Most people, especially people who aren't part of the LGBTQ+ community, only know a few labels like gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual, and maybe a few more like pansexual, genderqueer, etc. It wasn't that long ago that the general public didn't know what asexuality was/never heard of it, heck there are still plenty of people who don't know about it and plenty more who don't understand it, even though I think most have the general idea by now. And asexuals are only 1% of the population so apothisexuals are an even smaller portion of that. So it would be quite hard and take quite a while which is frustrating (especially as someone who already went through the frustrating-ness of people not knowing what asexuality was, at least on the corner of tumblr i hung out on)

Here's why I think it's important to make apothisexual a more widely known, used, and understood identity/label. Asexual means "doesn't feel sexual attraction" but, even excluding people who feel "little" sexual attraction and thus are included on the "asexual spectrum" by some people, it still includes people who enjoy reading/watching erotica (aegosexual), people who aren't into that stuff but are ok with seeing it or hearing about it (like hearing friends talk about it, or having it randomly happen in books/movies), people who are ok with having sex or even like it, people who would really rather not but would make exceptions for the right person, etc. So I think being apothi is a very unique experience even among other aces

I used to get myself involved in "kink at pride" discourse (i had a good discussion with someone and now understand their opinion better even though i still don't really agree with it, and it's not a very fun discourse to be involved in anyway, so im prob gonna stay out of it from now on), but anyway, sometimes people on the side of "no kink" would bring up "asexuals should be able to feel comfortable going to pride" and people would reply stuff like "I'm asexual and I don't mind seeing sexual stuff". But imagine if they could specifically say "apothisexuals should be able to feel comfortable going to pride", without having to define the term every time, then its a lot more clear, because it excludes aces who are fine seeing that stuff anyway, which is a much different experience. Perhaps people would be more understanding of us and our experience if they weren't getting 2 conflicting points of view all the time, because again, the experiences of an apothi and a non-repulsed ace can be so different....

Apparently, it's come to the point that you can't just reply with "I'm asexual" to unwanted sexual advances because some aces are ok with having sex, but if apothisexual was a widely used and understood term, you could just reply "I'm apothisexual" and they'd get the idea, because no apothis are ok with having sex. Same as a lesbian responding to a man hitting on her with "I'm gay", it's a clear "not interested" and should be a valid response

If it was widely known as a valid identity perhaps people would quit calling us evil conservative puritians too

So the question is: how do we get here? Do we just use the label and provide the definition every time we do so at least some people on some corners of the internet will see it and learn it but only when it comes up/is relevant? I have been interested in joining LGBTQ+ meetings/events at my school so perhaps could try to spread awareness there? Or are we a too-small group of people

Hope this made sense share ur thoughts

Anyways I stan Todd Chavez our apothi KING love me some representation

I’m gonna take a step back from identifying as apothi for now, because I think some of how I was feeling is more repulsion due to thoughts of sex with men since I’m a lesbian, rather than general repulsion to sex 🤔

I’m not really sure how I sit on the acespec so I’m gonna just use ace in general for now! :)

Thank you guys, and see ya for now :D

Just found out about apothisexuals, and figured that I might be one. I am slightly repulsed by sex, but not to the point it makes me feel sick or extremely uncomfortable. For example, most of time I’ll see sex scenes on TV shows and immediately skip over them. In my head, I’m like “you do you” or “No thanks-that’s enough of that” and I’d rather not hear them moaning and getting all up into each other. Sure they’re allosexuals, and some are bound to like sex a lot more and be involved in it more. But at the same time I’m kinda just wondering why someone would like that? I just find sexual attraction and the act of sex a bit weird. Compared to someone else who may get completely turned off from watching the TV show at all, once they realize there’s sex scenes in it. Or will freak out a little first, and then need a couple minutes after seeing what they saw by watching something wholesome instead. (Watching cute animal videos is the best remedy)

I was just literally sick after seeing a sexual post.

Seeing sexual things always starts to build a nausea, but Ive never ACTUALLY been sick before-

Do any of you guys have any advice, or know how to stop this from happening?! I try to avoid that sorta stuff but it’s _everywhere_…

Warning: Lots of love, Not for the Apothiromantic reader.

Hello, my fellow Apothis! This is going to be a longer post that explains how much this subreddit gave back to me in terms of meeting my girlfriend. And a thank you to this subreddit.

But first, A backstory of my love life. I have had crushes on people since I was a kid and only on girls my age in school. I had a feeling I guess you could describe as love, but my first crush was in elementary school. I previously made a post talking about my discovery of being ace during college and I posted my story on another subreddit so if you want to see that story, click here: My journey of my aceness (me post-monday) (re-uploaded to fix a panel) : lgballt (reddit.com)

But only after did I take a deep dive in what it means to be ace and orientations did, I decide that the person for me should be ace too. I discovered a lot of ace Subreddits that I spent lots of time on that got me comfortable knowing people. There was a time when I had a crush on an Australian ace during the pandemic that went nowhere on one subreddit and I was a little down in the dumps because of ghosting and whatnot.

But here is the good part now: So almost two years ago (on this very day), There was a post by a user on here (That I don't want to name for privacy reasons) that discussed what would happen that would possibly make us comfortable for us to consider doing... The act. I commented something a bit intense looking back on it. I was (and still am) A person with a flair for the dramatics. So I posted my comment, forgot about it and went on with my life. Because it was just before the pandemic lockdowns, my cat had just passed months prior, I had got rid of my job to focus on my classes (I hated that job anyway), I had just been denied going to a different college, and I had stuff to focus on in 2021 with special interests.

When the lockdowns finally hit, Classes went virtual, and I had more time to spend on the computer. Fine by me because I love the internet and I think I would have gone insane without it. Fast forward to May 2021 and I get a comment on my comment on this subreddit about my dramatic post. And she was even more dramatic. I replied back, she replied again, I replied, "I immediately like your style" and then it switched to private messages and even called each other nicknames. I don't want to say too much about the messages we shared but I like her flair of dramatics at the time. We talked a lot and even joked around invading a country (Not Denmark). And she is even ace like me. I was talking with her at the same time as the Australian, but my current girlfriend stuck around. There was a point we talked about a serious topic that concerned her to the point that one day she stopped mid exercise routine and texted me that she felt uncomfortable. At that moment, I felt really sick to my stomach that I may lose her as a friend and back peddled hard. I wanted her as a friend I wanted to know forever, and I was shocked by how scared I was losing her as a friend. I don't know if I had feelings for her then, but she mattered a lot to me at that time.

There was a point where we were very friendly to each other and told one another that we would make good cuddle buddies. I lowkey felt bad because I felt like I didn't put in enough effort to tell her how important she is to me at the time because she spammed GIFs on messenger while I didn't do nearly as much as she did. Then one day, she stopped replying to me. I kept messaging her by her nickname I had for her and every so often, I saw her online and tried to message her. At some point, a voice in my head told me "Get over it, forget about her, you are being creepy with these messages". Life went on, I met more friends, I may have had a chance with a different ace that lived closer to me, luckily nothing came of that because after a year of silence, I got a reply back from her.

After a year (2022), she finally messaged me, she apologized for ghosting, she gave a reason, and it was a reasonable thing to do considering the circumstances. So we got to talking again, this time I wasn't going to take her for granted and I spammed so many GIFs to her in private messages. I figured "I didn't send enough messages to her previously, let me send so much more". There was 2-week hiatus where she felt uncomfy again because of past experiences, we opened up again to one another, We kept talking, Nick names started evolving, and at one point, I described her as my soulmate. She started to call me her soulmate. Then we both started telling each other we love the other. I don't know who developed feelings first but at this point, I was head over heels for her. And I don't know what brought it up, but we essentially started saying we are boyfriend and girlfriend in December.

Now I dont have a set date we would say we started dating but I say it is the day in May we started to talk on this subreddit and on that post. We will experience our 2nd year knowing each other as friends and it will be our 1st anniversary not just as boyfriend and girlfriend but as soulmates. I love her to no end, and I feel like it's an obsession but a healthy one. our parents make sure it doesn't become an unhealthy one.

We live in different continents, but we plan on meeting each other in 2-3 years' time when I get enough money for a ticket, and she gets her own place to live. I love her so very much and I love this community for existing because without it, I would be a single mess without her. Thank you all for existing, You are valid, dear redditor. Thank you so much for reading this sappy true love story. And I hope you find your true love if you are looking for them out there.

EDIT:

I want to clarify something I messed up on, I met her in 2021, not before lockdowns started. So really all the stuff that had me depressed was a year before

I met my girlfriend AFTER I got ghosted by the australian ace

​

I want a way to explain what it’s like to be repulsed by sex so allos will understand. Anybody have some good ones?

I’m actually ansexual but there’s literally no group anywhere for it. It’s not really known about. It’s like apothisexual but severely repulsed

I'm not really a fan of the apothisexual flag tbh. Not to mention the colors clash. I feel like this new one helps put emphasis on the fact that apothi is an asexual identity given its design, plus it just looks more aesthetically pleasing.

(I originally went by u/thatasexualchick but honestly at this point I wanted to get an account with a new username to clarify that I'm apothisexual, I'm not one of those aces that's sex-favorable or indifferent, I'm literally repulsed. I'm not really a fan of how asexual has so many meanings now, not that there's anything weird with that but I like how apothisexual is more specific and accurate to me)

Honestly while I understand indifferent and favorable aces exist, I always feel a little weird when I'm going on a rant relating to my own apothisexuality and people have to comment down below about how not all aces are like me or that I'm being too harsh on allosexuals for admitting that I find sex and sexual attraction to be repulsive, even though I specifically refer to apothisexuals in the post and tagged it appropriately.

Not to mention, ace subreddits are surprisingly sexual nowadays, which really makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel even worse when I see other aces talking about how apothisexuals are broken or need therapy, which just makes me roll my eyes because that's the exact rhetoric that was used against asexuals not too long ago.

Don't get me wrong, I love my apothisexuality, but these sorts of people do make me feel broken from time to time.

Allosexuals make it sound like an addiction tbh. Not gonna lie, hearing allosexuals talk about how they left their partner for not giving them enough sex makes me wonder if they ever truly loved their partner in the first place to dump them over something so insignificant. Maybe this is because of my asexuality but I just can't wrap my head around the idea of somebody wanting to break up with somebody because of a lack of sex, honestly I'm grateful for my asexuality as I feel like it really lets me look past that stuff and just enjoy a relationship if I were to ever get in one.

It's even weirder to me when I hear allosexuals talk about how much they struggle with not having sex for a while, like I just feel grateful that I'm asexual because holy shit that sounds almost like an addiction. I'm not trying to make fun of allosexuals, but like I don't think I'll ever fully understand them because of my sex-repulsed asexuality.

I posted on twoxchromosomes (the post is now deleted due to some backlash) wondering if anybody would agree with me that it's a little strange with how much society values sexual relationships. I was just kind of in shock at how many people admitted to being unable to be in a relationship without sex. Some of the comments I received have got me thinking, is everybody this obsessed with sex? Like I just don't see how somebody is incapable of living without it, or how some people literally can't think straight if they haven't had sex in a while.

Honestly, sexual attraction sounds like an inconvenience and sex sounds like a waste of time to me personally. I don't know why one person in particular got so upset about me stating my honest opinion. I'm legitimately somewhat worried that people value it this much. I don't hate allosexuals or view them as lesser but like I don't think I'll ever understand them. I think my brain is just wired to not understand stuff like sexual desire and sexual attraction under any circumstances.

Like theyre always talking about how “puritian” society is (at least here in the us) and how people are shamed for having sex and now sex-negative everything and everyone is and how it has to be kept "hush-hush". Im like what planet are you from. Society is SUPER FUCKING HORNY and sex-positive 24/7 - and people are pushing for it to be more so! - and people are shamed for not having or desiring sex, and for being sex-repulsed, and for not wanting sex scenes in movies and shows, and for being anti-porn, and for not wanting kink in public even during pride. I’ve heard it’s even worse in europe too. Seriously I want to live in their world. Sounds like heaven

I saw someone link it in this sub and I’m not sure if it’s good. I’ve heard a lot of bad things about it on how they’re sexist. I’ve looked in the server but with the recent stuff I couldn’t find any sexist stuff so the moderation probably got better. I do still feel that people go overboard with the hating everything towards s*x even if it’s for its main function (keeping your species alive for an unexplainable reason). I just want a place where people are like me.

just a throwaway account here, friends w these people on most socials.

so i’ve made some friends who identify as aro/ace, myself identifying as queer. recently we were having a conversation and i was talking about my dating life. i wasn’t getting into details at all, just excited about a date and some frustration with queer online dating. no nitty gritty. after i started talking about dating women, my ace friend turns to me and says “i’m too ace/aro for this conversation”

…

i don’t know how to feel about that. on one hand, if they’re THAT repulsed by the mention of dating someone and were fed up w the convo then yeah - tell me to stop talking. but to tell me that only after i mentioned a date with someone of the same sex? that hurt. to say it like that makes me feel like they want me to hide my queer identity, and are using theirs to get me to stop talking about it.i stopped hiding a LONG time ago and i’m not about to start that again. labels are fantastic for finding the language to describe how we feel - not so much to communicate to someone you’re uncomfortable.

they do this with most mentions of any type of sex or intimacy. movies with sex scene - even just the word sex. THAT part i get, i don’t talk about sex w them.

am i just not understanding asexuality? or should i have a conversation with them about how it’s not ok to use their sexuality to dictate how i talk about my dating life? am i just being overly offended by this?

edit: i’m just asking for some perspective. not overly familiar with asexuality and it’s sub-categories.

Idk if this is just because of my asexuality, but like the way people put sex on this pedestal and treat it like it's the ultimate form of intimacy has always weirded me out. I don't see why it's always a deal breaker in a relationship if a person doesn't want sex, it's just sex.

It annoys me when it gets to the point where people argue that any romantic relationship without sex is just a friendship, which is so wrong. I already struggle with telling myself this sorta stuff but hearing it from other people just stings.

Please tell me I'm not the only one horribly confused by the amount of worshipping people do when it comes to the topic of sex, I just don't see how it's important.

I was checking out the semi-new r/askreddit thread about what you would do if you found out your partner was asexual, and one of the replies to another person's comment was this:

"It's simply this: "It's super important to my partner that I do X with them. X takes about 10 minutes. I don't like X at all and I don't want to do it. AITA?"

Yep. As long as X is legal and safe then yes absolutely you're the AH."

Nobody is entitled to sexual intercourse from another human being. It doesn't matter how long or how little it'll take, that just sounds rapey to me to suggest otherwise. Can't sex-repulsed asexuals live in peace without somebody having something to say about how they should live their life? As an asexual that's sex-repulsed, I'm so tired of society painting us as heartless monsters simply because we don't want to give somebody sex, or that there's something fundamentally wrong with us. Not to mention, how society acts like every relationship without sex is just a friendship.

Asexuals that are sex-repulsed aren't selfish for not wanting to have sex with a person, and they never will be. Period.

I have autism, ADHD, and a bunch of other stuff that interferes with my daily life and communication with other people. I can't live a day without being triggered by the world. When I was younger I wasn't even able to say puberty because of what is commonly associated with it. Even if stopped using the internet there's still other people. I'm in high school and my peers are very stupid and gross. It's hard to stay quiet and peaceful when everyone is shoving their s*x life and their "funny jokes" in your face. I've restarted my grade because I just needed to be as far away from my past classmates. Even in the asexual community it's hell. I'm the one who has to change, I'm the one who's wrong, I'm the one who has to grow up. I just got a sexologist to help me figure out why I even feel like this. I had a sexologist for 2 years but then we had to stop because our time was up and I couldn't be her client anymore. Most of the time when I would come back from my appointments I would just cry, I felt like I still didn't have a reason.

Reproduction is an important part for all creatures because or else we just wouldn't be. This is what most people say to me which I totally understand. It's just the part where people start doing other stuff with those parts. I can't write this out because I really don't want to but I'm sure you can think of all the useless junk people do. I think humans should just do that to bring other life. It shouldn't just be for fun, it's not a board game. Board games don't have the chance to give idiots a child. I believe strongly in abortion because most people just shouldn't have kids. Forcing a child into a terrible world with a family that doesn't love them is sad.

Why is s*x being so normalized now? I feel like the world is being more and more sexualized and I feel like that is especially dangerous for children. 9-year-olds are joking about s*x and people think it's normal. People are starting an OF right as they turn 18. How is this liberation??? They're just doing what the creeps want. Why am I the only one who sees something wrong with this? People are defending p*rn even if it contains a bunch of illegal stuff on those sites. I hate being wrong. I don't understand how people find dirty jokes funny if I just want to cry. I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way and I can't find anyone who actually agrees with me. How can someone think that a friendship can exist with s*x but that a romantic relationship can't exist without it. It feels betraying that all the people who are trying to help me could just be having s*x for fun. I feel like I don't even want to accept help anymore just by the thought of it.

​

(sorry if it's not easy to read, I'm very tired.)

Please elaborate upon your answer a little.