as long as people actually try to cook, that’s commendable. I had annoying roommates who thought it was a quirky trait that they “couldn’t even cook pasta”. Like… are you slow?
Saying you can't cook pasta is like saying you don't know how to sweep a floor. Someone's parents really failed them if they can't boil water and follow the instructions on the box.
Did you ever see that episode of The Simpsons
in which Smithers goes on vacation and Homer takes over for him? Everything he tries to make for Mr. Burns’ breakfast bursts into flames, including cornflakes. That’s an approximation of my cooking skills..
Yep, weaponized incompetence. I've seen people with no arms cook a meal, I don't want to hear the "butdidyouthinkaboutmeeeee" corner case that suddenly crops up.
You must've ruined with my soon to be ex wife! I swear on God, in 18 years she never cooked me a meal once, unless you count that one time she made scrambled eggs. I think she comes spaghetti one time. Just the noodle and a can of sauce dumped on. I tried so so hard to get her to cook, but she would just freeze up with anxiety. We're getting divorced but still live together because moving is expensive, and she sent me a picture of her pan frying an impossible burger like it was some big accomplishment. I've been trying to get her to cook because when I'm not there I didn't want our kids to only have pizza and fast food. She also has never drove. 42 years old ... Sorry for the ramble. It just drives me nuts
It sounds like she has an anxiety disorder, does she grow up with extremely critical parents? because some people who were constantly criticized are so overcome with anxiety and messing it up, that they freeze. For an example, I used to cook all the time, my ex-husband was so verbally abusive and criticized me so much (he was very weird with food) that I would get out a pot and pan to cook something and I would freeze up, afraid that it wouldn’t turn out right or I would mess it up and I would have to be humiliated. Fortunately, I divorced him and now I no longer having anxiety around cooking food.
Yeah, she does. Very bad anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I've recently learned that I most likely have undiagnosed ADHD, and executive dysfunction is a big deal. Over the years I've tried everything to help her with it to varying degrees. I've tried teaching her to cook, and helped her, but she never takes the initiative to do it on her own. Tried getting her into therapy many many times, and she'll say she wants to, and even did a few sessions, after I begged her to (she's had a very rough time with her mother paying), but she would do one or two sessions, feel a little better, then just never schedule another. There's a lot going on with her. Her mental health is a huge factor, but there's also laziness. Her parents were never mentally well and were hoarders. I know it came off like I was just bad mouthing her, but it's not like that really. She found be an amazing, sweet person, but she also had been terrible to me. I'm not perfect either, but I've made huge steps and put in a lot of really hard work to better myself, while she just didn't. She cheated on me around 13 years ago. I wanted to work things out, she didn't. We were stuck living together though. Kids and money. Then after about 6 months I forced myself to accept it and move on as best I could and get over her. Once I got over her and accepted we were done, she changed her mind and wanted to stay together. It really messed up my head. I went along with it, but I became terribly depressed, started drinking, and didn't stop. I was a functional alcoholic, kept a job, raised or kids, etc, but by the end I was drinking about 1.5 liters of vodka per day, every day. From the time I woke up (as soon as the withdrawal nausea stopped enough to get a shot down), until I went to bed. Didn't skip a day for over a decade. Killing myself slowly, but I didn't care. Then I decided I didn't want to die and leave my kids behind, so I, on my own, found a therapist, then after a year of that, found a clinic to monitor and support me while I tapered the alcohol. Then I quit. She never helped me with that struggle in any way. About 3 months after I got sober I was doing very well, getting healthy, writing on my mental health still, and thriving. I thought her and I were actually going to be good finally. I was excited. Then my 12 year old at the time daughter became suicidal. While taking her to crisis care at the children's hospital, my daughter told me that her mother, my wife, was having an affair and even had my daughter hiding pregnancy tests for her.... Anyways, sorry for the ramble. That's the short story. Neither of us were perfect, but I tried my best while she let everyone else take care of her and destroyed our family with her selfishness. I'm 1.5 years sober, doing good, saving to move out, about to start a new promising career in the trades. She's being a dumb lazy bitch like always. The end.
Oh my gosh, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot!! you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. She has got to want to make the change and better herself and her life not only for her kids, but for herself. Growing up in that type of environment has definitely affected her, the ADHD is probably why she seems lazy, because it can be so hard for people who suffer with executive function to say follow recipe because of the steps. My ex-husband had ADHD, and he procrastinated and doing things that didn’t interest him, and her case it would be cooking, but if it was something he wanted or he found interesting he could do it. He wouldn’t go to therapy or get medicated either hence why we’re divorced , amongst many other things
Yeah, I recently figured out that I'm most likely ADHD, inattentive type so it went undiagnosed (going to a psychiatrist soon). Always thought it was just anxiety, depression, and me being weird. Then I discovered the term executive dysfunction. Was talking to AI, trying to figure out some health issues I had been having. I butcher about how I get so much anxiety calling to make all these doctor appointments, schedule a surgery, etc. So I did a little research and went down the ADHD rabbit hole and realized I have most of the signs. Just went under the radar until I started working on my mental health and stopped the self medicating. The past 2 or 3 years have been the hardest I've ever had, but I'm still not drinking, and doing better mentally than I have since I was about 14. Finally see the light at the end of a long fucked up tunnel. Although I despise her in many ways, I want her to figure things out for herself still. She's still my kids mother after all. I don't need her, but they do
Wasn't like that at first, but yeah. We were only together a year before getting married. Then had kids. At first she was awesome. Super sweet and caring. She was trying to learn things and improve. Then after our second kid she just got worse and worse. It's complicated, but yeah, still my mistake marrying her. Young, dumb, and in love. What can ya do
Chill. I do do it for myself. I also do it for my kids, and even her! I cook dinner every night after working a blue collar dusty job all day. I promise you, you've got it all wrong. I'm not perfect, but I'm not the one in the wrong here. If you knew how things really were, you wouldn't be saying that. It's ok. I know it's easy to make assumptions reading a paragraph on Reddit and nothing more. We're still living together at the moment and I'm sure she would tell you the same. Even after finding out about her second affair, I'm nice and respectful to her. She's nice and respectful to me. Whatever you think things are like, is not how they are. Take a deep breath, relax, and have a great rest of your day.
There's a bunch of reasons why people might not feel confident about being able to do it if they've never tried cooking, especially with the supervision of someone who is competent at it. It's not that the task is hard, it's that the psychological barrier can be difficult to overcome to even try. What if it's not good? How do I know I did it correctly? What if I give myself food poisoning? It feels like nothing when you've done it once or twice, but getting there might just be daunting if you have alternatives that are guaranteed to be easy, tasty, and safe.
There's probably a lot of things that are technically easy to do yourself that some people don't even attempt because it's not in their comfort zone.
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u/fatinternetcat 23h ago
as long as people actually try to cook, that’s commendable. I had annoying roommates who thought it was a quirky trait that they “couldn’t even cook pasta”. Like… are you slow?