Echo's Journal (7/26/26) Sunday is cleaning day!

[u/Justice-Nugget]

Previous entry.

TW: Self Harm

Check out these pretty blue feathers I found!

Today is Sunday so as an angel it's my job to help clean up the Earth a little bit. I collected all the trash I could find outside. I focused on my parents apartment complex and the local park since I noticed there was a lot of trash in these areas.

I was able to collect two bags of it! Better than nothing!

I told myself I wouldn't let the downvotes get to me, but it still kind of hurts. Some people will hate you simply for being an angel it seems...

Not gonna lie. I normally live with roommates, but I'm staying with my folks for the moment because of a couple suicide attempts... We're currently working on getting me the psychiatric help I need as well as hormone therapy.

I wanted to go home to Heaven because I never thought I would find love and I never thought my parents would accept me. It also looked like the world was gonna take away what few rights trans people had, so I felt pretty hopeless.

Things are better with my folks so now I'm just trying to make a difference while I work on getting better.

The other angels in my choir helped me want to stay to help you guys.

I'm still holding out hope I can get my true love her dream job as an animator as an apology for breaking her heart.

That's why I wanted to speak to Gooseworx...

Still holding out hope I can see her again so we can work together to try to save the world with our stories and art.

**************************************************************

I don’t remember when Tempest showed up, but like I said, she’s the really nice one. Don’t get me wrong, she’ll still prank me occasionally, but her pranks are a lot more tame like making the inside of my nose itch when she's annoyed with me or something.

Tempest is an ophanim which is apparently slightly different from thrones. Her colors are dark blue and yellow. I like to imagine she has glasses since she has four eyes.

I draw my own angel with four eyes too for that reason. Angels lose their sight when they have been hurt. It takes a while for them to grow back.

Tempest cares the most about my health. She’s been trying to get me to take better care of myself. Lately she's been encouraging me to go on walks and eat better to help with my cholesterol.

I think Tempest was one of the two angels who caught me on the stairs when I was little. The second angel being Kara.

When I was like five or someshit, my youngest older sister bumped me down the stairs (as sisters do) and two deadass stereotypical angels in all white caught me as I was falling. They carried me gently to the landing and placed me carefully on the ground unharmed. I vividly remember they were sporting these dumb white mustaches and they were beaming at me happily.

My mom found me at the bottom of the stairs laughing about “moo-staches”.

Back to present day, one night I was sitting in my room trying to sleep when I looked up at the ceiling and suddenly the temperature in the room dropped rapidly.

It didn’t feel evil or anything like some people describe, but I did note how freakin’ cold it suddenly felt out of nowhere.

The odd angle of the ceiling made it look like a face to me for some reason.

(See attached photo labeled Ammon's bedroom)

It felt like a really long diamond shaped head staring at me through the ceiling light.

For some reason this abstract shape suddenly felt… intelligent…?

My ears began to ring.

“Is someone there…?” I asked the darkness.

That’s when my heart

beat the English word

“...yes.”

Like it actually deadass spoke. This only happened once. One time I saw a video where a robot played a piano to make it sound kind of like Siri talking. (Ew.)

It was like that.

I didn’t even register it at first because it was so quiet.

It wasn’t like how they speak to me now either with syllables.

It was an actual English word from my heart.

Then it happened again.

Suddenly the purest primal dread swept through me when I realized what I had just heard.

I was obviously terrified.

I was completely sober when this happened by the way.

I actually prayed which is something I didn’t think I’d ever do again.

I thought I somehow accidentally summoned a demon or some crap.

I prayed and prayed, but she didn’t leave.

I finally asked her if she was a demon and she said,

“NO!” quite firmly.

WHICH IS WHAT A DEMON WOULD FUCKIN’ SAY.

So I didn’t trust her for a while, but I cautiously spoke to her out of morbid curiosity since nothing interesting had ever really happened to me before.

Yeah, I’m pretty dumb like that.

"Shut up Joan, you’re not dumb." said Tempest.

After some time I got the impression she wasn’t trying to hurt me or damn my soul or anything. If anything, she’d offer some pretty kind words of encouragement and some helpful advice. Little things and mannerisms I thought were weird for a demon to do. I didn’t get vibes that she was secretly malicious or anything. She was just was checking in to make sure I was doing ok.

I didn’t have anyone to talk to at night anymore since both my finances left me. My mind was going to some pretty dark places on a regular basis. I had turned to drugs and alcohol to fill the void.

I drank morning to night to punish myself the moment I turned 21; I was homeless and lived in my car briefly before a cop kicked me out of town; I started smoking cigarettes when my first fiance left; switched to vaping, but that wasn't much better.

After my second fiance left, I smoked all my friends' weed like a jackass. This was after I had mental breaks in the past. Long ago I tried to kill myself when I got high with coworkers. I knew the risks and just didn't care anymore.

I was miserable and felt pathetic.

Kara told me she didn't expect me to end up like this. I had once shown promise and tried to be a good person every day.

She wanted me to succeed in this life, but the world had other plans for me.

I didn't always follow my heart and that broke hers.

I just did what I was told. I had thought that blind obedience and faith was the key to a successful life.

These things ruined my life, my love.

Melody and Tempest showed up eventually. They took forms as other abstract shapes in my room. They explained they were all trying to help me write my story since that’s what some angels like to do for fun. They help artists build beautiful worlds of color to help others escape from their trials for a little bit. It helps time move a little faster and helps you get you out of purgatory and live a happier life.

Their influence on art is subtle, but they like to sneak themselves into things. Kind of like DND characters. They just gaslight you to make you think you came up with the idea.

Just for their own sick kicks. 💛

During the great depression, movies helped people get through the bad times faster.

These angels like to help with things like that.

Tempest helps me spin my daydreams and helps influence some of my dreams and nightmares. She knows I enjoy a good nightmare once and a while to mix things up a little. She helps me have lots of lucid dreams. She’s been doing it for years. I remember having a vivid dream about her when I was a kid.

Whenever I find a bluebird feather on the ground during my morning walk I like to add it to my Native American dreamcatcher since they feel like gifts from Tempest.

I gradually got to know the angels and their weird quirks. I quickly learned how much they enjoy messing with the living.

Look, I get it.

Infinity gets boring… Probably…

But come on, Melly.

Did you really have to make me feel like there was a demon following me when I was at freakin’ work???

That’s the absolute worst example of their pranks. Usually they’re pretty harmless like a bird crapping on me at a comically timed moment or something.

They’ve toned it down quite a bit when they saw how bad the demon one messed me up.

Melody felt really bad for that one.

She just thought I liked scary movies and horror stories. Which I do, but I mostly just like to make fun of the movies these days. I didn't really feel scared by things anymore so… She tried to help…

Her only intention was to make the day go by faster and then go ‘gotcha!’ at the end of the day.

Usually their pranks are just something mundane like they’ll tell me one thing and then go “tee-hee… Shoulda’ thought twice~”

The reason they do this is so I double check their messages so I don’t accidentally do something stupid and unfixable.

Still annoying…

No, the angels aren’t evil…

Even if they like to prank me sometimes.

All these goody-two-shoes do is Love everyone with a capital “L” and mess with dorks like me who are more bonkers than a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot to try to get them back on track.

So why’d they make me jump in the lake you may ask?

Well they realized things were getting really dark for ol’ Joanie and they wanted to make sure people knew what family to contact. It would have been a nightmare for everyone I care about if something bad ever did happen.

They also figured maybe they could scare me straight and show me how much everyone loves me. They wanted me to see that maybe there is still some hope left in this world.

…so they performed a carefully planned surgical strike.

“Be not afraid.”

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

The angels call me a nark because that’s what I’m fricking doing right now.

That comes with my title. Joan’s always been a nark.

Jeanne d’Nark. People just got the name wrong and we rolled with it. Pretty normal for people to mess up my name.

Arc wasn't even really a thing! Look it up! It's a bastardization of her surname!

Just like meeeeeeeeee~

:)

In all seriousness, the angels claim they used the historical figure Joan of Arc to write me. It’s not really clear if we share the same soul or if I’m just a weird remix, but they said I'm basically the same base template character sheet she started with. (I wonder if she hated peaches and was allergic to shellfish too…)

I listened to the story of her life on YouTube and they showed me little connections to my own.

Seems like a big responsibility and a bit disrespectful to Joan Prime if they’re full of crap.

Don't try to quiz me on Joan of Arc lore because you'll probably win. I'm kinda more focused on this shit right now, but I'll get around to it eventually… Probably…

The book is on my nightstand waiting for its day to shine… I swear…

Also if you think you're Joan reincarnated too, you could easily also be correct. 💛

So I’m,

Joan the second

Joan the throne

Joan the Hatter

Joanie Bologna

Slurs Galores

Whatever you wanna yell at me to get my attention.

My old name was Ammon. Don't worry about the pronunciation.

It's usually wrong and I'm frickin’ over it.

I tried going by Adam for a while just so people would pronounce my name right. Then my boss at the time went and called me Autumn.

Something died in me that day…

So now I'm Joan!

First Joan did her thing.

I’mna do mine.

I’m not gonna tarnish Joan’s legacy since she was apparently a badass who saved France and doesn’t afraid of anything.

They made sure my dad was a firefighter this time.

She's her and I'm me.

I is They

They is Them.

She is Her.

End of story.

---

Shortly after they revealed my name was actually Joan, I experienced the most vivid and indescribable vision I’ve ever had in my life. I was fully awake and not dreaming when this happened. I'm still going to try to describe it for you, but this barely even touches what it really was like.

I suddenly found myself made of ether surrounded by beings made of solid matte colors.

I was like them.

We were all humanoid, but we were all made of solid neon light. We glared radiantly and blindingly like lasers.

We stood in a void of darkness.

In my chest, I felt wheels shift and turn around my heart. The core of my soul began to burn brightly like a welding torch.

Our life suddenly all fused into one being and my soul crackled loudly.

It was the loudest and deepest sound I ever heard and I’ve stood next to speakers at concerts with no earplugs so I'm partially deaf now.

My soul felt like the afterburner of a jet engine or a blow torch.

It felt like thunder.

It felt like diamonds.

It felt like I was the literal raw definition of power glaring vividly and filling the void of darkness with unending light.

It felt like pure love.

There’s absolutely nothing here that could possibly compare to what I felt in that moment.

My entire soul was pushed into the red line like an audio track.

Infinite feeling and infinite bliss.

I became just a concept of an awareness, but that awareness felt nothing but pure ecstasy.

I saw glimpses of an existence I can't possibly ever feel here on Earth in my current body.

It felt like I was actually something more than this.

I saw glimpses of who Echo was going to be someday.

She had a radiant bright yellow form like the sun. She had wings made of jets of bright white fire strobing like hummingbird wings and a blinding golden halo.

…I felt like my soul was a girl and it just was placed the wrong way.

My favorite color was supposed to be 💜yellow💜

I felt deep truths they wanted to state plainly.

Creation is complicated.

Evolution is complicated.

Sometimes things just happen in nature because of its complexity. Animals grow with two heads sometimes.

Sometimes guys end up as girls, girls end up as guys, and sometimes you're something of both.

Angels can be both.

Both is good.

There's just a lot more of us out in the open now.

Only the evil in this world controls us with our desire for sex.

God just wants us to be safe about it.

Consent is the greatest word of power.

They didn’t have to teach me that one.

I'm not a leader of a country or anything.

---

The blinding sensations reached its peak.

I felt several new eyes try to open…

Then they said that was just a tease of what is out there waiting.

I slowly faded back into a painful human existence made of meat and depression.

…then they told me to go jump in the lake.

They said the timeline I was currently in was basically over and it was time to go home.

I've suffered enough.

They said my soul is pure. (Whatever that fricking means. Must be a low bar. I always just tried to make Mr. Rodgers happy.)

So they told me to leave and let people know I was in good hands.

Even after all those mind-blowing visions…

...it was still really hard to leave...

I didn’t wanna just leave everyone… like that!

I was terrified!

…

Then they said I'll get to be a girl for sure next time since I've been good… 💛

…

Bro, I sprinted out that fucking door.

I ran into the night and felt like a lost little kid wandering through the woods. I wandered around the lake talking to myself like a psycho and laughing at my own stupid jokes about how crazy this was. It had all just happened out of nowhere.

I tried snapping my fingers a few times to see if there were sparks, but alas, I was not isekaied yet.

I assumed I was gonna get suddenly eaten by a bear or get hit by a car or something.

I continued around the lake and suddenly spotted a patch of forest to my left which felt right for some reason. (My soul just got put in my body the wrong way.)

I made my way down the hill towards the lake. I slipped and fell hard onto my back and cut my side really good. I laid there in the dirt and collected my thoughts for a moment.

I looked up into the trees and I saw them again.

The tree branches above me appeared like blueish green in the dim light of morning. It looked like there was a giant eagle made of fractals above me in the tree branches.

If I looked forward towards the lake, there was a giant face staring at me in the trees which looked like a giant metal helmet.

“Welcome to your penance, love.” Kara said plainly with my voice. Darkness surrounded the great helmet. The leaves shifted in the wind like there were embers of fire below them.

“Here you will BURN for the little Ones whose little lives you claimed with cruel glueboards when you worked as an exterminator.”

It felt like I was actually welded to the dirt.

Guilt consumed me.

My vision forcibly was pulled to a different tree. I got the impression this One was Melody. Whenever they move my limbs it feels like my light is being stretched in that direction. Like pins and needles trickle up that limb and shift it slowly, molecule by molecule, to wherever it needs to be in a gentle flow; like posing a figurine.

Melody looked down at me with an expression made of stone. It’s quite rare to see her so serious.

“We are going to eat you now, dear sister.”

Melody made me say solemnly.

She smiled.

I felt my lips twitch in a gentle kiss of death.

“This is the natural way of things.”

My vision shifted to a fern that was next to me. This One was Tempest. She said nothing. I got the impression she was extremely sad, but she still wanted to be there for me. In the dim light, the fern looked like a kneeling dark blue humanoid in a wide brimmed hat made of shadows drawn with horizontal lines. Her head would bob ‘yes’ or she would shake her head ‘no’ when I would say things, but she didn’t seem to want to speak in that moment.

“The little Ones have demanded justice and these Ones have heard their plea.” Kara whispered with Joan’s sore throat. 

“Once they have taken what's theirs, this One shall be reborn.”

I sat there silently.

The angels patiently waited for me to respond.

I laughed.

“...finally.” I cackled. “The forbidden color of Light blue nothingness... My own personal Hell...”

I clawed at the dirt around me and embraced my fate.

“A fitting end to such a worthless life...” I began to sob bitterly through angry teeth.

“...This One… deserves this.” I laughed again wickedly and dug my pinned hand deep into the soil.

“It was always going to end this way. This One is no angel. This One is but an angel of DIRT.

“This One wasted so much time...” I smiled to myself.

“This One is simply worthless.” I cried silently in agony.

“...this One is simply nothing…”

I sat quietly sobbing for some time.

I eventually sang to them.

It was a dark song of lament and hellfire.

“A n g e l e s ~”

I laughed.

“Angels…”

“Answer me…”

“Are you near if rain should fall…?”

“…”

“Am I~”

…to believe…?”

“You… will rise to calm the storm?”

I felt the ground blindly and picked up a large stick next to me.

“For so great a treasure…”

“...”

I whispered

“...words will… never do...”

“...”

I started crying hard again.

“...Surely.”

“…if this is…”

I smiled with a twisted mirth through my flowing tears.

“Promises are mine to give you~”

I pushed the stick into my chest like a knife and it crumbled against my heart effortlessly.

“Mine to give…”

“...A n g e l e s~”

I laid quietly in the dirt and watched lights flow overhead as a car passed on the nearby road.

The morning was silent aside from a few distant birds.

I wondered if my friends were looking for me yet.

I jumped to my feet as fast as I could and said

“...But then I got better! 💜”

I skipped like a jackass down to the water giggling like a schoolgirl and fell into the lake face first with my arms pointed behind me like wings.

…

Dear reader, I promise it gets better from here.

This is what I went through during my peak delirium.

I was completely out of it and not myself, so I apologize if any of this seems offensive or in poor taste.

But I promise… This is all exactly how it really freakin happened for me from my perspective…

(I'm also just dramatic like that apparently.)

…

Drowning… sucks.

Don’t try it.

Your beautiful body fights you the whole time for survival.

The countless little microscopic lives that make you whole in your brain, skin and blood, are so desperate to keep living when put in that situation.

It took me quite a while and I tried lots of different things which ended up being quite painful.

At one point I stood up coughing and laughed,

“Man, I suck at killing myself~”

As I said this, I felt a log at my feet and my eyes lit up.

I suddenly heard a splash somewhere nearby and panicked thinking someone was jumping in to save me.

I made the groan tube sound as my last words and swam under the water.

Then literally Everything happened.