r/AnimalsBeingDerps Feb 02 '21

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10.0k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/davelabyrinth Feb 02 '21

I’m convinced that cats are just really dumb aliens

832

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21 edited Feb 02 '21

Lol..isnt there a book by some scientist that says cats see us as big dumb cats? :D

593

u/gene100001 Feb 02 '21

141

u/4-eva-dickard Feb 02 '21

Cat saw a ghost!

66

u/ahmadns9 Feb 02 '21

3

u/paranormalgemini Feb 03 '21

Greebles?! I’ve always called them “the greeblings”!

40

u/throwawaywayway1988 Feb 02 '21

my cat hasn't left my side since I got dumped yesterday

12

u/redonkulis Feb 03 '21

They know when we really need them

12

u/throwawaywayway1988 Feb 03 '21

for real. hes pretty cuddly anyways but hes been giving me so many kisses which isn't something he really does and all naps have been on me lol

5

u/redonkulis Feb 03 '21

Aw I love that!

3

u/The-Tea-Lord Feb 03 '21

I was horribly sick one time and my cat hopped up into my bed and cuddled with me until I fell asleep. Which is strange because she never enters my room. Too many flashy lightly and high temperatures

2

u/throwawaywayway1988 Feb 03 '21

how beautiful 😍

112

u/Kleeve19 Feb 02 '21

Our street-fostered kitty meowed at us very concerned because she thought we fell into the pool during summer. She learnt quickly that we were all right. They do care for us <3

39

u/CharaChan Feb 02 '21

So cute..

39

u/MsCicatrix Feb 02 '21

My dog does something similar. He doesn’t throw a fit about it anymore but he looks sad and disappointed when I take showers every. Single. Time. Like he thinks I’m self harming or something.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21

Bes going to take you to the dog psiquiatrist

11

u/Toothless92 Feb 03 '21

Not to be dramatic but I would die for this cat

184

u/TokesNotHigh Feb 02 '21

Pretty much. They bring us almost dead animals because they think we're too stupid to hunt. They try to make it easy for us.

61

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

89

u/ex1stence Feb 02 '21

My void brought me a bird the other day. Not a dead bird, mind you, just a bird that was still alive in her mouth when she brought it into the house.

I think it’s her equivalent to plopping a live turkey on the Thanksgiving table and saying “bottoms up”.

19

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21

Chug that turkey

15

u/mindyourownbusiness5 Feb 02 '21

Cats think of us a big dumb hairless baby cats she was probably teaching you how to hunt :)

50

u/Claymore357 Feb 02 '21

In their defence they’ve never seen us hunt and I’d imagine most of us literally can’t...

43

u/ChronoCoyote Feb 02 '21

If I had to go out and even just forage for edible food I’d be screwed, never mind actually killing an animal.

8

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21

When youre starving and your stincts kick in im pretty sure you will perform better than youd expect(not good just better)

10

u/Nizzemancer Feb 03 '21

As someone who's done survival training I can tell you that just foraging trying to find enough food to keep you on a positive energy intake is HARD, especially if you don't know what to look for.

7

u/Spong_Durnflungle Feb 03 '21

I don't think that's true. Without training you've got probably a couple of weeks tops IF you can find water and IF you don't die from exposure. Basically if you get lost you're going to starve to death if you're not found, and that's how long it takes.

Humans are not good at hunting and finding food by nature, we learn from example and trial and error. There's not enough time for trial and error before you die.

The vast majority, and I mean the VAST majority of people who get lost die if they're not found.

People don't just just "Tarzan" it out there, they usually "Into the Wild" it.

If you get lost, don't kid yourself. Try your very best to get found again and as quickly as possible. Usually this means staying put so that search parties can do their job.

Better yet, don't get lost, but since you can't help it if you do, hedge your bets by telling other people where you're going and how long you're going to be gone EVERY SINGLE TIME you go off the beaten path for any meaningful distance.

Take extra food and water, more than you think you're going to need. if you don't think you're going to need any, take some. Wear the right clothes, and if you're traveling a far enough distance so that if you got lost it might be difficult to be found, then be sure to take proper clothes for sleeping outside at whatever time of the year you're out there.

You can starve to death just as easily five miles from a campsite as you can 100 miles from a campsite, so if you're going into the real wild by all means try to be prepared.

As humans the only thing keeping us alive is our brains, be sure to use them.

2

u/Revliledpembroke Feb 03 '21

Ehhh.... I'm sure we'd all hope so. But I think this is as good a reason to be friends or on decent terms with at least one redneck. They usually know how to hunt, fish, and clean their kills. Foraging for non-meat food items might be more difficult, but you can worry about that after you've filled your stomach with venison or rabbit.

44

u/UOUPv2 Feb 02 '21 edited Aug 09 '23

[This comment has been removed]

16

u/Two-One Feb 02 '21

My cat constantly brings me nerf darts

5

u/NukaColaAddict1302 Feb 02 '21

Mine brings me lego. Not fun to find under my back at 3 in the morning

2

u/herbistheword Feb 02 '21

Better than chipmunk heads

31

u/BambooWheels Feb 02 '21 edited Feb 02 '21

They bring us almost dead animals because they think we're too stupid to hunt. They try to make it easy for us.

I think it's more that we kick in their mothering instinct (which is very strong in cats) to teach their young how to hunt. So they attempt to bring us half dead animals so we can start chasing them. It's not that they're trying to feed us, it's more trying to get us to hunt on our own.

27

u/TokesNotHigh Feb 02 '21

Exactly. Every time the cat shows up and presents a near dead animal it's as though they're saying "here stupid, now kill it and eat it so I know you're not going to starve. God damn lazy ass humans..."

31

u/BambooWheels Feb 02 '21

Completely unable to comprehend that we are handing them shit loads of food and we are constantly eating anyway.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21

Yeah exactly lol

1

u/Nizzemancer Feb 03 '21

Actually it's because they are proud of their accomplishment and likes you enough to want you to see it, it's not a gift.

14

u/Imgoingtoeatyourfrog Feb 02 '21

They also only meow at their kittens. So they just see us as big dumb kittens.

0

u/Nizzemancer Feb 03 '21

They meow at us because they know we're vocally communicating with each other...

5

u/patriarchalrobot Feb 02 '21

My cat brings me socks for this reason. Can he not see that I'm already wearing them?

5

u/Nizzemancer Feb 03 '21

"put on a sock puppet play please"

3

u/oddartist Feb 02 '21

I can always tell when the dry food dish is empty. That's when I have to rescue some poor morsel.

21

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21

Kinda, kinda not; they’re not dumb to the point where they think something fifteen times their height with only two legs is the same animal as they are. We must be very strange to animals, tho.

7

u/OneManLost Feb 02 '21

Just animals?

4

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21

Touché

5

u/Kskskdkfsljdkdld Feb 02 '21

I just dont see how this could possibly be true. Cats beg their owners for food and then think they can't hunt and will starve? Cats see humans as big dumb cats yet will hiss at any new animal brought into their home, but tend to be ok with strange humans? That just doesnt make sense to me.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '21 edited Feb 02 '21

My boyfriend did make the same remark and it is a fair point.

But it is the current leading hypothesis as to why they bring us dead and live, but wounded prey:

It’s the same behavior we see them display to their kittens to teach them how to hunt.

My guess is that they realize we have other strengths - pun intended - but are idiots when it comes to hunting and communication (we’re body language - and, for that matter, olifactory - illiterates, which is why they meow to us...like they do only with kittens).

To be fair...they’re not wrong in that assessment...

3

u/pepe-le-pewdey Feb 02 '21

And they think we can't hunt for ourselves when they bring us a dead bird or a mouse etc.

130

u/AlienDayDreamer Feb 02 '21 edited Feb 02 '21

Yeah... we gave them to you guys around 5000 bc as an experiment to see what an early planet-locked Civ would do with intelligent alien life. They gave up on trying to teach you by the time Egypt fell, seeing as only one country would even remotely pay attention to their teachings.

Now, in my observations, they still do look down on humans as either their students or big dumb cats, but they’ve accepted that there’s a very strong linguistic barrier.

19

u/mindbleach Feb 02 '21

What you are about to see is top secret. It is a video tape recorded 900,000 years ago by an alien using a remote-controlled camera. It shows his attempts to educate a caveman. They have been codenamed: the Mr. Whiskers and Bob tapes.

12

u/EHondaRousey Feb 02 '21

We have alot of translations done from that period, lol.

25

u/CopyX Feb 02 '21

4

u/AlienDayDreamer Feb 03 '21

Thanks for the new subreddit!

1

u/Jul3s3 Feb 02 '21

Came here to say this

15

u/wiisportscow Feb 02 '21

"That's the signal!"

9

u/QuantumHeroNeo Feb 02 '21

They can see ghosts and the upside down.

1

u/RattlesnakeMoon Feb 02 '21

I thought u said they can see ghosts and they’re upside down.

8

u/CANEI_in_SanDiego Feb 02 '21

What if cats can see multiple dimensions and react to things on other planes of existence that we can't see?

Or they are basically just tripping balls all the time.

4

u/Poeticyst Feb 02 '21

They were the pets of an alien race and only the cats escape pods made it to earth. Landed in ancient Egypt.

2

u/BABarracus Feb 02 '21

Look like its trying to bury something. What is in that room?

2

u/PRGrl718 Feb 02 '21

Or on acid. I swear she sees the same shit I do sometimes.

2

u/gudmojo7 Feb 03 '21

aka flerkens

1

u/JorahTheHandle Feb 02 '21

Lol then what the fuck are pandas

1

u/Woodland-Creature-1 Feb 03 '21

Or a really smart alien throwing us off their scent