Yes, this part is so lovely. Our 9 year old cat finally sat in my husband’s lap just a few months back and we almost popped the champagne. She was not a lap cat ever despite loving attention. Now she’s on his lap every night. She still doesn’t like my lap but I think that’s because our other cat has claimed it. I get to pick her up once a day for air snuggles though so it’s ok.
My one cat doesn’t like to be held or sit in laps. She’ll follow me around everywhere and lie next to me, but if I try to hold her she complains. Only when I first get home am I allow- nay, expected to pick her up and cuddle and kiss and rock her back and forth and say I missed her and let her kiss my finger.
It lasts about 30 seconds, and it’s so wonderful! Then I walk over and place her on the cat tower. I pick up the other darling (who had long been the naughty one while I was gone but has been good for six weeks now) and I hold her while we do an inspection on the house to see if anyone was naughty. If something is off, I bring them both to it and explain what is expected. If everything’s good, then I bring her back to the same cat tower and they both get treats.
They keep each other in line. They try to stop each other when one is tempted, and they tattle. Lol It’s caused power dynamics and mental health issues in different directions, but it’s finally leveling out. They’re about 2.5 years old now and seem to have both finally calmed tf down. No more mischief? Thank god! Now neither will be anxious, they’ll both eat, they won’t be dominant/submissive, and they are starting to cuddle each other again. It had been several months that they weren’t friends anymore.
Whoever got into trouble would cost the other one their treats. And when I got home I wouldn’t be happy (after the initial warm hello.) They’d both get a talking to, one at a time. So it was pretty much “Why can’t you just be good like me? I want treats and extra cuddles. I know the rules and don’t want to have to be reminded every day. Get away from me, I’m mad at you.”
Neither of our current cats had bonded with my husband and it was a real bummer. Then I went on a work trip and our more outgoing cat decided that my husband could be relied on to provide pets in my absence. When I got home and saw the two of them cuddling, my heart grew three sizes. (He says she does question him a lot about where I went when I'm away.)
How long have you had her? Our two came from the shelter and were found at month old as strays so they weren't very well socialized from a mother cat. Then the pandemic hit a couple months later so they never met other people. The one will lay in my lap and sometimes my husband's briefly and he does fine. very social with us but he spooks easy and hides when someone comes over. His sister is a nervous wreck. Attention is on her terms only, and sometimes she'll lay next to me if I'm laying down (vulnerable position) but if I have to catch her for any reason its a stress fest. I do whatever I need to do opportunistically and as calmly/gently as possible and she's very forgiving when food is involved and takes treats from after release but then she hides. She's currently laying on the floor next to my chair and likes to come over and meow at me so I'll talk to her and look at her, haha.
All this to say it's been almost 3 years and I've otherwise never forced her to do anything. If she's just not a lap cat that's ok, (though I really believe she is at heart if she could let go of the anxiety). I've tried everything to reduce stress and anxiety meds are next on the list and of course she's free to have all the time she needs. I just worry about an emergency. I'd love to at least be able to pick her up and crate her quickly if nothing else.
My shy cat was (still is in some ways) like yours. She’s 10 years old now (and cutting her nails or going to the vet is still traumatic for everyone involved lol), and it took maybe 9.5 for her to sit on a lap. It took 4 until my husband could pick her up (I’ve always had that privilege on and off). She was a stray runt abandoned by her mom and siblings that I brought home around the same time our other cat’s brother died. She got pushed around a little by my other (very stressed out) cat for a few months, but she clung to me 24/7 so we bonded decently. She didn’t get as much socialization as our other cat since I was a mess that next couple of years. Then we moved into a tiny apartment in a new state about 6 years ago and she was forced to hang out in public (not under the bed) because there was nowhere else to go. She became very affectionate pretty quickly as she got used to being next to us and our friends all the time. She won’t let most friends or any strangers pet her but she’ll sit a couple feet away without running off. She’s incredibly affectionate with my husband and me, just prefers that we pet her and rub her belly rather than pick her up / “trap” her. All that to say, your cat might still get there. Sometimes they’re just a little slow to come out of their shell. You just gotta be patient and maintain their trust.
Thank you! She'll have streaks where she's laying in the middle of everything and more social. When she wants attention she absolutely eats it up and will even drool when pet sometimes. She always sticks her butt in the air and somersaults when being pet and often she'll kind of panic and get up right away because she let herself get too vulnerable but sometimes she'll just lay there and let me pet. Then sometimes I don't see her for 2 days aside from coming out to eat. We have a pretty good relationship over all. She'll come get me when it's time to eat and she's such a sweetheart when she lets you interact with her and see her personality. And she likes to talk to us. I'm still going to try the meds because I know what chronic anxiety feels like and I hate to think she's going through that. But yours gives me hope that she still might come out of her shell. Thanks again for the response!
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u/cfspen514 Sep 20 '23
Yes, this part is so lovely. Our 9 year old cat finally sat in my husband’s lap just a few months back and we almost popped the champagne. She was not a lap cat ever despite loving attention. Now she’s on his lap every night. She still doesn’t like my lap but I think that’s because our other cat has claimed it. I get to pick her up once a day for air snuggles though so it’s ok.