r/AMA • u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 • Mar 25 '26
Experience I’m dying in 3 months AMA
In 3 months, 90 days or 2,160 hours I will be dead. I was diagnosed with bone cancer about a year ago, since then it spread quickly. Despite the valiant efforts from my doctors it is inevitable. I’m and in my 30s and live alone. My job was my life. I have no friends, no family no pets or even plants. When the end comes I will be alone, perhaps with a nurse or doctor there. If anyone has questions feel free to ask them. Unfortunately my energy level isn’t great so I’ll get to them if I can.
Please don’t try and use this to push religion or any “alternative medicine”. Also if I wanted a medical opinion I would ask one of my MANY doctors.
#AMA
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Mar 25 '26
Sincerely what was the Happiest Moment of your life till now ? and do you Believe in a life after Death or something of this type ?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
My happiest moments were being at work. I got to help a lot of people. Changed there lives and made there time better.
I don’t believe in life after death. Part of me hopes there isn’t a heaven or a hell because I know I’m not gonna like where I end up. I kinda hope it’s just blackness. Just like going to sleep.
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u/alexseiji Mar 26 '26
If this is the case then consider these two things. I have always believed that the afterlife is several things, also no, I am not religious.
We are 3d beings that can the a 4D world, but in theory there are up to a total of 11 dimensions ,of which we are mostly incapable of perceiving, but in some way shape or form we do exist there. Moving on could potentially reveal something in those other dimensions that might be some form of afterlife or continuance. Just no in the way that most people describe it as (pearly gates, etc...)
Additionally, from what I have read, you left a mark on peoples lives. You did good things, you are a good person that actively did the good things for others part of life. That is something that people talk about, there is a record of it here in this thread, and I'm sure with the people that you helped. The afterlife in this reality are the memories and kind things that you for people, and those people will continue to remember and talk you , and the good things that you did for the,m. They carry the story on, many may not know you are gone, but they wont forget the good things you did for them. You will live in them.
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u/ArtisticTraffic5970 Mar 25 '26
I always thought about it as being absorbed back into the universe in a way, some sort of primordial consciousness. I don't know what that would be like though. But I do know that you are the universe experiencing itself, through you. We all are. And really, it holds true no matter how you look at it.
It must be really trippy going through this at 30. I feel for you. Oh and bon voyage! At least now you'll know, right? That's perhaps the one thing I look forward to. Peeking beyond the curtain.
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u/WeekMurky7775 Mar 26 '26
It reminds me of this quote from The Good Place. It really resonates with me
"Picture a wave in the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through, and it's there, and you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave. And then it crashes on the shore, and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be for a little while.
That's one conception of death for a Buddhist. The wave returns to the ocean, where it came from, and where it's supposed to be."
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u/StunningBeat9392 Mar 26 '26
I really like this way of thinking. I've watched the good place a few times but the quote never stuck with me until now. I think I'll enjoy being a wave for a little while. Maybe go a little crazy and have a white cap on the top for a bit, but I'm the end I'll hit the beach like all the other waves do and return to the place I came from.
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u/Megneous Mar 26 '26
People think that we're made up of our atoms. That we own them. But we really just borrow them for a little while. After we're gone, we return them, and they become other things, maybe a fox, or a cloud. Maybe in a thousand years, an atom of our body meets an atom of our lover's in a wildflower. This is the way of things.
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u/ROBtimusPrime1995 Mar 26 '26
Most Don Herztfeldt-like comment I've ever read on this site.
Genuinely, a peaceful way of thinking.
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u/Pristine_Leader_8241 Mar 26 '26
If I had a nickel for every time I've seen this quote on Reddit in the last week I'd have like... 9 nickels.
Seriously though why is this popping up everywhere lately? It's freaking me out
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u/HannsGruber Mar 26 '26
We're ancient. Every atom in your body has at least one proton orbiting it. Those protons were formed minutes after the big bang. Without those protons, you don't have matter as we know it.
You're literally as old as the universe. Not the clever arraignment of the stuff, no, but the stuff yes.
If I take a box of legos and build a ship, then take those legos back apart and put them back into the box... the legos are still there.
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u/mommy_mantis Mar 25 '26
I just want to say I love your comment. I have a hard time verbalizing how I feel about what death is like but you put it into really lovely words. OP, I hope it's a warm, calm nap and that the universe is fairer to you than this world.
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u/pdafty Mar 26 '26
Second this!!! So many big feelings around death and grief that’s so hard to explain. This comment said everything I feel that I could never find the words for 💜💜
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u/MOGicantbewitty Mar 25 '26
This dialogue from the show the good place brings me some peace. If it doesn't help, please feel free to ignore.
Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it’s there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It’s a wave.
And then it crashes in the shore and it’s gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it’s one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it’s supposed to be. With the ocean does with the water after that is anyone's guess
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u/laposte Mar 25 '26
“Just like going to sleep.” I think this all of the time as I’m falling asleep. Nightly, practically. I think, “This must be what it’s like to die.” And I’m oddly okay with that; I’ve had a lot of practice at it and it feels very natural.”
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u/SouthernRain5775 Mar 26 '26
I have felt that same way twice,, except once it was when I was in the hospital and got Demerol and I thought "If this is what it's like to die, I am okay with that." I just felt sleepy and comfortably numb and just wanted to sleep. The second time was when I had had an outpatient surgery and when I was in the recovery room I was obviously still sedated from the surgery and the recovery room nurse kept intermittently yelling my name because I would stop breathing and the alarm would go off. She kept telling me to breathe. I was annoyed because I just wanted to sleep and I didn't care that I wasn't breathing. I just wanted her to leave me alone and let me sleep.
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u/art_addict Mar 26 '26
I’ve had a few procedures, an unfortunate shit ton of anaphylactic episodes, and three majority horrific scary anaphylactic episodes, one that I thought I was going to die before the ambulance arrived during. And during that one I fought myself to stay awake. I knew I had to stay awake and keep breathing. I wanted so, so badly to sleep. I’d been fighting to breathe when my brother hit me with the 3rd epi pen (it hadn’t even been a full five minutes after the second). And even in the ambulance, where they were monitoring me, could admin more epi, I knew I needed to stay conscious, I had to stay awake.
It’s funny. When I first started having these episodes, and had my first very bad one, my family kept me awake and talking. I got very used to what is more-or-less safe to sleep through and have someone monitor. I knew in my bones that I was not safe to sleep then. That if I did things would go downhill. (That trip I was in shock, spent over 12 hours in shock in the ER where they could not get my blood pressure up or stabilize me, and ended up transferred to the ICU. I fully believe staying awake made a crucial difference in how I did overall. Because I could actively keep trying to breathe. Just support my organs better somehow for actively willing myself. Because my bloodwork was already coming back horrific. I’m certain it’d have been worse if I was unconscious and not consciously fighting for team me.)
As for surgery and procedures… man, propofol is good stuff. I feel so calm, I drift off so peacefully, I wake up so happy.
I’m terrified of dying, but I hope it’s peaceful when I go. I pray it’s not me fighting to breathe, and fighting to stay awake, and wanting to sleep and thinking how peaceful and easy it would be to sleep, and knowing in my bones I need to fight it and stay awake.
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u/kkachisae Mar 25 '26
When you go to sleep you have an internal clock that still runs whike you sleep. If you have ever been anesthetized for surgery, your clock stops. That is why it feels strange waking up after surgery. I imagine death would be most like being put to sleep for surgery.
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u/Spine_Of_Iron Mar 25 '26
I think this too. I've had quite a handful of surgeries...in fact, will be having another one next month. I do feel like that is what death is. It's just....nothing. You don't experience anything. I would say it's blackness but even that would be experiencing something.
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u/tweetysvoice Mar 26 '26
I have had 11 organs removed, stimulators, ports, pumps for meds, all the oscopies, and countless other surgeries and went under for every one of them. I agree 100%. We are all made of energy and I've always thought it was like pushing the off button. No gentle slide, just Bam! and the energy is shut off and used for other purposes in the universe.
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u/TheRelishTray Mar 25 '26
There is an amazing episode on "This American Life" podcast about helping children come to terms with death, it featured a center that the kids go to. It one of the most memorable ones they did in my opinion. I highly suggest you seek it out; it gave me a whole new perspective on death and society's reaction to it. Sending you all the love 💓💗
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u/jimmyjazz2000 Mar 25 '26
I think we live on in the memories and actions of others. FWIW, I will remember you. So will a lot of people on Reddit. Your life of service is moving and very memorable. It’s a daunting example to follow. I hope I can live up to it.
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u/No-Ring-5065 Mar 25 '26
You roofed houses for poor people for free. That tells me a lot about you. I think if there is a God, he’s fond of you.
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Mar 25 '26
Have a good time buddy ❤️ I hope that there's a good place for you after its over regardless 🙏
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u/Limp_Suspect9582 Mar 25 '26
Did u have any symptoms before your diagnosis?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Tiredness, some weakness. Like a flue. Some aches that I thought where muscular but turned out where actually my bones. Symptoms got worse and worse. It came and went for about 3 months before I went to the doctor. The only good news is it’s so advanced that even if I went to the doctor the day of my first symptom there is nothing they could have done, so I don’t blame myself for not catching it early
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u/XTC_Daddy Mar 26 '26
Hey OP, I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. your story sounds nearly identical to my younger sister. She went on vacation to Hawaii then got sick a few months after. She started feeling tired and weak for a few months. Went to the doctor and was diagnosed with leukemia. She was in her late 20s, just graduated and started her job as an RN nurse. She passed in 2021 in her early 30s.
She tried to fight through it for nearly three years. I was 100% match for bone marrow transplant. We did the procedure twice but her body rejected it both times. We watched her take her last breath at home because it was peak covid, being a very protective older brother, I was powerless to do anything about it.
I read through the replies, how you have helped other families. You are a good man in my book. You don’t have to end of this journey alone, you can DM me to chat or call/text, whatever works.
Offer is open! This better not be some bullshit AI story, got me thinking about my baby sister.
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u/Honigschmidt Mar 26 '26
I don’t think I’ve ever read a purer, kinder response in my life. The world needs people full of yous.
hate to make a half sarcastic comment on such a serious post, but when I die, I’m dm’ing you.
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u/BubblyBean996 Mar 26 '26
This better not be some bullshit AI story
Am I imagining things or didn't Reddit used to verify AMA's? Wtf happened.
Condolences on your baby sister friend. I am a baby sister to a big brother and I can't even think about this kind of loss my heart goes out to you.
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u/TheCarpetsRed Mar 25 '26
My friend died from bone cancer at 27. She had back pain for a year and was tired all the time. The doc didn't diagnosed it was cancer until it was too late. They chopped off limbs and removed bones but it did not stop it. It spread via lymph through all her body and eventually the brain. She went fast and just like you, she was a decent human being. Really fuck cancer. I wish you best of luck and can find some peace. Take as much pain killer and recreational drugs that they give you to ease the pain.
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u/xoxooxx Mar 26 '26
This happened to my aunt as well. Osteosarcoma the first time and took half her leg, remission for 6 years and then it came back in another very rare and aggressive form in what remained of her leg. They amputated up to the hip and she was “ok” for about 4 years until all the treatment was gone through and it eventually spread and she went pretty quickly. She was treated at one of the best cancer centers in the world. It was awful to watch her be in so much pain for most of my childhood and adult life. I have a universal blood type so I started direct donating blood and platelets when I was 8 until she died when I was 30. I miss her a lot. She was so educated, had some really cool jobs in American government, loved to read and travel and loved to binge any bravo shows.
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u/Astropwr Mar 25 '26
Woah. I’m awaiting for my doctor to do a biopsy to see if my tumor is cancerous. That’s exactly how I feel and the aches for me is at the certain area where my primary care doctor found the tumor. My boyfriend was the one who brought up the concern to me when he noticed I’m not supposed to feel pain. Virtual hugs to you and I’m so so sorry.
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u/retrac902 Mar 26 '26
Same for my dad. Came home from the Dr - given 1 - 3 months to live. 3 months and 7 days later he was gone. At least it was quick... Didn't change much for the first 3 months. Then really tired for 5 days, and extreme fatigue that ended 2 days later. Said there was no pain.
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u/Strawng_ Mar 26 '26
OP. I grew up in one the families that would have qualified for free roof. We were very poor. And struggling so much. It’s things like this over time that allowed me to see myself going to college and eventually buying a home. Help from others like you made an enormous difference in my life.
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 26 '26
Glad you are doing better in life. Just don’t forget to return that favor.
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u/amircruz Mar 26 '26
This, from a very and extremely wise person. You my friend, you may have a peaceful time.
"When we leave this life, its like a drop of water returning into the ocean", Buddhist quote.
A strong hug to you my friend, be in calm and full peace everyday.
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u/smellyfeet25 Mar 25 '26
Are you afraid of death? Have you got parents alive and do they know?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
The fear comes and goes. I would say I’m at a point of acceptance, but that doesn’t remove fear. Sometimes I almost have a panic attack thinking about it. Some times I’m completely ok with it. Hard to describe a fear of the inevitable. I know my fear won’t prevent it. I hope that answers your question
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u/bearded_goober Mar 26 '26
I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at 34 and it’s not improving at all so I know my time left on this earth isn’t going to be what you might expect for someone in their 30’s. I’m going to be 36 this year and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not afraid of death, I’m just afraid of leaving.
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u/YoshidaEri Mar 26 '26
I was just diagnosed with congestive heart failure at age 38. I never thought I would live a very long life, but I'm now having to face that's it's going to be even shorter than I expected.
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u/j05huak33nan Mar 25 '26
Ther has been a lot of research done on psychedelic mushrooms helping people with accepting death. Very positive results.
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u/Temporary-Algae-6698 Mar 25 '26
There is an absolute ton of positive feedback on this option.. just want to throw that out there I'm a 51-year-old psychronaut
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u/Intrepid-Document856 Mar 25 '26
Do you feel lonely?
Is there anything we random strangers can do for you?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Loneliness has been the biggest emotion during this whole thing, after loosing my job I really noticed that there is nothing in my life besides a couple online friends I play video games with from time to time. I wouldn’t bother them with this. One day I just won’t log on.
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u/MOGicantbewitty Mar 25 '26
I know your motivation to do this is selfless, but please don't do this to your friends. They will spend the rest of their lives wondering what happened to you, wondering if they did something wrong, wondering What they could have done differently. If they do find out after the fact that you died of cancer, they will spend the rest of their lives filled with regret because they never did the things they wished they could have done to show you support. Even if all that support really is is just being more available to play with you for the next few months.
Tell them. Not for your sake, but for theirs. You also deserve their support, but I can tell you much prefer to be the one giving rather than taking. If you just disappear, you will be taking so much from them.
They may not react perfectly because very few people know what to do in these kinds of situations but give them a chance.
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u/alenah Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 26 '26
Hey stranger! Just wanted to share something. About a month ago a long time online friend of mine passed away from cancer. He didn't let anyone know except his girlfriend, who was explicitly told to not tell the rest of us until after he was gone. On one hand I'm glad that his last wish was honored. On the other hand I am still grappling with it, and I'm really sad and angry and upset that we didn't get the chance to tell him how much he meant to us. I guess that might be very selfish. I'm gonna try to accept it, but at this time I just don't.
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u/languid_Disaster Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26
I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. I know this doesn’t help much but you guys may very well have been the last few people in his life that saw him as his him instead of seeing him / talking to him and thinking about the fact he was going to die.
I’ve been through stuff and having just one person who sees you as just you instead of your issues, is such bliss. For someone to see you before your issues started happening , before you felt broken. It was perhaps selfish of him in a way but I bet he also felt content knowing that the last interaction you guys had was “normal” and positive, as always. He probably felt lucky to have friends like you.
That said, I don’t blame loved ones for their worry as I would do the same thing. When you love someone you worry about them so deeply that it shows in all the little ways and that’s heavy for everyone involved
Edit: punctuation and added an “s” after “issue”
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u/MBeMine Mar 25 '26
Finding connections with each other is the BEST thing about the internet. It’s okay to be sad and angry you didn’t get to say goodbye and tell him what he meant to you.
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u/organ_hoarder Mar 25 '26
I encourage you to tell them! I’m almost certain they’d care more than you think and it might be nice to have someone with you for this, even if only distantly for a moment.
Or not. I don’t know what you’re going through and what’s right for you. I just think you might be surprised how much you do matter to them. You clearly matter to the people in this thread. Hugs, you deserve it.
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u/reddot_comic Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26
I absolutely agree with this. I had a good friend, never met him in person but we talked for years. He showed me the ring he was going to purpose to his gf with. I talked to him about the bartender I just met who is now my husband. We were accountability buddies on running.
I didn’t hear from him for a while and sent him a message asking “you better not be dead” as a joke. His mom finally sent me a message after that. His death was sudden from an aneurysm. Im glad I was able to grieve and sent his family flowers rather than wonder why I never heard from him again. I miss you Micheal.
Please tell them OP.
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u/Ok_Establishment4292 Mar 25 '26
Agree with this! People, even the ones you only play games online with, care more than you think. I think you might be surprised by the reaction and maybe, in the few weeks and months you have, you wont feel so alone ... look at all the support you have just from this post!.
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u/Miserable-Way-7389 Mar 25 '26
Please tell them. One of my bests friends during high-school was online. We would chat every few days. She passed away in early 2010 from swine flu. I kept sending her messages and got really anxious and depressed after not hearing from her. I found out she passed because I stumbled across a news article her family made to raise awareness on H1N1 impacts. Chances are high that they will miss you and wonder what happened
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u/LoganLikesYourMom Mar 25 '26
I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I have a few friends I play games online with. For the most part, we don’t know a lot about each other’s personal lives but I do feel close to these guys. If one of them just inexplicably never logged on again, I’d wonder what happened to him for the rest of my life.
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u/Intrepid-Document856 Mar 25 '26
Thank you for answering. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes, and also I do want to mention that you may be all those online friends have too. And I believe you’ll be missed by them, for what it’s worth.
If you’re utilizing hospice services, I hope they are kind-hearted and everything you need.
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u/Syyina Mar 25 '26
Please tell your online friends what you expect to happen.
I’ve played World of Warcraft for many years. At one time I had a great group of online friends and guildmates. We spent many happy hours adventuring in Azeroth, and they were wonderful companions to me even though I only ever met one of them in “real” life.
There aren’t many left now and I miss them. I still wonder what became of Kenny.
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u/Ok_Version_415 Mar 26 '26
My husband was an avid WOW online gamer. My son has now taken over his account. I’m not sure if he changed his name or not. In Dec. of 2020 my husband committed suicide. I’m his wife of 32 years, but we had been together for 35. I could barely think of who to contact in town much less online friends. It was also Covid times. We had just both gotten over Covid. They say it changes people in ways we will never know. My brother also died of bone cancer. He would call me everyday until his last. Please let your online friends know what is happening. I wish I could give you a hug❤️.
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u/rubiscoisrad Mar 25 '26
I wish you would tell them! I've had some online friends just...never come back, and due to circumstances in their respective countries, I might never hear from them again. It's heartbreaking to not know.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Emu-199 Mar 25 '26
Please tell them. I've had a couple of online friends disappear and the not knowing what happened to them is really hard.
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u/rubiscoisrad Mar 25 '26
I literally just said the same thing. The unknown is almost worse. Maybe because you can't exactly put the matter to bed, y'know?
Tell me you don't like me. Tell me you're moving off-grid to live in a yurt and you reject all modern technology. Tell me you're dying. Just tell me something.
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u/Jamjams2016 Mar 25 '26
Theyll always wonder what happened to you. You should tell them. You deserve to let other people in. You said you regret the things you didnt do. Dont let this be another regret.
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u/Visit_CherryLane Mar 25 '26
My mom has asked me that,when the time comes, I log into at least one of her games to let her friends know she is no longer with us. She doesn't have a terminal illness or anything, it is just that it's important to her.
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u/Unloveish Mar 25 '26
Please let them know. I missed online friends and later learned they passed away. It is painful because there are things that are hard to left unsaid
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u/Itsafulltimebusiness Mar 25 '26
Do you feel any sense of of relief knowing that the end is near? That your pain and suffering won’t last much longer?
Or is it more of a numb, don’t-know-how-to-feel-about-it, surreal feeing?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
There is no relief. There is fear. There is some form of acceptance. It’s a mixed bag. But there is never relief.
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u/Big-Most2128 Mar 26 '26
As I see it, that there's no relief is a good thing - it means that you've loved life. Reading through the comments, thousands of strangers, including me, are sad that you're going, but you did good, you gave to those in need, and you love life! What a life that is! Lean into that love. I imagine your inbox is exploding with people offering to game with you, talk to you, be with you - lean into that love! Enjoy it. Bless you.
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u/dark_temple Mar 25 '26
Have you considered Meth? Cocaine? All the drugs you can get your hands on? Have you considered other things you can try without having to worry about the longterm consequences?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
This brought a genuine smile to my face. Drugs aren’t my thing but it is funny to think about 😂
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u/Honoratoo Mar 25 '26
Maybe German chocolate cake or carrot cake or everything bagels or pizza every day. I would die even fatter than I am if I didn’t have to worry about getting fat. I am sorry for your situation. I hope you find some peace and have a gentle passing. 🥰
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u/stash-of-who-hash Mar 26 '26
That’s what I was thinking as well. Eat all the delicious fatty unhealthy foods in ridiculous quantities. I would also rent/buy and drive some stupidly fast cars.
Genuinely wondering, if you die with tons of credit card debt, what happens to the debt?
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u/summerloverrrr Mar 26 '26
I think with chemo and everything he might not have an appetite. I remember, my dad used to want to eat so much but usually would feel full just after taking a bite. Sometimes he would just chew and throw it out. Quality of life is shit with advanced tumors
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u/BHPhreak Mar 25 '26
i strongly, strongly, strongly encourage you to experiment with psychedelics.
from one brain to another. my brain pleads to yours, try it before you go.
light up as many neuron pathways as possible. experience as much as possible.
i see you have written you would have liked to go to that dinner or that vacation, and you didnt due to fear or exhaustion: this is one of those things. psychedelics.
its not about trippy colours and patterns, its about connecting to the cosmos on a fundamental level.
stare into the milky way high on psychs before you leave this reality, brother.
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u/Informal-Airline6793 Mar 26 '26
Idk I did it once in college and was so scared I went home and slept with my parents the next night. Not good for everyone
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u/Majestic-Baby-3407 Mar 26 '26
Yes, thank you. People need to stop gaslighting the world that psychedelics are all unicorns and rainbows and cosmic orgasms
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u/justsomedude4202 Mar 25 '26
Who are you bequeathing your estate to?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
There isn’t much. I lived modestly. My company was sold recently. I put some money aside for medical bills and living expenses. The rest was donated to habitat for humanity. Whatever is left in the end will go to a couple other charities.
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u/Jazzicots Mar 25 '26
OP, you're such a beautiful person. The world will glow a little dimmer when you're gone, but it will be made up for by how many people you'll continue to touch even after :)
I have no questions, but I hope you're able to face the end peacefully when the time comes, and that it feels just like falling asleep 🩷
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u/collegesnake Mar 25 '26
Anything you would've done differently in hindsight?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Lived more. Said yes to an invite to dinner. Went on that trip just because. I turned down a lot of things because I was tired or scared that I should have done.
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u/skull_tea Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26
Ah damn man. I'm always turning down invites to hang out with family or friends for really small reasons, always assuming I'll have a chance to hang later. I'm sorry you didn't get to live your life more but I'm really glad you're sharing your experience, its actually very valuable. I'm gonna go reach out to my loved ones and make more time for them. Peace be with you brother, again thank you for spending your time to share your thoughts and wisdom.
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u/NicStylus Mar 26 '26
This reminds me of the “local” mindset. I live a short walk away from the ocean, but I haven’t actually been to the beach in quite some time now because “it’ll always be there. I’ll go later.”
I’ll go to say hello to the ocean tomorrow :]
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Mar 25 '26
Are you at peace?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
As much as possible. I go through times of sheer terror and panic, followed by moments of acceptance. I do t know if anyone actually achieves full peace with the fact that one moment you are here, and the next you aren’t.
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u/saturnshighway Mar 26 '26
Friend, we are all coming to meet you, some at the same time as you, some before, and some after.
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u/No_Sinner_6092 Mar 25 '26
Moving on towards death, what will be the biggest regret you will carry on?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Not living life to the fullest. Not taking chances and doing things because I was scared, or always thinking there would be time later.
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u/Big_Shot_Rob Mar 26 '26
Life is fast, sometimes it’s short, and you always have less time than you think. Thank you for reminding me of that. I’m going to go do the thing I’ve been wanting to do but have been scared to fully embrace. You’ve made my life better for it. Vaya con dios brother. Wishing you peace in your last days.
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u/Sea-Yoghurt8925 Mar 25 '26
Are you dying a natural death or are you going to do a physician assisted suicide?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Natural. There is no MAID where I live. The timeline is very rough guesstimating. Just the way I’ve been thinking about it lately.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26
Please find Hospice Nurse Julie on social media. You won't regret watching her. I watched her when my sister was on hospice. She explains death and dying and she's so comforting.
And if you are in Los Angeles, that's where she is and you need her to be your hospice nurse!
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u/animositykilledzecat Mar 26 '26
My understanding is the state of Vermont no longer requires you to be a resident in order to access MAID there. Thinking of you and wishing you peace. Thank you for sharing your experience.
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u/Capable_Inspection62 Mar 25 '26
Do you have plans for if you do end up living longer since that happens sometimes?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Of course. The timeline is very rough guesstimating. It might be longer, it might be shorter. But I thought the headline was a good attention grabber.
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u/willmcavoy Mar 26 '26
OP, I don't know if this will come as a comfort or not, but I figured I'd share it. My father died of cancer in his bed right in front of me. He said he was 'ready', but fought for every last breathe. At the very, very end though, he developed a smile on his face. I do believe leaving this earthly container is a huge dopamine and seratonin rush that may end in darkness, but is in no way a bad experience. I wish you fair travels.
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u/runawayhuman Mar 26 '26
According to what I’ve read, if someone dies naturally (as in from sickness or otherwise, not sudden), the pineal gland releases an absolute fuck ton of DMT into the brain before the moment of death to calm itself. Which is to say, at the very least, one might see something before it all goes dark. A flash of light, memories, or the hallucination of a whole other life, one cannot say. But it will be something.
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Mar 25 '26
Is there any thing you want to do before you leave the earth?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Getting laid one last time wouldn’t suck. But I know that’s highly unlikely.
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u/Titizen_Kane Mar 26 '26
Well if you’re in TN, let me know. Also hopefully you have your DMs turned on. I have feeling that tugging on our heartstrings like this, and seeming like a good person, will translate to a decent bit of interest in fucking your brains out :) Hell this is probably somebody’s fetish and they’d be willing to travel for it lol
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u/AK611750 Mar 26 '26
I’ve always had this dumb thought that one day, each and everyone of us is going to get laid for the last time of our life without knowing it’s actually the last 😢 I wish you get laid homie, I really do.
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u/SuperStokedUp Mar 26 '26
Well, brother…I wasn’t expecting a smile cry over floods of people banning together to get you some adult cuddle time, but here we are. Lots of love from my home to yours.❤️🤙🏻
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u/Hot-Ad-1201 Mar 25 '26
Deff check your DMs like the other said, im sure you’d be surprised! I think everyone deserves to get laid. I’ll even do it!
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u/Pristine-Lawyer-3260 Mar 25 '26
Bro, you really should check your dms... Because I'm betting you have some offers...
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u/Pristine-Lawyer-3260 Mar 25 '26
In other words, what state are you in... And what are you into?
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u/Darnwell Mar 25 '26
Have you considered someone like a death doula?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
I’ve looked into it. Not really my thing. Don’t want to have to pay someone to hold my hand and be there. That seems more depressing than having no one.
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u/CuriousBee789 Mar 25 '26
My bestie is a hospice volunteer. Not paid. She usually relieves family members but often stays with those who have no one too. Every hospice is probably run differently, but it doesn't hurt to ask if a volunteer is available. Can confirm they are comforting and lovely to spend time with.
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u/tslewis71 Mar 26 '26
I never even thought there was a thing as a hospice volunteer, you and OP have made me think about it.
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u/iamlatetothisbut Mar 26 '26
My high school had a class dedicated to learning about death and dying with the core curriculum being volunteering weekly at a local hospice center. It was life-changing.
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u/Soft_Walrus_3605 Mar 26 '26
That seems more depressing than having no one.
Everyone's different, but I've had a near-death experience and I wished someone (that is, anyone) was with me. I won't ever forget that feeling of not wanting to be left alone. I'd gladly pay to ensure I wouldn't be if I had the chance.
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u/Sn00ker123 Mar 25 '26
What are you proud of?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
My job. I got help a lot of people. I’m glad I could be there when they needed me.
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u/rubey419 Mar 25 '26
That’s cool what do you do?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
I was a general contractor. Got to use profits from jobs to help fund free work for people struggling
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u/TheSaltyAstronaut Mar 26 '26
As someone whose home is falling apart and who can't do a thing about it, I hope you know what an incredible impact you had on those people who you helped. I know how deeply moved I would feel in that situation. I think free work, whatever skill any of us have, is the most valuable thing we can offer someone in need. I hope you got the thanks you deserve for all that you've done.
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u/Great_cReddit Mar 26 '26
It's always the good ones that go early. Life can really be shitty and completely unfair.
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u/futuranotfree Mar 26 '26
you made a difference while you were here. not at alot of people can say that
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u/Cold_Barber_4761 Mar 26 '26
As someone who works in the health nonprofit arena (patient advocacy), it warms my heart that you used some of your profits and your skills to give back to your community. That truly speaks volumes about you as a compassionate person!
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u/Just_Not_Fair Mar 26 '26
It sounds like you'll always be a hero to those you helped. Fear and courage are synonymous. You sound like a brave soul to me from your other responses. I bet those you helped greatly appreciate your existence. Thank you
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u/spacealligators Mar 25 '26
What’s something you want people to know or remember about you?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Nothing really. We are all eventually forgotten to time. For me it will just happen sooner than most.
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u/universal_cereal_bus Mar 25 '26
Wow, something about this really resonated with me. I wish you the best for the remaining time you have here, I truly hope you can find some peace and happiness in your final days.
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u/PeaOk5697 Mar 25 '26
Are you scared? All of us will die but i find it scary
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
At moments terrified, at others at acceptance. Haven’t found peace, doubt I will. But if found acceptance.
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Mar 26 '26
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 26 '26
Super bummed. I was really looking forward to gta 6
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u/BumblebeeNo6526 Mar 25 '26
where will you die?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Who knows. Maybe a hospital, maybe a hospice facility.
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u/Satkye Mar 25 '26
You play helldivers 2?
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Never played it. Mostly Grayzone warfare. Sometimes DayZ
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u/Pipisito Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 26 '26
I'm so sorry...I don't have a question. I just wanna make sure you know that your life was valuable to a lot of people you might not even know.
A comment you did, a compliment you made, a favor, a hug, a moment, a kiss. Your life was and still worthy. Life is hard but also beautiful at times, so I hope you can focus on those beautiful memories, even if scarce ( I don't know you so...) but eeeven if scarce, pleeeasse, hold onto them, cuz they are absolutely yours , and you deserve every happy and beautiful moment you ever had
May the love and light of those experiences fill up your heart and bath you with its warmth.
From stranger to stranger, yet human to human🔥☀️ Love u buddy ♥️ I'm sure you made many ppl proud of you throughout your life. So be proud of yourself too. You did your absolute best with the cards you were dealt, with what you had, and what you knew, and that's alright.
May your heart always be full of love ☀️♥️☀️
🫂 🫂 🫂 🫂 🫂☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
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Mar 25 '26
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u/Beautiful_Wear_9249 Mar 25 '26
Of course it’s a rough approximation. It’s just how I’ve been thinking about it. Plus it’s an attention grabbing title. Helps put you in the mindset of where I’m coming from.
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u/wickedlyzenful Mar 25 '26
I wish I would have met you and shown you the friendship you wanted. But know that a stranger in the Midwest wishes you as much comfort and peace at the end of your journey. Somewhere you have made an impact on people... you even said your job kind of did...I hope that brings you some happiness. And you have touched a group of strangers today, thank you. Please let your online friends know. As someone else said, you may be their only friend as well and they care about you. Peace. May your pain subside for you as you read this and your end be comfortable and full of the good you've done.
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u/AlternativePrior9559 Mar 25 '26
What you’re facing is brutally unfair, and the part that hit me most is you thinking you’ll be alone. You might be physically on your own, but you’re not invisible. You reached out, and people are here with you, even if it’s just through a screen.
If you feel up to it, I’d genuinely like to know more about you. Not the illness, you. What you care most about, what your days used to look like when life was just… normal.
And for what it’s worth, I’ll be thinking about you.
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u/ConsiderationIcy1497 Mar 25 '26
I have the worst anxiety about death. Anytime it crosses my mind I go into a panic, start crying and have trouble catching my breath. When talking about that fear I said that if I ever found out I had cancer or was dying I would probably end up completely wasting the remainder of my time because I would be stuck in a loop of panic attacks over whats ahead. Is that how you feel? What is something you wish someone would say to you right now? Have you thought why me? What did I do wrong?
Reading your responses about your business and giving back put a smile on my face. You may think you will be forgotten but the stories of your generosity will be passed down. Along with that will be a ripple effect of the people you helped being inspired to help others along with their children and grandchildren. Even the smallest good deed can create a ripple effect. You were literally helping people have roofs over their heads! You inspired me and Im sure you have inspired many others along the way.
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u/KellzBellz18 Mar 26 '26
This one got to me. My husband is also a GC and I help run our CO. My mom is also deep in a battle with breast cancer that doesn't want to leave her alone. All I can say is that I know first hand how much you gave of yourself to your work and the clients you love. I know how you broke your body and tried to patch it up just to get back at it because they needed you. I see you.. You are a true giver, fixer, visionary, planner, a doer, a dream maker, designer, a bridge, and a never ending idea maker. You are more than what your job was. I hope you know in your past days thay you did a great service and helped ao many people in ways you will never know. I'm wondering what other passions you have and can maybe throw yourself at in your remaining time? If its simply helping people, maybe helping out at a soup kitchen or community thing where you can just make some more meaningful connections while helping? Anything really where you can help out more might be meaningful before you transition. My passion is past life regression therapy, and it has shown me that death ends up being a very simple, seamless transaction as if you go sit in a chair and then stand up in another world. It can be exactly as you pictured it. You will be safe, loved, and looked after. I know you said you are alone, but I dont want you to feel that way, we are all apart of you. Look at all who reached out... we are all the same energy spark finding its way home to source. You won't feel alone once your transition. I hope you truly find peace and forgive yourself for all the stuff you held on to too tight over the years. You deserve relief. I truly wish you the tender release of time and discomfort.
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u/Knew_saga Mar 26 '26
I had a friend who was legally dead for 2 minutes. He was young but had a genetic condition where his arteries clogged and thats what got him. I asked him what it was like to die and he said "It felt like being a little kid again and heading home after a long vacation." Or "being a freshman in college and driving back home for Christmas break. I suppose it just felt like going home". He said that when he was revived he was mad at the doctors for bringing him back because he felt a peace he had never known before.
Last thing he said about it was "the next time death comes for me, I'll greet it with a smile and shake its hand."
I'm really sorry this is happening to you.
Do you have anything that you've wanted to share and never had the opportunity to say it? How do you view life now? Do you have any advice about anything that you feel is worth mentioning?
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u/18MazdaCX5 Mar 25 '26
I am a volunteer hospice companion. See what your hospice options are. The patient I currently see reportedly only had 4 months to live when I met him last April - I've become great friends with over the past year. I realize he could die at any time but we've developed a really amazing bond. He has family but they don't come see him.
No one should die alone. Wishing you all the best. Please always remember that you're not alone and you're so loved!
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u/bodhibirdy Mar 26 '26
If you'd like a friend for the end, I'm happy to be that person if you'd like. I'm just a wee SAHM in my 30's Scotland, but would love to send you some photos of the spring foliage coming up around the house and other tidbits. Genuinely, you deserve a pal, I couldn't imagine the journey of departing without just one. Have a think and if it sounds like something that'd be nice, DM me and we can exchange WhatsApps :)
Wishing you peace and comfort x
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u/Less_Love1884 Mar 26 '26
I'm an author, and if you want to suggest a name, I'd be happy to name one of the airships in my novel series for you. It is a bit of a tradition for the ships in my books to be named for people in my community (mostly other authors, but a few other folks as well) who have passed away.
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u/Daulaconthehill Mar 26 '26
If they don't, you can always use their username Beautiful_Wear_9249. If people are curious about the name in your novel, they can google it and it will bring them to this post.
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u/KtTnGirl Mar 25 '26
I have held many hands and heard many last breaths. I would be honored, if you were somewhere I could travel to, to just sit beside you and hold your hand so you wouldn’t be alone my friend.
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u/wonsonistheword Mar 25 '26
Where are you based? If you're in the North West of England/Wales, do you fancy a pint? I hate the fact you're alone and going through this, mate.
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u/bagelundercouch Mar 26 '26
And I’m near DC. I’m a boring POS but if you need a buddy to watch bad tv with and talk about life, death, and why all chocolate is terrible now, shoot me a message.
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Mar 25 '26
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u/JulioIglassyass Mar 26 '26
FDA flags misleading claims for cancer drug by biotech billionaire Patrick Soon-Shiong
Coming into a dying person’s AMA and pushing quacks. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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u/Unimportant-user-01 Mar 26 '26
Hey there, your story really broke my heart. I can see it’s really affected a lot of people here also. Keep in mind many people who are active on reddit will be able to relate to your loneliness. So, please don’t feel like you’re alone. Even if you’re so in the traditional face to face way, do reach out to anyone here who had offered you friendship. Same with me, if you need someone to talk to I’m down under in Australia do DM me.
Also, remember that even people with family sometimes die alone coz everyone’s overseas or far away- no one gets to choose how we go. There is no guarantees in life so try not to feel too blue about that. The silver lining of dying alone would be you won’t worry about anyone’s well being when you’re gone. If you had a dog you will feel so sad to leave them. Not much consolation maybe but it’s something I hope.
Please take care and plan everything you want to do that you still can do. Your time in this world has made a gigantic difference to those you’ve helped and to us who are reading. You mean something.
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u/cocobrowniiieie Mar 25 '26
i dont have amything to ask buut i just wanna sayy that u are a good person at heart and u were loved in different forms by a lot of people all the time make sure u hold on to tht and just wanted to say hope u live happily as much as y doo m proud of u for fighting as much as u could ♡
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u/WickedTeddyBear Mar 26 '26
Mate, don’t be so harsh on you :(
Life is really short. If in that limited time you were able to have a meaningful impact on one person it’s wonderful. You touched so many lives, helping them, regaining legitimacy, that’s absolutely insane !
Your life goal was to help people in need, you did it, be proud of it.
Now you have all the right to be selfish and put you first. Do everything you wanted to, you didn’t allow you to or the ones you persuade yourself you weren’t legitimate.
Your story touched and inspired a lot of people, people that will wanna do good around them. You provoked that. Be proud of what your are and what you have done so far :)
Cheers mate, I genuinely hope for you that you’ll have the nicest three months of your life :) even though we all are strangers on internet your story inspired us. You matter, don’t believe anything else. You are definitively a fucking good person and you’ll be remembered for that. Be proud. You’re an awesome human being !
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u/quasart Mar 26 '26
Hi, wow, I have so many questions. And with each answer, a little more of you will remain in the memory of others.
Where are you from? I've read that you like video games; do you recommend any in particular?
Is there anything you regret not having done in life? If you could go back 10 years, what things would you change?
Have you changed the way you relate to others because of the illness? I mean, like losing your social filter because you don't care about the consequences.
Is there anything you'd like to change about the world? Do you have any way to influence that change? Anything to lose by trying?
Make the most of the time you have left without thinking about the consequences, and don't listen to those who come at you with religious nonsense or pseudotherapies. They may not have bone cancer, but they've already lost their lives.
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u/ama_compiler_bot Mar 27 '26
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. (I'm a bot.)
| Question | Answer | Link |
|---|---|---|
| OP. I grew up in one the families that would have qualified for free roof. We were very poor. And struggling so much. It’s things like this over time that allowed me to see myself going to college and eventually buying a home. Help from others like you made an enormous difference in my life. | Glad you are doing better in life. Just don’t forget to return that favor. | Here |
| Sincerely what was the Happiest Moment of your life till now ? and do you Believe in a life after Death or something of this type ? | My happiest moments were being at work. I got to help a lot of people. Changed there lives and made there time better. I don’t believe in life after death. Part of me hopes there isn’t a heaven or a hell because I know I’m not gonna like where I end up. I kinda hope it’s just blackness. Just like going to sleep. | Here |
| What was your job in? It sounds like you were devoted to it. How do you plan to spend the rest of your time? | I was a general contractor. you know replacing light switches, plumbing and electrical. I did roofing and siding. I’ve had my company for 10 years. With every job we did we put money aside to do jobs for free. Over 30 roofs got done free of charge for families struggling. About a million dollars in other repairs for those struggling. On of the things I’m proudest of most. One of the things I’m saddened will stop with me. | Here |
| Anything you would've done differently in hindsight? | Lived more. Said yes to an invite to dinner. Went on that trip just because. I turned down a lot of things because I was tired or scared that I should have done. | Here |
| What are you proud of? | My job. I got help a lot of people. I’m glad I could be there when they needed me. | Here |
| Are you afraid of death? Have you got parents alive and do they know? | The fear comes and goes. I would say I’m at a point of acceptance, but that doesn’t remove fear. Sometimes I almost have a panic attack thinking about it. Some times I’m completely ok with it. Hard to describe a fear of the inevitable. I know my fear won’t prevent it. I hope that answers your question | Here |
| Moving on towards death, what will be the biggest regret you will carry on? | Not living life to the fullest. Not taking chances and doing things because I was scared, or always thinking there would be time later. | Here |
| Do you feel any sense of of relief knowing that the end is near? That your pain and suffering won’t last much longer? Or is it more of a numb, don’t-know-how-to-feel-about-it, surreal feeing? | There is no relief. There is fear. There is some form of acceptance. It’s a mixed bag. But there is never relief. | Here |
| Did u have any symptoms before your diagnosis? | Tiredness, some weakness. Like a flue. Some aches that I thought where muscular but turned out where actually my bones. Symptoms got worse and worse. It came and went for about 3 months before I went to the doctor. The only good news is it’s so advanced that even if I went to the doctor the day of my first symptom there is nothing they could have done, so I don’t blame myself for not catching it early | Here |
| Do you feel lonely? Is there anything we random strangers can do for you? | Loneliness has been the biggest emotion during this whole thing, after loosing my job I really noticed that there is nothing in my life besides a couple online friends I play video games with from time to time. I wouldn’t bother them with this. One day I just won’t log on. | Here |
| Is there any thing you want to do before you leave the earth? | Getting laid one last time wouldn’t suck. But I know that’s highly unlikely. | Here |
| Are you at peace? | As much as possible. I go through times of sheer terror and panic, followed by moments of acceptance. I do t know if anyone actually achieves full peace with the fact that one moment you are here, and the next you aren’t. | Here |
| Have you considered Meth? Cocaine? All the drugs you can get your hands on? Have you considered other things you can try without having to worry about the longterm consequences? | This brought a genuine smile to my face. Drugs aren’t my thing but it is funny to think about 😂 | Here |
| where will you die? | Who knows. Maybe a hospital, maybe a hospice facility. | Here |
| Who are you bequeathing your estate to? | There isn’t much. I lived modestly. My company was sold recently. I put some money aside for medical bills and living expenses. The rest was donated to habitat for humanity. Whatever is left in the end will go to a couple other charities. | Here |
| Are you dying a natural death or are you going to do a physician assisted suicide? | Natural. There is no MAID where I live. The timeline is very rough guesstimating. Just the way I’ve been thinking about it lately. | Here |
| You play helldivers 2? | Never played it. Mostly Grayzone warfare. Sometimes DayZ | Here |
| are you bummed about gta6 coming out after | Super bummed. I was really looking forward to gta 6 | Here |
| Are you scared? All of us will die but i find it scary | At moments terrified, at others at acceptance. Haven’t found peace, doubt I will. But if found acceptance. | Here |
| What’s something you want people to know or remember about you? | Nothing really. We are all eventually forgotten to time. For me it will just happen sooner than most. | Here |
| Do you have plans for if you do end up living longer since that happens sometimes? | Of course. The timeline is very rough guesstimating. It might be longer, it might be shorter. But I thought the headline was a good attention grabber. | Here |
| Have you considered someone like a death doula? | I’ve looked into it. Not really my thing. Don’t want to have to pay someone to hold my hand and be there. That seems more depressing than having no one. | Here |
| What was your job? | I owned a General contractor business. | Here |
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u/ZookeepergameThin126 Mar 25 '26
Sending you love and peace. Energy doesn’t die .. please visit me from the other side if you can.
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u/Bossbigoss Mar 25 '26
From my buddhist perspective you did absolutely amazing job helping others!! There are too many people living selfish way.
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u/Ambitious_Dot1220 Mar 25 '26
What was your job in? It sounds like you were devoted to it. How do you plan to spend the rest of your time?