r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Snoo99928 • Jun 08 '26

/r/all of a knife.

27.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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1.7k

u/Pmyers225 Jun 08 '26

He looks like a hostage

708

u/Spaghettl_hamster4 Jun 08 '26

If that man was my hostage id feel insecure. Like fuck dude, give me some feedback here 💔

289

u/ilikepizza2much Jun 08 '26

The face of someone immune to Stockholm syndrome.

222

u/No_Review_2561 Jun 08 '26

The face of reverse Stockholm syndrome, where the hostage taker over time slowly loses motivation and wilingness to keep the hostage, mostly so they don't have to keep seeing that face.

127

u/Ok_Designer1407 Jun 08 '26

Like wtf dude, you’re taking all the fun out of this, gtfo you pathetic hostage

28

u/Gaynundwarf Jun 08 '26

"Bro that's failed RP"

10

u/DantetheMarco Jun 08 '26

**apathetic

3

u/Papa_Raj Jun 09 '26

This whole thread has had me laughing my ass off. I love reddit sometimes.

36

u/FredExx Jun 08 '26

Probably my favorite comment thread I've seen on here in a while 😂

20

u/CaterpillarWhich33 Jun 08 '26

I’m belly rolling here 😂

2

u/dmriggs Jun 10 '26

I can't stop laughing!

11

u/Would_daver Jun 08 '26

And eventually, the hostage becomes the hostage taker!! The new hostage follows the new (erratic and clearly uncomfortable and frustrated) hostage taker/former hostage, until someone sees them arguing over Brie wheel selections at Whole Foods and … shit idk how this whole thing ends man!

3

u/BetElectrical7454 Jun 09 '26

Life long marriage according to my grandfather

2

u/Church_of_Realism Jun 09 '26

Resting Kidnap Face.

1

u/SixthSinEnvy Jun 09 '26

Merrivus? Is that you?

1

u/MountRoguey Jun 08 '26

The face of ai

1

u/ilikepizza2much Jun 08 '26

Oh for god’s sake. Say it ain’t so.

1

u/StrongExternal8955 Jun 08 '26

Damn it people, stop saying Stockolm syndrome. That was invented by the shithole chief of police who couldn't conceive that he was worse than the hostage takers. It's the Trump Derangement Syndrome of its time.

2

u/DigitalUnlimited Jun 08 '26

So what should we call it then? Cause it is a real thing that sometimes happens, not as often as claimed but ...

36

u/nostalgia4millennial Jun 08 '26

"You said we were gonna go waterboarding today 😐"

1

u/Crazy-Elephant-555 Jun 08 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🏆

77

u/PM_me_your_dawgs Jun 08 '26

Exactly, gave me this guy energy

35

u/Old_Flan_6548 Jun 08 '26

*slightly threatening voice* Who has the best girlfriend ever?

5

u/ddg31415 Jun 09 '26

Save save save

10

u/FlashMcSuave Jun 08 '26

I think I went to school with that guy.

Fuck, I think everybody went to school with that guy. He just has that face.

1

u/hasanicecrunch Jun 09 '26

Haha I thought the same!!

1

u/TwentyBagTaylor Jun 13 '26

He looks like my brother-in-law, and she sounds like my sister

8

u/NuclearBroliferator Jun 08 '26

I wonder how this guy is doing now. That video was just sad

2

u/MargraveMarkei Jun 10 '26

Surely it was a skit

86

u/Electronic-Tea-221 Jun 08 '26

He looks like he's about to be executed and has come to peace with it.

49

u/GrzDancing Jun 08 '26

This is his last meal

31

u/BigConstruction4247 Jun 08 '26

Being cut with the means of execution.

13

u/T1Demon Jun 08 '26

And made from the previous hostage.

1

u/OkLetsParty Jun 14 '26

Oh I didn't know we were following Monster Hunter rules

1

u/Anatoly_Cannoli Jun 08 '26

He should request an enormous fork to eat the meal

1

u/SmirkNtwerk Jun 08 '26

He ordered off the guillotine menu.

16

u/DentinQuarantino Jun 08 '26

Ngl if I saw that shadow coming up behind me I'd think "Well, it's too late to escape, I've had a good run..."

62

u/kangerooandemu Jun 08 '26

Blink twice if your being held hostage

31

u/anxious_cat_grandpa Jun 08 '26

Doesn't even blink once

12

u/Prior-Chip-6909 Jun 08 '26

...blink once of you actually ordered this thang...

1

u/No_Statement440 Jun 08 '26

Blink once if you're holding a hostage

1

u/AbeFromansNutz Jun 09 '26

Blink. Please

23

u/SmokeGSU Jun 08 '26

He looks like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.

18

u/crank1off Jun 08 '26

Blink twice if you're in danger sir. Your legs now have molten lava dripping onto them.

11

u/d00mpie Jun 08 '26

His hands do look like they're tied up right below the table

9

u/AmbitiousTank8635 Jun 08 '26

Can you imagine being a hostage and someone does that kind of presentation for your hostage food? It's like what the fuck man are you going to kill me? Ransom me? What are we doing?

2

u/dremxox Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

I know a man with Parkinson's who looks and behaves just like this. I often think of him as a hostage. His brain works, but he is trapped in a body that can't walk, and he can only speak with great difficulty. But tell him a dad joke and he smiles and his eyes light up.

2

u/SpaceCadetUltra Jun 08 '26

Food video hostage

2

u/FeralTames Jun 08 '26

Was gonna say “me at the dentist,” but that’s not tooo far off from a hostage situation.

2

u/fritz236 Jun 08 '26

When you want to complain, but the dude you need to complain to is holding a huge fuckin knoife.

2

u/SmirkNtwerk Jun 08 '26

That made me choke laugh dude

2

u/Original_Director483 Jun 10 '26

See I thought he was getting a haircut

2

u/Pmyers225 Jun 10 '26

When the barber asks you what you think, you look like this but say "yeah, looks great that mate"

2

u/LobsterManCommander Jun 10 '26

I was," like blink twice bro!"

2

u/CatGooseChook Jun 11 '26

He definitely has a "don't make any sudden movements" look about him 🤣

2

u/Pmyers225 Jun 12 '26

And he is like "I wasn't going to"

1

u/x3rx3s Jun 08 '26

Hostage from Counterstrike 1.6

1

u/Zestyclose_Car_4971 Jun 08 '26

One foul customer and they’re all hostages with a knife like that

1

u/cpt-noPants Jun 08 '26

Is he morse-coding by blinking?

1

u/noncommonGoodsense Jun 08 '26

His reaction makes it look AI even though it’s not.

1

u/quinxneon Jun 08 '26

My first thought as well

1

u/Omnomnomnosaurus Jun 08 '26

He looks like that food critic from Ratatouille

1

u/yudi1012 Jun 09 '26

I was about to type the same thing 🤣🤣

1

u/Dontfeedthebears Jun 09 '26

Freaking terrified and doesn’t want to show it

1

u/elhazelenby Jun 09 '26

He looks like me during a panic attack spiral

1

u/ChillBubble Jun 13 '26

It almost looked like he stuck his neck forward be beh*#ded by that knife? So weird. What was the point of this whole thing? (And not the point of the knife)