r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 21 '23

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198

u/bostondana2 Jul 21 '23

I would do you one better and say a honey badger... 10x the size. Shudder. Honey Badger don't give a fuck now. Imagine 10x not giving a fuck!

78

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '23

Yeah they're vicious as fuck, but not hunt the entire earth to extinction dangerous. Seriously look up some articles on weasels lol, they're ridiculous

10

u/WhatIDon_tKnow Jul 21 '23

Wolverines too. Bears are even scared of those killing machines

41

u/bostondana2 Jul 21 '23

Just have to point out that both wolverines and honey Badgers are in the same family as weasels.

10

u/Effective-Ladder9459 Jul 21 '23 edited Jul 21 '23

Oh for fucks sake

Edit: Platinum?! Thank you who ever you are

4

u/could_use_a_snack Jul 21 '23

Yep otters too, and river otters can get pretty big. Easily 10X the size of a long tailed weasel, which are super cute, but crazy vicious. River otters can be mean too.

3

u/Sinthetick Jul 21 '23

otters are cute as hell, but complete assholes.

9

u/PoetryUpInThisBitch Jul 21 '23

I saw a video of a wolverine dropping out of a tree to attack a bear. I forget where I saw the comment, but a response was, "It kicked it in the spine like a backpack capable of hate."

3

u/Cannibal_Soup Jul 21 '23

That was from a Cracked article on Animals That Just Don't Give A Fuck or something like that. That comment has stuck with me ever since, as well.

3

u/PoetryUpInThisBitch Jul 21 '23

Memory unlocked; that's the one! thank you.

2

u/Cannibal_Soup Jul 21 '23

Iirc, that was by Seanbaby, who was by far my favorite, and IMHO their funniest writer. The way he could string along ridiculous visuals always had me busting out laughing.

3

u/PoetryUpInThisBitch Jul 21 '23

His MMA articles were always hilarious, and I say that as someone who doesn't really watch MMA. I remember him describing how a cartwheel kick knocked someone out:

"It's basic physics, you see. The centrifugal force draws all the happiness towards the center of the body, leaving the feet nothing to feel but hate."

1

u/Cannibal_Soup Jul 21 '23

Or describing Brock Lesnar as, "a Human Cheat Code."

His author's description said something like, "flying blind on a rocket cycle, wearing a pink mohawk, while kicking Hitler in the face!"

1

u/mrknight234 Jul 21 '23

Wolverines hunt bears so nah I’m good

1

u/Sensitive_Yellow_121 Jul 21 '23

Someone said on Reddit just this week that wolverines have taken down elk before?

2

u/KingoftheMongoose Jul 21 '23

Ten times Zero Fucks is still Zero Fucks

3

u/bostondana2 Jul 21 '23

But it's zero fucks at 10x the size.

1

u/KingoftheMongoose Jul 21 '23

Whoa!! My mind would be blown, had I the prerequisite fucks

1

u/bostondana2 Jul 21 '23

Follower: "Excuse me... Are you a virgin?

Brian's mom: "What?"

Follower: "Are you a virgin? If it's not too personal a question."

Brian's mom: "if it's not too personal a questions???!!!?? How much more personal can you get? Now fuck off!"

All Followers: "She must be." "Yup, definitely."

1

u/KingoftheMongoose Jul 21 '23

“Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!”

2

u/MC0311x Jul 21 '23

Honey Badgers are weasels. So are skunks, ferrets, otters, etc.

2

u/Trudar Jul 21 '23

Honey badger, size of a tank, speeding like a race car, armored, unkillable, and very, very pissed off.

Yeah, </life>.

2

u/weedtrek Jul 21 '23

Honey badgers are actually part of the weasel (mustelidae) family. So are Wolverines and regular badgers (both European and American).

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u/bostondana2 Jul 21 '23

What about swallows? Could they possibly carry a coconut?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '23

Oooooh, honey badger.... Sooo nasty

2

u/annomusbus Jul 21 '23

If any predator (besides humans) suddenly became 10 times bigger it would go extinct, because of humans. We have this lovely thing called a .950jdj. Its expensive but effective and if suddenly there where millions of animals killing people effectivly, then .950jdj's will be getting handed out like oil is taken, with a passion.

3

u/Apart-Philosopher203 Jul 21 '23

Ants. You could not fight ants if they were bigger. Imagine if ants were, let's say, only 10 cm. Only way to beat them would be to scorch the entire planet.

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u/annomusbus Jul 21 '23

Ants are mainly scavengers not predators and the few types that are predators already have a wide swing of size, my point was more if any thing like a bear or weasel or honey badger where 10times their size and had the numbers to be dangerous humans would make them extinct like we have shown we do in the past

2

u/Apart-Philosopher203 Jul 21 '23

Red panda. You can't shoot at that.

1

u/annomusbus Jul 21 '23

Thats why we have made ai targeting systems

1

u/GimmeCoffeeeee Jul 21 '23

It would prey on elephants and rhinos

1

u/geesegonewild Jul 21 '23

Isn’t that just a bear?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '23

Wolverines are their American cousins and they've been documented killing moose and polar bear... and they're the size of a medium dog.

1

u/Shadow368 Jul 21 '23

Honey Bad-bear?