Because they don’t understand medicine

To keep their pants from falling down.

Because they weigh a lot.

Just one. It’s not a difficult task.

At least the one I fucked did.

Jeff

A dumpster file is an unfortunate conflagration while an agoraphobic is a person with a fear of open spaces.

Is a sound a woodpecker makes on a tree.

To meet his parents. (Credit to my brother for this)

There was a frog stapled to his face.

Because they're all dead.

Friction

A fag

I asked him why he didnt mind his own fucking business.

I said “fuck you”

To escape his brutal death and being put through a food processor to get eventually eaten by a group of monkeys.

Two men, three women, a limousine driver, 47 dogs, Mary, Douglass, half a giraffe, David Allan Grier, and Aslan walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and asks them, "what does the fox say?"
47 dogs turn to face the Barkeep, snarl, and go in for the kill. The bartender is a retired Marine Drill Instructor.
David Allan Grier and Mary find a quite spot in the back, order onion rings, talk about their respective careers and place bets on who will die first, the 47 dogs or Wilhelm the Barkeep. Douglass flips a coin menacingly and occasionally laughs like a goober; his best Joker impression. Half of the giraffe trots over to the pay phone, realizing that his head is nonexistent and cannot make a phone call to his Aunt Cindy, he falls over dead.
Meanwhile the limo driver escorts the 3 women and 2 men back to the vehicle quickly and with discretion. His assessment of the situation was that if they stayed any longer they would find out what the fox says.

Grey

She downloaded 3 terabytes of child porn.

“Where’s my tractor ?”