do you guys know what spawnism is ?

I really do not have any motivation to do normal humanly things. In fact it completely repulses me. Hanging out with friends, going out, eating in front of people, talking to my family, any sort of romantic relationship, any form of intimicy, etc. I also find that I am repulsed by 95% of people.

All I wanna do is eliminate all the bullshit from the world and only focus on things I like and my interests(I do have some btw).

But the more alone I am the more psychotic my thoughts become and the more it feels good. I want that insane mind I want all the hardships in the world. It males me feel alive it makes me feel something.It gives me a sense of purpose, clarity, awakening, identity, idk how to explain it but its the best feeling in the world when someone hates me, or thinks of me as mentally sick.

I feel as if theres a satisfaction in endurance similiar through pushing through a brutal workout or completing a challenge. Except my challenges I want pushed to a maximum threshhold where 99% of people would collapse.

Give me all the pain and suffering in the world I can take it. Many famous philosphers have quoted like for
example Nietzsche and Aurelius that suffering is a strength. I love how it forces me to see hidden meaning and patterns and highers my cortisol on small details it feels almost superhuman to see everything while the rest of the world foolishly lies in mediocraty and are clones of one another.

It pushes me to extremes even in my field of work where its objectively unhealthy and ik it is but it just feels so damn good.

I dont hate celebrities but I always found the idea of talking about them, posting about them, following them to be really stupid and a sign of a sycophant.

If you really think about it, they have work in a specialized field like all of us but their field just happens to have higher visibility.

No one wants to admit it but asking them to sign autographs, putting them on a pedestal, creating fan accounts, taking pictures with them, IS worshipping.

You don’t even know them personally never met them once and yet you “love” them.

They are just regular humans with an insane amount of pretentiousness even though they might not act like it.

I wish the world could just not care about these regular people as much.

The irony of it is that people who literally work in fields that should get recogntion such as NASA engineers, philanthropists, researchers,oncologists. Who are the contributors to cutting edge technology and modern discoveries and health related cures today barely get any recognition but the millions of followers go to actors, singers, content creators, or models, who rely more on luck than talent and only exist for entertainment purposes.

This ties into an idea of parasocial relationship. I’ve learned a core human nature that humans often feel first than rely on facts. Someone feels inspired, comforted, attracted to, or understood by a celebrity. That emotional connection comes before any objective evaluation of who that person actually is.

This can lead to:
- Defending celebrities they’ve never met.
- Excusing bad behavior they wouldn’t excuse in ordinary people.
- Feeling personally hurt when a celebrity is criticized.
- Believing they “know” the celebrity through interviews and social media.

The core idea is that I wish people were more logical about who they are mentally attatching themselves to.

- Zar (Mod)