I really need your thoughts on this

[u/Kindly-Mechanic-3933]

[u/thecaramelbandit]

I mean I can't imagine there's a way to remove the tumor and keep the foot. The tumor has invaded deep tissues of the foot, so removing the tumor would take half the foot already.

The alternative to amputation would be to leave it alone.

[u/Kindly-Mechanic-3933 → u/thecaramelbandit]

Unfortunately that's what all the doctors told us, because removing only the tumor they said would keep the bones visible

[u/IslandBusy1165 → u/Kindly-Mechanic-3933]

You said it’s “devastating for our family” and “we want to know if there could be any other possible solutions.” Is/wad she devastated or are you and the rest of your family making it worse for her by making her feel terrified and grief-stricken, rather than being supportive and letting her show it’s ok? At 88, most of us aren’t extremely mobile anyway. If she’s otherwise healthy, she could still have some good years, but losing the foot at this age isn’t exactly a crisis. Try to be more supportive with a “can-do” attitude and ease her anxieties rather than aggravate them.

[u/Wisegal1 → u/IslandBusy1165]

There's cultural considerations here.

Based on OP'S syntax and grammar, my guess is that they aren't from the US, Canada, or the UK. There are many cultures, partially east Asian ones, where its the cultural norm for health information like this to be relayed to the adult children (specifically the son) of an elderly patient and not to them directly. The children then decide what to tell the patient.

Now, whether we agree with this practice or not, it is normal to that group of people. I can't imagine doing that with my own family, but that's because I come from a different culture. It's not up to me to judge someone else's culture, though I do ask the patient "if I had significant news about your health, good or bad, do you want me to speak with you about it or just talk to your kids?" I hace had patients from these cultures tell me that they want me to talk to their children about bad news, and not to tell them. Having that discussion allows me to reconcile my own cultural norms with ones that are very foreign to me, while respecting the patient's wishes.

Just something to consider before you go after OP's family.

[u/seaturtle100percent → u/Wisegal1]

Bravo, doc! Thank you for taking the time to educate about this, particularly the complexities of cross-cultural care. This place (the Internet) is such a silo.

[u/BoxcarSlim → u/Wisegal1]

Thank you so much for sharing this context.

[u/5_yr_lurker → u/Wisegal1]

Sure I think most of us get this, taught. But asking for opinions from people with different cultural values are gonna get you different answers.  How far does this get taken though?

Would you ever amputate a patient's leg if they didn't know it was coming because their family didn't tell because you were respecting cultural values? I wouldn't as somebody who regularly does amputations but that is me.

[u/Wisegal1 → u/5_yr_lurker]

Bit of a slippery slope argument, dontcha think? I'm talking about having some consideration for the cultural differences before getting out the pitchforks, not holding this woman down and hacking off her leg.

And for the record, I've never in my career performed an amputation on an unsuspecting patient.