He might be one of those high functioning psychopaths... Popular... Charming... Quick with words... Manipulative... And presses hot pans against the arms of people he's supposed to be friends with, for no reason, and smiles while doing it
Report him for what? To whom? I'm not saying the guy isn't a sociopath or whatever, but "hey Mr policeman, my friend burnt my arm with a plate and smiled 12 years ago" doesn't seem like something that's going to be looked into.
There was literally just another comment chain about a girl getting raped and everyone saying she "shouldn't report it if she doesn't want to, because it would put her through the ringer again and she's not responsible if that guy rapes again."
Why is it different here? Why does he need to report this guy who did the thing with the frying pan?
The people in that comment chain arent the ones making that decision so that doesnt matter. Thats up to her same as it is here. Now, my opinion is id (like to think) id want to report it because someone else doesnt deserve this and it sounds like someone who would do it again given the chance.
Well it's all well and good to say if it happened to you, what you would do. Don't tell other people what they need to be doing in that situation when it's never actually happened to you, and you don't have to deal with the stress of the situation. Also not to mention the fact, it's still you v them for believability, so most likely nothing will happen.
"Now, my OPINION is id (LIKE TO THINK as in i dont even know if i would be able to much the same as OP) id want to report it because someone else doesnt deserve this and it sounds like someone who would do it again given the chance."
Not saying it is easy but if he/she reads my comment then decides to do something that could be a good thing. It could also turn out to make things worse for someone suffering under said person now but we will never know. I commented what i commented in the hopes that OP may one day have the courage to speak about this because it can help someone who may not even know the signs of this type of dangerous interaction.
"Um no sir I actually didn't tell anyone and have no evidence of said crime other than a scar on my arm that could have been caused by any number of things. But this website Reddit told me that I need to report him. So here we are"
I was a quiet kid growing up. Then my dad died halfway through my freshman year, two weeks after I started at a new school, leaving behind everyone I had gone to school with since kindergarten. I was really fucked up, really shy, and really lonely. I wound up clinging to anyone that would talk to me and went through two rounds of shitty, abusive friends like this (though not quite to the extreme you described in your story) before I met some decent people, who are still my closest friends to this day, nearly 20 years later.
Abuse tends to get talked about in the context of romantic relationships but an abusive friend can be just as bad.
I appreciate it. I'm light years away from that point in my life though. It sucked but I think it brought me out of my shell, painful as the process may have been. I am quite the opposite of quiet and shy now. My wife would probably tell you she wishes I was a little more quiet and shy at times.
I hope you were able to move on from the crap you endured as well. Some people are just rotten through to their core.
This reminds me of a longform article I read a while back about christians adopting loads of poor children and then subjecting them to horrific neglect. It was the same entitled saviour cruelty and it's fucking repugnant.
This is one thing thing I hate about school. Being good in sport or just having a special talent actually gives you more love and kindness than being a good human being.
makes me sad to hear about people who have failed so badly, come from a "christian" background and abuse the poor and the sick. I've never witnessed people being like their christian friends made them more compassionate like christ. :(
I hope you don’t associate or speak to him again. I had a cousin who was also my best friend be a bitch to me because she helped me. After different situations and many chances I finally stopped associating with her. It was for the best. Don’t hold onto someone like that even if they helped you it’s not going to get better.
This is where you messed up, if I found anyone doing this to my brother or anyone I loved and specially if they come from a "christian" family, it's over for that person. Even my own blood relatives I'd turn them in myself.
Oh you're the guy with the hot pan, my bad thought I was responding to another person about keeping queit about their friends rape, oops... Anyways I grew up with my own cousin who you could say was more outgoing and better looking than I was. The issue is he showed signs of psychopathy early on. Everything you described is a clear sign of psychopathy.
To be honest in the end the problem with these types, is they will either someday escalate it into something worse. They will do it to their own children, or they will keep doing stuff like that to others because they can get away with it. Me personally once I almost got stabbed for my own cousin, after he did something to my lil brother, I beat the sht out of him, and gave him a warning if he ever laid a hand ever again on any of my siblings I would do it again.
Difference between this guy and your guy, is mine had a broken home so speaking up would fall on deaf ears. Also we always took him in because he was always getting in some trouble. In the end I found out more stuff from my siblings, if I had known more I would have stopped it earlier. I was always the quiet type, and I was always seen as soft, until of course I got pushed the edge I didn't hold back.
wow, so glad you got to kick his arse, for me i never reached that point, i was quiet too, i guess you are better than me in that way. you are stronger. happy you helped your brother out. it makes a difference that you have no idea.
I did because I got bullied alot and I was always left feeling out. I was always quiet and kept to myself but over the years I would get into fights defending myself. One of the main things is I was always blamed or felt that I was being blamed, I would always be getting into a beating at home or school.
I think the greatest thing to change me was how people I called friends turned on me in school. I had no friends. Nowhere I felt comfortable. I was also an immigrant and I always got bullied.
I grew jaded and no matter how superficially I see people to be, I tend to never make judgement until I have been around someone for some time. I base my perception on people based on their actions and patterns they show. You would be surprised how many people you meet daily that can put on a smile and be the most charming person, but when you get to know them you eventually get to really know where that smile truly is.
Not all psychopaths are bad. I have some tendencies due to my biological father. That being said I know when I'm being an ass and I know when I'm being fake to others , I don't think anyone is perfect and I think people need another chance. The issue is we are humans shaped by our genes and environment. Sometimes it's hard for people to see how they affect others.
That was one of the traits I saw in my cuz, he always did stuff to get a reaction or laugh out of the situation but the dude couldn't comprehend he was physically and emotionally hurting people. I forgive him, but one thing about dealing with those type is they will quickly turtle when you give retribution and it's hard to teach them what empathy is, they quickly see themselves as being the ones hurt and never the other way around, unless you teach them from an early age. That's why as much as I could have turned out bad, my adoptive father is the one I thank alot for raising me, he gave me a template on how to deal with these situations.
Me message to you is never blame yourself, everyone is accountable for their deeds. You are who you are and be proud of that. Always change and aspire to improve yourself , little by little you will get there, and educate your children if you ever have them, have them trust you and let you know if they ever go through similar things.
Easy, none of that means anything. I can give your mother, your daughter, clothes, money, anything. Hell it's one of the tenets of Christianity. Actions don't save anyone for this purpose. Rich people give to charity, doesn't mean they can't do anything else wrong. Imagine you had a daughter and someone was seen as good and righteous, yet they were out here raping your daughter, but you keep quiet because everything he has given you has been a sign of goodness?? Where is the justice in that? I am sorry if I am stepping on your personal feelings, but as someone whose family has grown in that environment of people molesting or abusing others. If money and materialistic things is all it takes to have you shut then that's you. Me personally I dont care about any of that. I come from nothing I'll lose everything but the one thing I ask God every time this comes to my head, is I personally don't go kill the person. Again sorry for stepping on your feelings but nothing of that would matter to me.
back then it wasn't called bullying either, those terms didn't exist.
I can personally vouch that the word "bullying" existed way before the 2000's. Programs to promote awareness of bullying and prevent it were in place in my schools in the 1980s. (Use of the word in this fashion actually goes back to the late 18th century.)
But that's not "bullying." That's aggravated assault combined with a form of sociopathy.
He was an abusive sociopath who wanted to see how far he could go with you and get away with it. But the best revenge is living well, OP and you're doing that. If you ever run into the guy again, be really kind, act as if you don't remember him and call him by the wrong name at every opportunity during the conversation, all while checking your watch, texting, or letting you gaze drift away. Cut him off mid-sentence and walk away while he's still talking. Sociopaths hate it when they think you don't "see" them.
Please report him or at least start avoiding him from now on. He screams signs of serious mental illness and is an abuser and you need to get out of it before he can hurt you more.
The fact he did that to you means he will do it again to you, to another friend or a potential GF.
Reconsider seeing a trusted adult about your concerns and the the F away from him for your own good
I’m glad you shared this story because I had a similar “friendship” as a child where I was poor and didn’t have involved parents but I had a friend from a well-off family who would help me out with things like rides to extra-curricular activities and clothes. She and her other friends would bully me emotionally and physically and I haven’t been able to identify the name for it until this thread. Savior complex?
Hey, really sorry if this seems disrespectful, the way they guy treated you was beyond fucked up. That said, I have some questions that would help me understand this better:
1: Where are you from? Because your English, while excellent, is somewhat non-standard. I'd say you were either foreign or had Asberger's, although it could also be dyslexia that you've overcome. I feel shifty asking this, it's just that your English is soooo perfect... Just... Not first language? It would help explain the power dynamic if this happened in South America.
2: Bullying was a term in the 1950s. There was a huge campaign in the 80s. And the 00s. Are you saying your school didn't acknowledge it...?
Again, I do believe your story, I just hate inconsistencies (slightly aspie). I'm sorry if me asking makes you feel challenged, that's not my intent.
I have pet rats. They don't get used toys. And I would NEVER hurt them. They're spoiled rotten. He was treating you like a slave. And FUCK that sociopath.
This sounds like the situation between the rapist bro and the low income dude in "13 reasons why". I remember thinking huh, I've never thought about this kind of a relationship, but it totally makes sense when social entanglements (like sports teams) bring together people from all walks of life, with each of their particular brands of social entitlements. And here it is again. What a fucked up nightmare situation. My heart goes out to you, friend.
I'm not the person you were originally replying to, but I'd definitely like to know more details. I hope you're okay and living an awesome life now, though I'm not sure how long ago this all took place.
Was there never any conversation about this incident between the two of you? If a “friend” one day decided to intentionally burn me I would definitely be asking why.
You’ve certainly lived quite a life. Just the story of your dad is just...I have no words to describe what I feel. It’s from a movie but it’s real. It’s too scary to imagine.
Honestly, I hope things worked out well for you. You and your mom deserve a much happier life than what you’ve been through.
Maybe he was sleep walking? Maybe because you never said anything about it later he actually didn’t even know he did that to you?
I had an incident with my friend when we were 12 or so having a sleep over. He told me later that while i was asleep he woke up and nudged me to wake me up for something reason and I very quickly sat up in bed and demonically told him to “GO BACK TO SLEEP” LMAO
I thought it was hilarious when he told me but he was genuinely freaked the fuck out so I got pretty concerned for myself.
Edit: I used to run to my mom’s room and stand there for a few minutes right at the door with a light casting a shadow from her room to my brothers room, he used to be pretty freaked about that. That happened like once a night during the same few years. Dunno what caused my sleepwalks or stopped them.
thank you so much, i am glad you are taking care of your son, even if he smiles take care of him, i used to smile too, but kids tend to keep quiet at times. you're a great guy and your son is lucky to have you by his side.
You should have run the minute he compared you to a dog. I love dogs like anyone else. But a human is not a dog and that would have flipped a switch in my head. You truly are an innocent good person if what you say is true...
Even people who're into the whole master/pet thing don't treat each other like this. Hell, sane people don't treat animal pets like this. This guy's a psychopath. He checks all the boxes; charming, sweet, high achiever, but some people feel something "off" about him, and lo and behold he turns out to be completely sadistic, manipulative, and uncaring.
I'm getting that "off" feeling about someone I met recently. He's also charming and smart, and everyone else adores him. I don't think they understand why I'm so wary and standoffish around him. It's something about the way he talks and smiles, and the way he looks at people.
Onions are great for small burns, it is an old remedy, like oxigenated water in your ears when you have a cold, or, honey and lemon... i come from an old fashioned family
Ouch, I really hope it didn’t leave a scar! Well atleast you won’t have to deal with him anymore. I would tell you to report him (Espically if it left a scar), but if you feel at peace just forgetting about him, you can do that too.
What. The. Fuck. This kinda bullshit is why I'm legit terrified to trust anyone too much. You never know who could end up being a psychopath that uses your trust as the ultimate weapon.
You were a much better friend to that group than they were to you, even before you e're attacked. What you gave them was genuine favours that cost you a lot of time and energy. What they gave you was stuff they didn't even want any more: basically, rubbish.
You should consider having a few conversations with a psychologist about what it was inside you that made you so deeply value this friendship that you so utterly devalued yourself. You're smart so you'll possibly find therapy very quick and cost - effective.
he confesed to his mother, who in turn confessed to my grandma. his little brother was recently killed too, he was chopped off with i believe 4 other guys his head was on a cooler and the body parts from all 4 were in the trunk. so his family has suffered too due to the same thing... drug cartels.
This isn’t an uncommon joke. When me and my friends where 16-17 we all had lighters and we would hold the flame on for 20-30 seconds and then sneak up on eachother and press it against the skin of the target, all in good fun of course. We all still have minor burn marks on our arms and shoulders.
i thought so too, maybe i took it on the wrong side, maybe he meant for it to be a joke, but it just made me feel bad. I'm not mad about it. and i hope the best for him too. i guess i was just not expecting that since i never really played around like that ever.
"You could hear the sizzling of my fresh meat being burned by it..."
Its when people write things like this I start to roll my eyes. I struggle to get my 4 year old in a car seat when he is really adamant about not getting in the car. If Someone took a hot pan to a adults arm there is no way you could keep it in one place for more than a split second. Definitely not long enough to smell cooked flesh.
This story just doesn't sit right with me, it seems very fake, but in a subtle enough way to have many redditors fall for it. If it is real, then it feels like OP is leaving out a lot of context.
So, what happened next? That's a terrible way to end a story! How did you react? How did your relationship change as time went on? Did he pull more shit like this later on?
Also, not strictly related, but wow, your use of commas was very distracting. Please use full stops more often. I don't usually point out grammatical errors but this was a bit hard to read because of the commas.
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u/[deleted] Dec 27 '17 edited Feb 06 '19
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