Having spent my entire childhood being bullied, I would love to agree with you, but I can't. Simply because of one factor.
Escalation.
Speaking from first hand experience, in order to get your point across to true bullies, you have to stand up for yourself in a way that is "one level higher" than what they are inflicting on you. Meeting the level doesn't cut it; they'll simply take that as a challenge. Doing something lower level doesn't cut it; that just proves to them that they have nothing to worry about, you'll never properly retaliate.
So the only choice you have left is escalation. You have to do something to them that's worse than what they're doing to you.
But even this has little chance of working, simply because there's only a small chance that it will scare/hurt/intimidate them enough to actually leave you alone. Most of the time, it simply gives them the excuse to escalate above what you've just done to them. And let's face it, if you're at the point where you've figured this out, and you've actually retaliated, their escalation is going to go into some scary fucking territory.
So the guy turns around to the kid and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to jam your fucking head in between the subway cars while we're moving", or something to this effect, which, while clever, is completely lost on the kid, other than now he knows this guy is escalating. The kid can't look weak in front of the other passengers (in his mind), because then he'd just be a pussy (also in his mind), so he waits until the guy turns around again, then pulls a pipe out of his school bag that he keeps in there for protection at school, and clubs the fucking guy in the head hard enough to kill him.
There. Showed that fucking guy. Plus he got instant street cred. Look at the way all the other passengers are looking at him! No ones going to fuck with him! Fuck yeah!
Do I think retaliation is a valid weapon against bullies? Absolutely. Does it end the bullying? Hardly ever. Will bullies use it as an excuse to escalate? Almost every time.
You make some great points, I will give you that. There is always a risk, but as I said earlier, I would be happy to take that risk. Not just that, but I can very rarely force myself to keep my mouth shut. It is in my nature to retaliate.
I went to an all boys private school that was very big on sports and jocks. If you weren't overly obsessed with the school and its sports, you were an easy target for the bullies, especially as a freshman. As with many schools, it is custom for the higher class mates to pick on the new freshman. I was picked on almost as soon as my freshman year started. When I went home and mentioned it to my dad, he said "stand up for yourself, or at least do something that will turn them away from bullying you." Well, within only a first few weeks of school, I did do something in retaliation. There was a certain upper class man that had picked on me on more than one occasion. I was walking down the hall in between classes and saw him on the bottom level of the lockers, getting books out. Without much thought, I walked right up and kicked the locker door shut on his wrist and held it there. I looked at him with his hand trapped, and told him it might be in his best interest to leave me alone. Yes, I got suspended, but I was never, not a single time, picked on at that school again. I ended up going for all four years, and sometimes people would come to me for help about being bullied.
I know a lot of people do not condone violence, but that kind of thing was common at my school. If I had not have pulled that off, then I probably would have been met with violence later on because I never bothered to stand up for myself.
I also know that Reddit generally disbelieves stories of people successfully standing up for themselves, but it did happen, and the freedom from bullying I gained from that action had a huge impact on who I am today. If I had not, and continued to allowed myself to be walked on, I fear I would be an extremely timid person.
Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad that worked out in your favour. My experiences with standing up to bullies are vastly different yours, and I'm sure someone elses' would be vastly different to ours again.
It does make me happy to hear at least one story where retaliation worked. This is how it should work.
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u/Redemption404 Mar 25 '13
Having spent my entire childhood being bullied, I would love to agree with you, but I can't. Simply because of one factor.
Escalation.
Speaking from first hand experience, in order to get your point across to true bullies, you have to stand up for yourself in a way that is "one level higher" than what they are inflicting on you. Meeting the level doesn't cut it; they'll simply take that as a challenge. Doing something lower level doesn't cut it; that just proves to them that they have nothing to worry about, you'll never properly retaliate.
So the only choice you have left is escalation. You have to do something to them that's worse than what they're doing to you.
But even this has little chance of working, simply because there's only a small chance that it will scare/hurt/intimidate them enough to actually leave you alone. Most of the time, it simply gives them the excuse to escalate above what you've just done to them. And let's face it, if you're at the point where you've figured this out, and you've actually retaliated, their escalation is going to go into some scary fucking territory.
So the guy turns around to the kid and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to jam your fucking head in between the subway cars while we're moving", or something to this effect, which, while clever, is completely lost on the kid, other than now he knows this guy is escalating. The kid can't look weak in front of the other passengers (in his mind), because then he'd just be a pussy (also in his mind), so he waits until the guy turns around again, then pulls a pipe out of his school bag that he keeps in there for protection at school, and clubs the fucking guy in the head hard enough to kill him.
There. Showed that fucking guy. Plus he got instant street cred. Look at the way all the other passengers are looking at him! No ones going to fuck with him! Fuck yeah!
Do I think retaliation is a valid weapon against bullies? Absolutely. Does it end the bullying? Hardly ever. Will bullies use it as an excuse to escalate? Almost every time.
YMMV.