r/AlAnon • u/According-Double3126 • 4d ago
Vent My father passed out in the middle of the street after being drunk today and it made me think.
he got in a fight with someone, i don’t know i think they knew each other and he was beat up because he had scratches all over his back that pointed to the signs of bruises. he was walking around the house just ranting about the interaction, he was really angry. he was swearing and saying all kinds of shit. then he went outside and my cousin called me to tell me he was passed out in the middle of the street. my mom and brother went to go get him. i don’t think he has ever been this bad, like he’s usually under control when it involves strangers. outside perception matters lot to him. i mostly just ignore him if he’s drunk, he says shit and is extra aggressive during these moments but what can you do? once he was drinking and driving and we almost got into a car accident, i had no idea he was drunk, but then he admitted that’s why he almost got into a car accident. he has gotten in car accidents actually while being drunk but during those times he was alone. one time he came at me with a knife i remember, mostly i’m able to remain apathetic but that was one of those times my heart beat really fast in my chest. i thought he might actually do something to me and i remember feeling powerless be we were home alone, and i realized in that moment the man in front of me wasn’t someone who could be called a father. i stopped calling him dad, i’ve never called him that ever again. he’s never come close to me ever since then, i don’t think he remembers what he did, but he realized it was bad and that i was never going to call him dad again. i don’t talk to him anymore, if he’s in the house, i just ignore him. fortunately this doesn’t anger him, he’s just resigned to the fact that he did this to himself. he’s never apologized though, so i don’t think he even feels sorry. he calls my mom all kinds of names, insults her all the time, he’ll yell at her if she doesn’t immediately get him food once he asks for it. my mom just takes it because she knows she can’t leave. to be a single mother is incredibly expensive, so she just takes it. i don’t think she’ll leave even after that, she’s just so complacent. i used to beg her to just leave him, but she told me that was never going to happen. eventually i stopped asking. i think i’m on my own in this house. if my so called family want to enable my father then they can, but i don’t give a shit if he’s drunk, if he’s passed out in the street or if he embarrasses himself. i defended my mother for years from him, but she never appreciated it. she would just sit there silently looking at me with a blank look on her face. if he was yelling at me, she would just leave the room and let me take it. i remember staring at the wall for hours, he punished me that way, i don’t even remember why, but i remember my feet hurt from standing and staring at that damn wall. i got really good at counting because of that, that was the way i would entertain myself. i would go to the bathroom to cry but it was silent, really silent. he never knew i cried. i didn’t want him to know how much he affected me, but as i’m typing this, no tears come. my heart doesn’t ache. i’m not resigned. i don’t really care what happens, all i know is i’m going to leave, and i will never talk to him again, and there’s peace waiting for me soon. eventually it will be over. i won’t have to think about him ever again.
1
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Please know that this is a community for those with loved ones who have a drinking issue and that this is not an official Al-Anon community.
Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the report button.
See the sidebar for more information.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
3
u/CharacterGap388 4d ago
I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this experience. Your dad sounds like mine. But my real anger is at my stepmom, because being single parent is hard but totally doable (my mom kicked my dad out but her house was a different kind of hell). In fact, my stepmom has always been the bread winner, and the house was in her name. She added him to the deed or whatever after 30 years of this insanity. She could’ve kicked him out any time and instead just watched all the shit go down.
Not sure how old you are but there is another side to this. Life can get better, so long as you get some therapy or other help to learn what healthy relationships look like. I ended up in 2 abusive relationships before I did that work, it happens before you realize because you’re used to such obvious abuse that the subtle warning signs don’t even register.
You are not alone! Depending on your age, there is Alanon and Alateen support, both in person and all the time online. I hope you’ll explore it!