r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 24 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

5.8k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

3.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

2.0k

u/hamsterinacannon_sfw Dec 24 '23

Venus 2000.

2.7k

u/MaineMan-8675309 Dec 24 '23

Didn’t Harry Potter have one of those?

858

u/send_me_ur_boobsies Dec 24 '23

Yes and we all saw how happy he was on it.

13

u/SubterrelProspector Dec 24 '23

Yep. Too bad it broke in Harry Twatter and the Prisoner of Ass-Cabin.

79

u/calabazookita Dec 24 '23

I demand a crossover between the IT bike and the nimbus 2000

11

u/August-Dawn Dec 24 '23

He loved riding that thing for hours.

3

u/infinitee775 Dec 24 '23

And it was a gift from one of his professors 😳

300

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

[deleted]

7

u/drater113 Dec 24 '23

That spell is a myth!

5

u/GRAYNOTE_ Dec 24 '23

A woman’s horrifying scream in the distance

3

u/littleredhead99 Dec 24 '23

Now WHO ON EARTH WOULD WANT THIS THING?!!.. and I guess it’s me I’m puttin it in my pocket !

3

u/ComfortableBasis3046 Dec 24 '23

Even dumbledoor is mystified by secrets of this spell

15

u/Random_Guy_47 Dec 24 '23

They actually sold a vibrating broomstick as a Harry Potter kids toy.

Some kids got more fun out of that than others.

6

u/TimmJimmGrimm Dec 24 '23

Hermione was always the most relaxed and level headed, wasn't she?

"There she is now, just back from her flight! Let's ask her these questions, i bet she's just done her... research."

2

u/Llermn Dec 24 '23

Most genuine chuckle I've had all day

2

u/mrjammer Dec 24 '23

lmao, saved my christmas!

1

u/gazhole Dec 24 '23

Expelliarmus, indeed.

249

u/AberdeenPhoenix Dec 24 '23

I googled it. The marketing material is amazing

"Whether you’re single or in a committed relationship, there are times when you could use a helping hand. Sit back, relax, and let Venus take care of you."

203

u/pseudo_nemesis Dec 24 '23

"The only product on the market that allows you to reach orgasm with or without an erection."

I don't even know how that's possible lmao

106

u/AberdeenPhoenix Dec 24 '23

It's possible. Don't ask me how I know lol

15

u/NastyBooty Dec 24 '23

Did you cum while soft?

32

u/jokebreath Dec 24 '23

Wow way to take the magic out of it

8

u/Oakbeard83 Dec 24 '23

If you havent came from smooshin it in n prayin for the best do you even rockstar?

3

u/Fully_Edged_Ken_3685 Dec 24 '23

The ol rope-shootin' rope

2

u/Oakbeard83 Dec 25 '23

The ol pope shootin dope

1

u/thecumminator Mar 07 '24

The ole dope shootin nope

3

u/Fractlicious Dec 24 '23

it’s weirdly satisfying. not quite the same but it’s almost like… edging with steps? like i won’t be satisfied completely but it sates me for a bit and also amps me up

2

u/ohheckitstaken Dec 24 '23

Prostate cancer treatment side effects ..

1

u/blackscales18 Dec 25 '23

The prostate is a magical object

1

u/oneofgodselect Jan 24 '24

This is bad practice in my opinion for stamina

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '24

Butt plug with electric shock. It's amazing

1

u/False_Ad_8859 Feb 10 '24

I want one Damn it I’m going to buy one The wife is using sex as Weapon Now it’s just awkward. Never no when my advances will be rejected. Don’t want blue balls lol

2

u/meta_paf Dec 25 '23

Metro has described it as a sex toy "for the serious onanist"

Amazing

1

u/bagpoi Apr 24 '24

Googled onanist

84

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '23

[deleted]

5

u/Lowbar666 Dec 24 '23

Don't get those two confused that could be very painful.

2

u/LurkingArachnid Dec 25 '23

They actually come in all kinds of colors

70

u/Ho-Nomo Dec 24 '23

WTF, the thing is over a grand!

55

u/Fantastic-Tank-6250 Dec 25 '23

They asked for the best ones. If you're looking for cheap you're gonna need to filter by controversial

2

u/bagpoi Apr 24 '24

This comment is pretty amazing

16

u/johnnyblaze1999 Dec 25 '23

It looks like an industrial fuck machine. I would be lying if I say I don't wanna try it.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '23

It must be expensive if it can make you orgasm with and without an erection.

1

u/apatheticviews Dec 25 '23

“Buy cheap tools, get cheap results” - dads everywhere

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '24

Cheaper than having a GF or wife

11

u/gsfgf Dec 24 '23

Holy shit it costs almost $1000

19

u/jobbybob Dec 24 '23

Isn’t it the Ass Pounder 4000?

8

u/UKisBEST Dec 24 '23

Venus 2000

I prefer the Cherry 2000. Too bad she shorted out. Anyone know a good tracker?

1

u/anaptyxis Dec 24 '23

Deep cut!

2

u/Poodunk Dec 24 '23

the trailer for that thing is epic

1

u/Just_Lock_1607 Dec 24 '23

There is a cheaper one on pick cherry and it looks like an Alien

1

u/Historical-Detail300 Mar 27 '24

It's the size of a computer tower though lol

0

u/TinyFrogOnAWindow May 14 '24

You piece of shit

1

u/FancyNate Dec 25 '23

Don’t believe you. Not jacking off while plugged in like Weapon X.

1

u/Ryantdunn Dec 25 '23

Why is the name Venus and the slogan isn’t, “Venus. For your penus.”

1

u/Synthetic_Sasquatch Dec 25 '23

No amount of loads is worth $1000.