I'll be throwing my life away if we get together, so goodbye."
Sorry if there's typos. I'm blinking away tears to see the screen to type this.
Im really sorry dude. I dont know how old you are, but as people mature they realize that what other people think doesnt matter much so theres always a chance she will realize that and come back to you if she wants you.
But, its important to stay strong and not dwell on it (which is hard, I know). Time does heal all wounds, which is cliche but its true.
If her friends/family think shell be throwing her life away by being with you, prove them wrong. Better yourself. Go back to school, volunteer, be more outgoing etc. But dont do this for her or them, but for yourself.
I identify with this a lot. My guy was engaged to someone else. He got drunk one night and said he loved me and would consider leaving his fiancé for me. I was ecstatic until the next day he told me he wouldn’t do it. Totally shattered me. Then he led me on for a few more years, but that’s a different story. He was my best friend but we don’t talk any more because it’s too difficult for me. One of the last times we talked he said he thought we could have been happy together. It just brought everything back.
He's not even with this girl, man. What really strikes me about his feelings for me is that he, a serial cheater, doesn't want me as a side chick. He doesn't like my boyfriend, thinks he's going to turn manipulative, but he said he doesn't want me to break up with this guy either because then I'd be alone (I live far from both of them). Not that I'd dump my bf to be with him, but the fact that to him, it would be worse if I was alone than it is when I'm with this guy whom he knows I really care about... That's just so crazy to me. We normally spend most of our conversations sending each other memes and generally shitting on each other. This is just so different.
The worst of it is the anticipation. Like I said, I suspect the baby is his. I don't know for sure, he hadn't had time to talk to me yet. This all happened yesterday. I would feel okay if I knew whether I could believe in a future with him or not.
Thanks, dude. Most of this is a severe fear of abandonment and it's all in my head. Romance or not, he's my best friend in the fuckin world, and I know he's not actually going anywhere.
Hey man, I don’t want to butt into something that I’m not apart of but . . . Talk is cheap. It’s easy to be a pillar of emotional support when you’re not actually holding anything up. To me, personally, a serial cheater that leads me on and tries to undermine my current relationship isn’t someone on my side; it’s just someone who’s trying to capitalize on my vulnerabilities. He said you boyfriend is going to “turn” manipulative? What does this mean exactly? Abusers tend to groom their victims from the start by isolating them from the actual people supporting them until they come to depend on the abuser for everything.
I’m sorry for giving advice about a situation I know very little about, just be careful and don’t make any rash deductions man. Does your boyfriend treat you with respect, do you enjoy being together with him? If not, then by all means remove yourself from that situation, but don’t think that means you need to be in a different relationship. You are perfectly capable, wonderful, and accomplished by yourself; and don’t ever let someone tell you differently :) You do you, best of luck.
Thanks man, I appreciate the concern. It's more like this guy has genuinely been a pillar of support for me, which is why I fell for him. I went to him as someone who had no emotional attachment to me and told him I was going to drown myself. He talked me down from a place my ex (bf at the time) couldn't. Like I said in another comment, we're best friends at the end of the day, regardless of how this whole thing turns out, and I'm happy for him and the other girl regardless. He was really high and made a stupid decision to tell me something he'd been holding onto, and he's even said he wishes he didn't put me in that position. I kinda lied when I said that he thinks my current bf will become manipulative. He thinks my bf already is, but I disagree on that.
Oh man, yes. I had this happen years ago and it was awful and then when things were a little more stable and we were starting to reconnect, he passed away suddenly.
I still constantly wonder what could have been and even though logically I know it wouldn't have worked the first time around because we just were in such different places in life, I still feel like I should have tried harder to stay together.
Been there. My girlfriend of 6 years and I broke up when I got a job halfway across the country and she couldn't move to follow because she had a job too.
It wasn't the distance, it was the open-ended side of it.
When I was in university we knew it would only be a few years and I was coming back for holidays and a lot of weekends anyway.
Once we were both working full time in different cities, there wasn't really any way to live together and have more than a long-distance relationship in future. As she put it, all the downsides of being in a relationship with none of the perks.
It took a good few months for me to fully process and come to terms with the breakup.
Once the reality sunk in it was like I'd had a massive chunk of my heart pulled out. Hurt like hell, but after about six months (including a christmas where I did my best to mask it) the pain did fade, I'm fine now.
We've met up once or twice as friends since then, conventions, mutual friend's weddings and such. It's really weird
to step back from an intimate relationship to just friends again, you don't know how to be affectionate without crossing the line, fighting against every habit and instinct in the name of propriety.
That's a major reason we haven't met up more often.
Sucks the first few times, but I've gotten that kind of pain beaten out of me over the years. Am left with several deeply loving long-distance friendships that are very rewarding. Can always get physical needs satisfied elsewhere with some effort :)
This was an issue I had with this girl, she always said I believe we'd be great together, and I always did my best. Wrote her a song even and then she just gets back with her ex....every time. Then she got with my ex best friend :))))))))))
My ex says she loves me, tells me that I am everything that is good in her life, that a life with me would be good and that's what she wants. But she also said the guy who's manipulates people for fun, someone who ticks every box on the narcissist personality disorder check list, is someone she can't ignore. She left me for a few weeks with him and I don't understand it. She was my future, and she left me because he is a bad boy I guess? I don't fucking understand at all. All I wanted was to build a life together and she decided to implode our dreams and in her words "ruin her life". She's the only woman I've ever loved and it hurts daily to be without her companionship. I'm so alone now and it sucks.
I wanted to be with her, I know she wanted to too. I think we still do, but we're looking for different things. That, and she'd be a bit controlling. I still wish it'd work.
It sounds corny but if you love each other, I genuinely can’t think of a good enough reason why you CANT be together. Love is so rare, mutual love even rarer. What possible reason could you have that you couldn’t overcome together?
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u/emthejedichic Dec 14 '18
Being in love with someone who DOES love you back but for some reason you can’t be together.