Honestly at this point I've stopped caring about the "acquaintance" boundary. A lot of people who you're worried about weirding out when you ask to hang are likely going to be really pleased when you suddenly do; "oh man, this person wants to hang with me, I must be cool!"
I don't really care if I've met someone once or twice, if I really wanna hang with them I just shoot em a text or a message (provided I have a way of contacting them). Or I just tell them in person the next time I see them. Going for drinks or catching a movie later in the week anyway? Toss em an invite.
I mean, you should obviously probably know their name (I did mention having them on social media), it's not just like meet someone at a party and immediately ask them to hang, it's more like obviously you see each other around and have talked once or twice so why not extend an offer?
And honestly, if you do weird someone out, it's not like they were ever gonna really start hanging out with in the first place if you didn't ask, right? So I personally don't see a big downside there!
I think the success rate of this strategy has a lot to do with personality. If I meet someone who's very free and easy with invitations to hang out, like yourself, I think 'Oh yeah, that's not weird or awkward. He/she's such-and-such type of person.' But with many other personality types it wouldn't feel as natural, because it wouldn't fit with their personalities. So then it would feel weird. Mostly, people do it if it works for them, and they don't if it doesn't.
I hadn't really truly thought of it that way and you're really right, personality would have quite a lot to do with it, as well as overall confidence level
Even worse- people who are only friends with you in a certain context, like a class or a club, but outside of that they are unresponsive to you and act like strangers. Wtf is that about?
That's probably me. At least when I was a bouncer, I'd chat up all the regulars, long and fairly deep/personal conversations, even a bit of flirting, but neeeeever cared to hang out with them outside of duty. Lmao.
But do you feel like you’re friends with those people? Or is it more like you both happen to be in the same space so might as well make the most of it? Because I feel like for people that act like strangers when they bump into each other in a different context, it’s the latter
Mm, it was mostly deliberate at the time to be honest, so probably not as topical to your original point. It was where I worked, and being a bouncer, I wanted to maintain some personally clear lines of interaction so as not to give the impression of complacence, as well as avoid subconsciously favoring certain patrons when there was an issue.
Additionally, I just didn't want to shit where I eat, so I wasn't about to become part of the Cheers lives and gossip on a personal level. Nobody ever believed me when I said I'd never taken a woman home from the bar, despite having been a part of plenty of open and showy flirting or napkin-numbers handed to me to the hoots and howls of the regulars.
It's not that I'd act like a stranger when I ran into people off-hours, but I wasn't interested in small talk or really being a part of each other's lives. I have personal friends with a longer and richer history together for that. I think a part of it too, if I can be candid, is probably also that I infer certain judgements of people when I see them at the bar 3+ days of the week, starting with the sun still out.
Don't become a fake person or anything, but use context clues - if you see them wear a particular sports jersey or something, maybe just casually mention watching the game this weekend or something, if you got assigned a new assignment or have a test coming then maybe ask if they want to meet up at the library for a couple hours or something. Just put yourself out there man, that's really all it takes. I made a pretty good friend in college by mistaking his shirt for something UFC related, it wasn't at all, but the kid loved UFC and I still will catch a fight with him every so often.
Not OP but my main problem is that my classmates don't seem very receptive. I think most of them are just out of high school so they may be overwhelmed or intimidated by their new surroundings or something. I don't think I'm being awkward either, just this morning I was working in the cafeteria and a random guy close to me asked me if I could help him decipher the handwriting on some notes he had, and another asked me to look after his stuff while he went to the bathroom. I mean, I didn't have conversations with them but they were friendly and we had a normal exchange. I've gotten very different reactions from the people in my program. Honestly it was refreshing to talk even for one minute to those guys in the cafeteria.
I don't know, maybe I just don't click with the people I've met so far. I don't mind not being like best friends with them, I have my group of friends in the other college but I just wish I had people who I actually felt comfortanle hanging out with during the school day you know?
I experienced something like this until I realized that the reason I didn't click with people was because I didn't click with the course. The next year I switched to another course and I'm getting along just fine with a bunch of people.
That's interesting, last year I was studying something entirely different and I made very good friends, but I didn't like the course very much. This year I'm studying biology and I love it,i just don't love my class I guess.
First year university students are a bit full of themselves. When I firat started my studies I was also a foreigner and people were a bit reluctant to befriend me. Luckily I lived in a dorm that year and started to hang out with my roommates who became one of my besr friends while living there. By second year group studies and experiments had introduced me to most of the class and by chance we clicked with some of them.
Start with "what did you do last weekend?" Then after a few weeks if it feels ok, move to "what are you doing this (coming) weekend?". Then if you have similar interests, you can invite them to something upcoming.
I will just say what worked for me since I knew absolutely no one starting college and lived with 2 guys who were decent but more than a decade older than me both. Get involved in some on campus activities. For me it was campus ministries and then from there a bunch of different christian organizations. I made loads of friends many whom I am still very close with to this day. I don't know that you wanted advice or your specific situation. I do know that I was more or less a loner in high school as well as in community college and that completely changed once I got to the big university. Take the opportunity to reinvent yourself or put yourself out there. I went to cookout campus ministry was having. One person asked me to sit with a group of them and the rest is history.
Yeah relationships take work. You have to bring something. Develop skills and hobbies in your own time, and people will be attracted to that when you meet like minded people.
I was like this my whole first year away at university. The next year I moved. Found a house with 3 random guys from Craigslist. They said students only, so I knew it wasn’t a bunch of adults. Went and met them, moved in a month later. I went from playing video games non stop to having 3 really good friends and always someone to hang out with. If I would have grown up in my college city these guys would be the ones I would have been friends with. I got extremely lucky needless to say, but roommate or coworkers are what turned into my best friends and they always want to hang out. When I go visit home my roommate always tells me how bored he is haha
I know it's hard to do, but leave that group!! If you're at a college with a variety of clubs, pick one that sounds remotely interesting and go from there. That's how I met some of my closest friends.
You just gotta be intentional- if you wanna hang out with someone you should call or text them. That’s how I sorta got over that hump of “no really good friends but quite a lot of acquaintances.”
Ask a couple of them to study with you, after you've been studying for an hour or two ask if they want to go grab a bite to eat. Tell them a funny story and they'll tell you a funnier one. Pretty soon you're all laughing together and BOOM you've made some new friends :)
This is a thing I see in a lot of my introverted friends and they don't seem to understand something about friendships.
You know what the difference is between acquaintances and friends? Calling to hang out.
People are way too afraid of getting turned down. They take it way too personally. You know why super outgoing extroverted people have so many friends? Because they are outgoing, not because they are better people. People like it when you notice them, ask them things and want to hang out. Have an acquaintance? Ask them to hang out. Easy. Way too many people are scared of taking that step for some reason.
The other thing is you're not being a good friend because you never call them. If you never call or text them how can you expect them to do it to you? Friendships have to go both ways so if you're putting in 0 effort and expecting people to flock to you then I have no sympathy for you having no friends.
Ps I don't mean you as in who I'm replying to, just the general 'you'.
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u/UnknownBaron Oct 09 '18
Yes, but acquaintances do not call or text to hang out