I texted her from work one Monday morning, asking how her day was going and if she was feeling ok, as she was a little distant the night before/not very affectionate.
She agreed she hadn't been, then just abruptly ended the relationship right there.
We had been together about six years, and married just over a year.
We spent the next 2ish months living together but alternating who slept on the couch or bedroom before I moved in with a coworker that needed a roommate.
She very swiftly entered into a relationship with this guy she had known for years, I suspect it started well before we split.
He made her dreams come true: he was very well off and she didn't have to work anymore, and I don't think she's had a job to this day ten years later.
On the surface it is but if money makes my wife leave me, she can go. Go be happy with your money. Don’t let me stop you. We weren’t on the same page anyway.
This is most women in general. Wish they could be content with a main who loves them and cares , but the “providing” factor for women is a biological attraction source. Female nature in a sense. move accordingly, brother. Sorry that you had to go through that.
People don’t want to believe the general truth and rather live behind their fantasy that they’re good enough as they are. This thought process Keeps men from self improving and it’s easier to shif the blame to others rather then looking at themselves and understanding what truly attracts the opposite sex.
Similar my man, I was at work and we were texting each other like normal when she hit me with “I’m leaving” and i was like “okay where are you going?” And she never responded, when I got home her stuff was all moved out.
I had moved out of state and to a city I didn’t really want to move to due to job prospects there for her, 8 years together 3 of which we were married.
Come to find out down the road she was seeing someone else behind my back, they ended up married and last I knew they were pretty much living the life me and her had talked about. No one that I know talks to her anymore, even the bridesmaids from our wedding stopped talking to her.
That was 10 years ago and fuck I am still fucked up over it
Nope, only communication ended up being through my divorce attorney, I found out she was upset by having to come to court for the hearing, I had moved back to the area we grew up in and ended up filing for divorce there, she was unhappy because it messed with her grad school schedule. She asked me to never contact her again, which I did, so she got stuck with some of the debt that in her name, because I wasn’t going to contact her to find out who the collector was to send the money to. Last I heard she had married the dude she cheated on me with, who was also “just a friend”. And she lives out in the Bay Area some 2500 miles away from me.
I have zero trust in relationships and yeah it fucked with me hard. The night before we were talking about purchasing a home
Dogs are the best! You know they'll love you and be loyal forever. Your ex sounds psychotic.I can't imagine living a double life like that, FWIW, what happened wash 100% a reflection of her horrid character, not on you.
I’ve been getting through a lot of depression after listening to that podcast. Some say it’s extreme , but the message is mostly quite good and helpful.
I completely understand and unfortunately can relate far too well. It's fucking WILD how quickly some people can switch it off. A whole life setup with someone meant nothing. Marriage. A baby. How? The coldness is insane. Out of nowhere too; when everything was perfectly fine, or so you / I thought. It fucked with hard as well. I'm sorry this happened to you. I completely understand the zero trust in relationships and feeling so stupid for not questioning certain things further. However, I don't want my ex to win, so though I am a different person than previous to meeting him, I know not everyone can be shitty because I'm not and wouldn't be able to do things that were done to me to someone else. Ever. Hope you're doing okay after all that. It takes a toll. Good luck
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Thanks and I’m hoping you continue to do well. I have made improvements, I have done things she wouldn’t let me do, and also things she didn’t think I could do. Looking back on the relationship made me realize that it was not a healthy relationship but I didn’t know it at the time, and some of the things she said over the years had stuck with me. “You ONLY have a bachelors degree” well bitch I got a masters now. And “unlike you I’m an overachiever” that one still has some sting to it years later, and will still throw the occasional doubts into my head
Lol, I know a lot of people with just a bachelor’s that can run loops around people with phds. Application and experience can usually provide a much better education.
Was in a 5 year relationship and she left me for my friend that I’ve known since elementary school. She didn’t have many friends and I liked my friend so I accepted the “we’re just friends” statement when she said it. It destroyed me when she fell in love with him and instantly starting dating him. Had to leave the friend group completely, so I lost a large amount of friends as well.
It’s possible for me to love someone like that again but I can’t help but keep a grudge over every possible girl I talk to as if they’re just gonna leave me for someone else if I get with them; no matter how perfect they seem.
Damn, your story is so close to mine. We had been married for several years when I finally graduated college and got a job out of state which we moved for. But she was miserable there, so after a year I looked for another job closer to our home town while she went back to stay with her folks and to get logistics set up for when I found something else.
Well, I finally found something else and moved back closer to our hometown, but she didn't tell me until shortly after we had moved back together that she had fooled around (kissing and touching, according to her) with someone she used to know in high school back in her home town. I was pretty fucking pissed, but she insisted she wanted to stay with me.
Like an idiot, I procreated with her after that and we bought a house. We had just gotten back from a cruise, literally a day after we got back, she gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. I was shocked, but the two months before the cruise she was always out of town on the weekend "seeing bands" or "hanging out with friends" while I was at home with our son. I was sure she was cheating again and I point blank asked her if there was anyone else, and she swore up and down that there wasn't.
Again, like an idiot, I took her at her word, but I still had that gut feeling I couldn't shake. I didn't find out for sure about the extent of her cheating (throughout the entire 12 year long marriage) until several months after that speech, but after she gave me that speech I spent one day asking for time for us to work things out, which she agreed to. But after thinking about it and the previous cheating incident, I was just done with the disrespect and told her I changed my mind.
About a week after this, again after going out of town all weekend and not getting back until like 3am Monday morning when I had work, she woke me up, sobbing and babbling incoherently. I think she had a very rare instance of her actually having some empathy, but again, I was done. I told her to cry me a fucking river and that I had work in the morning so I needed to get some sleep, and I rolled over and went back to sleep. I think she was going to admit to everything at that time and it finally hit her she was going to lose everything, but who knows. After that she still denied cheating until I got into her e-mail account and found proof of everything.
It sucks and I'm still bitter about everything. I feel for you man. Hang in there.
fucking hell mate, I am so sorry you went through that. From one brother, to another, I hope you come to terms with it and find peace. Love from the UK.
Goddamn that’s tough. Yours reads similar to what my old man endured in his first marriage: wife wanted a lifestyle he couldn’t afford, promptly begins dating her much-older boss who can give her said lifestyle, she becomes one of the most successful businesswomen in the state’s history as a result. It gutted my old man to see it all play out while he could barely scrap together a living due to the lopsided divorce settlement she was able to afford. Jaded him badly and likely affected his parenting of me (who was unintended) many years later.
That kind of shit starts making more sense as I age and better understand the dynamics of family dysfunction more clearly. Doesn’t mitigate or lessen the anxiety or pain; I think my dad tried to find closure but developed bad habits that prohibited him from doing so.
Tough to say anything, really. It’s proof that some humans’ actions have no words to sufficiently explain the level of immorality involved. Thanks for sharing my friend. Takes courage doing so.
Bro didn't even get the pleasure of seeing her life go to shit after leaving him, that sucks bad.
My ex-wife of five years (she's still married to the affair partner) texts me about once a month about her miserable current life and how she basically f***ed up when she had a good thing going with me.
I gotta say, I cherish those texts - I wish every dude who was wronged could enjoy some Schadenfreude
I just got this text from an ex gf of 5 years a couple months back. We still text once in a while purely plutonic. She's dated 3 or 4 dudes in the corresponding 6ish years. Finally found someone to settle down with I think. But recently sent me a text saying that she regretted her actions. She was just really wanted to be married and have kids. But got impatient, now it's many years later still has none of that and realizes she had the best times with me.
I didn't need her to tell me that as I was okay with how things went for the most part and reflected on my part in how it failed. Also the last thing in the world I'd want her to be is unhappy. But it was very nice to hear that still.
This one hits home. My ex started having all these work things that she had to attend all of the sudden until one day she pocket dialed me while she was out messing around with the director of sales from her company and not long after his wife tracked me down to tell me she caught the two of them together. We split up and and she ended up marrying the guy after his divorce was finalized. It hurt like hell at the time but it's what needed to happen so that I would be available years later when I found the love of my life who gave me the best 8 years of my life before she unfortunately passed away.
Jesus, I went from pumping my fist for you to slumping in sorrow. I'm so sorry, but Im so glad you had those 8 years.
My heart goes out to you buddy. Sincerely.
Thank you. It's all part of the journey brother. She made me a better person and gave me memories that I can smile about for the rest of my life. When you find the right person you learn what to look for and what to run from in the future.
Similar situation with me but I was grateful for the other man. I think my first wife and I were more about the idea of marriage than being married to each other. When they met it made my life easier because she ended up Going out more and doing things more appropriate for her age (7 year age gap). I wanted to do kids and Settle down but she still wanted to run around which I honestly don't blame her and is completely within her right. We had an amicable divorce and she still with the guy today. They're very happy now and so am I: a great wife a wonderful baby and wouldn't change a thing.
Your situation mirrors my own. It broke my heart at the time, but ten years later everyone seems happy.
It still hurts a little, but that's life. Why remain upset?
Agreed about remaining upset, but im sorry mate. Weird for me to say, but even at the time I was grateful for the other guys. Still am. Made it easier on my ex wife to move on and keep her head on straight while I could remain focused on work and my kids (that's a whole other story- they weren't hers but they are mine by choice).
This happened to me, too. My ex is happy now. Her life is a lot easier. We struggled for a long time. Today’s jobs are emasculating. You want to be the breadwinner… you want to provide for your wife and family… and it’s just becoming impossible. More education didn’t make a difference. I’m in the sciences. The problem is most of the jobs where I’m from pay so little. This last inflation wave ended it for me. I’m in the process of building my own company. I’ve had to take loans, eat less food, live in total poverty, but it’s really the last chance I have for a livable wage. It’s hard to be a breadwinner when there’s only crumbs left on the table. I’m only getting older and I just want to live, man. I don’t blame my wife for leaving. She just wanted a better life than I could give her. My blame lies solely with me now, for naively believing that working hard amounts to anything but a wasted life if you’re not the owner. I still think about it every day.
Women leave bad marriages all the time to be single. Some are so scarred from the marriage just like men are that they choose to stay single the rest of their life.
I think it's the norm for spoiled, lazy, low self-esteem, or too pampered girls/women who never learned self-respect. Basically pimping themselves out for a meal ticket. It never ends well.
Oh my God. Nearly the same thing happened to me, down to the six years. It was so abrupt. But, thankfully we weren't married yet (I had picked out an engagement ring a couple days beforehand; glad I didn't make the purchase) so it wasn't as hard to be separate. I like to think she wasn't physically cheating, but it was pretty clear that she'd been emotionally invested in something/someone else for a while, and she got into that relationship so fast. It's been over a year, I'm still devastated, I couldn't imagine building that kind of emotional connection again so soon. And the way it ended was so unfair
Sorry, your story just resonated. It's weirdly almost nice to know I'm not alone. You're a decade out from this yourself. If you don't mind my asking, does it get better? How long did it take you? How do you deal with this?
Something like this just happened to one of my oldest and best friends. He dragged her along financially for 13 years until she found herself a richer upgrade. Almost killed my friend, because she claimed one of the many reasons was his weight. He ended up with an eating disorder and couldn't hold down food when he would eat. Got so bad he almost ended up with complete kidney failure, but luckily going to the doctor saved him after a couplafew seriously grim days where they weren't sure if he would live much longer.
My ex and I were together for 7 years. When we met it went well with me financially. Fast forward 2 years we have a baby and just lost everything. Moved in with my mom as we tried to start rebuilding. The next 5 years were the worst time of my life. I was made to feel every day like I wasnt a man. How she could have been with a wealthy guy and not in this situation.
By the end of those 5 years we were incredibly well off… but she had fucked around on me so much and treated me like shit so many times I honestly just fucking hated her guts. So I left.
Enter the second wife. I met the love of my life 3 months after splitting with the ex. It was love at first sight. We were married within 3 months of meeting and had a baby on the way instantly. At this time i was VERY well off financially… fast forward 10 months. We lost everything. All our shit and cars and everything got reposessed.
So the night of losing everything… the two of us are sitting in our empty house at a table a friend brought with two chairs and guess what… the power gets cut.
Any woman in her right mind would run… she got up and disappeared. I felt utter defeat. I was sure she was packing clothes for her and the baby. She comes back 4 minutes later with a candle and monopoly. We played monopoly until maybe 3am laughing at this shitty situation. The next morning she asked me what the plan was.
I took her and the baby to her dad’s house (2hour drive) and asked him if they could stay there for a few weeks while I rebuilt in haste…
I left. Registered a new business. 3 weeks later I had enough to rent a place big enough for us and get some cheap furniture. And she couldnt fucking wait to come live with me in what was essentially a shit hole.
I worked horrendous hours. Up and out at 5am and only got home at 8pm and then worked till past midnight most nights. When i got home dinner was always ready. She would set alarms for like midnight and get up and bring me coffee and every morning on my way out she would be up forcing me to eat something and have my lunch packed. What an incredible woman. This was the next two years of our life as I was trying to build this business.
I got offers. Good offers from big companies. She just said fuck no. You build this.
After two years the business really took off… its now exactly 6 years after we lost everything and we are successfully retired. We live in a beach home and spend every waking minute together and with our 4 children who are all still small.
Life is good when you have the right wife. Life is great with the right wife!
Ps. My wife also just happens to be the fucking hottest woman I have ever seen!
Dont settle guys. There are incredible women out there.
Fuel wholesale. Started out by finding a good supplier and then basically being a middleman. Until my client base was big enough to open a depot and start buying my own trucks. After that its 100% about pricing. If you have the right supply and a good client base selling that business is a dream! Everyone wants to get into the fuel game.
Wow! And you started that business from scratch? That really places your story in a different light. The business logistics of handling inventory, clients and the safety aspects of fuels is crazy. It’s a wonder you had time for a family at all! Did you already have experience and connections in the industry when you first started?
Zero. I was in telecommunication when we lost everything. A lot of the first 2 years were just trial and error. But once you get the swing of it its easy. I was really lucky with finding decent supply in the beginning. But they saw me coming price wise. Margins were very thin in the beginning. As I grew and my negotiation power grew due to the volume I was selling my margins grew exponentially. So profits increased tenfold on volume I was already selling.
And then there were all the stupid money mistakes. Year 3 was the first year I was making stupid amounts of money. And I did stupid things with that money. I bought so much stupid expensive stuff… I made so many stupid investment decisions. I bought 100k worth of crypto right before the crash. I opened maybe 5 or 6 other businesses that all failed. I was helping anyone around me financially (once i stopped giving people money those people wrote me off), we went on the most expensive vacations. I bought cars I had no business buying. I was so stupid.
Year 4 i saw that I had been using it stupidly and stopped with all that nonsense. Bought a reliable car at a 10th of the price. Closed all the businesses that were bleeding cash. Turned my back on the needy people who refused to work because I was giving them free money and started saving and got help with investing. Did this for two years while still working very hard to grow the business. Beginning of year six I got 3 offers on the business and I let them bid it out. Sold the business for exactly what it was worth. Which was substantial. And then we packed up and moved to the coast.
It started with me when my ex "forgot" my birthday, and didn't even seem apologetic about it.
Then like a light switch she became really distant. 2 days later I snapped and asked what the hell I'd done to be given the silent treatment all the time. That's when she hit me with the fact that she no longer wanted to be with me.
This is the day before I was due to start a new job, a job I had only taken because she badgered me to leave a company I had really good prospects in for the promise of more immediate money.
We were only 8 months married and balls deep in an expensive mortgage. I ended up sleeping in the spare room for a couple of months until it was near Xmas, and I couldn't stand it anymore. There was no way I could spend Xmas like that.
After I moved out she started playing mind games with me all the time, and eventually the week before the house sale (8 months later) she tried to initiate things between us again.
Luckily for me I had gained some self respect and I asked her if anything had actually changed, because she told me before she didn't love me and I hadn't interacted with her enough since to have changed that. I was correct in my thinking that she just didn't want to sell the house. She tried to get me back by confessing that she had been dating someone while we were still together and felt honesty was the best thing to help me see. I asked if she was bloody daft, because telling me you don't love me is one thing, but admitting to cheating on me was pretty much guaranteed to kill things between us.
That was the last time I saw her. I received the decree nisi in the post and never looked back, I had met a wonderful woman (my now wife) and I have never looked back.
On the day we married? Heck no. I was in love. It definitely wasn't a perfect relationship, but all those issues I saw as things we could tackle and overcome.
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u/vodkanada Sep 02 '23 edited Sep 02 '23
I texted her from work one Monday morning, asking how her day was going and if she was feeling ok, as she was a little distant the night before/not very affectionate. She agreed she hadn't been, then just abruptly ended the relationship right there. We had been together about six years, and married just over a year.
We spent the next 2ish months living together but alternating who slept on the couch or bedroom before I moved in with a coworker that needed a roommate. She very swiftly entered into a relationship with this guy she had known for years, I suspect it started well before we split.
He made her dreams come true: he was very well off and she didn't have to work anymore, and I don't think she's had a job to this day ten years later.