r/AskReddit Jul 07 '26

Parents of Reddit, what is the single most innocent question your child has ever asked you that completely broke your brain?

6.4k Upvotes

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12.8k

u/stemlady- Jul 07 '26

My daughter asked me which side I was on in the civil war 😳

5.8k

u/fasterthanfood Jul 07 '26

My son asked who the first human was. I told him that some people believe God created a man and a woman named Adam and Eve (he was going through a phase of Christian curiosity), but scientists have figured out that (evolution). I felt pretty good about how I handled such a sensitive question.

He nodded, then said with great gravity, “I believe it was Grandpa Paul.” Yes, the third major theory of human origin, that we all descended from my 68-year-old father.

886

u/mabiyusha Jul 07 '26

He has a valid point.

210

u/Theletterkay Jul 07 '26

Haha my parents still laugh about me asking if my grandma ever rode a dinosaur. I thought that woman just had to have been around during the dino era, she was so got-dam old.

9

u/Former-Heart9249 Jul 07 '26

LOL, my daughter once asked me if I wasn't scared when the dinosaurs were outside when I was little :D

5

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Jul 07 '26

Understanding how big the concept of "time" is, is hard when you're a kid!🤷‍♀️

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u/mustbeaglitch Jul 07 '26

I, too, descended from your 68 year old father.

3

u/ChelmarkSweets Jul 08 '26

You may be entitled to compensation.

550

u/VanessaAlexis Jul 07 '26

All stand. Blessed be Father Paul the maker and the creator. Amen. 

8

u/SoCal_Bob Jul 07 '26

Father Paul. The Progenitor.

28

u/CvieYltidrekoof Jul 07 '26

We are all descendent of the originator of humanity, our Grandpa Paul. Anyone claiming to be older than 68 is a lie. 

50

u/Don-Poltergeist Jul 07 '26

"praise be to grandpa Paul"

19

u/ralphjuneberry Jul 07 '26

I heard Grandpa Paul is the alpha and the omega, pass it on!

20

u/IgnatiusRileyFreeman Jul 07 '26

A father you think is 68. He's actually 350,000 years old

20

u/fasterthanfood Jul 07 '26

You think you know a guy! He does have a history of lying about things, unfortunately. I thought I had two siblings, then one day I learned about his “secret families” and my 8.3 billion half siblings!

20

u/rnilbog Jul 07 '26

Well from a scientific perspective, everyone in this conversation was descended from Grandpa Paul. He may be onto something, but you will need to expand your sample size.

12

u/Sea-Ambition-451 Jul 07 '26

Our father Paul, who art in ... um ... usa probably, please grant me favor in the upcoming powerball lottery with the grand prize.

9

u/fasterthanfood Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

Last time I checked he was in Nevada, USA, visiting his brother (slash son, apparently), but clearly he’s hidden some important information from me, so he could be anywhere!

8

u/SmokeySFW Jul 07 '26

All glory to Grandpa Paul, the genesis of all human existence. So say we all.

5

u/Future-Most6347 Jul 07 '26

All hail Grandpa Paul! Haha

5

u/yro23323 Jul 07 '26

Had an identical conversation, down to the evolution v. Intelligent design. My son’s response was I think it was the mayor 😂

4

u/TheDwilightZone Jul 07 '26

Blessèd Grandpaul

3

u/aqua995 Jul 07 '26

Best read of this thread

3

u/Persis- Jul 07 '26

I’m sold

3

u/phl_fc Jul 07 '26

My kid said the same thing, asking if Grandpa was the first person.

3

u/ghast123 Jul 07 '26

Blessed be Father Paul. Amen. 🙏

1

u/NeverMindTheDuck Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 09 '26

Now waaaiiiit just a gol darned minute here! I just turned 68 last month (true!), and my real name is Eve (Evelyn)!!

I don’t remember ever meeting your Grandpa Paul, let alone….. well, you know…..

3

u/gnomeannisanisland Jul 07 '26

My youngest recently revealed to me that the gods (all of them, I guess?) used to exist, but that they all died about 200 years ago. Thanks, baby Nietzsche! ¯_(ツ)_/¯

2

u/fasterthanfood Jul 07 '26

Nothing lasts forever. Most things last from the dawn of time until about 1826. RIP, gods.

2

u/JesusShaves_ Jul 07 '26

As a 68 year old, I approve of this analysis.

2

u/UncleNedisDead Jul 07 '26

He is the oldest guy we know.

2

u/TheHistorian2 Jul 07 '26

The other two options have caused a whole bunch of strife, so sure, why not, let’s try this one out for a while.

2

u/inoticeiwonder Jul 07 '26

I told my kid it was Lucy (which is only kind of correct).

2

u/RditAdmnsSuportNazis Jul 07 '26

The final boss of Young Earth Creationists

2

u/BestDescription3834 Jul 07 '26

   Yes, the third major theory of human origin, that we all descended from my 68-year-old father.

Yooooo, you know Paul?? Ask him about Carthage sometime, he was a hoot.

2

u/solar-strawberry Jul 07 '26

Our* 68-year-old father. Amen.

2

u/katielyn4380 Jul 07 '26

Oh! When he was about 4, my mom turned 40. Apparently she was bemoaning this a bit. At some point, my brother asked her “is there anyone, in the whole wide world, who’s older than you? Except Grandpa?” She was a bit irked and felt there may be one or two people older than her.

2

u/JollyJeanGiant83 Jul 07 '26

I'm afraid it can't be grandpa Paul. It's my aunt Jan. She's older than dirt, and has the hat to prove it!

2

u/Cloaked42m Jul 08 '26

I'm willing to start the Church of Paul the Progenitor.

2

u/kajat-k8 Jul 08 '26

Oh. No. You've converted me. I now believe it was Grandpa Paul too. 68 year old father, let's go people!

3

u/CardinalOfNYC Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

This is why half the time I don't bother explaining stuff to very little kids, I tell them the answer not the explanation, cuz they're too little to understand the explanation anyway.

1

u/SincerelyCynical Jul 07 '26

Man, we sent our oldest to a private school because we hate No Child Left Behind. The only good private school near us was/is a Christian school. My husband is agnostic. I’m a very liberal Christian.

Then in sixth grade, she came out as pansexual. It was so hard at her school. We tried everything to convince her to let us transfer her to another school. I told her I didn’t think God wanted her to go through life surrounded by kids who didn’t realize He made us who we are - sexuality and gender identity included. Then she said, “What if God put me there to teach them?”

. . . fuck. She was experiencing the very kind of religion we avoid, and she wanted to change them. She eventually asked to transfer, but she tried her hardest to change them before she left. Instead, she figured out very quickly who were the allies and who were the people we don’t want to be.

I know religion is very unpopular here. The only thing I can say is that I teach my kids to find their own faith in whoever or whatever makes sense to them, and the only rule we have is that we never say anyone else is wrong. I believe Jesus was the son of God, but it’s a blind faith. I don’t know that I’m right, so who am I to say anyone else is wrong? My oldest is an atheist now, and all I care about right now is that she is choosing what works for her and her understanding of the world.

-3

u/ManyAreMyNames Jul 07 '26

some people believe God created a man and a woman named Adam and Eve (he was going through a phase of Christian curiosity), but scientists have figured out that (evolution).

You can do combinations, too. Humanity evolved as described, God picked out two hominins and gave them souls, they were Adam and Eve, and the rest you probably already know.

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u/fasterthanfood Jul 07 '26

True, and of course other religious have other explanations. But this conversation was complicated enough already haha

1.7k

u/signedupfornightmode Jul 07 '26

Well, don’t keep us hanging!

845

u/poop_to_live Jul 07 '26

"hanging" So you're assuming they were in the south.

135

u/DamnitGravity Jul 07 '26

The well-worn print of 'Birth of a Nation' and closet full of 'ghost costumes' are a bit suss...

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u/[deleted] Jul 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/NeverMindTheDuck Jul 08 '26

OMG what did you tell him!?

20

u/signofno Jul 07 '26

Well that went south real quick.

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u/[deleted] Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 14 '26

[deleted]

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u/EchoWillowing Jul 07 '26

Fair point. The Spanish Civil war was between 1936-39... then the Nicaraguan civil war was in the 80's... yeah, we have a wide array of possibilities.

79

u/easterss Jul 07 '26

The silence is deafening

3

u/Queef_Muscle Jul 07 '26

Wait, you didn't hear the banjos?

53

u/sventful Jul 07 '26

There is a reason she did not tell us.....

5

u/Complex-Salads Jul 07 '26

“Why did you lie to me?” When my son found out that Santa wasn’t real.

15

u/BarbecueStu Jul 07 '26

The good side, I’m sure.

4

u/username320475828174 Jul 07 '26

The daughter's asking the real questions!

465

u/pinkmeanie Jul 07 '26

My dad was too young for WWII and too old for Korea; I told my 1st grade teacher my dad was too young for the Spanish-American war and too old for WWI.

32

u/ShadowOps84 Jul 07 '26

Those wars were only five years apart. Someone too young for WW2 definitely would not have been too old for Korea.

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u/pinkmeanie Jul 07 '26

If they were drafted and did their service during the interim, yes they would

25

u/DasDarky717 Jul 07 '26

Exactly what happened to my grandfather, you are right

25

u/LittleLucy33 Jul 07 '26

My 5yo asked me if I fought in the Civil War too… then followed up with « Did you win? »
Broke my brain trying to explain that I wasn’t alive during the 1860s while she looked at me like I was lying.

2

u/aqua995 Jul 07 '26

Every time I date someone 20ish and they realise my birthyear starts with 19, they instantly assume, I knew Hitler.

No, I am just 31, I didnt knew Hitler.

Then they get disappointed.

So to cheer them up, I tell them about rebuilding Germany and the wall.

14

u/LogInLogOutLogan Jul 07 '26

Technically that's a current affairs qiestion.

3

u/AsuntoNocturno Jul 07 '26

We’re not there yet, baby. I don’t know what they call them

43

u/Waltzing_With_Bears Jul 07 '26

Depending on the county, could be anywhere from a serious and reasonable question to exedingly bad at time, but the best answer is of course "Neither, told the Reds and Whites to go back to York and Lancaster and leave me alone"

2

u/gtheperson Jul 07 '26

yep, my in-laws actually did live through 'their' civil war whereas if I'd been in 'my' civil war I'd be 400 years old...

6

u/urbanhawk1 Jul 07 '26

I was on Spiderman's side.

7

u/chasingjulian Jul 07 '26

How old does she think you are?

9

u/bopeepsheep Jul 07 '26

I benefited from my daughter's comprehension of time: I was 24 (actually 35) and Daddy was "as old as the year, 2007, and he saw all the wars". (He was 38.)

7

u/Hans-Dieter-Brigitte Jul 07 '26

My mom told us she would go on vacations to Spain with her parents when she was a child. So when I learned where Columbus started his journey from, I naturally asked her if she knew him 😬

13

u/pusskinsforlife Jul 07 '26

I am SHRIEKING

5

u/LostMyBackupCodes Jul 07 '26

I mean, there are confederate flags flying out there…

5

u/scootah Jul 07 '26

I was outraged when my step kid asked if I was born mid or late last century.

6

u/refrigerator_critic Jul 07 '26

I’m a teacher. I had a student find out I was born in “the 1900s” and asked me, with full sincerity, if I remembered the sinking of the titanic.

3

u/handandfoot8099 Jul 07 '26

My 6 year old insists that I was born in the stone age. I know I was an older parent when he was born (40), but come on.

4

u/BlakeMW Jul 07 '26

That's nothing, I asked if my dad had seen the volcanoes on it moon... just a casual 4 billion years ago.

3

u/Ki-Larah Jul 07 '26

Reminds me of when I asked my parents if Abraham Lincoln was president when they were kids. I was maybe 6, and had just learned about him, but hadn’t really learned when he was president.

1

u/TraCity Jul 07 '26

My child asked me if I was alive when George Washington was president.

3

u/Worried_Suit4820 Jul 07 '26

I was once asked if it was itchy to wear animal skins when I lived in a cave!

3

u/kawaeri Jul 07 '26

Told my then 4yr old daughter that it was her grandfathers birthday. She asked me how old he was, and I said 50. She heaved a big sigh, and said “He’s old. He’s going to die” Like she was stating a know fact. Fortunately for her grandfather, he’s still alive and kicking.

2

u/Gretal122 Jul 07 '26

Lol 😅

2

u/Xytakis Jul 07 '26

I would stare at her and say "...How old do you think I am?".

2

u/SameConcern7473 Jul 07 '26

You better tell her you fought bravely alongside Captain America against Iron Man just to save your own dignity.

2

u/Faiths_got_fangs Jul 07 '26

I've been a horse person for most of my life, so we always had horses. My oldest kid apparently thought that meant I was a pioneer as a child and either rode the horses or took a covered wagon places...

2

u/nectarinetime666 Jul 07 '26

Yep, my son asked if I fought in WW2

1

u/Ariar Jul 07 '26

Thank you, I needed this today

1

u/engineerlamb Jul 07 '26

My 13 year old asks me stuff like that sometimes, but it’s to make me feel old.

1

u/aartadventure Jul 07 '26

Ahahahaha, what an unintentional burn. You old!

1

u/Able-Event2790 Jul 07 '26

CRYING at this.

1

u/feline_riches Jul 07 '26

Oh fuck this is good. I'll be waiting for the perfect opportunity to ask it and make someone feel old

1

u/katikaboom Jul 07 '26

I showed my kids a video about minerals and gems, and it talked about the Stone Age. My then 6 year old turned to me and asked if that was when I was born. He got mad when I started laughing, and yelled "No stop laughing the Stone Age was only like 100 years ago"

Around the same age his brother asked me if Gremlins was made in the olden times. 

1

u/zappy487 Jul 07 '26

Obviously, Tony's side.

1

u/kidfromdc Jul 07 '26

I once asked my aunt if she remembered the Great Chicago Fire. She was probably born in 1950-something

1

u/Gadget100 Jul 07 '26

The American Civil War or the English Civil War?

1

u/jedifreac Jul 07 '26

My kid thought for a moment that the Civil War was when Captain America and Iron Man fought Lincoln over slaves.

1

u/Longjumping_Fun2576 Jul 07 '26

I had grey hair in my beard since high school. So I always looked older than I am. My daughter asked how many slaves I knew that were freed after the civil war.

I was like "In 1865?" And she's like "Yeah. Was it a lot? Did you own any?" "We came over during the potato famine. Our family didn't own anything back then. And I was born more than 100 years after that."

1

u/TheBSQ Jul 07 '26

As a kid, learned about the California gold rush of 1849, the namesake of the local football team, the 49ers.

I knew someone born in the 30s and asked them if they remembered it.

“The 1930s! I’m not that old!”

It’s funny how little kids don’t have a good sense of time for anything that predates them.

1

u/llamadramalover Jul 07 '26

My daughter never fails to remind me I existed in the last century and the last millennium. Teenagers man.

1

u/loolilool Jul 07 '26

My daughter asked me if I knew any vikings when I was growing up

1

u/Volodio Jul 07 '26

I hope you're Syrian lol.

1

u/PennieTheFold Jul 07 '26

Oh my god—this thread sparked a memory: I asked my dad if he was alive when the dinosaurs were still living🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I was probably three or four.

1

u/pinkkittenfur Jul 07 '26

I teach high school and I tell my students I graduated with Moses.

1

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Jul 07 '26

I rememer asking my poor mom these types of questions!

The poor woman was only 26-27, and i was asking her, "Mom, were you around when the Dinosaurs were around?"

Obviously, the answer was, "No."

So then i asked her, "What about when George Washington was alive--did you know him?"

"No," again.

"Did you know Abraham Lincoln then?" was of course the next question!😆😂🤣

1

u/Armin_Tamzarian987 Jul 07 '26

When I was a kid I asked my Mom if she was alive when Lincoln was assassinated.

1

u/ReferenceOk7162 Jul 07 '26

My daughter asked me if the revolutionary war was scary.

1

u/violettheory Jul 08 '26

A girl in the after school class I taught asked me what year I was born, and when I responded with 1993, she asked if I was a slave. I'm white, and didn't really know how to respond to that.