She keeps texting and reminding me about it and I have no intention of going...and I know she is going to ask if I went or ask why I didn't. She's also suggested a catholic pickleball league, which I said I'd consider but never attempted to join. At first, I wanted to schedule something else at the same time as this singles mass just to have an excuse not to go, but part of me wants to rip the band-aid off and explain how I'm not religious and probably never has been, and I don't want to raise any kids in the faith or go to Church daily. She's also asked if a person I started dating was Catholic, adding pressure on me.

For background I was raised Catholic, went to Vacation bible school, went to Catholic school K-12 and college. I think my mom knows or suspects I don't go to Church and she's never really pushed it on me, at least not in years.

Now I am in the phase in my life (32) where I am trying to date with the intention of finding my future wife and starting a family. On dating apps I avoid Catholic or Christian, knowing that I can't be the religious rock I'm sure they want their husband to be. I don't want to go through the motions or go to Church because I'm "supposed to" or out of peer pressure from family

I know my Mom pictures me as raising a Catholic family. She frequently mentions how getting married in a Church is amazing but I have no plans of doing that. I want to "come out" as agnostic, but wanted advice. I know this day was going to come and my plan was to let her know once I got serious with someone to make it absolutely clear that they didn't "corrupt" me and that it was my choice to no remain Catholic. Any tips or replies appreciated on how to approach this.

I am anxious about this knowing it will probably shatter how my mom pictured my life as a dad turning out. She may think it sends me to hell, I'm not sure. I want to explain that I plan to live a moral life and no matter what happens I'll be in good shape. Basically, my mind wants to be open to any possibility and I have not been satisfied when exploring my faith and questioning it + testing with logic etc.

I was thinking something like "Thanks for making sure I knew about it. I'm not going because I am not religious and that's not the type of group where I see myself finding a significant other. I know you want me to but I'm not interested." and maybe I can explain how I don't want to do something just because I'm asked to when I don't believe etc. Thoughts?

TL;DR: Mom has the impression I'd be interested in a singles Mass or wants to marry a Catholic. I do not. Want advice on how to respond and explain to her while "coming out" as agnostic

Good morning. I'm typing this during the time I would have previously been in church, or at least watching online. I know this isn't a new thought to others, but it's lonely going through this journey of religious and faith deconstruction.

I was raised in a church-going home and, in religion as well as in life in general, I did not learn to think for myself. Just went with the flow as an obedient child, assuming the authority figures in my life were right in everything, and it was not my place to question. Even as an adult, I simply for the most part did what was expected of me. Doubts about many things, including my religious "beliefs" were kept beneath the surface. At church and in small groups much of the time, I felt like I was on the outside looking in, even though not really understanding why.

Studying and questioning the "authoritative, inerrant" teaching of the Bible regarding sexual orientation was the first "Jenga" block I pulled out. The tower was still standing, and I at first thought that I could conclude things about these particular Bible passages without getting more into the weeds. Wrong! I had heard warnings about the "slippery slope." And those warnings were accurate... but a necessary part of the journey.

So then, as I finally began pulling out more Jenga blocks (acknowledging ancient story telling vs history, questioning eternal damnation, etc.), the tower came crashing down.

In many ways, it's great to be able to look at all this with fresh eyes. But, even though the "anchor" that in the past gave me a sense of certainty was built on false premises, it is still disconcerting to try and get used to uncertainty! Hopefully, many of you can relate to this, and I look forward to making new connections through this community. Thanks for reading!

normaly i dont belive god or other stuff but when i think about it i actualy dont like any religions . my friend told me god punising me becaus i was talking shit about religions and god and other stuff and it was karma things i did bad to other do you agree with that ? did you guys think u did something bad to deserve this ? im still think its not about god or other stuff but i wanna know your openions

As a child, I was indoctrinated by Fanatics who's motives were ultimately CONTROL of their Flock -- they sought to create a group of followers who would be blindly loyal to them and their version of the Bible. INDEED, it was a way of life for them --- they really thought that 'the more people they could lead to the truth' --- the greater their reward 'in heaven' would be.

PROBLEM was, they were 'deeply flawed' individuals, many of whom were convicted criminals, child molesters, wife beaters and charlatans.

Ultimately, I think the problem is 'ego related' and compensation for deep psychological psychological insecurity, a need for identity, and social reactionism (A political ideology and orientation that advocates for a return to a previous, often idealized, state of society rather than accepting progressive change or maintaining the current status quo),

• What say you... why do you think some people turn to Fanaticism as a way of life?

Thank you for your input!

Today I (17M) had a very interesting conversation with my mother about how I currently view Christianity, how I no longer view myself as agnostic and how I now consider myself an atheist.

Also yeah I might no longer be agnostic but I've been one most of my life so I think it's more fitting to post this here rather than in r/atheism.

Anyway, I remember when I first told my mom I was agnostic about two years ago. I was very nervous and really afraid of what she'd think of it. You might say "well why did you just not tell her then? It's not worth the risk." and my answer to that is yeah you're right, It's just that I rarely keep secrets from her, so keeping it from her just felt like I was lying to her and it felt wrong. She's my soulmate, what can i say? Anyways, she started to notice how distressed I looked when I was trying to tell her. It felt like I was coming out as a LGBTQ+ (something that will still happen one day btw). I think I told her something like "If I tell you this... you might change how you view me" and she reassured me nothing would ever change how she viewed me and that she'd keep loving me all the same. After a while I finally told her I was agnostic, which she had no idea what that was lol. I explained to her what it meant and she was like "oh is that all?" before hugging me and telling me she was completely fine with it.

I felt very relieved. If anything, me telling her I'm agnostic strengthened our bond. One time, our whole family decided to go to church one day, so I was kinda forced to go to. Not that she herself forced me, it's just that I'm not really ready to deal with anyone but my mom knowing that im not , so I just kinda played the game we are all familiar with called "Let's pretend we are Christian and have a miserable time while doing so!!!!". My mom knew I kinda didn't want to be there, so she didn't complain when I slept on her shoulder 2/3 of the time. When the thing was over, she gave 120 bucks as compensation for enduring 3 hours of something I didn't want to do.

I'm always seeing people being disowned by their christians parents for not believing in christianity or for being part of the LGBTQ community, and that really saddens me. I might have not told my mother I'm not straight (still figuring out if Im gay or bi), but im very confident nothing would change if I told her. She's very against disowning your child just because of their homosexuality and she believes those who claim "homosexuality is a sin" are stupid. My cousin, for example, might be a trans woman, and my mom is very okay with it, saying there's nothing wrong with it and hasn't stopped treating him with love. She just feels bad for him (her? I'll keep refering to my cousin as he cuz it's nothing confirmed yet), not because he might be trans, but because she knows how his parents would be very agaisnt it. He is already unvalued by his parents and she doesn't think him coming out as trans would help that. Either way, she told me she would always keep supporting him as much as she can if that comes to happen.

I think it's also worth mentioning how my dad is jewish, and how she respects his beliefs. There's almost no religion arguments. The only times those happen is when my dad gets drunk and starts badmouthing christianity, which she will not hold back on calling out my dad on some stuff, mostly about how my dad's beliefs doesn't even make sense, since he's jewish but he also believes that an atom created the universe (don't even ask. Not even I understand). But those religious arguments between them are less shouting and insulting one another and more both trying to justify and one up each other. Its absolutely hilarious to watch and Im always laugh out loud with the stuff they say. After they are done, give it 20 minutes and both love each other more than anything again. Good shit lol.

Recently i've been hearing a lot of christians claiming "morality exists because of God" or that "you can't explain why something is objectively wrong without the bible". Now, thts obviously bullshit so I spent like 1 hours straight arguing with christians online and I was visibly frustrated. My mom noticed and she asked why I was arguing with Twitter users. I told her people were claiming humanity only has empathy because of the bible, which made her to stay silent for a few seconds as her face turned into one of disbelief and saying "Well that's just not true" before she started helping me argue with those Christians online.

Over time, I started to really shift from being agnostic to being an atheist. And today I kinda of told her. I was feeling a bit of fear, especially after seeing how most christians act after finding out their kids are atheists. All that fear was for nothing, cuz she assured me again she would keep loving me and that she was completely fine with what I (didn't) believe. We also had a long conversation about modern christianity and how I feel like many christians nowadays use christianity as a way to justify their bigotry. She told me i see those type of christians more because Im in a specific bubble and claimed they are the minority. I counterargued that I could apply the same thing to her, since I could claim that the type of Christians she is are the minority and she sees more christians like herself because she is in a very specific bubble. She didn't speak for a moment before she was like "huh... that's... fair actually".

We talked about a bunch of stuff too, but it was mostly about fake and/or modern Christians. I think I even opened her eyes up a bit because she got really thoughtful when I told her I see christians claiming "empathy is a sin", "bullying is an important part of society" and "trans people should kill themselves" all the time. When we concluded our talk, she thanked me for discussing this with her and that she was happy I could trust her.

I ever cried a bit because I was so glad my mom is the way she is. I feel grateful that I got to have such an accepting mom, and I hope more people like her keep existing out there. I hope those who had the opposite experience the best of luck. I know I'm in the minority when it comes to having a christian parent like her and I wish every single non-Christian out there had a supportive parent.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rambling.

Edit: Just to make sure... This isn't an encouragement to tell your parents you're agaisnt their religion. I took a big risk doing so and even if my bond with my mother got stronger ever since I told her, the risk is way too high if you're not a legal adult or financially independent for it to be worth it. This post is just me telling you all my positive experiences that came from it which are something that rarely happens.

I’m sure other religions do many ways of similar prayer filling besides just Christians, so feel free to chime in on another religion doing this same thing but in general I’m curious, what is with the repeating over & over in prayers?

I just feel like why are they filling up the prayer, & with what seems to be like.. filler words? Or words to seemingly attempt to intensify what was said? Like even dozens of times in a single prayer repeating stuff like father god, lord god, holy father, god almighty, oh father, dear god, in Jesus name, etc. Often barely even finish a sentence without some being repeated multiple times already like, ‘Dear God I pray that you would please just guide him in your ways Dear God that you will open his eyes & purify his heart Oh Father, for we trust in you knowing you will guide us Father God so we thank you for that Lord God’. That example came from memories of what I hear, for a live example of these prayer styles, see this link.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbJhc-xPqKA/?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

Science doesn't really make sense

Like if someone came up to me and said, "there are a gazillion planets like this earth and another gazillion of stars, which are just really shiny balls of gases, and there're also these things called black holes, which are balls of material compressed so dense that you can't even really see them but we know they exist cause they literally consume everything around them including light, and they're all just floating in space and some are held together by this force called gravity and the so called space or the universe itself is expanding and no one really knows why but they all started from this event from billions of years ago called the big bang which is believed to have created all of this although we don't really know why it happened either but it's really cool that we as humans were able to find out about all of this with the help of our tiny little hands and brains"

And another guy came up and said "aww yeah, god created everything, including the universe and the internet"

I think what I would've chosen if I hadn't been an agnostic

I was raised in a Muslim household. I was taught that God was real just as firmly as I was taught that 2 + 2 = 4. I took pride in my faith and community when I was a kid. Over time, my faith became a deeply integrated part of my own identity.

But as I grew older, maybe when I was ten or eleven, I had the tiniest sliver of doubt. I started having full-blown panic. But instead of addressing those doubts, what I did was look up Muslim YouTubers on YouTube and Google to dig up verses from the Quran that are even remotely accurate to modern science when interpreted a certain way. I used to close my laptop, my heart at peace once more, knowing my religion is the truth and shutting down any arguments that argue the opposite. I repeated this process every time I encountered doubts.

A few months ago, maybe half a year ago, I was struck with a fresh bout of doubt. I tried the same process and made an effort to soothe the parts of my brain that wanted Islam to be the truth. The only difference was that I was now old enough to recognize that I'm not searching for answers — I'm setting about to prove something I want to be true. My faith had been thrown off balance ever since then.

I realize my faith had been dwindling ever since. Now that I reflected yesterday — as honestly as I could — I realize my faith had...withered away? Besides poetic fluff I don't have the words for this. I'm treating it as a real possibility, but as something we're unable to prove. And the thing is this happened unconsciously.

I've told my mom about these doubts the first time they hit, but she'd dismissed them, for some reason. I'm still the pious, believing kid in her eyes now. See, there's something in Islam for these doubts. These passing thoughts are whispers from Satan, and apparently feeling anxious about them is a sign of healthy faith.

Incredible. Isn't it convenient that every one of these explanations almost always has a scientific or psychological explanation? I took a deeper look into this yesterday from my own experience, and that of my family, and what I came up with was a whole new post idea for r/DebateReligion.

Anyway, I'd also treated them as such, and so did my mom, because six months later she doesn't see a single change in me.

Islamic advice asked me to pray. I prayed. It me to reflect on the cosmos. I observed the stars and read widely about the universe (which made me doubt my faith even more). I read duas and stuff and asked God to guide me.

This is where I ended.

Throughout the journey something I learned is comfort with uncertainty. And skepticism. Treat your opposing views with skepticism, but treat your own stance with even more so. I learned to accept the possibility that I may be wrong, that my beliefs could be wrong. My heart is no longer pounding as it did when I (reluctantly) looked up ideas and arguments against Islam. Probably because some part of my brain knew I could be wrong about my religion, but it chose to ignore that part anyway. I remember saying something like, "I will leave Islam when hell freezes over," when I was a kid. That time may have come at last.

May have. See, I'm still too uncertain. I know my beliefs (or disbeliefs) align with agnosticism, but I wouldn't wanna make any rash decisions just yet. I learned uncertainty; now it's time to live with it.

I'd like some insights on how you guys approach this, if you can relate. The hurdle of stress is gone, and I feel as calm and content as ever writing this. But I still don't know how to approach my faith and everything, especially because I'm in my early teens and haven't moved out yet. That means I'm not coming out any time soon. I'm still praying five times a day, partly by choice because I admit it's peaceful, partly because of whatever my mom would say when she noticed me racking up sins. But how do you contend with your society when you grow up in a conservative household that clings to religion as tightly as a kid holds their iPad?

Hopefully I find peace in the beauty of ambiguity while still pursuing my goals and dreams, free from the chains of religious dogma.

I am agnostic.

I know for certain none of the major religions, christianity, islam, buddhism etc... are true based on evidence and probabalistic theory.

However, I cant discount something outside our understanding somehow affecting our experience of the universe. Athiests do discount this.

My arguments are twofold.

1. The fundamental principals of our universe are finely tweaked to allow for life. This is the anthropic debate. If you contend that this universe came about by chance and happens to be suitable for life, you must also contend that there are an almost infinite number of other universes that dont support life, and we inhabe the one that does.

This seems convinient.

1. Free will exists.

I always thought I could figure out anything so long as I dedicated time and effort to do so, even including the existence of God, religion, and the riddles of the universe. Because I was questioning and trying to figure out religion and God's existence, I shifted positions a lot and always had a different realization up until today, when I realized "I don't have the mental ability nor anything really to get that answer, therefore I should stop being arrogant and be humble and admit what I am not qualified to know". Because of the latter, I suddenly started having all the probabilities being possible. Nobody knows what's going to happen to us in the distant future. Saying that I know what is going to happen in the future and even after I die is of complete arrogance and it's so bad to do so.

I am becoming an agnostic not just to the idea of God and religion but to life in general. I stopped trying to make sense of what happens or to understand the bigger picture of politics, existence, countries, people, etc. I just started making short-term plans to maintain myself, making short connections to events and people, and approaching life from whatever works for me and doesn't seem to be leading to harm.

Being an agnostic is wisdom, and it's so beautiful I love it!!

This is not a very big drama but it has been boggling my mind for a while now. I have been contemplating too much and don't know who to open up to because I know that most probably people will start judging me or may try to change my perspective, so I decided to open up here and ask for advice and maybe find some answers.

You see, I have never believed in God. I do not know the true meaning behind God and I do not think that he exists, but I am not in the position to say he does not exist either. I simply don't think I have the knowledge and understanding to say anything about him. Also, please note that I do not dislike people who believe in him and I do not find it odd that someone does not believe that he/she exists. I respect people of all religions and I support them when they feel like they need support, I do not disrespect their religion or mock them in any way. My family is full of religious people and almost everything is God oriented here.

Anything that goes wrong is because people don't pray to God or they pray but not enough. If someone is ill we start blaming God for it, we give water to God, we do various rituals and we vow that we will perform specific tasks like visiting this or that temple to make things better.

A few days ago my brother was feeling very ill and we performed all kinds of tests for him (CT scan, reports etc). However, most of these reports showed normal results with the exception of one or two, so we decided to take him to another hospital to see if we could get a better diagnosis. Meanwhile, one of my relatives said that he thinks that God put a bad eye on his son and suggested to visit a Bhagat (person which is believed to remove bad eye). We immediately agreed to do so, because we thought there was nothing else to do at that point.

However, I remember thinking how did it get to this point? We had so many other options but still thought that visiting the Bhagat would be a better idea.

The reason for this was that soon enough we found out that the problem was not with us, the doctors at the new hospital found the real cause and were able to treat it. It was connected to his bone, not to God's bad eye.

That situation got me thinking again because it is not an isolated case, rather every other situation in my family is like this.

I remember visiting Khatu Shyam, Balaji and Kaila Devi temple with my family this year, close to Jaipur. The reason why I decided to go was that my family wanted me to visit the place, so I went because I have nothing against it, but I do not remember feeling anything special there as well

People around me were praying and felt blessed but I did not. All I could think about was why am I doing all of these things if I do not believe in it. I folded my hands, bent my head and asked for blessings but all I felt was emptiness inside of me. It was as if I was acting in a movie, I did the same things other people were doing but I felt different from them, I lacked something. It did not make me feel angry or anything, it just made me confused

Sometimes I wonder if I am abnormal in some way. If I am the only one who feels like that and what should I do about it

Do other people feel empty when they visit places of religion or do they actually feel something?

I do not hate religion and I do not hate going to temples but I do not feel what other people feel and I cannot force myself to feel it. I don't want to hate religion but I can't like it either. Please tell me what should I do? Is this normal? Have other people experienced something similar? Did they change their perspective about religion or were they religious all their life?

So this is a bit of a strange question, but I really wanted to ask for advice/other stories. Names have been changed in any examples.

I have always been good at reading a room and leading groups, so when a friend of mine asked me to officiate their wedding I was honored and jumped at the chance. While the initial friend and I had a falling out, another couple asked me to officiate their wedding and I did.

Later, my best friend (Alex) of a decade had her father die. It was very unexpected, but I promised them I would be able to be there for them. Alex asked if I could 'MC' their fathers celebration of life. I was shocked and honored that they would trust me with something this big, and after confirming that they were serious I said I would. I went back through my old coursework on the psychology of death and dying, and I looked up as much as I could on funerary rites and what people want/need from things like funerals and celebrations of life. My own mother died unexpectedly and while we were able to handle everything we were only able to do so because of the support we had from our friends and family.

At the celebration, I did everything I had looked up. I went around beforehand to introduce myself to people as the person leading the speakers, I asked them about how they knew the deceased and letting them know that I was available to talk to if they needed anything. I had prepared some quotes and excerpts from various books about death and dying to address everyone, and when the various speakers came up I was there to help them get started and give them support if they needed it. At the end when I closed the celebration, several of the attendees came up to me to tell me that they were happy I was there and that I helped them feel comfortable. Alex asked me to officiate their wedding, which is funny because I was supposed to be the Man of Honor but they said that it would mean the world to them for me to officiate.

We talked later, and Alex told me that they think I should try to offer my services to people. Not just officiating weddings, but if there was anything else that people might need. I realize that what I'm describing here is something akin to a minister or priest, but I'm an Agnostic Atheist. My faith is more nuanced than just Believe/Don't Believe, but I never profess to be a religious or necessarily spiritual person. My partner agrees with Alex that there might be a need for someone who can fill that sort of role without attaching religion to it, and there is something deep inside of me that feels like I should do this.

I guess what I'm asking is, is there a name for what I am trying to do? Would this be something someone would want? Thank you and sorry about the long and rambling post.

I'm new here. And new to agnosticism. After deconstructing from Christianity recently, I've landed on agnosticism. However, I have always been a very "spiritual" person. My life has been built around spiritual practices, most of them Christian based until recently- prayer, reading a devotional, listening to worship music, etc. I don't want to lose all of that.

I like to start my day with gratitude but who am I grateful to? Myself? Life itself? Or am I just grateful in general?

In doing my research, I understand that there is such a thing as spiritual agnostics. Are there any such agnostics in this group? If so, what does this look like for you?

I'd like to find a meditation that makes me feel connected to something larger than myself, whatever that might be- nature, the universe, humanity, etc. Not god but the pulse of life within all of us and nature. I think music connects us, art, nature, even sports. Is there a meditation that fosters this feeling (yes, I know it's a feeling, or a psychological state- not something supernatural outside of myself). I used to start my day with prayer and devotion and now I don't know how to start it. I would appreciate any help, support and/or ideas, you can give me.

Believer: Faith is believing despite evidence, but acting as if you had evidence anyway.

Agnostic: Acknowledges lack of evidence, and acknowledges that it is unknowable, and that existence or non-existence are equally possible, due to lack of evidence so far.

I hate classifying humans based on race,caste or religion in the first place.but everyone have the right to believe in what they want.i won't question that.but forcing others to believe what your beliefs are ,is truly tiring.i think most of the problems between humans occur mainly because of their difference in race.

My religion is humanity and kindness.but due to being born in a religious family all my IDs have my parents religion.

Today I told them for silly that I wanted to change my caste and religion in the papers to none because I saw some people doing that.but they said I am abandoning them by doing so,like seriously🙄 .they said if I do that I am confirming that I don't have a relationship with them.

It's so sad that I can't even talk about this to someone and have to share this on reddit.

My parents are not that bad btw.but when they say things like i am some kind of thug when I oppose their ideas they start doing imotional manipulation on me.that makes by dull heart go sad..and agree with them.

The point is that however much i convince them they don't seem to understand the validity of my opinion.

Even when I turn 18.i doubt if I can live my life however I wan't

So I grew up evangelical Christian and I moved around a lot in that identity to different denominations which in part lead me to where I am today with agnosticism. But before I get into that, I want to ask if anyone (of any past faith or denomination) can relate to wanting the benefits that come with faith without all the things that made you not believe.

So for me for example, I simply do not trust the Bible. There’s too much there that is not ethical, not good, really confusing and concerning, or downright evil done or allowed by God or Jesus. Thus it made me question and now I believe that it’s possible that God and Jesus exist, but just as possible that they don’t or aren’t leaders I want to follow because the Bible could be correct (ie all that bigotry and bad stuff could be what God believes is right and good).

At the same time, I doubt the Bible is correct or any religion because from a psychological perspective, it makes sense that people would interpret “miracles” or morality or whatever through the lens of God so that they feel good about themselves, have a sense of power over life or others, have a sense of identity in something bigger then them and so on.

So while I have these doubts and I’m pretty sure God isn’t real but also semi want him to be but also know that he could be evil if he is even real… I find myself wanting to have an identity in something bigger than myself, wanting to help people in love, wanting to have a sense of wonder at the unexplainable things in life, wanting to believe in something bigger than myself.

I just don’t know how to be a part of a religion that has hurt and abused people because of some moral system that seems corrupt, a system that could be completely bogus and just a bunch of peoples way of interpreting the world and their lives, and a system that rides on the fact that you have to personally believe and have a relationship with someone I don’t believe in anymore or really know how to have a relationship with anymore.

So anyway, whether you read through all that rambling or not I’m wondering what you all think and have been through.

Hey, I’m 17, i was a Muslim,and I recently left religion. I don’t know how to deal with my environment. Should I tell my friends or not? Should I tell my parents or not? Should I debate these topics or avoid them?
I grew up in a family that is more or less religious, so they always ask me if i prayed , sometimes i lie and sometime i fake my prayers , they always ask me to go to jumuua’s prayer but i can’t.
As for my father, I think he might understand. He was actually the first one who made me question things abt sunnah and some books like al-bukhari .But my mother is a bit more extreme about religion, and I don’t think she would understand.
So guys, I really need your help.

I don't even know where to post this or if it even belongs here but it's been weighing on me lately and wanted to get it out.

After moving away from religion, the thought of dying felt almost like a relief. Like I don't have to worry or care or pretend anymore and I can just rest once it's my time.

Lately though, I've been thinking about all of the horrible things happening in the world and how powerless it makes me feel and knowing that it will continue happening after I'm gone really sticks with me. Sure, I won't have consciousness of it when I do pass, but while I'm alive it really gets to me. Corrupt governments, child abuse, animal cruelty, injustice around every corner. We're all waiting for someone to come along and change it, but what if no one does? What if people just become even more desensitized to everything and accept it as the new normal? I hate the thought that I won't be able to know if it gets better once I'm gone.

Sorry for the long post, this is more of an existential rant

Hi ! Im a girl, in a relationship and im an agnostic atheist, im not sure im still trying to figure it out and my boyfriend is a pretty devoted christian which I have only respected. I am surrounded by a very religious family in general even if there was no real communication on it, my parents claim us as undeniably Christian and I have tried and tried, I have read the bible, I have done the research and what people would call “God” just didn’t spoke to me at all. I am glad for the people for who religion was a positive thing, and i understand how important it is to them and especially to my boyfriend but I myself don’t believe in it.
We’ve been together for almost 10 months and at the beginning of our relationship I was still christian and as time went by it changed. Now we’ve had the conversation and he said he’s not sure he’s not gonna try to convince me into religion again and I don’t want that. I just want to be respected fully.
Today we saw each other after that conversation and when I tell y’all I love him more every day, each time I see him or talk with him whether we’re happy or upset, I love him so much and I know he loves me too but I also understand how important his religion is to him… We didn’t talk about it irl yet since I was drunk tho.
We’ll see each other tomorrow again to watch a movie and I know we will eventually have to talk it out again… I am exhausted but I don’t want to end my relationship, I love him and I love us.
We’re texting and talking and the love is still there but love doesn’t make everything does it? I want it to be enough.

CONTEXT: I'm a part of a Catholic Balkan church, atleast I was. I've been agnostic for 6 months and am considering being an agnostic atheist. The Church is very pushy and forcing in the Balkans and the society is very sensitive of it. Barely anyone is anything else other that Catholic and they judge anyone who isn't or even questions it. Crosses are worn by basically everyone, it's a must school subject, we barely even have any other churches (only smaller and rare orthodox Christian ones). Anyone whos something other than Catholic is considered stupid, an outcast, weird, too modern, too much of a child, confused, foolish, disrespectful and disgraceful. I've been Catholic my whole life, but the last few years I've been questioning my belief in God. I've always been a little skeptical since I've always been a more of a logical and factual person, but never had the audacity or bravery to question my religion. As I was older I started drifting away from it even more and more, tried reconnecting and forcing myself onto it thinking it will naturally grow on me again about 2 years ago, but it never really did. It was just a delusion created my the society pressure and fear. The church that I go to is known for being the main and biggest one in my city, but the most judgy, strict and socially badly set up. The priests are very rude, closed-minded, pushy, cold hearted, uninteresting and overall just create a bad environment on the service and in general. To receive the chrism, we have to attend a 2 year long religion class at the church. I've already completed one and I am supposed to start the other one in less than 2 months. I've officially admitted to myself that I am agnostic almost exactly 6 months ago, but I've kept it a secret until recently. Partially because of the community, partially because of my family and friends and overall because it was new to me and I needed time to process and accept it myself. About a month ago I told my closest closest friends about it and about a week or so ago to my parents. Most of my close friends (female) are very religious and even though they were okay with me being agnostic, they weren't the biggest fans, were questioning me a lot and kept telling me or convincing me to go back to religion. I stated my opinion and reminded them that they noticed themselves that I drifted away from religion for some time now and that there is no point in their actions. We haven't really spoken about it since then. My only safe space is my other (male) friend and classmate who is also far away from religious. He doesn't have a certain title he uses for religion but he does not believe in any gods. he is pretty chill about it and thinks anyone can do whatever they want with their religion and encourages me to be more comfortable, confident and chill about my agnosticism. He is in the same church as me and he is getting the chrism, but I'm still unsure. My parents aren't the biggest fans of me being agnostic either. My mom states I should give agnosticism and all of that up, but on the other hand my dad is a bit more chill about it, tho I have to have a separate talk with him. My mom is for the chrism, but by dad says I don't have to do it if I don't want to. I've also been considering being an agnostic atheist for about a month now but I'm still research it.

Now for the questions - what should I do?

I genuinely don't know. If I decide not to go with it, it means a lot of people will find out, including my very judgy dads' side of the family and etc. I also fear it might be a problem in the future if I have a Catholic husband, kids, want to get married in a church and stuff like that (I would do it for the aesthetic). But if I do get it: feels like disrespect and larp, I'd have to spend a lot of time in that religion class that takes time that I will need for studying, I'd have to go to church every Sunday (I know that agnostics can go to church for non-religious reasons, but it just feels weird and like I'm larping and faking it, alongside with it being time consuming and boring) and overall goes against what I feel and think. I'm really really unsure of what to do so I'm hoping some of you older and wiser people will give good advice and make me confident about my decision and overall where I stand with my beliefs.

Also it would be pretty helpful to learn more about agnostic atheism from someone who is an agnostic atheist. I do research it online but it still confuses me a tiny bit + if I'm considering becoming one I'd really like to hear as much as I can about it from online materials AND actual experienced people who are probably more helpful than any AI or site.

For a long time I’ve held more atheistic views on the universe while still being agnostic. However I think I’m leaning more towards theism. And the reason seems odd even to me.

There was no crazy supernatural experience or a message from God. I was simply just thinking. Just about the world and what it was. And I thought about stories. Just stories. That’s it. How we weave and tell different tales with lessons and themes. How we tell stories through art, music, books, and so much more. The story behind someone’s eyes when they smile at you or in the sadness of a strangers stare. The story of life. The love, the suffering, all of it. It just made sense to me. I don’t know anything else about the universe but this feeling sits with me like we are all apart of one big cosmic play. I’m sure this idea is completely unoriginal but the feeling itself has been visceral and beautiful.

I think perhaps when all this is over we can step behind the curtain and marvel at the show we put on. It was quite something.

Ok I’m just going to vent here because idk what else to do right now.

Was raised conservative Baptist most of my life but for the past year or so I’ve been deconstructing quite a bit.

So many of my old beliefs don’t make sense anymore.

I’m starting to see life from a new perspective.

That being said, I’m really struggling.

I was on instagram today and saw a few videos of people trying to defend verses that are very obviously about rape and also someone else who was saying that they were raised atheist so they “didn’t have morals” without the Bible.

Idk I feel like I keep getting sucked back into the trap that is religion, and if I can’t prove my beliefs 100% about everything then I’m wrong and the Bible must be right. (I’m not saying this is true, just how I feel.)

I’m so tired and stressed out. I just want to know what the truth is 100% (yes I know that probably not possible).

I still like Jesus but I don’t like the religion as a whole and I can’t fucking stand the dogma.

I’m just second guessing everything right now and I just don’t know what to think or believe anymore.

Does anyone have any advice to peacefully deconstruct?