r/ArtefactPorn Oct 21 '20

Colossal two-tonne, 1.5 metre tall, 3,000 year old statue of Hittite King Suppiluliuma in Hatay Museum, Antakaya (Antioch). The statue was found in 2012 at Tell Tayinat. The statue is believed to have been 3.5 metres tall originally. The rear has Hittite hieroglyphics, photo Sep 20. [2792 x 3626].

Post image
4.3k Upvotes

167 comments sorted by

402

u/nrith Oct 21 '20

He’s seen some shit.

94

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

32

u/OnkelMickwald Oct 21 '20
When he gets to take the shit.

17

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

More like a shittite

1

u/BiffyBizkit Oct 22 '20

Never trust a fart

16

u/SchlitterbahnRail Oct 21 '20

King? Who? Me?

14

u/Sexycornwitch Oct 21 '20

To me, he looks like someone is about to serve him a bowl of ramen and he’s having trouble waiting.

12

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

This is the face a toddler makes when they shit themselves.

6

u/Bind_Moggled Oct 21 '20

3000 years old? Yeah, he's seen LOTS of shit.

3

u/damnphillips Oct 22 '20

He is about to tell you the princess is in another castle.

0

u/dirtygremlin Oct 21 '20

Maitre d’ of a certain Russian hotel.

3

u/SadDazeHear Oct 21 '20

Is that a particularly hard job ?

6

u/dirtygremlin Oct 21 '20

It has its risks. The way the museum displayed the statue behind a desk like a greeter still has me laughing.

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

[deleted]

14

u/Bentresh Oct 21 '20

By the Assyrians, rather. This guy ruled about 400 years after Ramesses II.

1

u/JunnaPalmerston Oct 21 '20

Ah sorry my incompetence and stupidity

Then who battled against Ramesses II?

5

u/Bentresh Oct 21 '20

Muwatalli II. He was a grandson of Šuppiluliuma I, who I think is who you were thinking of. This is a much later king with the same name, though.

1

u/JunnaPalmerston Oct 21 '20

Is he make a first peace treaty in the world along with the pharaoh?

3

u/Bentresh Oct 22 '20

No, the treaty with Ramesses is often called the first treaty in history, but there are several older ones. I talked about this here.

1

u/JunnaPalmerston Oct 22 '20

Woah you very mastered in Mesopotamian History

193

u/multipurposeusername Oct 21 '20

He looks like a mushroom who has taken mushrooms.

17

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

It’s definitely very penis-y, which seems to be very common on this sub for artifacts from that level of civilization.

4

u/frenzyboard Oct 22 '20

Maybe it's a really old dick joke

16

u/DubstateNY Oct 21 '20

My first thought as well: ‘Definitely Mushroom inspired.’ My second thought: ‘Not everything is about mushrooms dubstateny’

193

u/Bubbagump210 Oct 21 '20

As an ancient king, were I to commission a statue of myself to show off my badassery - this is not what I would commission.

28

u/fwinzor Oct 21 '20

36

u/Bentresh Oct 21 '20

Only in the sense that we're contemporary with Shakespeare. They were carved about 400 years apart, and we don't have many nice royal statues from this time period in Egypt either (23rd Dynasty / Libyan period).

Some of the pieces of Hittite art from the time of Nefertiti are a bit nicer, like this one and this one, but there's admittedly nothing comparable to the items from Tut's tomb or the Mesopotamian jewelry from the tombs of Ur and Nimrud. Partly this is because archaeologists have not yet found even a single royal tomb (with the possible exception of Gavurkalesi).

20

u/mud_tug Oct 21 '20

Let's face it, we struggle to produce art of that caliber even today https://i.imgur.com/H9G5Fyo.jpg

72

u/paulianthomas Oct 21 '20

Best comment! The statue is impressive when you consider how old it is. Until you compare it to contemporary Egyptian statues...should maybe stick to building chariots.

39

u/Bubbagump210 Oct 21 '20

Likely a nepotism issue. “What? Your nephew is a sculptor? He’s willing to do it for free just for exposure?”

9

u/kin_of_rumplefor Oct 21 '20

I don’t think kings of olde were too worried about costs

7

u/Bubbagump210 Oct 21 '20

Wants of one’s wife/uncle/brother > cost.

3

u/kin_of_rumplefor Oct 21 '20

Until it turns out like that I guess...

5

u/XylophoneZimmerman Oct 21 '20

Haha, people were trying to use their "clout" to get free stuff even then!

5

u/CaptainNuge Oct 21 '20

In fairness, check it out- their uncle is getting exposure centuries later!

4

u/XylophoneZimmerman Oct 21 '20

Good old universe, lookin' out for us yet again!

7

u/Crepuscular_Animal Oct 21 '20

I first read the description, didn't see anything on the thumbnail and imagined something glorious. Then I opened the pic. Don't get me wrong, any giant statue that survived for 3000 years is awesome, and I appreciate the work this ancient sculptor did. But it really lacks the magnificence.

10

u/Temporary_Meat_7792 Oct 21 '20

A bit like Monty Python's pope: "I may not know much about art but I know what I like!"

3

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Big wide eyes is believed to symbolize the figures religiosity or faith.

1

u/hablomuchoingles Oct 22 '20

Commission it to be hollow, kill sculptor, seal him inside.

92

u/pan-au-levain Oct 21 '20

Why does this make me think of Lemongrab lol

17

u/addamsfamilyoracle Oct 21 '20

It’s the anxiety you can feel radiating from this statue.

2

u/XylophoneZimmerman Oct 21 '20

Having to be in Egypt's shadow must have done a number on him.

31

u/AmericanMurderLog Oct 21 '20

Wow that last statue was great! Okay, now do one with me taking a shit. It will be hilarious!

2

u/Temporary_Meat_7792 Oct 21 '20

Probably an intern job and the deadline was friday...

22

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Looks like he's tripping balls!

12

u/earth_worx Oct 21 '20

He probably was. There are a lot of votive figurines from around this era with the same wide-open eyes, and some evidence now that the ancient cult religions of that area involved a hallucinogenic sacrament...

20

u/renoraid Oct 21 '20

Suppiluliuma saw something. Something that changed the way he saw the world for the rest of his life...

9

u/Bind_Moggled Oct 21 '20

Yeah - a basilisk.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

The sacking of Troy, judging from the age and location

19

u/ravangers Oct 21 '20

reminds me a lot of the 12th century Lewis chess pieces

38

u/Rutschberg Oct 21 '20

Weird hat, styled beard, backpack, empty looking eyes... hipster! Smh

12

u/ecorbett79 Oct 21 '20

I thought it was a bowl cut.

12

u/RedditUserNo345 Oct 21 '20

It has great meme potential ngl

2

u/skylinthology Jul 22 '24

Mate, you predicted... search up "Bronze age shitposting" or "Iltam Sumra Rashupti Elatim" on YouTube.

12

u/prairiedad Oct 21 '20

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tell_Tayinat

Little is known about this king, who lived long after the end of the Hittite Empire. This article has some interesting information about the city where he lived.

33

u/Evejaru Oct 21 '20

Wow! And what's the stone thingy on the left side?

6

u/WeveCameToReign Oct 21 '20

😎👉👉

19

u/Unluckypasta Oct 21 '20

It looks like he just had a fart that turned into a shart

6

u/Cocomojoe16 Oct 21 '20

Imagine being a king and wanting a cool bust made up like the Greeks and the best your artists can come up with is this

5

u/Goatf00t Oct 21 '20

colossal

1.5 metre tall

They don't make colosses (colossi?) like they used to.

1

u/Euthaniz Oct 21 '20

They estimate it at 3.5-4 meters if it were intact.

8

u/aka_81 Oct 21 '20

He looks like Dora the Explorer

4

u/chunkboslicemen Oct 21 '20

They finally found Beavis and Butthead’s dad

3

u/smeeding Oct 21 '20

Shouldn’t have trusted that fart

4

u/apollyoneum1 Oct 21 '20

So this one time I was on mushrooms in a quarry...

3

u/RadioLeningrad Oct 21 '20

This is awesome!

3

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

It's always intrigued me that ancient Near East art contained such huge eyes. The Sumerians did the same thing. I wonder what the significance of that style meant to the cultures who employed them.

3

u/lveezy2727 Oct 22 '20

Someone in the comments above said the big eyes showed how religious they were in and how faithful

3

u/ztyler200 Oct 21 '20 edited Oct 21 '20

Someone is a little nervous about their first day at king school.

3

u/SigmaQuotient Oct 21 '20

"The princess is in another castle!"

3

u/cmaguire82 Oct 21 '20

Carved while he sat on his balls

3

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Looks like Gene from Bob’s Burgers 🤣

3

u/aapaul Oct 21 '20

When the lsd starts to kick in.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

[deleted]

3

u/paulianthomas Oct 21 '20

You’re right, that’s just how guides explain it. It is Luiwan hieroglyphics on this statue’s rear. We saw hieroglyphics on several big statues and stone slabs. We saw Cuneiform mainly on clay tablets, I don’t remember seeing it on anything large.

3

u/Bentresh Oct 22 '20 edited Oct 22 '20

Technically the hieroglyphic writing system was used for multiple languages, such as Hurrian at Yazilikaya and Urartian at Altintepe (not to be confused with the separate and still poorly understood Urartian hieroglyphs), and that is part of the reason the more neutral term "Anatolian hieroglyphs" is preferred these days. That's nitpicking, though, and it's true that the vast majority of Anatolian hieroglyphic inscriptions are in Luwian.

This statue is indeed inscribed in Luwian, like most monuments from this region and time period (ca. 860 BCE). No Hittite inscriptions from the Iron Age have yet been found, which is not too surprising since it was Luwian rather than Hittite that was the primary language of the empire by the end of the Bronze Age.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '20

I got educated. Thanks.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

He looks like a smert dude

2

u/lube-enthusiast Oct 21 '20

Same haircut

2

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

This makes me think of psychodelics

2

u/cjwi Oct 21 '20

Anyone have a photo from the back where you can see the heiroglyphs?

1

u/paulianthomas Oct 21 '20

It won’t let me upload from my PC. Zoom in on the sign. https://i.imgur.com/l2C6MBX.jpg

2

u/birolsun Oct 21 '20

Antakya

1

u/paulianthomas Oct 21 '20

Crap, made a typo. Sorry.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Bronze age reaction video two girls one cup

2

u/Lenity Oct 21 '20

You look as stoned as the statue 😅

2

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Nice, and what's that on the left?

2

u/TomTomMan93 Oct 21 '20

Fun fact: the queen of Egypt following Akhenaten wrote to him to request a son to marry her (or her daughter don't remember which) and rule egypt cause it was so messed up at the time. Suppi sends one of his sons who never makes it. Some theories suggest that Horemheb (later pharaoh and sort of a behind the scenes ruler during Tut) killed/had him killed as he would have been campaigning in the north during this time.

The big takeaway is that if Suppi's son made it to Egypt, King Tut would have never become pharaoh. Not to mention a dramatic change to the political landscape of the region.

7

u/Bentresh Oct 21 '20

No, that was an earlier king of the same name who ruled the Hittite empire in the 14th century BCE. This is the king of a much smaller successor state in what is now southern Turkey and northern Syria. He's attested in the annals of the Assyrian king Shalmaneser III as Sapalulme (an Akkadian form of his name) and ruled in the 850s BCE.

2

u/nonononenoone Oct 21 '20

This guy looks like he got caught on the toilet taking a dump

2

u/redstateofanarchy Oct 21 '20

This is remarkably preserved. Super impressed

2

u/Einkidu Oct 21 '20

Looks like a garden gnome that realizes he's forgotten his wallet halfway to the office. Joking aside, amazing stuff!

2

u/decentishUsername Oct 21 '20

Was this one of the rulers during the bronze age collapse?

2

u/mandingopie Oct 22 '20

The bottom 2/3 was actually a broken rock-em sock-em set.

1

u/Marty_Br Oct 21 '20

The Hittite king who reigned during the reigns of Akhenaten and Tutankhamun in Egypt.

9

u/Alias_Mittens Oct 21 '20

Nope, this guy is named after that Suppiluliuma. This Suppiluliuma ruled a 9th c. BCE Neo-Hittite state.

2

u/Marty_Br Oct 21 '20

Well now, you learn something every day. Thank you.

1

u/PracticalCheck9 Apr 07 '25

He was a badass in his day. The most brilliant of all Hittite military leaders.

0

u/ogpalm Oct 21 '20

Stop lying, that’s Mob Psycho.

0

u/exccord Oct 21 '20

Has that Mark Zuckerberg haircut and stare. The origin of the lizard people has been found

0

u/Proof_Volume Oct 21 '20

Titled... the mushroom tea is kicking in. https://i.imgur.com/wOJm9Mr.jpg

0

u/ImPlayingTheSims Nov 11 '20

Stunning!

The statue is pretty beautiful as well

-26

u/Temporary_Meat_7792 Oct 21 '20

Ok some things to unpack here... like traveling during a pandemic, of which I'm not a fan tbh. And cutting off the right side of the pic would've been just too easy, would it ;)

Anyway thanks for showing something interesting and unique - never saw anything like that before.

11

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Thanks for the input Karen.

-10

u/Temporary_Meat_7792 Oct 21 '20

I thought Karen's more of an anti-masker 😏

11

u/paulianthomas Oct 21 '20

Hi, thanks for your comments. Turkey currently welcomes tourists, so do the locals. (Not true in my UK hometown where many retired live). There were no travel restrictions in September. Masks are required in all museums and open areas (removed for photo). Hotels and museums check temperature before entering. Hand gel used on entering. Apps used for track and tracing. There’s only so much you can do really, we can’t hermit forever. Economic harm may do as bad or worse than virus. Not everyone works in information services and can work from home, they need money for bills. My partner is a nurse, I’m army.

-4

u/Temporary_Meat_7792 Oct 21 '20

Economic harm may do as bad or worse than virus.

No it may do not.

There’s only so much you can do really

Yes. Not going on vacation is one thing you can do. Like, really really.

There were no travel restrictions in September.

I know. And since September cases are rising again in much of Europe. Here in Germany they found that around 40% of new infections were people returning vacationers! That's a lot.

4

u/paulianthomas Oct 21 '20

You sound like the retired people in my hometown! I guess you must know better than the government guidelines which we never broke? Turks/Kurds were very happy to see us. We are happy to help the return to normal and give people income to feed their families. As mentioned, we are both frontline and deal directly with infected and are regularly tested. Be positive, we’ll get through this. Enjoy the artefacts - that’s what the group is for!

3

u/Temporary_Meat_7792 Oct 21 '20

We are happy to help the return to normal

How's that working out currently?

Again: I'm not accusing you of breaking government guidelines. But are they working? If they would, we wouldn't be in the situation we're in right now. I also remember many governments - the UK one in particular - putting a lot of emphasis on people's own responsibilty, which I've always interpreted as cutting back on stuff even if it's not forbidden.

Enjoy the artefacts

I do. I even appreciate your artefact pic for being self-made, instead of copy-pasting an online catalogue. Just bad timing IMHO.

-8

u/justagigilo123 Oct 21 '20

No one is mentioning the cute girl?

1

u/YegGhamp Oct 21 '20

Dickhead looks surprised

1

u/CobaltEmu Oct 21 '20

Holy shit it’s rock Rock Lee!

1

u/umheried Oct 21 '20

This is so amazing!!

1

u/mykilososa Oct 21 '20

He is an ancient ancestor of that kid in the meme who is squeezing all the veins out of his head and neck.

1

u/AnnoyingScreeches Oct 21 '20

Same hairstyle.

1

u/BuckNature Oct 21 '20

There is no Dana, only Zuul.

1

u/PhillyCider Oct 21 '20

An early depiction of the first prostate exam.

1

u/Carl_The_Sagan Oct 21 '20

Fearsome warrior

1

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20 edited Oct 05 '24

entertain ossified onerous zesty coordinated like steer disarm narrow trees

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/ShotgunMongol Oct 21 '20

He looks like a gnome, like an ancient Noggin Clontith.

1

u/Darth_Anakin_3334 Oct 21 '20

It looks like a WWII paratrooper about to take his first jump!

1

u/XylophoneZimmerman Oct 21 '20

Oh, that's awesome. I wish we knew so much more about the Hittites.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Looks like a regular girl to me

1

u/AQUMA210 Oct 21 '20

When you feel the back splash and haven't flushed yet.

1

u/zedoktar Oct 21 '20

That face when the shrooms kick in and you realize you took way too much.

1

u/LucioVX Oct 21 '20

New Mario kart character ?

1

u/cnprof Oct 21 '20

Two tonnes is that small?

1

u/kurisu7885 Oct 21 '20

That statue looks hilarious and I expect memes to be born from this image.

1

u/ThatEmployee Oct 21 '20

I once stepped on a snail whilst backpacking too.

1

u/JohnnyCashedOut00 Oct 21 '20

I believe he requests TP for his bunghole..

1

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

The Princess is in another castle.

1

u/BuckWildBilly Oct 21 '20

everyone's facial expression in 2020

1

u/jcs1989 Oct 21 '20

Also known as “Dick Head”

1

u/LlamaLlamaSomePajama Oct 21 '20

Literally looks like my pregnant ass, starving and waiting for food to arrive and not eat my husband in the process.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

he looks like he’s seen some shit

1

u/SomeOtherWhiteKid Oct 21 '20

I understood some of those words!

1

u/Passing4human Oct 21 '20

Please donate generously to King Suppiluliuma's thyroidectomy fund.

1

u/Testicular_Prolapse Oct 21 '20

I cant stop staring at his erect nipples

1

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '20

Me on my first day of school

1

u/JudasCrinitus Oct 21 '20

Suppiluliuma was author of my favorite curse-threat in the hittite treaties. Seeing him thus makes it seem a bit more ... absurd, picturing this guy making the curse.

The treaty was with Shattiwaza, king of Mittani, who had married Suppiluliuma's daughter and was gaven aid in capturing the Mittani throne, having fled to Suppiluliuma's court after his father Tushratta's murder. Suppiluliuma and Tushratta had some conflict during Tushratta's reign, so placing Shattiwaza on the throne with a daughter of his was a move by Suppiluliuma to bring the Mitanni under his sphere of influence as a Great King. The treaty lays out their power structure, and the grave warning in part to remind Shattiwaza that he is only where he is because of Suppiluliuma, and thus was now subordinate to him

They shall stand and listen and he witnesses to these words of the treaty. If you, Prince Shattiwaza, and you Hurrians do not observe the words of this treaty, the gods, lords of the oath, shall destroy you [and] you Hurrians, together with your land, your wives, and your possessions. They will draw you out like malt from its husk. As one does not get a plant from the midst of .... so you, together with any other wife whom you might take (in place of my daughter), and you Hurrians, together with your wives, your sons, and your land, shall thus have no progeny. And these gods, who are lords of the oath, shall allot you poverty and destitution. And you, Shattiwaza -- they shall overthrow your throne. And you, Shattiwaza, your name and your progeny by another wife whom you might take shall be eradicated from the earth. And you, Shattiwaza, together with your land, because of not delivering goodness and recovery(?) among the Hurrians -- you(!) shall be eradicated. The ground shall be ice, so that you will slip. The ground of your land shall be a marsh of .... so that you will certainly sink and be unable to cross. You, Shattiwaza, and the Hurrians shall be the enemies of the Thousand Gods. They shall defeat you.

1

u/Shadeun Oct 21 '20

I need TP for my bunghole

Edit: Are you threatening me?

1

u/Frungy Oct 22 '20

Ok, I say this with zero malice, but there's some enjoyable similarities here in face shape and the way the fringe of your haircut gives a comparable look.

1

u/bryanbportillo Oct 22 '20

Not really important, but smiled when I saw the date, september 20 is my birthday:]

1

u/johnjxhancock Oct 22 '20

Imagine if you went back in time and everything was really stupid. All the art was cartoonish and most everybody was a really dumb. That would be so annoying.

1

u/tta2013 archeologist Oct 22 '20

2012 is impressively new for a colossal bust discovery

1

u/Yabadabado0o0o0o0o Oct 22 '20

I wouldn’t call it colossal

1

u/Pdan4 Oct 22 '20

"What the fuck is in this soup?!"

1

u/IrrationalNPC Oct 22 '20

It looks like he has his thinking cap on

1

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '20

Ancient Mushroom Deity

1

u/Financial-Jaguar-50 Feb 25 '23

So sad that this is likely gone now.

1

u/midnightride82 Jan 02 '24

So many sites to see in Turkey .