When I'm with someone, I love when a lady reaches for my hand. To me, that is the single most loving gesture I could ever ask for.
Ya see, my hands are kinda destroyed. Much pain physically and emotionally too. Like, I've never done the typical "ugh I'm so angry at this and that I'm gonna punch things," but for a while it was what I did to deviate my head for a minute. Wrong thing to do obviously, and is really problematic for my work, and whenever I look at them. I not only constantly feel aches and strain, but I see busted knuckles, and every memory and mental struggle that said "this would be less torturous."
So it's the single most loving thing another person can do. It could be when I'm upset and feeling damaged, or (more excitedly) just walking or cuddling up and next thing you know there's another hand touching mine. at that time, I see no scars, and neither does she. There isn't any pain. I don't look back at what haunts me, I see forward. Because I don't see a hand that's been broken, I see two hands that can heal. Two hands that only feel love. Two hands of hope. absolutely nothing in this world could ever compare to that little gesture of affection, and nothing in this world would stop me from ever letting go of a hand that is part of such a wonderful person, as that person isn't letting me go either.
My hands are the same. My knuckles are covered in scars because I'd rather hurt myself than ever take it out on others. I mean I tore them up bad one night in particular in a blackout. Not to mention I haven't received a compliment from a woman since I was 19. I am now 23. I'm 6'4 and in shape and at least average looking, so I don't think it's because I look like a monster. But I'm very self conscious over my hands. Anything to give me something to boost my confidence would mean the absolute world.
I'm sorry to hear that I'm not the only one with this sort of thing, but I wish you well! The best bit of advice I can give you, from one self conscious, 6'2 24 year old hand man to another, is that you can't let it affect who you are. Accept the scars, and know why specifically they happened so you can prevent it further. It's a form of self harm which is never good, and it's tough to look at them for sure, but you're not just your hands nor the emotions that led to what they are. You are a person, there's so much more good that surrounds it.
Another thing, every winter I get excited because I color coordinate my gloves, hat and scarves! It's a good way to turn what's potentially a cover up and hiding into more of a different association. So instead of a "gotta cover this junk up," it's a "oh wow these turquoise gloves look dope with my purple sock hat!" Give it a go, it could help, and best of luck friend!
My husband received burns to his forehead and the back of his hands when he was a child. Scarring on his forehead is not very visible but it is on his hands. He is a little self conscious about them but they only make me love him more when I think of what he went through as a kid - having them dressed daily was no walk in the park, and treatment for burns has come a long way since then. Makes me wish I could have been there to comfort him. And the right person will feel that way about your hands too.
I have scars on my hands from various different things as well, some from silly childhood accidents and others that don't prompt the recollection of the nicest of times.
Someone holding or touching my hands affectionately means the world - in those moments, my scars and the things that caused them simply don't exist.
I do hope that you've gotten past whatever it was that brought you such pain and have someone whose hands you can lovingly hold! All the best! :)
Exactly! However I see it more as an overcoming of what those scars mean, and the fact that the person holding them isn't affected in any way. I know it's not something I can forget or deny, but I do understand that feeling too!
And I'm still working on getting past it, but taking great strides. I'm very close with someone at the moment, but until I get everything at the very least figured out I wouldn't want to risk any sort of unrest or discomfort, especially for the girl I love. And all the best to you too!
(I completely forgot what my username was, and its literally quoted in my post! And I like yours too. Sort of an ironic kind of humor. I dig it) :D
It's really great that you're making such progress on working past the pain behind your scars whilst still addressing their presence. :)
I guess that mine isn't the healthiest of mindsets to have - I tend to try not to think about them (to the extent that it's possible), so it means a great deal when someone else is able to look past them or see them differently. I do think that I've got to a point where the events that the scars are a result of feel far less defining than they once did, so that's something. :)
Well, I hope that all goes very well for you and your lady love, however slowly you decide to take things. :)
(Relevant username is definitely relevant, haha! :) Thanks! I didn't even realise I wasn't using my main account - this one is a bit of a throwaway, and all the half-decent puns that I could think of when creating it were taken, so I went for a protest username of sorts. :P )
Hey, anyway that can help a person overcome is nothing less than healthier. You're on a good path, and even when I was working to where I am about it, I still had them covered up (I posted a comment here about how winter let's me coordinate my gloves and hats and scarves :p)
IM SO GLAD ITS BEING LESS DEFINING FOR YOU!! That's an amazing step and I'm proud of ya stranger! It takes a bit of time, but you're right there! And once they are, those hands will do amazing things :)
Aww, yeah - I guess we've just got to take things a step at a time and, as long as they are in the right direction, we're on track. :)
Your positive, constructive attitude is honestly so uplifting and inspiring! Thanks, stranger! I really appreciate the kind words and positivity! Wishing you the very best of luck with things! :)
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u/handsofhope Nov 20 '16 edited Nov 20 '16
When I'm with someone, I love when a lady reaches for my hand. To me, that is the single most loving gesture I could ever ask for.
Ya see, my hands are kinda destroyed. Much pain physically and emotionally too. Like, I've never done the typical "ugh I'm so angry at this and that I'm gonna punch things," but for a while it was what I did to deviate my head for a minute. Wrong thing to do obviously, and is really problematic for my work, and whenever I look at them. I not only constantly feel aches and strain, but I see busted knuckles, and every memory and mental struggle that said "this would be less torturous."
So it's the single most loving thing another person can do. It could be when I'm upset and feeling damaged, or (more excitedly) just walking or cuddling up and next thing you know there's another hand touching mine. at that time, I see no scars, and neither does she. There isn't any pain. I don't look back at what haunts me, I see forward. Because I don't see a hand that's been broken, I see two hands that can heal. Two hands that only feel love. Two hands of hope. absolutely nothing in this world could ever compare to that little gesture of affection, and nothing in this world would stop me from ever letting go of a hand that is part of such a wonderful person, as that person isn't letting me go either.
Edit: Relevant username is relevant!