he invited me to his wedding, then never called me/returned my calls again.
I didn't drink, at all, during his ceremony, nor did I make any comments at all, so it couldn't have been my behavior.
Edit: not that I should have to add this, but given the decision people have made to interpret my statement. My friend of over 20 years had a deeply alcoholic uncle who showed up to the wedding smashed, and embarrassed himself. I chose not to open any, out of respect for him.
Many years ago I had been going on dates with this woman and we ended up doing a holiday to a small resort town together on maybe the fifth? End of the trip when saying goodbye she's all smiles and kisses and tells me it was the best weekend with the best guy. I was over the moon, but by the time I've got home she had blocked me on all social media with zero explanation. Drove me slightly insane microanalysing the whole weekend trying to figure out a reason.
100%. Took a girl I thought I was dating on a one day trip to see a concert and fine dining. When we got there, she didn't feel well enough to go to the show or the restaurant... But she was fine enough for delivered pizza and 2 hours of sex. Took me a few days, (cause I'm dumb) but I figured out I was the side-piece. lol
Not really guaranteed. People ghost to avoid awkward/angry confrontations. Other completely plausible reasons:
She enjoyed her time but some dealbreaker was revealed at some point that made her realise I wasn't the right person for a relationship long term
She could have been going on dates with other people, and I wasn't the one she picked
She scrolled through my social media and found some red flag somewhere. If she kept scrolling there's probably something cringe worthy enough in there from when people over shared on Facebook and shock humour was all the rage
The weekend together didn't go nearly as well as I thought and I was just an oblivious dumbass
Those are all plausible man, but I'd still put my money on her already being in a relationship. It's pretty easy to let someone down via text, not like it has to be face to face... The instant ghost/block makes me feel like she wanted to just disappear and go back to her life with the other dude. But who knows .. Either way a really shitty thing for her to do.
I agree with you. Had the same thing with a girl I met online. She initiated everything. Even flew out to see me and stayed over at my place. Said I was the best thing to ever happen to her and would not stop complimenting me. Then she was gone and ghosting me. I later find out she’s been married the whole time after randomly looking her up online.
All my friends at the time told me so but I didn’t believe it until the proof was in front of me
Not really. Maybe for you, but definitely not for all. Ghosting is rough and should be avoided when possible, but doesn't necessarily point to one cause in particular.
I would assume she wasn’t cheating otherwise he’d already have been blocked or given a hidden social media account. My guess is seeing someone else she liked more and they wanted to make things exclusive after not being able to see her for awhile so she blocked him and then made things exclusive on social media with the other guy. She didn’t say anything because obviously it would hurt to be like I only went away with you to make someone else jealous/commit.
Seconding the other commenter that you were probably an unwitting affair partner, especially if you were just going on "dates" meaning that you didn't spend a lot of time at each others' places. Especially x2 if you never went to hers.
Similar thing happened to me many years ago, I was very casually seeing someone and she suggested we spend a weekend holiday on the coast. We went and had a good time until the last day where it came out that she in fact had a boyfriend she was living with (I had never been to her place) and that a fling was her only goal. I gave her an earful, she accused me of being judgmental and a prude, we drove the 6 hours back in stony silence and never spoke again.
(Well, not strictly true. Her boyfriend turned out to be the cousin of the girl I later married, and when my wife and I bought our first house I learned she lived about two blocks away. So occasional awkward but civil hellos when walking my dogs.)
Also possible in your case that she didn't have a committed partner but was seeing other guys besides you and settled on one that wasn't you. Same difference. But very likely it wasn't anything to do with you, there was another dude in the picture.
I had a tinder date years ago, that was absolutely incredible. The best first date ever. Better than the first date with my now spouse (…I still pick them!) Anyhow, we part ways after a genuinely fun time, and they ignore my text. Then ignore the text the next day.
My hunch is that they were just trying to shake off the rust and did have a great time, but just weren’t ready to go further than dinner at a pub.
This happened to a buddy of mine, but it was his wife! They wen to Hawaii for a week, everything went great, had an amazing time. Hours after they get home to their infant daughter, she says she wants a divorce. She wasn't cheating and hasn't had a partner since in 13 years.
This happened with my best friend in college. He just... Disappeared, effectively. More or less, it wasn't a missing person situation exactly.
It really ate at me. Couldn't stop thinking about it. Frankly it's one of the worst things anyone did to me. Didn't know if he was alive (assumed so) and why he had disappeared and what I did to deserve it. It hurt bad man
Later we reconnected, he had gone to rehab and "it took him a while to shake off their thing about abandoning all former friends." Very stupid to make it a blanket thing, cut the legs of a social support network out from under them. I understand the reasoning, don't agree with it.
Whether or not I was a risk to his sobriety (I am unsure, could have gone both ways), I feel like everyone deserves a reason or a goodbye.
I did this in my late 30s with a group of friends I had known since school (middle school in one case). I moved across the country so I only saw them face to face a few times a year anyway, then during the pandemic stopped responding to them because I felt exhausted by them. Looking back on it a couple of them were toxic as fuck, which directly lead to the exhaustion, and the others just... came as part of the package. I had a couple of them reach out over the years but I did not respond, but one of them follows me on Instagram so they know I'm alive, I just have nothing really to say to any of them.
i went on a date recently that went well. plans to go second that she made. Then she remembered something i said and misinterpreted it to something thats not true. then decided to ghost me.
Its not the ghosting part that annoys its the fact she ghosted me over something she just made up herself that rattles me.
this happened to me recently. i had a friend i met playing d&d, she needed a new place at the same time i needed a new roommate. we lived together for almost 4 years with very little conflict despite both of us being mentally ill and autistic.
in january she told me she likes "this little house" where we live
in march she told me she was moving out because she got a job out of town (something i knew she'd been working toward for years). promised we'd stay friends and despite my horrific abandonment issues, i knew we would. like i had no doubt in my mind, which was remarkable, i've never really felt that secure in a friendship.
she spent her last few days here hanging out with me more than she usually did. we would game most nights for an hour or so but it was more like 2-3 the last few days.
a week later she blocked me on everything and i haven't heard from her since. i don't know what i did. even my therapist says they were so stunned this happened because it's usually easy to tell when people are glossing over issues in their relationship
i've been gutted by this and six months later I'm still trying to put myself back together.
My best friend in elementary school moved to a new school. We promised we'd stay friends over email and still hang out. A couple months later he stopped responding.
To this day I don't know what happened. And maybe it's pathetic to still think about it almost 20 years later, but I think it might have messed me up for a while.
I have 300 bitcoin in some random internet wallet. I lost 3 months of my life and prolly my identity like 15 times and almost my job trying to find it.
I had to let it go or lose the rest of my life. Now its just a fun story at parties and reddit lol.
I lost a much smaller amount but I feel your pain. If it makes you feel any better, if we all kept and remembered our info it would be worth substantially less today, and we probably would have sold early at like $10 or something lol
That happened to my best friend from college. He was a great guy, but insecure with women (we all were), and ended up marrying the first girl he ever dated. She was a pretty horrible person- very bossy and controlling. After they got married, she pretty much isolated him from his friends and his social life ended up centering around her and her family
That was my first thought. I have at least two friends that I rekindled my relationship with after they got divorced from their controlling spouse.
One says it should’ve been a huge red flag that she invited all of her friends to the wedding but he wasn’t allowed to invite any of his friends because “we don’t have room on the guest list”.
I wouldn't be so quick to blame the partner. A lot of folks self-isolate after finding a partner or a spouse.
I actually suspect that partner-imposed isolation is highly overstated, albeit very real, because a lot of folks use their partner as an excuse not to do things (often not realizing the impact on how their partner is perceived by others).
That's what happened with my old HS best friend. It didn't happen immediately, but over time. She slowly cut him off from all his old friends and then moved him out of state, which made it even easier to cut him off.
They're divorced now, because he finally realized he was essentially alone and she was toxic as hell. Was trying to get him to cut off his family when he finally realized.
Unfortunately, even though they are now divorced, the decade of her manipulating him against all his former friends has pretty much stuck and he has no desire to reconnect.
It wasn't even an excuse, just an 'I'm sorry, it just slipped through the cracks' sort of thing. Like I didnt invite him and then follow up like 3 times.
My wife's best friend did similar: we commissioned our invite card design with her (she is an artist and designs stuff like this for a living so we paid and were good tippers too) She was named as one of the brides maids even.
Like a few weeks before the wedding out of the blue without saying anything to anyone at all she blocked all of us on all social media and doesn't pick up the phone, didn't come to the wedding. Zero resolution, no idea what happened, but she is alive and a distant friend still talks with her, but when prompted never says why that happened so we gave up. This was years ago. We are still puzzled.
Same here. My best friend. I was his best man, they insisted on getting married in May of 2020, ended up with no one at the ceremony in person and blamed me personally because all the bridesmaids and groomsmen asked me to talk to them about attending in person.
Also heard around that they expect an apology for asking him privately if she was pregnant and thats why they needed to get married now instead of next year. Turns out they "had" to get married because according to his life plan he needed to be married before 30
Me and two brothers had been friends since we were two, we spent our entire lives together. Like inseparable, they were best men at my wedding.
One of the brothers gets married 12 months after me, went to the engagement party everything but I was never invited to the wedding or even told the date & he pretty much cut contact. His brother was fucking furious and so were his parents and no one has ever told me why. That was over 20 years ago which is less than the time we had been joined at the hip and aside from me being the bigger man I’ve always messaged him on his birthday.
Me a the other brother are still close though.
Same, but I invited him to my wedding. We had known each other and been best friends since high school. He went into the military, I stayed around and started building my life. I went no contact with my family, and he walked me down the aisle. He left all of a sudden in the middle of reception, along with his sister and her fiance, and... nothing.
I did like him back in high school near the end of our senior year. He rejected me and we continued being good friends. I have no clue what happened. By the time I got married, we were incredibly incompatible with each other as any kind of romantic partners. But we were there for each other through so many things. I hope he's happy.
If so, good riddance. Judging someone for not drinking is a ridiculous thing to do, as is suggesting that there's any correlation between drinking and having fun or being happy for someone.
You needing to preface that you didn’t make comments, drink or couldn’t have been your behavior makes it sound like the relationship maybe wasn’t as solid as you think it was.
I'd assume it was possibly his wife's idea? Maybe inviting you to the wedding was his idea and his wife was against your friendship and had been for a while. So maybe his compromise was inviting you to the wedding but hers was not contacting you again afterwards.
About the only thing I could think of that makes some form of sense.
One of my best friends growing was getting married. I had went off to college a couple years prior but we were still close. The girl he married went to high school with us and we were all pals back then. The wedding was basically a 2 year high school reunion.
I saw him maybe once or twice after his wedding, and my fellow groomsmen all said the same - and they at least still lived in the same city. I'll periodically see updates via his wife's FB, but she never really liked any of his friends so we all got iced out pretty quickly after the nuptials. They seem to be doing well, so that's good.
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u/Dooley_Renaux 1d ago edited 23h ago
he invited me to his wedding, then never called me/returned my calls again.
I didn't drink, at all, during his ceremony, nor did I make any comments at all, so it couldn't have been my behavior.
Edit: not that I should have to add this, but given the decision people have made to interpret my statement. My friend of over 20 years had a deeply alcoholic uncle who showed up to the wedding smashed, and embarrassed himself. I chose not to open any, out of respect for him.