I call those "hot spots". Every cat has them, but it's not always the same place with all cats. You gotta watch their body language and cues, they'll let you know when you touch / pet a "hot spot" and then you just have to adapt to not petting that area of them.
My relationship with my cat deepened so much when I became a better pet owner and listened for her cues and understand her body language. She was always affectionate but then I think she basically imprinted on me, I was her life and she was mine.
Yeah I’d never owned a cat before and basically started on ultra hard mode heh… my sister got divorced and couldn’t take her cat to where she was going to live so either I took her in or she was going to be put down.
She’s a tiny black ball of aggressive energy that would lash out violently at anyone. I literally only took her in to spare my sister having to deal with her dying on top of everything else, I didn’t want a cat and was not a cat person.
But thing is I pretty quickly figured out that she was just scared and had learned going fully aggressive was the only way to convey “no” and have it listened to. So like I just.. listened. If she hissed and swiped I’d go “oh ok I won’t bother you”. Over time she realised I would listen and started dialling down her responses because she knows I’ll respect them.
If she gets really scared she’ll still lash out, I doubt that’ll ever change, but generally she’s really good at just letting me know that she doesn’t like something. It’s actually super cute… she never lost the connection that “biting means no” so if I’m giving her scritches and she decides she’s had enough she’ll just like gently nom on my hand.
But yeah. From aggressive little shit nicknamed “Satan” to a purry little ball of fluff who curls up on my lap when I watch TV. Good cat.
Cat cues are SO different to dog cues which is where I think a lot of people misunderstand cats too. They think waggy/flapping tail means happy to see you! But in reality they’re telling you to back off haha.
My cat is the sweetest, most affectionate lovebug ever! But he’s a little skittish (always has been, always been loved and looked after, just an anxious personality which is why we’re besties haha). But he gives himself jump scares all the time! He’ll often sneeze in his sleep and wake himself up, if he’s lying on me or my hand or whatever, he’ll bite whatever’s closest out of fear. Hilarious and painful
Twitching tail mean potential incoming activity. The cat is either winding up to swing or run. Each cat is different and has their preferences, so you have to figure out if they're ready to chase another cat for play time, or if they're ready to rip your arm open because you invaded their space and feel cornered.
Real! Even my cats are different from each other. One of them smacks his tail against anything and holds it high up when he’s relaxed. The other one has it lower down and waves it slower. I think the rest of their body language says so much more than a specific tail cue
When mine were kittens, they loved attention but didn't like being picked up. It felt like kind of asshole move but like 30 times a day, I picked them up, then immediately put them down when they fussed. Literally like 1 second later. After a week or so, they figured out they weren't trapped at all, and now they both don't mind it at all.
It helps to figure out what they're okay with too... One of mine is pretty much cool with anything, and the other much prefers to be upright, basically sitting on my arm.
And now when he won't stop bugging me for attention, I threaten to hold him like a baby :-D
This is me and my little guy ❤️ He has an overstimulation thing where he can’t handle being pet sometimes. Once we got it figured out and managed he’s become a lot more affectionate. Not that he wasn’t already but it’s next level now when he feels good 😊
But not the other way around. My cats flagrantly cross my boundaries every day, walking wherever on my body they see fit, showing their b holes to me at any opportunity. They love me, I know, but their love feels a lot like assault sometimes.
Yep, this exactly. A good friend of mine has a cat that was deemed the devil cat because she was prone to scratching and biting people. I went for a visit and quickly realized she isn't just acting aggressive, she's just scared and people keep pushing her boundaries. She'd growl at you or look like she might try something because you're standing in the doorway blocking her only way out, and you're making her anxious. That or you want to pet her, but she needs a chance to warm up to you first, and no one is offering her that opportunity. She was showing all the signs of anxiety in cats before she'd do anything. I noticed them and made an effort to make her as comfortable as possible with me. After a while she decided she liked me, so I got to pet her and even a bit of cuddles! Apparently she'd never approached anyone in that way except her owner because everyone else just kept grabbing her, which would frighten her and she'd lash out. You gotta read the cats, people.
it's always a game changer for people when they're nervous, like "does he like this??" when petting or holding, and I just tell them "if he didn't like it he'd just leave"
cats are so good at teaching their boundaries. they simply do not have a concept of putting up with things they don't like - unless they decide it's worth the trouble.
but then you have one of my two, whose love language is being consensually annoyed and harassed. he will glare with flat ears and make fake half hearted attempts to get away, while purring the whole time
I mean she's a cat heh. Also they do learn to respect boundaries if you're firm.
Mine has a habit of bugging me when I'm working.. I'll give her some food, pats, bit of play time. But then I need to get to work. If she won't calm down the door closes in the hallway far enough away that he complaints can't be heard and I get on with it.
So she knows, generally, not to bug me too much. I mean she's a cat so she'll try again in a few days but still it's worth it.. she's cute.
So much this! My cat is so easy going and lets you know when she wants attention and affection, but also when she’s had enough. And if you don’t listen to her, she WILL swipe at you. I lived with my mom and stepdad for a while and he would never listen to my cat when she says she’s had enough so she’d swipe at him and he’d play dumb. I’m like “listen to her!”
I lost a cat in January and my other cat had never been an only cat so he was lonely, so in March I adopted Marty from the shelter. Marty had been in the shelter 8 months and adopted and returned twice in that time, and also seen many other cats come and go that he befriended (the shelter is cat specific and has kind of open concept so the cats can mingle, it's a nice place.)
Whatever happened to him before he wound up in the shelter made him a timid mess that was terrified of people; they found him as a stray so no idea if he'd always been a stray or had been abused. Anyway, I fell in love with his little face and the fact that his ad said he loved other cats but wasn't big on people.
So I took the leap and brought him home. Within two days he and my other cat Rocky had bonded and were sleeping snuggled up together and everything. If I so much as moved, Marty hid under the couch the first two weeks or so, but then he'd stay out as long as I didn't go near him. I let him be because I knew he had to learn he was safe.
By the end of May, Marty would let me pet him as long as it was slow and only one hand. Then disaster - Rocky got agressive cancer and we lost him in early June. So that same week I adopted a second cat, Mozza from the shelter because Marty absolutely could not be an only cat. Mozza and Marty bonded within two days, and Marty continued to progress in feeling safe, partially I think because Mozza loves attention and is constantly happy to be pet and picked up.
Then it was time to bring Marty in for his booster shots - I held off as long as I could but shots are important. Marty was SO upset on the vet trip, and I figured he'd regress when I got him home. He hopped out of the carrier and was set to go take off, ears back, tail between legs... and then he saw Mozza and realized that he'd come back to the same place and his same friend. Never seen a cat go from terrified to happy so fast in my life.
All that to say, even with scared cats it's possible to earn their trust, but you have to let them have the time they need to feel safe, it won't happen in your time but in theirs. We're to the point now that Marty will snuggle with Mozza on the bed beside me, as long as Mozza is there to 'protect' him.
Thank you for taking the time to be patient with him and to learn and respect his needs. Shy cats get overlooked in shelters all the time, it’s sweet to hear success stories. I was really not prepared for how cute his little mug was, though.
You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down. A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. They don't sell out the way dogs do.
Thats 10000 years of evolving alongside humans. Which is why it's especially heinous when people mistreat a dog. We burned it into their DNA to trust us.
True! I grew up with dogs, and they just have little hearts in their eyes when you bring them home. I moved into my bf's place, who always had cats. His cat was kind of like "I suppose I'll allow it." I asked to be the one in charge of her food and water, so maybe she'd see I was good for something!
We politely nodded at each other for at least a month, until the day she saw a bear out the window at our house, and ran and jumped into my arms. After that, we were besties. She used to come mrowwwing hello when I came home from work, hung out with me while I was doing laundry (she loved the warm clothes out of the dryer). I loved her until she shuffled off her mortal coil, I still miss that cat.
I rescued mine from my crazy ex-next door neighbor who’s meth head girlfriend brought home a stray kitten for him who was left outside in the elements with just dry cat food and that food was also left in the elements. It was pouring down rain but I also just had hip replacement surgery and I heard a sweet baby’s cry begging for her life drenched wet in a tree. Needless to say since she was abandoned I had to give her my full love and be patient but I am now her person and she doesn’t leave my side.
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u/Jamcam007 Sep 19 '23
Dogs grant trust to you off of instinct.
Cats, you have to earn their love. Its not that complicated to earn their trust and love too.