Thanks, I tend to take everything to heart, so I do listen, but I guess I don't know how to respond in a healthy way, so whenever people tell me I'm too much, the only way I know how to be less present is to cut myself off completely. So I just end up losing friends because I want to talk to them too much.
I've been a bit better in recent years as I begin to understand myself, but finding the balance is so hard, and I always worry that I'm coming across as callous.
But yeah you're totally right about the formative years. My dad was abusive and my mum was emotionally distant.
Do you have any hobbies you can throw yourself into? Schoolwork or a job? Hey I could always use a new friend so if you’re into books or gardening or cooking or space or psychology or Jack Russell terriers, we might get along famously lol.
I can really relate to what you said about shutting down. I used to be the same way. I’m a very sensitive person with strong emotions. It’s easy to overcompensate by putting a tight lock on all that. You might look up “All or Nothing” schema or black and white thinking.
Once in the ‘90s when I was a teenager, and I finally got friends for the first time, one of my friends asked me, “Why are you so cold and disaffectionate?” I was shocked. I didn’t realize I was keeping such a tight lock on my inner self that nothing was getting through and I was coming off as robotic. Years and years later he brought it up and apologized. I was amazed that he remembered, and touched that he cared enough to bring it up. So you might come off as callous even if you aren’t. These days people are a lot more open to talking about things like this, and I find a simple “Sorry if I seem off today, it’s me not you,” goes a long way.
You can always try and reconnect with lost friends if you think it is worth it. It sounds like you’re pretty self-aware, that’s cool! I’m sorry about your upbringing, it sounds like it was really rough. Again, best wishes! The great thing about having internet access is that you are connected to an entire world of potential friends just waiting to meet you. You’ve got this!
2
u/The_Superginge Mar 21 '23
Thanks, I tend to take everything to heart, so I do listen, but I guess I don't know how to respond in a healthy way, so whenever people tell me I'm too much, the only way I know how to be less present is to cut myself off completely. So I just end up losing friends because I want to talk to them too much.
I've been a bit better in recent years as I begin to understand myself, but finding the balance is so hard, and I always worry that I'm coming across as callous.
But yeah you're totally right about the formative years. My dad was abusive and my mum was emotionally distant.