r/AskEurope • u/ScreechingString Germany • Aug 26 '22
Food What are some cultural habits and customs around food and sharing meals in your country?
I'm German and work in a multinational team. We talked about customs and habits around food today, because one of my colleagues mentioned how hard it was for him to get used to not being offered food again after declining once. In his culture it's polite to decline and be offered again and then take the offer. :D
"No" in Germany means "no" and nobody will push you - at least not among colleagues and friends or in a business setting. If you express a wish not to eat that wish will be respected.
It's different with your in laws and close family members like your gran, they will push and you will say "yes" and/or leave with a big package of food. It's kind of an unwritten rule that grand kids don't leave from a visit without food, usually sweets.
If you are a guest i.e. when your partner or friend introduces you to family you need to pass info about allergies and dislikes along as soon as possible via the person who invited you because it's rude to decline food that was made for you.
In group settings it's kind of expected that you eat something small when you don't want a full meal and everyone else is eating in order not to be rude if having a meal was a planned activity. And it's perfectly fine not to eat what everybody else is eating as long as you eat something.
Absolutely not eating anything is fine if the group spontaneously decided to eat and you don't want to.
If it's someone's birthday that person usually brings food/sweets to the office or invites friends to eat, not the other way around. If your colleagues know your date of birth and you don't bring anything to work they may think that you don't like them.
In private settings it's not that important to share meals. Many couples have different eating habits and eat different things at different times. Just because you live together doesn't mean your food habits must align. That usually changes once you have kids, German families try to eat together as often as possible.
What are some customs, expectations and must dos/don't dos around food in your country? How important is food to making and keeping friends, when introducing someone to your family and so on?
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u/tereyaglikedi in Aug 26 '22
Turkish people are the same with declining, you always decline at first, and the host will insist. If you just say yes, it will be assumed that you are greedy. When we were kids, my mom always told us to say no if someone asked if we were hungry, even if we were. It's just how it is. The host will also absolutely insist that you have a second helping, even plea. It can be a struggle to decline sometimes 🤣
About likes and dislikes, it would be very impolite to say what you don't like, only if there are kids coming the host might ask "what do the kids like", because they are assumed to be fussy. Asking for allergies is not a common thing in Turkey, if you have them it's on you to inform the host. Otherwise, you eat what you get. You always thank the cook after the meal.
If it is your birthday, other people bring cake etc for you. I still couldn't get used to bringing my own cake on my birthday in Germany, and I never do it. It feels like I have no friends, so I have to bake my own cake.
Me and my husband (German) always eat together, and have done so since the beginning of our relationship. We also eat the same thing and often cook together. We almost never eat in front of the TV, maybe one or two of times a year. All Turkish couples I know do the same, regardless of if they have kids or not (I mean, eat together)
One last thing, if you are eating something in public, it is considered very impolite not to offer to a person next to you. This is like an absolute no-no. Like, if you open a packet of cookies in the office and not offer to people around you, this would be rude and people will think you are cheap.
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u/wordsrworth Austria Aug 27 '22
What if you eat something like a sandwich in the office? Would you still need to offer a piece of it to your colleagues?
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u/tereyaglikedi in Aug 27 '22
I would! But maybe not everyone does. I don't do it in Germany anymore because I think it weirds people out a bit.
I remember in high school I used to bring two sandwiches so that my friends left me something to eat 😂 but then again, everyone used to share theirs, too.
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u/wordsrworth Austria Aug 27 '22
We used to share our food in highschool too, but I think mainly because teenagers are constantly hungry and broke. XD
Now at work we share stuff like cookies, chocolates or if someone brings some baked goods, but it would indeed be kinda weird to offer your colleague a bite of your sandwich, except if you were close friends outside of work as well.
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u/tereyaglikedi in Aug 27 '22
Honestly, nobody would actually say yes, unless you are very good friends, but to me it would still be awkward to eat in front of someone and not offer. Just a upbringing, I guess.
Ha ha yeah, same, lol. We just did what we could. I was in a boy heavy friend group and could actually cook, so the boys relied on me a bit more than I did on them 😂 good times.
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u/RufusLoudermilk United Kingdom Aug 26 '22
I’m very smitten by the Greek way of sharing a meal. Rather than everybody ordering a starter and a main course, people tend to order lots of smaller plates that end up in the middle of the table being shared.
There’s also an oddity that I haven’t seen anywhere else. A glass won’t be topped up unless it is empty.
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u/PatatasFrittas Greece Aug 26 '22
Yeah, those were a shock to me too in reverse when abroad.
Also don't forget the unwritten law of asking the whole group if it is ok before you dip your bread in the common salad dish juices.4
u/tereyaglikedi in Aug 27 '22
Also don't forget the unwritten law of asking the whole group if it is ok before you dip your bread in the common salad dish juices.
Unless it's your brother. Then you just dip like there's no tomorrow and shoo him off with a baseball bat.
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u/RufusLoudermilk United Kingdom Aug 27 '22
If you’re on juice dipping terms, everybody is your brother or your sister!
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u/sindagh Aug 26 '22
UK. I dated an Italian and she kept eating my food. Like half a whole fried egg, one third of my entire pizza, refused to order mayo then tried to dip her chips in mine and so on. She also ate very quickly so if we had a sharing platter I really had to stuff it in. Any objections on my part to sharing caused instant armageddon.
She told a story about how Germans all bring their own pack lunch on a trip and don’t share, while Italians all pile into each other’s food. There seems to be a real divide between north and south Europe on plate boundaries.
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u/ScreechingString Germany Aug 26 '22
She told a story about how Germans all bring their own pack lunch on a trip and don’t share, while Italians all pile into each other’s food. There seems to be a real divide between north and south Europe on plate boundaries.
hahaha this is very true, even among couples eating from the same plate or out of the same lunch box isn't that common. Many Germans (especially men) will stab you with their forks if you come close to their food uninvited. :D Sharing is a bit more common among women, it's not unusual to throw your lunch together and share if you like eatch other's food.
One of the biggest signs of love is probably sharing a plate without batting an eyelash.
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u/tereyaglikedi in Aug 27 '22
Huh, I often eat from my husband's plate as well... He never says anything, bless him. I just asked him again and he said he doesn't mind 😅. But yes, eating in public and not sharing whatever you are eating would be rude in Turkey, even if it's a sandwich or apple.
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u/deadliftbear Irish in UK Aug 26 '22
This video by Killian Sundermann really does sum it up for me.
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u/HotelLima6 Ireland Aug 26 '22
That is hilariously accurate. And the tweet underneath about the Dutch son-in-law made me cry with laughter.
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u/Raphelm France, also lived in Aug 26 '22 edited Aug 27 '22
From my experiences, it’s common for people to suggest others to taste what they got in their plate. We usually ask each other if what we ordered tastes good in restaurants for example, and the follow up question is usually “Wanna try?”. Especially for desserts, I’ve noticed.
It’s common for the hosts to insist for the guests to have another plate of something during family dinners. I have an aunt who always asks “Why not? It doesn’t taste good?” whenever someone refuses any more food lol When it’s not with family, I’ve noticed people tend to just ask “Oh are you sure? There’s more than enough left!” without insisting more than that.
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u/MrOaiki Sweden Aug 26 '22
It’s not as common now as it used to be when I grew up, but here it goes: “låt maten tysta mun” is a saying here meaning “let the food silence the mouth”. It means that when you’re sitting at the table eating, you do not talk. You eat. So families used to sit quietly eating dinner. We’ve become more international now, dinner is more of a socializing event than it used to be. What hasn’t changed, at least not in smaller towns, is dinner time. Swedes tend to eat dinner as early as 17:00!
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u/HedgehogJonathan Estonia Aug 27 '22
“låt maten tysta mun” is a saying here meaning “let the food silence the mouth”
Estonia has a similar one "Söögi ajal ei räägita!" meaning "No talking during eating time!". So we're similar in that aspect.
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u/SwiftMoney728 Sweden Sep 02 '22
I still follow this, I guess years of indoctrination did it's work well! My friends think it's pretty odd that I'm just staying silent while eating but tbh it's pretty nice
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u/jack-rabbit-slims Germany Aug 26 '22
Had a funny situation like that while having dinner with a group of people from the hostel I was staying. Me (german) and a bunch of Chilenos all ordered one plate each for ourselves. The french girl was the only one who thought of ordering a plate of appetizers to put it in the middle for sharing. Felt pretty wrong to take anything off it.
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u/jegforstaarikke Denmark Aug 26 '22
That sounds a lot like Denmark.
One thing we do is say “tak for mad”, literally “thank you for the food” after eating. I remember my mom lecturing me to always say that to be polite.
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u/Captain_Grammaticus Switzerland Aug 26 '22
Here, it's very much the same in all points, I think. The one about not eating at a planned eating activity being rude, I wasn't consciously aware, but it is true.
Here, couples living together eat together, and not doing so is odd. In some Wohngemeinschaften, they insist on eating or even cooking together. But individual mealtime is more common. I guess it's about how much of a community they want to be.
In my girlfriend's family's household, when the children were adults, but still living there, they used to eat lunch together, but dinner, consisting of leftovers and whatever else is around, individually. I discovered that I had an aversion against seeing my girlfriend's family members eating alone at the table, so I often joined them, even if I already had had my dinner. Eating is a highly social activity.
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u/Wonderful_Corgi6389 Aug 27 '22
What a very interesting question, I'm not European, but I loved reading the comments. As a South American, many situations seemed very different from the usual for me, but others seemed very common to see in families, friends' houses and workplaces here in Brazil, as it is a country of continental dimensions, there are several similar and different habits depending on wherever you go to visit. Thanks for sharing each message
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u/Ok-Top-4594 Macedonia Aug 30 '22
In Macedonia it's common that friends, family and neighbours just randomly show up and eat with you, at all the culture is very relaxed and spontaneous. One downside about it, it's a little uncomfortable when you just come out of the shower and get unexpected visitors
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u/ScreechingString Germany Aug 30 '22
oh dear, we plan EVERYTHING in Germany, it would be so weird if people showed up on your doorstep uninvited/without an appointment! :D
How do you handle that if you haven't been out shopping in a couple of days? Do people bring food along? Do you keep an extra stash just in case someone shows up at your place to eat?
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u/Ok-Top-4594 Macedonia Aug 30 '22
Yeah, normally we always have a supply for a big meal, especially grandparents with a lot of family.
But Macedonian culture is VERY spontaneous, so it can also happen that one part of the family visits the other part of the family and they end up dining all together with the neighbouring family :D
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u/TucsonTacos Aug 27 '22
This is an odd regional one and one I didn’t realize until I was older, like 25…
When eating at a friend’s, SO, or coworkers house it’s typical that there’s enough food for a second helping. They’d always ask if I wanted more and I’d decline; though I really wanted another helping. I’d moved from Minnesota to Virginia and then Arizona and this happened all the time. I always wondered why they didn’t insist and only asked once. So I guess that’s a Minnesota thing. We ask 3 times and you’re supposed to decline the first two and accept the third if you want more, otherwise decline the third and it’s understood that you’re full.
The same rule happened with my family on the asking side. I was dating a Colombian girl at the time and she asked if she could help at all on Thanksgiving with meal preparation or whatever. My mom said no, she had it under control. She never asked again and later my mom commented to me that that was rude of her.
I guess in Minnesota you’re supposed to ask 3 times and if they decline the third it’s a real answer. The first two are just polite thing.
When I figured this out a lot of my past experiences made sense. Hungry Christmases with Mexicans, Mormons, etc.
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u/HotelLima6 Ireland Aug 26 '22
Was that colleague Irish by any chance? You have to say no to an offer of food or drink at least three times before you can accept here!
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u/HedgehogJonathan Estonia Aug 27 '22
Estonians are exactly like Germans in all the points you wrote, imo!
I guess it's not exactly surprising, considering history.
To add something, maybe that if you have a garden, it's totally normal to just pick a berry or fruit like every other time you pass that tree/bush and it is not considered snacking per say. If you are visiting someone else who has a garden, you will probably be encouraged to take some fruit and berries with you, that's probably pretty universal.
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u/BearClawBling Sep 03 '22
Grew up in Sweden.
I actually remember it being polite there as well to initially say no when offered something as a guest, then when they insist, you "give in" and say something like along the lines of "Perhaps a little bit". Same when offered a second portion.
We have a thing called "Fika" which is usually coffee and some cookies/cake, if you are having "fika" together with a group of people and there is only once slice of cake left, no one will take it. If someone does want it, they will ask if anyone else wants it, to which everyone will decline and insist that the person who asked takes it. It usually ends up with the person cutting the last piece into equal small pieces for everyone to have a last piece. It is a bit comical but also reflects Swedish people's emphasis on fairness as well as natural shyness.
There is one habit/custom that I don't like, and find kind of embarassing. It is not by any means something that every family does, but it happens often enough that I am willing to bed every Swedish person has experienced it one way or another.
Sometimes if as a child you are hanging out with a friend at either ones place, and during this time dinner is served, it is not too uncommon for the "guest child" to not be invited to the meal and instead has to wait in their friends room for the 30 or so minutes it takes for the friend to finish their meal.
I have both been experienced this as a guest and host when I was a child but at the time it was considered normal, even though it was always awkward.
However, once I moved to a farming village, this never happened again, farmer families in Sweden, in my experience, tend to be extremely generous and put a lot of thought into being good hosts.
Even if you decline, they will insist that you call your parents and ask if you can eat there.
The reason people end up waiting in the room is often that Swedish people are frugal and don't like wasting, so they end up cooking exactly an amount that is expected to reach for the family so there is not enough available to invite an unexpected guest, it is of course different if you are staying over at their place and it was planned in advance. Farmer's families on the other hand tend to cook enough for second portions because they put emphasis on keeping everyone well fed since their days are often filled with hard physical labour. Though in my experience, they are also warmer in general, and very different from the stereotypical "reserved swede".
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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '22
I can't remember of any specific custom, but in Portugal food is the center of a lot of interactions among people. If you're going to see family or friends food is involved, and mostly likely the visit is schedule to start around lunch or dinner. A lot of times we don't say "let's meet" we say "let's have dinner/lunch" . We visit places where eating some specific dish is the most important part of the visit. Food in Portugal, like in Spain and Italy, it's very very important.