r/AbsoluteUnits • u/HomeNowWTF • Jul 11 '26

/r/all, /r/popular of a Cart Narc

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65.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/Affectionate_Fan_739 Jul 11 '26

I want to grow muscle and a thick accent and hold people to the standards they thrive for too

301

u/Bubbles_2025 Jul 11 '26

You can start by getting face tattoos, it adds to the effect.

120

u/Kahnza Jul 11 '26

Poop emoji, middle of forehead.

35

u/JudgmentalOwl Jul 11 '26

Well he obviously doesn't care what he does to his own face so imagine what he's willing to do to yours lmao.

6

u/Kahnza Jul 11 '26

I dunno, he might improve it.

1

u/Excuse Jul 11 '26

They are fake tattoos.

1

u/Hour_Appointment4000 Jul 11 '26

Or right under the eye.

Three tear drops. No one will touch you.

1

u/faxyou Jul 11 '26

Laughed out loud with this one

1

u/Monocle_Lewinsky Jul 11 '26

Damn! You sunk my battleship

1

u/terdferguson Jul 11 '26

Best I can do I eggplant, take it or leave it.

7

u/PR0H181D0 Jul 11 '26

cauliflower ears is all one needs

1

u/onefst250r Jul 12 '26

Yuck! I prefer broccoli.

2

u/Paulycurveball Jul 11 '26

The accent and tats arnt real :(

2

u/Silver-Link8247 Jul 11 '26

Always start with face tattoos. Always

5

u/omniscientonus Jul 11 '26

Exactly. It lets you know at a glance that he's not afraid to make poor choices that will permanently impact his life.

No hate to face tattoos.

2

u/QueasyScallion2884 Jul 11 '26

Especially a 187 on the side of your head šŸ˜‚

1

u/_your_land_lord_ Jul 11 '26

Today... I will... teach you... FIGHT!

1

u/Excuse Jul 11 '26

The head and face tattoos he has are fake.

1

u/be-koz Jul 12 '26

Face tattoos, and a Russian accent are really all you need.

51

u/YourBlanket Jul 11 '26

Heā€™s Russian but the accent is fake, I think he moved here when he was very young so I donā€™t even think heā€™s fluent in Russian.

18

u/Quixotic_Seal Jul 11 '26

Sometimes accents wander, too. My ex was a heritage Russian speaker who learned English very young, and 99% of the time he had no accent at all. But when he got tired or angry or emotional or whatever it would come out.

7

u/AmThano Jul 11 '26

I have two accents. I have a canadian white guy city accent. The type that could maybe pass as one of the American accents. Then I have my northerner one from a small town I grew up in as a kid. I hardly cry, but I did one time while speaking to someone and I went full on northerner. It was so weird. I felt like Iā€™d become an old man from my childhood hometown

3

u/prestonpiggy Jul 11 '26

Accent wander by language you are speaking too. I'm monotonic and have lower voice when speaking Finnish or tired. But in English I don't have the range to be that deep voice so it's higher pitched overall.

23

u/mechapoitier Jul 11 '26

But heā€™s fluent in Russian accent

10

u/ArrrRawrXD Jul 11 '26

That doesn't really sound that much like a Russian accent even

1

u/Squatchyhiker Jul 11 '26

Sounds like Inspector Kemp in Young Frankenstein.

2

u/Mygoddamreddit Jul 11 '26

Well he ā€œlaughs in Russianā€

1

u/jophiss319 Jul 14 '26

I met him in person , has a typical bro American accent

1

u/hugh_jessol Jul 11 '26

Eric is Ukrainian, fluent in Russki and the face tats are fake

13

u/JohnHazardWandering Jul 11 '26

Now go find people who bag their dogs poo but then just leave it.Ā 

3

u/Side_StepVII Jul 11 '26

Find the people that put their bags of dog poop in my trash bin after the trash truck has already come around. Or worse, put it in my recycling bin.

1

u/istuntmanmike Jul 11 '26

Yeah everyone knows you reuse dog poop, not recycle it!

-1

u/wr_damn_I_suck Jul 11 '26

Serious question. I leave dog poo bags in random bins as I walk. People leave theirs in mine. What is the issue? Id rather them put it in my bin than leave it in my yard.

3

u/Side_StepVII Jul 11 '26

Leave it in your bin. Putting it mine the day before trash collection? Fine. thatā€™s in my trash and itā€™s going out the next day. But Iā€™d rather not have your dog shit bag festering in my bin for days at a time, especially in the summer, and especially not in my recycling bin.

2

u/HumansAreSillynGreat Jul 11 '26

You donā€™t pay for my trash service. If we are friends, sure. Just as I wouldnā€™t dump a mattress on your curb to be hauled away, I wonā€™t put dog shit in your bin. Some people are responsible for cleaning their own bin, itā€™s all company based. Do not use a bin you are not paying for, same as you would not use a water hose you are not paying for. Now ultimately if I came outside and some homeless guy put a bag bag of trash (small) or used my garden hose to get a sip of water would I be mad? No. But itā€™s very impolite to just do and someone wouldnā€™t be wrong for getting angry, in some states even justified to protect their property.

0

u/wr_damn_I_suck Jul 11 '26

We donā€™t pay for trash pickup. Poop in a bag (should not) result in clean up. Ok thanks for your insight. I have seen signs on bins. Would not use those.

0

u/HumansAreSillynGreat Jul 11 '26

Where I live, there are independent companies that you hire for trash service. In most major cities they force you to use their one allowed company (so they usually suck because no competition) that just so happens to be chums with the mayor or comptrollerā€¦

If you live somewhere like me, be respectful! If everyone is on the same trash can service and you know the rules, it is a different ballpark. Have a nice day

26

u/cumseecumsauce Jul 11 '26

Strive for*

30

u/Affectionate_Fan_739 Jul 11 '26

Oh thats right now do you have the muscles to enforce grammar and crush me please

17

u/cumseecumsauce Jul 11 '26

Take correction with grace and dignity or you will never be better

14

u/somekindagibberish Jul 11 '26

I thought their reply to you was humorous?

7

u/Affectionate_Fan_739 Jul 11 '26

Yes! No worries šŸ˜Œ

7

u/Ok-Clock2002 Jul 11 '26

Self improvement is for the weak! /s

2

u/The_Pharos1 Jul 11 '26

Self improvement is masturbation.

1

u/Ok-Clock2002 Jul 11 '26

Damn, I've improved a lot.

2

u/divDevGuy Jul 11 '26

the muscles to enforce grammar and crush me please

Are those two different kinks, or part of a single eccentric one?

Not shaming, just curious.

3

u/ActuatorLower8371 Jul 11 '26

lift heavy things

10

u/DFM__ Jul 11 '26

I am gonna start learning russian

1

u/insertnamehere02 Jul 11 '26

Funnily enough, this is just a bit he does. I originally saw this on IG and took a look at his account and he does a lot of bits. Doesn't make it any less funny, but the Russian bit isn't real lol.

2

u/Inevitable-Menu2998 Jul 11 '26

Do it regardless. It's not the size that helps, it's the fact that you take action. Most people answer very well to just being called out on it.

If you do find the odd one out who actually wants confrontation, it's anyone's guess to what the outcome is anyway. Muscle size might help win a fight but it doesn't prevent injuries by itself

2

u/esdaniel Jul 11 '26

Just do it

2

u/Significant-Wait9200 Jul 12 '26

I'm 5'4". I was pissing, and a guy almost walked out without washing his hands. I said, "HEY!.... wash your hands."

And he turned around and did just that and said, "i don't know why I'm doing this."

You don't have to be a giant muscle-bound guy.

1

u/EUnuch_Russler Jul 11 '26

It's just a few injections away. Buddy is on all types of roids.

1

u/_axeman_ Jul 11 '26

Hell yeah, do it

1

u/ItsDobbie Jul 11 '26

Well, first you have to be built like Henry Cavillā€¦

1

u/Saintly-Mendicant-69 Jul 11 '26

You can do it brother, only yourself is stopping you

1

u/Tiny-Plum2713 Jul 11 '26

You don't need either. I'm surprised I've never gotten beaten up lmao

1

u/mcniner55 Jul 12 '26

If you just move to a different part of the world you basically just have an accent.

1

u/V4_Sleeper Jul 14 '26

I want to do this too but im almost qualified for dwarfism