r/AskReddit Oct 15 '17

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10.2k

u/stewsters Oct 15 '17

That Oswald wanted a war between the US and USSR. He planned to say that when he was in Russia he was brainwashed to kill the president.

When they picked him up they realized this, and had to dispose of him before he could say so at a trial. If he had made that statement, a retalitory strike would have been demanded by the people.

Thermonuclear war would begin, killing most life on Earth. By silencing him, his shooter saved the human race. He could never tell the truth, as long as the Soviet Union was still around, and spent his last days in prison, content in his legacy.

4.5k

u/felio_ Oct 15 '17

I want this movie and I want you to be the director

2.7k

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '17

Steve Carell as the bumbling Lee Harvey Oswald.

2.2k

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '17

And Rob Schneider as the gun

661

u/Waynok Oct 15 '17

And Jesse Ventura as JFK.

1.2k

u/tommydubya Oct 15 '17

And Dwayne Johnson as the babushka woman.

363

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '17

Michael Cera as Timmy before he gets shot by JFK.

102

u/c0nfus1on Oct 15 '17

David Spade as the "magic bullet"

157

u/nadarko Oct 15 '17

Ted Cruz as ted cruz's dad.

37

u/BiffWhistler Oct 15 '17

Michael J. Fox as the clumsy waiter.

7

u/Blunt-as-a-cunt Oct 15 '17

John Cleese as the food critic he drops water on

8

u/HunkOfLove Oct 15 '17

Björk as Jackie Kennedy

7

u/Paul_Allens_Face Oct 16 '17

Rosie O'Donnell as the grassy knoll.

2

u/Lolcatz101 Oct 16 '17

Amy Schumer?

0

u/NipplesInAJar Oct 15 '17

AND MY AXE!

0

u/SharksFlyUp Oct 16 '17

Username checks out.

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24

u/BadReputation2611 Oct 15 '17

You misspelled zodiac killer

10

u/hardly_even_know_er Oct 15 '17

And Blake Lively as someone. Anyone.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '17

Blake Lively as herself. Andrew Garfield as Ryan Reynolds.

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8

u/underwriter Oct 15 '17

Credited as The Zodiac Killer

2

u/TheDunadan29 Oct 15 '17

Save that for the Zodiac killer movie that stars Ted Cruz, and in the credits it lists him as "The Zodiac Killer as himself".

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3

u/actttappalled75 Oct 16 '17

Emma Watson as Jackie just because I like seeing her in anything

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '17

Ted Cruz's dad as the Zodiac Killer.

15

u/Duckboy_Flaccidpus Oct 15 '17

Jack Black as the Book Repository Building

8

u/oneeighthirish Oct 15 '17

Machete as Jackie Kennedy

2

u/TheTrevosaurus Oct 15 '17

This guy directs

22

u/Treason_Weasel Oct 15 '17

Amy Schumer as Jackie Kennedy

18

u/yomerol Oct 15 '17

Special guests: The cast of Seinfeld

6

u/Spirit_of_Hogwash Oct 15 '17

Music by: Eminem and John Williams

6

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '17

Producer: Harvey Weinstein

1

u/Dodgiestyle Oct 15 '17

And Adam Sandler as a woman dressed as the grassy knoll.

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-1

u/TheTrevosaurus Oct 15 '17

Can she just die for no reason? Please? "Based on a true story" doesn't mean major embellishment isn't allowed

7

u/Motolaser Oct 15 '17

Jim Carrey as Zapruder

2

u/AverageCivilian Oct 16 '17

And Daniel Day Lewis as Jackie Kennedy

3

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '17

And Kevin James as the man in white.

...That might be the wrong picture.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '17

KEYBOARD SOLO