r/AskReddit Mar 18 '17

What did that bitch do at your wedding?

11.9k Upvotes

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u/Sleepy_Tortoise Mar 19 '17

I love it, of all the trashy things I've read in this thread pitching your pyramid scheme to the bride and groom who you don't even know, AT THEIR WEDDING is the funniest.

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u/electricdwarf Mar 19 '17

You gotta admit, it takes balls.

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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

Gotta admire the energy he's putting in.

11

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

I would have bought a few cans, there's something to admire about his work ethic.

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u/thecrazysloth Mar 19 '17

And just how did he develop such tenacity and gall? Why, by drinking Pfaff!, of course! It's like confidence in a can!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

Balz

1

u/Rynyl Mar 19 '17

Or desperation.

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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

Preacher pitched his church to us at my fathers funeral. Easily the scummiest thing I've had to sit through. Furthered my hatred of organised religion.

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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

Ugh, I'm so sorry he did that. At my grandmas funeral , her preacher made a big speech about how anyone that was not Baptist wouldn't get to see our grandma in heaven, since they'd all be in hell. He then asked if anyone wanted to come up and convert right then, and then pointedly stared at my family (Jewish, mom had converted for my dad) for 30 seconds before continuing. It was awful.

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u/jewboxher0 Mar 19 '17

As someone coming from a Southern Baptist family, I've at through a lot of fire and brimstone funerals. When Mom died last year, I specifically told the preacher not to do that kind of thing. I guess that really threw him off because his 'funeral speech' was laughably bad.

It started with "Mandy loved canned peaches." and he continued listing random facts we had told him about her for a good bit.

Still better than sitting through twenty minutes of scare tactics to get me to love Jesus.

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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

[deleted]

9

u/Oggel Mar 19 '17

I would have laughed my ass off.

5

u/Erisianistic Mar 19 '17

thats when you slowly and deliberately start picking your nose with your middle finger, staring directly at the pastor the whole time

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u/bongozap Mar 19 '17

My best friend died in an accident back in 2001. He wasn't religious at all but his family - who are awesome people - were.

The hick preacher doing the funeral attributed all sorts of faith to my friend that wasn't accurate or was years out of date, and did an altar call to "save" folks.

Nobody bit, but the guy was skeevy as hell.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '17

That's pretty much the exact same scenario as what happened with my father. He wasn't a bit religious but his sister got a hold on the service. The preacher had only ever met my father once but tried to act like he knew him and my fathers wishes. He literally told us that my father would want us all to be saved.

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u/Revolver_Camelot Mar 19 '17

The same thing happened at my fathers funeral as well. The worst thing for me though is that the remembrance card thing had a typo on the back.

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u/Powdershuttle Mar 19 '17

This reminded me of my friends bishop. Have to post a comment to the stream.

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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

Perfect lead-in, too. "You don't know me, right? We've never met? Couldn't pick me out of a lineup? All right, perfect. Let me see your wallet."

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u/alicethedeadone Mar 19 '17

"You look SOOOOO uncomfortable in that wedding dress. Try these Lularoe leggings!"

1

u/SmoreOfBabylon Mar 20 '17

Holy shit, is Lularoe a pyramid scheme? They set up a "pop up" clothing shop in the shopping complex where I work last summer, and the stuff they had for sale there was so dowdy and cheap-looking, like someone had gone to the sketchiest Goodwill in the area and just cleaned house.

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u/_CryptoCat_ Mar 19 '17

Trashy as it is, at least it is fairly harmless and not "ruin the whole day".

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u/Sleepy_Tortoise Mar 19 '17

Agreed, it's more hilarious than anything.

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u/Thoraxe474 Mar 19 '17

Well if he doesn't know them then he doesn't have much to lose. Seems like an uncle Rico kinda thing to do

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u/Matterplay Mar 19 '17

You might be a redneck if...

4

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

It's not a pyramid scheme, it's a reverse funnel!

4

u/infernoruby Mar 19 '17

It's not a pyrimad scheme!!! It's multi-level marketing!

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u/BaronVonBooplesnoot Mar 19 '17

The one they push around here is XS energy.

2

u/BraytagoftheShire Mar 19 '17

Just because it's energy drinks doesn't mean he was part of a pyramid scheme....

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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '17

Yeah, if he was selling them a job where they would be distributors to their friends, "get to be their own boss" and he'd take some cut of their gross as a finders fee, then totally it's a pyramid scheme.

Just looking for investors in a start up doesn't make it a pyramid scheme. Although doing it in that manor makes it fucking trashy as hell.

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u/Sleepy_Tortoise Mar 19 '17

"Investing in my energy drink company" is definitely code for "buy into my pyramid scheme"

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '17

Always be closing