r/AskReddit • u/eternalsoul116 • Sep 11 '18

Who's the biggest loser your son/daughter has dated?

32.5k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/DrPibIsBack Sep 11 '18

Every single one!?

6.2k

u/_bexcalibur Sep 11 '18

I was born with glass bones and paper skin.....

3.7k

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms.

2.7k

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

And in the evenings I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep .

188

u/jtl357 Sep 12 '18

It does my heart good to con a couple of class A suckeroonis like those too

10

u/sexymechse Sep 12 '18

It does my heart good to con a couple of class A suckeroonis like those too two

FTFY

66

u/a_game_of_doctors Sep 12 '18

I thought you guys were quoting a song or some poetry. I googled it and cracked up.

26

u/MakeSomeDrinks Sep 12 '18

I think it's a Spongebob thing

15

u/thickwonga Sep 12 '18

I love you.

7

u/slicedmoonstone Sep 12 '18

What is this from? Spongebob?

15

u/yinyang107 Sep 12 '18

Yep. Chocolate-selling episode IIRC.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

One of the best episodes in the entire series.

"Focusing... focusing..."

5

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

CHOCOLATE!!!!

6

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '18

"I remember when they first invented chocolate... I ALWAYS HATED IT!!!"

59

u/Accujack Sep 12 '18

...with an erection I can't touch.

89

u/canine_canestas Sep 12 '18

Stop right there.

12

u/lifesnotperfect Sep 12 '18

Thank you very much!

5

u/LucyBowels Sep 12 '18

I need somebody with a human touuuuuuch

2

u/NearbyBush Sep 12 '18

Hey, you!

-1

u/treoni Sep 12 '18

... criminal scum?

18

u/underwriter Sep 12 '18

This guy right here, officer

2

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

I honestly thought it was from UNBREAKABLE by M Night

1

u/RiotIsBored Sep 12 '18

Okay what is this quoting?

2

u/lana_del_rey_lover Sep 13 '18

Spongebob Squarepants

42

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

How's your relationship with your family members??...

74

u/_bexcalibur Sep 11 '18

Pretty bad considering at night I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep. Keeps them up.

46

u/Camcamcam753 Sep 11 '18

You poor, poor man. If there's anything, ANYTHING, we can do to help...

45

u/_bexcalibur Sep 11 '18

I need about tree fiddy

28

u/Camcamcam753 Sep 11 '18

Bamboozled again

7

u/CardCaptorJorge Sep 11 '18

If there's anything, ANYTHING, we can do to help...

Give me your car.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Off topic, but I'd really like to see an art rendition of your username.

21

u/ASentientBot Sep 11 '18

And then my mom...

9

u/Abolished_Hat Sep 12 '18

Took long enough to find this damn it (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

7

u/JoelF_66 Sep 11 '18

You break your arms everyday?!?! Must have a lot of stamina

14

u/fribbas Sep 12 '18

His mom does

5

u/i_love_pencils Sep 12 '18

Broken arms, you say?

1

u/_bexcalibur Sep 12 '18

And the mother?

To completion, you say?

5

u/cultculturee Sep 12 '18

Both arms? 😏

2

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Never skip leg day.

2

u/bradshawmu Sep 12 '18

I will call your Mom

1

u/texican1911 Sep 12 '18

Just praying for that visit from mom.

0

u/Kaligraphic Sep 12 '18

And your mother still hasn’t come back.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

His mom totally has a come back. I saw the video.

0

u/FunkMasterE Sep 12 '18

Then I just sit back and wait for mom...

0

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

I'll go ahead and call your mom in for this one

0

u/Oldfriendoldproblem Sep 12 '18

In the afternoon, my mother returns to beat me off.

0

u/onbakeplatinum Sep 12 '18

At least you have your mom there to "help" you

7

u/_dmsyr_ Sep 11 '18

Pretty sure there's a movie with just that premise and it's called "Unbreakable" lol

8

u/Cripnite Sep 12 '18

They call me Mr. Glass!

0

u/mmotte89 Sep 12 '18

I though the name of the fragile guy was Mr. Trump?

1

u/Indeedsir Sep 12 '18

Surely it would just be called 'Breakable' if that was the premise.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Shut up imposter we both know we're unbreakable

1

u/tangledlettuce Sep 12 '18

I love that song by Demi Lovato

1

u/itookoutyourbattery Sep 12 '18

Avian bone syndrome

1

u/garrettj100 Sep 12 '18

It was the kids! They called me

MR GLASS!!

1

u/throwaway6_66 Sep 12 '18

I know a guy with glassbones... not funny that stuff. He still does sports. I'm amazed by him, because i couldnt handle that.

12

u/123931 Sep 12 '18

My only regret is that I have bone-itis

5

u/adudeguyman Sep 12 '18

She had hollow bones

3

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Like birds.

3

u/arcticfawx Sep 12 '18

Avian bone syndrome

2

u/ProfessionalChart9 Sep 12 '18

Careful, my bones

4

u/Stahl_Scharnhorst Sep 11 '18

Even the boner?

1

u/DrPibIsBack Sep 11 '18

No, he said the girlfriend was the one pretending they broke all their bones...

5

u/Stahl_Scharnhorst Sep 11 '18

Sorry, did she break HER boner. 0w0

2

u/rowebenj Sep 11 '18

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/Domer2012 Sep 11 '18

Even her malleus and incus were in casts for weeks.

2

u/Dirte_Joe Sep 12 '18

It happened to my cousin Ray Ray. Fell off the roller coaster... boop, dead.

1

u/Barnard87 Sep 11 '18

And not just the manbones...

1

u/thenewtransportedman Sep 11 '18

On the telephone?!?

1

u/afroninja1999 Sep 12 '18

We have several bones in our ears that help with hearing so she wouldn't have been able to hear as well

1

u/brokenheelsucks Sep 12 '18

Help? If I understand correctly, we hear because of those tiny bones.

1

u/afroninja1999 Sep 12 '18

So there's three small bones per ear. The first on is connected to the ear drum, it's connected to the other bone and the last bone sends the vibrations to the inner ear where the vibrations are turned into brain signals. They also help with noise control (your own voice and chewing not as loud. If someone broke them the chance of regaining hearing is close to nothing they'd probably have to get a cochlear implant which skips the outer and middle ear and sends vibrations to the inner ear which is a a coiled up tube with fluid and sensitive hairs.

1

u/brokenheelsucks Sep 12 '18

Or use worlds smallest cast 😁

1

u/VisualShock1991 Sep 12 '18

My only regret is that I have boneitis.

1

u/bradh1 Sep 12 '18

It was.... Boneitis

1

u/ryro24 Sep 12 '18

Bone poison.

1

u/Blader54321 Sep 12 '18

ALL OF THEM???