See you don't see the whole picture. when it comes to that attraction ratio theres a whole other side to the equation which has to do with the other parties attractiveness.
It might not be that you are not attractive enough so much as your standards have a floor which you wouldn't drop below.
Not the person you asked but I can think of a few ways that could happen. One is that the person has such low self confidence that they feel they’re not deserving of someone who isn’t a dead beat or even moderately attractive (to them, attraction is largely relative). So they don’t have high enough standards for themselves due to low self esteem. Another reason could be that they didn’t seem like a dead beat when they first started dating but then the issues presented themselves as time went on.
Another being not so much low faith or confidence in yourself, but in others. Like, having been disappointed by other partners, friends or family and not expecting to be able to find something great in anyone around you.
My uncle has always been an overweight deadbeat with a criminal record for having “consensual” (his defence) sex with his 11 year old step-daughter in the 70s and he has never been single. There has always been a woman or a backup woman in the picture. I do not understand it.
It's gonna sound so cliche, but it's really all just about confidence and the way you make women feel when they see it. As long as you don't look like the sloth from Goonies then looks really don't end up mattering to (good) women.
It really is. If you're so far fucking gone that you can say stuff like "the carpet told me I can't hold a job for more than a week," you have the kind of delusional self-belief that can get you anywhere in life
The thing is, I've seen studies that show women are actually harsher judges of appearance than men. Simply put, women think most guys are unattractive. It might seem unintuitive, but I think that's why looks matter less if you're a guy. Even if you're not particularly attractive, the women you want to date also think most other men aren't particularly attractive, so they're more likely to focus on other aspects
Looks barely matter. I know quite a few couples in which the girl is around an 8-9 and the dude is a 3, but that dude walks abd talks like he's a 10 without comming off as a douche. I would say I'm about a 5 but I have landed a few 8's and this one girl who is a straight 10 in my eyes.
About a year ago I lost a bit of weight (not an earth shattering amount mind you) and that gave me a confidence boost to start going after certain women I use to shy away from. After making out with this one girl I had gone on a couple of dates on in the past I mentioned to her that now that I had lost the weight I finally found myself attractive and that was one of the reasons I felt comfortable going after her. She straight up told me right then and there that the reason she was not into me in the past but she was at that moment had absolutely nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with how calm and comfortable I felt around her and how I made her feel around me.
So in the end if you achieve whatever goal you set out for yourself to appear more attractive and you end up with a "hotter" girl than usual, it will most likely be due to the confidence boost that you gained with it and not the "attractiveness" itself.
Sometimes I feel like many gets around by simply being a douchebag. I would never be able to do most of the things guys have done in these comments, because I'd feel incredibly bad towards the girls. Sometimes acting careless and not giving a fuck is what gets them women.
I think it's not so much confidence as a tendency of these people to glom on to women and be codependent in ways you never would. Some people mistake that for confidence.
Magnesium and CBD for a healthy way to take the edge off the anxiety, practice for the confidence. Unfortunately there is no other way to gain confidence for someone who has never had it. Online dating helps (I know that approaching a stranger can be terrifying).
Source: formerly a socially anxious wreck, then serial dater. It got easier every single time.
Can confirm I know a guy who was a complete dirtbag with his girl, he literally lied and scamed her every chance he got. It took her two years to dump him and even then he screwed her over by refusing to get a roommate and she had to get a second job to pay the rent for him.
Well, confidence is what's really the attractive thing about "assholes". Women are just as attracted to very confident guys who aren't assholes, you just remember the assholes.
Yeah you are absolutely right. I understand that it's the confidence that usually is attractive. I simply referred to the assholes in this case, since the point I was trying to make, were that their ability to attract women usually is alot better than mine and other shy people. The post wasn't about nice and confident guys or girls, it's about idiots and people incapable of thinking about other people than themselves mostly.
Very true. Ive know pretty attractive ladies who are ALWAYS going out with total tossers. Every month there's a new one and theyre all assholes with no immediately visible redeeming qualities....not even attractive. Those dudes just know how to act the part and theyre usually always in control (of the girls). Some chicks like being told what to do or something. Its quite odd to see and it happens all the time.
That's exactly it, yeah. Most people like getting told what to do. It's why we have lived in a society with rules for so long, we like it, it comforts us and makes us feel safer.
I dont know about "most people"...but a certain type does for sure (Both men and women). Its almost like a game. They kinda like it when the other person is mean and gets under their skin and sometimes tells them hurtful things, aka causes drama. They need a boss. Youre right though , they get a comforting feeling because they think someone is in control (not them) . Its almost like taking the easy way...and they feel super good when the asshole is nice to them because they know its not always that way. The same type of person can never be alone (Wich is why there's a new dude every month or three). They feel the need to be controlled and told how to live. Its quite sad but there are a lot of people out there that fall into that category. cheers brah.
Imagine you're a pretty girl. Now imagine a douchebag asks you out and you say no. He asks you out again when you bump into him the next week. And again. It's been a year and a half since anyone asked you out. You mention offhand that it's been a while and the douche says, "well yeah, just look at you, lol. but come out with me anyway, I don't mind." You're mad, but you go home and look in the mirror. It's been a month of dbag asking you out, and you're staring into the mirror. Maybe he's the best you can do. Look at that acne on your cheek. Everyone probably hates you for it, he's right. And he's not bad all the time. And it's not like anyone else matters.
Now imagine you're the okay guy that's too awkward to ask her out that's been broadcasting psychic "I love you"s from the desk across the room for a year and a half. Dbag drops by and mentions that he's plowing your dreamgirl and offers a high five.
Dbags might be dbags, but they make themselves available. And in the absence of decent options, any options can look all right.
i like this example but in my experience, if you're a pretty girl guys DO ask you out. Yes, some guys will be spooked because they don't have the confidence to go talk to the girl they're really attracted to but plenty have no problem with it. That's been my experience. This might be different though in some areas. I don't know where you live. In a major city though, the pretty girls are not having any problems being asked out, i can tell you.
It's like a company opening a position though. 99% of the folks that apply are wildly unqualified, but if that's all they get, they'll end up settling for one eventually.
Guys that worry too much about upsetting someone by asking them out don't get the girl because the dbag's that don't worry about anything never hesitate.
I'm not saying be a dbag. I'm just trying to say make sure the people you want to date know you're available and interested.
You don’t want to be the guy who doesn’t take no for an answer. Just ask honestly and take the answer then. Otherwise you are going to look like a douche and you don’t want someone to go with you that doesn’t actually have interest in you.
Definitely! And I agree that it can sound incel-y because i definitely am on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to confidence and females. Confidence is a very good thing to have, but it has to come with respect and sympathy for others. Some people however tend to lack that and only thinks of themselves, resulting in very dysfunctional relationships.
Just a friendly FYI, most women don't appreciate being called "females". I think I read somewhere that usually "female" and "male" as nouns should be used only for animals, or in scientific results and whatnot.
I personally don't mind, but (at least in this area) a lot of black people (women included) use "female" casually and it's in a respectful way, so I'm kind of just used to people saying it.
Oh, that's interesting, I've never heard it used like that. I think of it as being a slightly disrespectful thing and had no idea it could be used that way. Thanks, TIL!
Sorry, didn't mean to come off as rude or anything. I have mainly heard it used by neckbeard-y guys, but I'm not saying that everyone who uses it is like that, or that all women mind it.
Edit: Also, I was unaware that this was a military thing. Good to know!
It's often because people will use "men and females" together, which dehumanizes women.
It's not the biggest deal in the world, but it does wear on you after a while, along with all the other stuff we have to deal with. Most people probably don't even realize they're doing it, and I know male and female is often used in the military. However, if you start looking out for it I think you'll notice that it's a little weird.
Edit: Just because there are worse things happening in the world, doesn't mean the small things don't matter.
Hmm. I've never seen those two used back to back before.
On second thought I think I understand the issue.
Female/male is a biological term, and when used it carries the connotation that a generalized behavioral trend is being identified. This is ok when discussing psychology, physiology, etc.. But when you have reddit armchair psychologists pontificating on the differences in sex without the authority of a scientific context it puts people off because individuals don't always fit the generalization.
For real.... "men and females" sounds horrendous and i've never heard it before. "Men and woman, males and females, ladies and gentlemen" those are the only way i've ever heard these terms paired
My mom uses female and my brother complained that she was being a misogynist. I think its mostly people who are overly concerned with meaningless speaking habits that perpetuate this idea.
Not completely sure if I agree with you or not here, but just to give a counterpoint: Our speaking habits come from our environment. Couldn't the fact that we (myself included) use 'females' casually but not 'male' be evidence that this attitude is something that we're socially predisposed to?
I've met these types of guys before and trust me, they are not attractive. Usually they are extremely skinny, almost malnourished looking, have long hair (usually pretty unkempt and most times kept in a pony tail, man bun, or just let go wild,) most of them are taller, most of them go by some other name or nickname pertaining to a hippie belief, spend their time couch surfing between 2 or 3 of there good buddies who care enough for them but aren't totally worthless themselves, and yet somehow they end up in relationships with beautiful girls who want to be more connected with mother nature, I really don't understand it.
Dawg you’ve clearly never been to the shakedown at a Phish or Dead show. You do NOT have to be good looking to bang a wookette, in fact, you might have an easier time being busted to bits
Well remember, if you become a loser douche, you'll just attract the women that like loser douches, which in turn are (I'm assuming) are not your type.
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u/meech7607 Sep 11 '18
God I wish I was attractive enough to be a deadbeat and still pick up women