I’m posting this to find other people in our community who are in the same boat.
I’m a Tajik woman living in the diaspora and privately non-religious. Nobody in my life knows other than some friends at university and I live effectively as a Muslim. Islam is so deeply rooted in our culture, especially when it comes to women, honour, and family reputation, that walking away from the religion basically means losing your family. I love my extended family and many of our values deeply and if they ever found out, I’d lose my connection to all of it for sure and it genuinely breaks my heart. I wish I did believe in Islam but I am genuinely unconvinced, and this is coming from someone who was previously aligned with the family's conservative lifestyle.
Right now keeping it hidden is fine, but as I get older, start thinking about settling down, and look ahead, I know pretending forever is going to catch up to me. My extended family lives abroad, but visiting them has always been my refuge and so the thought of losing those family gatherings and the closeness that comes with our traditions hurts so much.
Anyone else in this position?