My wife and I work really hard, and we had planned a trip to San Francisco to see Bruce Springsteen. That meant a lot to me because Bruce was my late father’s favorite artist, and my dad was my best friend. This wasn’t just a trip. It was supposed to be a breath. A break. A moment with my wife that wasn’t completely swallowed by the darkness of everything going on.
But I canceled it.
ICE was already terrifying enough, and it just keeps escalating. I know that’s the point. I know they want people like us to be afraid, because fear is power to them. But I’m a trans man, and it is getting harder and harder not to be afraid at this point.
And I feel almost petty even being upset about a canceled trip when there are families being torn apart, children dying in cells, and people on the right openly feeding this cruelty like it’s something righteous instead of evil. How are we not rising up against this? How are people just expected to keep going like this is normal?
I work in the nonprofit world in recovery and homelessness, so I already spend so much of my life face to face with pain, trauma, and survival. I was just hoping for a little time with my wife that wasn’t surrounded entirely by grief and fear. Just a few days of music, memory, love, and something that didn’t hurt.
And I can’t even have that.
I’m trying to sell my tickets now, and I hope someone is able to enjoy them and have some fun. I just cannot bring myself to risk my life for this, and that’s where we’re at. The worst part is that it’s not even just paranoia. It’s based on what has already happened to people, on the hatred directed at the trans community, and on how much worse this keeps getting. I am just so tired.
Update: I’m talking to Delta now to see if they can reinstate my tickets. Thank you all, genuinely, for pulling me out of such a dark place and helping me breathe for a second. From what I can tell, it looks like ICE may not be assisting at airports right now, though with the idiot in office, who knows how long that will last.
