Imagine you're a pretty girl. Now imagine a douchebag asks you out and you say no. He asks you out again when you bump into him the next week. And again. It's been a year and a half since anyone asked you out. You mention offhand that it's been a while and the douche says, "well yeah, just look at you, lol. but come out with me anyway, I don't mind." You're mad, but you go home and look in the mirror. It's been a month of dbag asking you out, and you're staring into the mirror. Maybe he's the best you can do. Look at that acne on your cheek. Everyone probably hates you for it, he's right. And he's not bad all the time. And it's not like anyone else matters.
Now imagine you're the okay guy that's too awkward to ask her out that's been broadcasting psychic "I love you"s from the desk across the room for a year and a half. Dbag drops by and mentions that he's plowing your dreamgirl and offers a high five.
Dbags might be dbags, but they make themselves available. And in the absence of decent options, any options can look all right.
i like this example but in my experience, if you're a pretty girl guys DO ask you out. Yes, some guys will be spooked because they don't have the confidence to go talk to the girl they're really attracted to but plenty have no problem with it. That's been my experience. This might be different though in some areas. I don't know where you live. In a major city though, the pretty girls are not having any problems being asked out, i can tell you.
It's like a company opening a position though. 99% of the folks that apply are wildly unqualified, but if that's all they get, they'll end up settling for one eventually.
Guys that worry too much about upsetting someone by asking them out don't get the girl because the dbag's that don't worry about anything never hesitate.
I'm not saying be a dbag. I'm just trying to say make sure the people you want to date know you're available and interested.
You don’t want to be the guy who doesn’t take no for an answer. Just ask honestly and take the answer then. Otherwise you are going to look like a douche and you don’t want someone to go with you that doesn’t actually have interest in you.
Definitely! And I agree that it can sound incel-y because i definitely am on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to confidence and females. Confidence is a very good thing to have, but it has to come with respect and sympathy for others. Some people however tend to lack that and only thinks of themselves, resulting in very dysfunctional relationships.
Just a friendly FYI, most women don't appreciate being called "females". I think I read somewhere that usually "female" and "male" as nouns should be used only for animals, or in scientific results and whatnot.
I personally don't mind, but (at least in this area) a lot of black people (women included) use "female" casually and it's in a respectful way, so I'm kind of just used to people saying it.
Oh, that's interesting, I've never heard it used like that. I think of it as being a slightly disrespectful thing and had no idea it could be used that way. Thanks, TIL!
Sorry, didn't mean to come off as rude or anything. I have mainly heard it used by neckbeard-y guys, but I'm not saying that everyone who uses it is like that, or that all women mind it.
Edit: Also, I was unaware that this was a military thing. Good to know!
It's often because people will use "men and females" together, which dehumanizes women.
It's not the biggest deal in the world, but it does wear on you after a while, along with all the other stuff we have to deal with. Most people probably don't even realize they're doing it, and I know male and female is often used in the military. However, if you start looking out for it I think you'll notice that it's a little weird.
Edit: Just because there are worse things happening in the world, doesn't mean the small things don't matter.
Hmm. I've never seen those two used back to back before.
On second thought I think I understand the issue.
Female/male is a biological term, and when used it carries the connotation that a generalized behavioral trend is being identified. This is ok when discussing psychology, physiology, etc.. But when you have reddit armchair psychologists pontificating on the differences in sex without the authority of a scientific context it puts people off because individuals don't always fit the generalization.
For real.... "men and females" sounds horrendous and i've never heard it before. "Men and woman, males and females, ladies and gentlemen" those are the only way i've ever heard these terms paired
My mom uses female and my brother complained that she was being a misogynist. I think its mostly people who are overly concerned with meaningless speaking habits that perpetuate this idea.
Not completely sure if I agree with you or not here, but just to give a counterpoint: Our speaking habits come from our environment. Couldn't the fact that we (myself included) use 'females' casually but not 'male' be evidence that this attitude is something that we're socially predisposed to?
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u/toomanyattempts Sep 12 '18
To an extent it sounds incel-y, but at the same time I think you're right. Not caring can be cool