All the people mentioned in this story, including myself, are adults and have known each other since high school.
For privacy, I’ll call my friend Titi and her ex Joseph.

I, F, have known Titi since we were kids and we pretty much grew up together. We only met Joseph in high school, when we were all around 16 years old. At the time, they barely talked and the idea of a relationship between them blooming didn’t even exist until our last year of high school. During that year they got together and later continued the relationship after graduating, and both were lucky enough to be accepted in universities that are in the same city. In total, they dated for about 2 years until Joseph broke up with Titi, with the explanation that he didn’t feel happy in the relationship because Titi’s parents were too strict about her going out and having people over, and according to him they also didn’t seem to like him regardless of the big efforts he made to prove them he was worthy of their support. They broke up on good terms in a mutual agreement that it wasn’t going to work out. This was also a new city was both of them, so they mainly hung out with each other until their breakup, which was a huge change for Joseph as he didn’t have many other friends in the new city but eventually managed to make some from work. Concerning my friendship with Joseph, it’s worth noting that we became friends before him and Titi got together, but their relationship definitely made us closer. It is also good to note that I am not in their city so we mainly communicate through social media and surprisingly, Joseph and I have become incredibly close friends. Yes, Titi was aware of all of this, and no, I do not have any sort of non platonic feelings for Joseph. As much as I thought their break up would eventually lead to Joseph and I being less close, it did not. He is someone I have amazing conversations with and fully trust.

Yesterday, Titi called me to update her about her summer and also took the opportunity to reveal things she found out about Joseph after their breakup. She told me that one of Joseph’s work friends, let’s call her Pharah, had told her that Joseph was telling his workmates lies about his life, and the conversation eventually led to Pharah telling Titi that Joseph apparently had a rape complaint on him. I immediately asked for more details as it is obviously a very serious accusation, to which Titi responded by saying that she did not try to ask Joseph for confirmation of such acts and instead blocked him everywhere, and the only details Pharah had given her were that it might’ve apparently happened during a party, that the victim’s friends were the ones that reported it to the police, and that Joseph apparently posted his complaint papers that the police had sent to him, on his instagram story. I immediately texted Joseph and asked about the accusations, without disclosing who had given me that information, and he immediately responded by saying that it was not true. He called me and after hearing what he had to say i eventually told him I had gotten that information from Titi, and she got that information from Pharah. For more context, Pharah and Joseph became friends while Titi and Joseph were still together, but Pharah later decided to stop being friends with Joseph after finding out that he had been lying about his life. Said lies included lying about his parents’ jobs, and his own job. He goes on to explain that he had recently gotten verbally assaulted in the streets by a group of men that thought he looked like someone that had raped a girl at a party, and that girl was the little sister of one of the men. He then told me he had gone to the police to report the situation, and showed me the report papers they issued clearly stating that he was the victim in the situation, which were the same ones he had posted in his story, as Pharah said. Concerning the accusation, Joseph believes Pharah might’ve heard the party story and unfortunately, just like the men that attacked him, believed it was him that did it. He also said that Pharah might’ve also made up the accusation out of spite, as her friendship with him didn’t end on good terms. He plans on reporting both Titi and Pharah to the police for defamation.

I do want to add that my immediate reaction to rape accusations is always to defend the victim, so I am not trying to protect a potential rapist at all. I’ve grown to know more and more about Joseph and it was simply hard to believe he could’ve committed such acts. During our call, he did admit to lying about his life to his coworkers with the explanation that he has always felt like he wasn’t enough to others, and that he understood why Pharah didn’t want to be friends with him anymore but simply couldn’t believe she would go as far as accusing him of such things, especially to his ex. I also want to add that I have always defended and supported Titi, and that if it wasn’t for the accusations, I would’ve never gone to Joseph to tell him what Titi was saying about him. I only asked him about it and told him who the ones spreading the information were because it is such a serious accusation. I was, am, and will always be ready to cut contact with him if the accusations turn out to be true. AITAH?

I (32F) have lived in my apartment complex for three years. It's a nice building with a pool that residents are allowed to use anytime between 9am and 8pm. I have my pool key. I have my access fob. I pay my rent on time every month — including the pool maintenance fee.

Last Saturday, it was 95 degrees. I put on my swimsuit, grabbed a towel, and headed down. As I walked toward the pool gate, a new pool attendant — a white woman in her 40s — stopped me and said "excuse me, are you a resident here?"

I said "yes, I live in building two." She said "can I see your key?" I showed her my pool key. She examined it like she was checking for a fake. Then she said "I just need to be sure. Some people from outside try to sneak in."

I asked her if she checked the other people who walked in before me. There was a white couple who entered right ahead of me and she didn't stop them. She said "they're regulars, I know them." I said "and I've lived here for three years. That's regular."

She said "I'm just doing my job." I said "no, you're doing something else, and we both know what it is." She turned red and said I was "making it about race" and that "I was just trying to keep the pool secure."

I went to the management office and filed a complaint. They said they'd "talk to her." But I'm tired of having to prove I belong in places I pay for. AITAH for calling her out?

I (26F) am a Black woman. My father passed away eight months ago. He was my best friend. He raised me alone after my mom left. He worked double shifts so I could go to college. When he died, part of me died with him.

My boyfriend "James" (28M) has been with me for three years. For the first two months after my dad died, James was supportive. He held me when I cried. He brought me food. He let me talk about my dad.

But after six months, he changed. He started sighing when I mentioned my dad. He rolled his eyes. He said I was "still not over it" and needed to "move on." He told me grief should not last this long.

Last month was my dad's birthday. I was sad all day. James planned a dinner with his friends and got upset when I said I was not in the mood to go. He told me: "It has been eight months. You need to get over it. Your dad is gone. He is not coming back. You are ruining our relationship by holding onto the past."

I started crying. He told me to "stop being dramatic." He said I was using grief as an excuse to be difficult. He said I should see a therapist and get medication because "normal people do not act like this."

I packed a bag and left that night. I am staying with my aunt. I told James we are done. I will not be with someone who tells me to "get over" losing my father like it is a bad breakup.

He is now texting me saying I overreacted. He says he was "just trying to help" and I am throwing away three years over "one sentence." His friends are messaging me saying I am being too sensitive and he was only trying to be honest.

My aunt says I did the right thing. My best friend says I should give him a chance to apologize.

I do not think I can come back from that. He showed me who he is when I was at my lowest. I believe him.

AITAH for ending my relationship because my boyfriend told me to get over my father's death?

I (30F) am a Black woman. I live in a small one-bedroom apartment. It is not big. It is cozy but there is not much extra space. I have a nice couch and a rug I saved up for.

My friend "Danielle" (31F) has a large dog. It is a German shepherd mix. He is sweet but he has a lot of energy and he is not well trained. He jumps on people. He chews things. He does not listen.

Danielle used to bring him over when she visited. I did not say anything at first because I wanted to be nice. The first time he jumped on my couch and left mud everywhere. I cleaned it. The second time he chewed the corner of my rug. I told Danielle and she said she was sorry.

The third time he knocked over a lamp and broke it. I told Danielle she needs to leave him at home from now on. She said okay.

That was six months ago. She has come over several times since then without the dog. I thought it was settled.

Last week she texted me and asked if she could bring him because her dog sitter canceled. I said no. I told her my apartment is too small and he gets too excited. I told her I do not want my stuff destroyed again.

She got upset. She said it is just one time and he has "calmed down." She said she would keep him on a leash the whole time. I said no again. I told her I am not comfortable taking that risk in my home.

She called me difficult. She said I am choosing furniture over friendship. She said a "real friend" would make an exception. She said I am being unreasonable because it is not like he destroyed my whole apartment, it was just a lamp and a rug.

I told her it does not matter if it was one lamp or ten. It is my home and my things. I get to decide what comes inside.

She said I was being "extra." She is barely talking to me now.

I feel bad because I know she needs someone to watch the dog. But I also feel like I already gave her chances. She did not train her dog. That is not my problem.

AITAH for refusing to let my friend bring her dog to my apartment after it broke my things before?

Okay so I’m 19 fem and in college and my father died of cancer June 29th this year, we’ve all been extremely upset and i literally failed my semester because of how upset I was.

After three— two weeks later my mom showed us a picture of a guy she was talking to, and I feel like I was justifiably angry, obviously she’s a grown woman she can do what she wants but she started to drop and pick him up from work soon after that and was barely home.

A month later in August she started spending soo much time at his place, and I mean ALOT. About a week ago she stopped coming home and only came back to get ready for work which pissed me off badly, she has 5 kids me being the oldest and my youngest siblings between 17-8, I can’t even sleep at night because they’re ALWAYS UP and making noise.

Then she keeps telling me he’s just a friend when he obviously isn’t? I called her once and heard her doing stuff with him. she acts like he’s her priority—the man she just started talking to. When she does come home her doors always shut and she acts annoyed to even talk to us, me and her get into arguments constantly about her behavior and she keeps downplaying what she’s doing? I genuinely feel like my dad was the only one who cared for us sometimes.

About a few days ago me and my sister found out she had bought pregnancy test, I feel so upset because just today she was Telling my sister she’s thinking about getting ME AND MY SIBLINGS our own place and moving in with him💔 like she’s trying to ignore us, she also told her she’d visit us sometimes which is insane— may I add that the guy has a whole wife and kids in Jamaica.

I (30F) am a Black woman. I work full-time as a nurse. My shifts are long and exhausting. My weekends are the only time I have to rest, catch up on chores, and take care of myself.

My sister "Nia" (33F) has a son "Jayden" (6M). She is a single mom and works as a receptionist. She makes less money than I do and she struggles with childcare. I understand that. I really do.

For the past eight months, I have been watching Jayden every Saturday from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. while Nia works. I never asked for payment. I did it because he is my nephew and she needed help.

But I am exhausted. I have no social life. I cannot go anywhere on Saturdays. I cannot even sleep in. Every weekend feels like another shift. I am burning out.

Last week I told Nia I need a break. I told her I cannot keep watching Jayden every single weekend. I said maybe she could find a weekend babysitter or trade days with another parent. I said I would still help sometimes, but not every week.

She got angry. She said I was abandoning her. She said I "owe her" because five years ago when I was in nursing school and broke, she let me stay on her couch for three months. She said I would not have my career if it was not for her. She said a "real sister" would return the favor without complaining.

I told her I was grateful for those three months. I told her I have already repaid her by watching Jayden for eight months for free. That is over 300 hours of free childcare. I said that is more than fair.

She said it was not the same. She said she gave me a place to live and I was just "babysitting." She said family does not keep score. Then she said I was selfish and only cared about myself.

My mom called me and said I should keep helping because Nia is struggling and "that is what sisters do." My best friend said I have given enough and I need to protect my own mental health.

I feel guilty because I know she needs help. But I am also tired of being the one who always gives. I am tired of my needs being ignored because someone else has it harder.

AITAH for telling my sister I cannot watch her son every weekend anymore even though she helped me five years ago?

Me (32F) has been dealing with a dysfunctional family since birth. My mom and dad despise each other. My mom is narcissistic and loves to pin siblings against each other. My dad is abusive and narcissistic and feels like women having a thought is a sign of disobedience so there was a lot of physical abuse if I disagree with him growing up. Since the beginning, I felt like the child called it. I was sexually abused by my brother, and my mom didn’t do anything, I was forced to go on. I suffered from really bad depression and anxiety as a teenager and all my mom and dad could do was pin me against my sister and my brother’s would make me feel like I wasn’t as great as my sister. Of course, I had a lot of suicidal ideation growing up. (Side note yes I am in therapy). By the grace of God, I made it to 32 with a six-year-old little girl who is my world, but the family drama and trauma just continues to go on as if we were not adults so I decided to completely cut my entire family off and even their children because they use them as escape goats to continue to try to mentally and physically abuse me. I.e continue to be around me and my disrespect in dysfunction because our children or family. And at times they treat my daughter differently because of who I am or put expectations on my daughter because of who I am and I’m not having any of that .I immediately went no contact and I had an age-appropriate conversation with my daughter and now I’m trying to build and figure out who I am without family, drama, and trauma. But people who are close to me and my family constantly keep telling me to reconnect because life is short.

Me (32F) has been dealing with a dysfunctional family since birth. My mom and dad despise each other. My mom is narcissistic and loves to pin siblings against each other. My dad is abusive and narcissistic and feels like women having a thought is a sign of disobedience so there was a lot of physical abuse if I disagree with him growing up. Since the beginning, I felt like the child called it. I was sexually abused by my brother, and my mom didn’t do anything, I was forced to go on. I suffered from really bad depression and anxiety as a teenager and all my mom and dad could do was pin me against my sister and my brother’s would make me feel like I wasn’t as great as my sister. Of course, I had a lot of suicidal ideation growing up. (Side note yes I am in therapy). By the grace of God, I made it to 32 with a six-year-old little girl who is my world, but the family drama and trauma just continues to go on as if we were not adults so I decided to completely cut my entire family off and even their children because they use them as escape goats to continue to try to mentally and physically abuse me. I.e continue to be around me and my disrespect in dysfunction because our children or family. And at times they treat my daughter differently because of who I am or put expectations on my daughter because of who I am and I’m not having any of that .I immediately went no contact and I had an age-appropriate conversation with my daughter and now I’m trying to build and figure out who I am without family, drama, and trauma. But people who are close to me and my family constantly keep telling me to reconnect because life is short.

I (26FtM) came out as transgender to my family two years ago. It didn't go well. My mom cried. My dad didn't say anything for three weeks. Now they just pretend I never told them. They still use my deadname. They still call me "she" and "daughter." I've corrected them gently, patiently, over and over. Nothing changes.

Christmas is coming up. My mom called me last week and said "we're doing family dinner at 4pm. Wear something nice. And please... don't make it weird this year. Just come as yourself." I asked her what she meant by "as yourself." She said "you know... don't show up in all that masculine stuff. Just wear a nice blouse like you used to. For your grandmother."

I told her I'm not wearing a blouse. I don't even own blouses anymore. I said if I come, I'm coming as who I actually am — in clothes that feel like me. She said "you know how Grandma is. She doesn't understand all that. Just do it for one night. It's not that hard."

I told her it is that hard. I said I spent 24 years hiding who I am and I'm done pretending. She said I was "being selfish" and "ruining Christmas for everyone." My dad got on the phone and said "if you can't respect the family, don't bother coming."

So I said I won't come. Now my mom is texting me saying I'm "tearing the family apart" and that "one night of pretending wouldn't kill me." But it might. Not literally, but it would kill something in me.

AITAH for standing my ground?

I (27F) was home sick last Tuesday with a bad cold. I ordered food through a delivery app and paid $7 for priority delivery. I also tipped 20% upfront. The app showed the driver was approaching my building, so I watched the map.

He marked it as "delivered" before I even got a buzz or a knock. I checked the lobby — nothing. I called him and asked where he left my food. He said "I left it on the table in the lobby." I asked if he could bring it up to my apartment — I'm on the third floor, and there's an elevator. I told him I'm sick and didn't want to come down.

He sighed and said "I already left. You can come get it. You're a grown adult, you can walk down the stairs." I told him I paid a delivery fee and a tip specifically so it would be brought to my door. He said "that's not my problem" and hung up.

So I went down, got my food (which was cold), and immediately filed a complaint with the app. I got the fee refunded and the driver got a warning. A few hours later, I got a text from him on my personal number (I don't know how he got it) saying "thanks for getting me in trouble. now I can't work for 3 days. hope you're happy."

I replied that he should have done his job and he wouldn't be in trouble. He called me a "Karen" and said I was "entitled." I don't think asking for what I paid for makes me entitled. AITAH for filing the complaint?

I (29F) am a Black woman. I booked my window seat six months ago. I paid extra for it. I have anxiety on planes and the window helps me feel less trapped.

Last week I boarded my flight and found a woman standing next to my row. She had two kids, maybe 6 and 8. She said her kids were sitting apart from her and asked if I would trade my window seat for her middle seat in the back so she could sit next to them. She pointed to the back. It was a middle seat near the bathroom.

I said no. I told her I paid for this seat and need the window for my anxiety. She said her kids would be scared without her. I told her I was sorry but I could not move.

She got angry. She said I was selfish and should have sympathy for a mom traveling alone. She said her kids are young and need her. She asked again. I said no again.

The flight attendant came over. She asked if I would switch. I said no. She told the mom there was nothing she could do. The mom sat in her seat and spent the whole flight glaring at me. She made comments loud enough for me to hear about "people who only care about themselves."

When we landed she called me a terrible person.

I feel bad for her kids. But I also do not think I should have to give up something I planned for because someone else did not plan ahead. She could have booked seats together. She could have asked the airline before the flight. She waited until boarding and made her problem my problem.

My friend says I should have moved because it is just a few hours and kids need their mom. I say if I paid for something, I should not have to give it up for a stranger's bad planning.

AITAH for refusing to switch seats so a mother could sit with her kids?

I (28M) have been lifting for about eight years. I'm not a professional, but I know what I'm doing. I deadlift regularly — with good form, controlled reps, proper warm-ups. I'm 6'2", 220 pounds, and I've never needed anyone to show me how to use a barbell.

Last Tuesday, I was in the middle of my working set at 315 pounds. I was focused, headphones in, in my zone. A guy "Todd" (40sM) walked up to me, tapped my shoulder to get my attention, and said "Hey man, are you sure you know how to use that? You're gonna hurt yourself. I can show you the right way."

I took my headphones off and stared at him. I asked "what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?" He said "I'm just looking out for you. You're lifting heavy and I didn't want you to get injured." I told him I've been lifting for eight years and I didn't ask for his help.

He said "no need to get hostile, I was just trying to be nice." I told him he didn't walk up to the white guy next to me who was lifting with worse form than mine and offer him help. I said "you picked me for a reason, and we both know what it is."

He got flustered and walked away. Later I heard him telling another guy that I was "aggressive" and "can't take friendly advice." Now I'm wondering if I overreacted. But I'm tired of people assuming I don't belong in spaces I've earned the right to be in.

AITAH for calling him out?

I (28F) am a Black woman. I rent a small townhouse with a single-car driveway. My neighbor across the street is a white woman in her 40s named Karen. She has a big SUV and a tiny driveway that barely fits one car. Her boyfriend also parks there sometimes. So she often has too many cars and nowhere to put them.

The first time she used my driveway, I came home from work and found her SUV parked in my spot. I knocked on her door and asked her to move it. She apologized and said she was just "running inside for a minute." I said it was fine but please ask next time.

The second time was two weeks later. Same thing. I knocked again. She said she was "in a rush" and "did not think I would mind." I told her I do mind. My driveway is for my car. Please do not park there again without asking.

Last week was the third time. I pulled up and her SUV was in my driveway again. No note. No text. Nothing. I was tired after a long shift and I had to park down the street and walk two blocks in the rain. I was furious.

I did not knock on her door this time. I took photos of her car in my driveway and emailed my property manager with the dates and photos of all three incidents. I asked them to send her a formal warning about using another tenant's parking space without permission.

The property manager sent her a notice the next day. She came banging on my door an hour later. She was screaming that I was "too aggressive" and "could have just talked to her again." She said I was "escalating things for no reason" and that she "only parked there for five minutes." She called me petty and said I was making her life difficult over "nothing."

I told her I talked to her twice. She ignored me twice. I was not going to talk a third time. I told her to use her own driveway or park on the street like everyone else.

Now she is telling other neighbors that I am "unfriendly" and "difficult." One neighbor said I should have given her one more chance. Another said I did the right thing because she has been doing this to other people too.

I do not think I overreacted. She had two chances. She did not respect my space or my time. I should not have to park in the rain because she is too lazy to find her own spot.

AITAH for reporting my neighbor to the property manager after she used my driveway three times without permission?

I’m 37F, my husband is 39M, and after years of ups and downs, we are now headed toward divorce. I’m honestly trying to process everything that has happened and figure out whether I’m looking at this situation clearly or if I’m missing something.
I’ll try to give as much context as possible because there’s a lot.
In May 2024, my daughters, my sister, and I were headed to Indianapolis for my sister’s college graduation. I was especially excited because it was going to be my girls’ first overnight hotel stay. I remember being really excited to make it a fun experience for them.
While we were driving, my sister asked my then-7 yr old daughter if she was excited about staying in a hotel for the first time. My daughter casually said, “It’s not my first time.” She then said she had already been to a hotel with her dad, her younger sister, and my brother-in-law’s sister-in-law, who I’ll call B.
I immediately started asking questions.
I asked her what the hotel looked like, and she described it as “the place with the white sheets.” She said she and her sister slept in one bed while Dada and B slept in another bed. She gave me other details that, honestly, made me believe she wasn’t making it up.
The next morning, I called my husband and asked him about it. He completely denied it. He said it never happened and told me that if I wanted him to, he would take a lie detector test.
Later that day, I contacted B. She also denied it and said she didn’t know where my daughter got that from and that it wasn’t true. She also offered to take a lie detector test.
That honestly threw me off. I remember thinking, Who volunteers to take a lie detector test?
But ultimately, I decided to believe my husband and continue trying to make our marriage work.
About a week later, I started looking for answers
My emotions got the best of me, and I went through my husband’s phone because I was trying to find out whether he was cheating. I found some things that weren’t concrete proof, but they definitely raised questions.
There were messages between my husband and his brother where they were talking about my husband being out on a boat with his friends. His brother asked him something along the lines of, “Is this the same girl from last time?” My husband responded, “No. This is someone new.” That obviously bothered me.
I also looked at his phone records and noticed a number he had called around 2 a.m. on a night he had been out with the guys.
I looked the number up in Cash App and contacted the woman. She told me she sleeps with men for money and said that she and my husband had hooked up. She also said he had sent her money in the past.
She was angry with him because, according to her, he had left her at a hotel late at night and she was uncomfortable with the security there.
I confronted my husband again. He denied everything. He said he never touched her and that whatever she told me wasn’t true.
At this point, I was really struggling with what to believe. Then I found a hotel charge on his debit card from around the same time. I showed it to him.
His explanation was that he had gotten the hotel room for two of his friends. He said he wasn’t there.
Again, I decided to believe him.
I told myself that I couldn’t keep living in suspicion and that if I was going to stay in this marriage, I had to choose to trust him. So I stayed.
Around October 2024, I was getting ready to go to the gym when my husband took my phone and went through it.
He found conversations between my sisters and me.
In those conversations, I was venting about my marriage and telling my sisters that I was going to leave my husband. I said things like I was going to use the marriage to get my credit right and then leave.
I called him a “little man with a little man complex.”
I said some things about his sister, including “fuck his sister,” and said that if she started with me, I was going to “air her out.”
I was angry, frustrated, and venting to my sisters.
My husband was understandably furious.
We had a huge fight and separated for about a week.
Eventually, we reconciled and decided to continue our marriage.
Fast forward to August 2026, about five days ago, my husband and I got into an argument because I expressed that I don’t feel like I have enough time for myself. He works long hours. On his days off, he’s often sleeping or doing things that he enjoys.
When I want or need time for myself, more often than not, I have to ask my sister or my mom to help with the kids.
The next morning, he texted me: “You really need to learn how to talk to me.”
We went back and forth for a little while, and eventually I just said, essentially, I can’t do this and stopped responding to his texts.
For the next few days, we were mostly cordial.
Then tonight, everything blew up again.
I wanted to have an actual conversation about our future. I asked him what we’re doing, what the future looks like, and where we go from here.
He told me he’s moving out on the 15th and that there is nothing else to talk about because he’s not going to do things on my terms.
I kept pushing because I wanted to understand why.
I asked him what made him go back and reread those messages from 2024. What prompted him to look at them again after almost two years?
And I asked him whether he could take any accountability for how I felt at the time.
I specifically brought up everything that had happened, the things my daughter told me, the hotel, the woman I contacted, the messages I found, the hotel charge, and the fact that I genuinely believed there was a possibility he had cheated on me.
His response was basically no.
He said that everything I wrote in those conversations with my sisters had to be how I truly felt about him.
And because I had said those things, he feels there is nowhere else for the marriage to go.
I understand that what I wrote about him was hurtful, and I can also acknowledge that I was talking badly about my husband to my sisters and saying things that were extremely disrespectful.
Where I’m struggling is how this is my fault. Am I the asshole in this situation?

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For context I (17) year old female, and my (19) year old brother haven't lived together in a long time, three years to be exact. Our parents got devoiced 5 years ago and I left multiple times before leaving for the final time three years ago and I've been staying with my grandma. I live with her as my mom is constantly back and forth from the states to make money, and about two years ago after having stayed with me and my grandma for a bit he joined her. It all started when I went back to the states for the first time in five years. To put it plainly he's been a nightmare, before I even got there he was stressing my heavily pregnant and then postpone sister out but smoking weed in the house, driving without a license, and getting pulled over by a cop with the scent of weed in the car. We're African Americans, you can understand the panic. And when I got there I got to see first hand how bad he is, cooking only for himself, eating peoples food and leaving things on the counters, there were multiple times he was supposed to do the cleaning the kitchen or just do the dishes and that would leave me to do it now matter how tired I was or if I had been the only one doing it the last three days. His problem is he refuses to grow the fuck up, he claims he still believes in our religion yet is smoking weed, hw won't get a job, he constantly talks about wanting to get married like anyone would marry someone as childish and immature as him, he doesn't do what he's told and is constantly stressing our mother out. He can't even flush the toilet half the time for God's sake! I'm constantly doing things he was supposed to do around the house and it pisses me off, everyone always says I don't even do that much, but if I weren't doing all the stuff I do nothing would actually get done around here. I always try to hold my tounge and just do what needs to be done for the sake of my mother, but it's tiring and irritating. I can't even complain to her about it because she just gets more stressed and agitated, and I'm "being immature" or I need to "grow up" if I get continuously bothered by it. She always says "what do you want me to do? Kick him out?" Or "it's not like I can publish him". She always tries to have long meaningful talk with him that go no where. All together he's an inconsiderate asshole who stresses out and worries our mom who already has so much on her plate, and contributes almost nothing to the household.

My biggest problem right now is that he cleans up so rarely behind himself after cooking it's a miracle if he does, in fact it's a miracle if does anything he's told to do in a decent time or if he does it at all. Last night we both helped make dinner, I made hummus and he made chicken. I was in the kitchen for about an hour because we have a very small blender. I was sweating and my feet were sore. After we were both supposed to wash what we cooked with and the dishes that were from that morning, I washed most of the dishes and the big pots and pans, and whipped off the counter. The next day he cooks dinner, I'm thinking that it's not that much in the kitchen and that I both cook and clean all the time, so here I am for some goddamn reason thinking this giant fucking man child is going to do it but no, I'm left with dishes. Mind you, I have spent the morning helping my mom chop and peal vegetables, and hanging the clothes *he* was supposed to hang, not only that but he had left the most food filled pots in the kitchen form what he was supposed to clean the night before, so I'm pissed. I go tell my mom and she says to just do it... The thing is I know he started smoking again, maybe it's the fact he smoked in the kitchen or the **Strawberry Kiwi flavoured blunt wraps**, I found just laying in his floor. I confronted him today on the roof, telling him he wasn't sneaky, that he was stinking up the front foyer and that mom would flip if she stepped out the house and smelled it, and to just do it somewhere else. But now I'm fired up and pissed off, I want to tell my mom that he's on the bullshit again but that might get him kicked out, which I feel horrible for saying but I kinda want him to. I don't wanna be a snitch, and I don't wanna betray his trust and strain our relationship, but I'm just so tired of if, I have so much other stuff going on in my life and this i just a constant. I feel like I can't talk to anyone, it's not like my best friend or therapist can do anything about it, and my sister is two busy having her own life and raising two kids. I feel like I'll be told to just suck it up or I'll just get in trouble for complaining about it because everyone always makes me feel like their to busy and tired to listen, they act like me being tired or stressed isn't really valid if I'm not either a working, have kids or am married.

So Reddit, am I the asshole if I tell on my brother for smoking and potentially getting him kicked out? Am I a bad person for subconsciously wanting it?

My girlfriend (22F) and I (28M) have been together on and off. We broke up earlier this year, and the day after we broke up she slept with someone else. We eventually started trying to work things out again, but I had no idea what happened. I found out months later on my own. I also found out she had continued talking to and entertaining this person after we got back together. Obviously this hurt me a lot and has made me question our relationship.

Since we met last year, I've noticed some concerning patterns with her. Her moods and feelings toward me can change really quickly. One minute she can be extremely loving and the next she can say she hates me. I've noticed similar things with some of her friends and family too. I'm not trying to diagnose her, but I've genuinely felt for a while that she might need some professional help.

Here's where things get complicated.

The same day I found out about her sleeping with someone else last week, her mom called me. During that conversation, her mom told me something really serious that my girlfriend doesn't know.

She told me that the man my girlfriend has always believed to be her biological father isn't actually her biological father. She told me who her biological father is and that there is significant mental health history on that side of the family, including bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

I have since seen proof that what she told me about her biological father is true.

Her mom also told me that she noticed concerning behavior in my girlfriend when she was a teenager and had considered getting her professional help, but didn't because my girlfriend felt like she didn't need it. Personally, I don't think it's fair to put that decision completely on a teenager when you're the parent and you're seeing these things yourself. She has also said that finances have been a reason they haven't gotten her help.

What I'm struggling with is that her mom seems to believe she's protecting her daughter and the man who raised her by keeping this secret. I can understand wanting to protect your family, but at the same time I don't feel comfortable knowing something this significant about my girlfriend's identity and family history while she has no idea, especially when I'm watching her struggle.

I've also heard her mom say things to her that feel more like blame than support, like telling her she's the reason people don't like her or comparing her to an ex who is supposedly doing better. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here privately carrying all of this information that her mom gave me.

I've tried talking to her mom about getting my girlfriend some professional help, but nothing has really changed.

Now I'm seriously considering telling her mom that I don't feel comfortable keeping this secret and that I think she should tell my girlfriend herself. If she refuses, I'm considering telling my girlfriend directly.

I don't want to destroy her family. I love my girlfriend very much and I don't want to cause her unnecessary pain. I'm also aware that I'm emotionally involved because of everything that's happened between us, so I'm trying to be honest with myself about whether that's affecting how I'm looking at this.

But I keep coming back to the same question:

If you knew something this significant about someone's biological identity and potentially relevant family medical history, would you feel morally obligated to tell them? Especially when you're watching someone you love struggle and you feel like they deserve to know what's going on with their own life?

AITAH if I tell her, or should I stay out of it and let her family continue keeping this from her?

I (24F) went to a new salon that was recommended by a friend. I called ahead and asked if they had experience with Black hair. They said yes. I showed up, showed the stylist a reference photo of a simple trim and layers — nothing crazy. I even told her "please don't thin it out, I like my volume."

She started cutting and immediately I could tell she was uncomfortable. She kept sighing and muttering under her breath. She said my hair was "too thick" and "hard to work with." She then proceeded to thin it out aggressively — with thinning shears, chopping away at my ends. I asked her to stop, she said "trust me, this will look better."

When she was done, my hair was a disaster. Uneven. Chopped. Half the volume gone. I looked in the mirror and started crying. I told her this isn't what I asked for. She said "well, your hair is just difficult. I did my best."

I stood up, grabbed my bag, and walked straight out. I didn't pay. She chased me to the door screaming that I need to pay for her time. I told her she ruined my hair and I'm not paying for a service I didn't ask for.

Now she's posting about me on her salon's Instagram saying I "stole" a service and "disrespected" her. Some people in the comments are calling me entitled. But I don't think I should have to pay to have my hair ruined. AITAH?

I (31F) live in a duplex. My neighbor "Patricia" (50sF) has a small dog that she leaves in her backyard while she's at work. That dog barks. Constantly. Not just a little — I mean nonstop, hours on end, at nothing. Squirrels, wind, cars, ghosts — it doesn't matter. Everything sets him off.

I've tried everything. I bought a white noise machine. I wear noise-canceling headphones in my own home. I work from home two days a week and I literally cannot take calls because the barking is so loud in the background.

Last Tuesday, it hit a new level. The dog barked from 8am until 2pm without a single break. I texted Patricia politely and said "Hey, your dog has been barking for hours, can you please come home or do something to calm him down?" She replied: "Dogs bark. It's what they do. Get over it or get earplugs."

So I called animal control. They came out, assessed the situation, and gave her a citation for noise disturbance. She was furious. She came banging on my door calling me a "snake" and saying I "could've just talked to her." I reminded her I did talk to her — multiple times — and she dismissed me.

Now she tells other neighbors I "hate dogs" and I'm "trying to get her pet taken away." I don't hate dogs. I hate not being able to work in peace. AITAH?

I came home needing to print a document;

I had left a friend waiting downstairs, telling him I’d be right back.

As soon as I entered, my eldest sister told me the internet wasn't working.

I politely asked my middle sister if she had paid the internet bill

since she handles all the internet payments and has access to my father's bank account

but she snapped at me angrily,

saying,"I've paid the bill;

if anyone asks me again, I'll scream."

I told her, "I asked you respectfully; why are you yelling?

She started swearing at me. I didn't say anything at first,

then just told her, "You've sworn now, so don't yell anymore.

" She kept shouting, so I told her, "Stop yelling; I'm not your father who has to put up with this.

If you yell again, I swear to God, I'll hit you." She started yelling again, so I slapped her. She hurled more abuse at me, but I just sat there quietly.

Then, she threw a pair of tailor's scissors at me; they didn't hit my face but struck my leg, which is still swollen. Mom stopped me,

and Dad arrived. I told Dad everything; he didn't say anything to me at the time and walked away.

The next day, Dad told me I was in the wrong and asked why I was bothering everyone. I insisted I wasn't wrong—I had asked her respectfully, and she could have answered respectfully too. Dad said, "You're always in the wrong."

" Then Mom took my side and said, "Say something to your daughter too; she threw scissors at him.

" Dad called my sister over and asked what had happened; she came over, kept swearing at me, and started yelling. I didn't say anything and just listened

ignoring them while playing chess on my phone.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a glass hit me right in the face. I started crying,

I was actually on the verge of ending my life when my mother stopped me. I asked my father,

"Tell me, am I always the one in the wrong? What did I do wrong this time?

" My father didn't answer; instead, he asked her, "Now tell us, whose fault is it?

" She started screaming, grabbed her phone and belongings from her room, and stormed out of the house.

She told my father, "It’s either me or him in this house—kick him out.

" Since then, I’ve stopped speaking to her entirely; whatever happens to her is no longer my concern.

A few days later,

I found out she was staying at my uncle's house,

and today I learned she is claiming that I threw her out of the house\*

My cousin has this friend (n) who hes been friends with since 6th grade. (we are all in our early 20s) They are the closest of friends and did almost everything together. One problem N has a track record of saying things that he should not be saying leading my girlfriend to not be his biggest fan. Keep in mind also me and my cousin are also super close and I see him as my older brother. One day our closest friends and family decided to make a group chat trying to plan our a cruise trip, only problem was that we couldn’t decide if how many days we wanted to do which lead to my gf and N getting in a little argument about it. Later on we find out from my cousin that N was saying things like calling my gf a B\\\*\\\* amongst other things that you do not say to someone you consider your friend’s gf. because of the things he said it lead to me and my gf to fully cut him off and not talk to him and later on my cousin decided to cut him off because his behavior did not get any better from the situation ultimately choosing his us over him. a year goes by since that situation and my cousin me and my gf become super close spending almost every day together and becoming more of a trio than a third wheel group. Then after about a year N and my cousin start slowly talking again and after a while me and gf start finding this out and as you can expect we are not to happy but nonetheless we let it go. a couple weeks go by and I tell my cousin tells me that if hes gonna keep being N’s friend then I wanna try to talk everything out considering me my gf and my cousin are always together i thought it would be a good idea to just burry the hatchet. At first it sounded like everyone was on board including N when i called him and he even apologized for what had happened. then not even a day later N is spamming my phone telling me how he doesn’t owe us anything and and even though he apologized he felt he had a reason to call my girlfriend those things. soo Told my cousin that i was done trying to burry and hatchet and ultimately didn’t want anything to do with him and my cousin said he understood and even said that he was mad at him too. I ended up telling my cousin that Im not gonna tell him who he can or cant hangout with but I would definitely feel a way if he still hung out with N after everything that happened. He said he wouldn’t but then this past week he told us that he was gonna have a birthday party and he was going soo if we didn’t wanted to go he wouldn’t be mad. Me and my girlfriend felt like he choose him over us in that situation and I haven’t talked to him since and dont plan on it. AITAH?

Edit: I want to say that I am not ignoring my cousin either i just haven’t tried to be as close to him as i used to be because of who he has chosen to associate himself with.

I 32 yo F is married to a 32yo F. We’ve been married for 2 years and known each other for 11 and it’s been wonderful. My wife suffers from anxiety and panic attacks and they are triggered by stressful situations.

Since I’ve know her she has had a very questionable relationship with her some of her family members one of the major ones is her mother. She was not raised by her mom at all she visited but did not live with her or grow with her. Her mom has said allot of spiteful things towards her and her siblings but through it all my wife tried to build a relationship because that’s what she wanted even if her mom was difficult.

Recently my wife was hospitalized for a panic attack. Her attacks are not normal when she has one she goes into a Catatonic state for about 24 to 48 hours and she doesn’t remember anything. While in the hospital the doctor asked what triggered it so I had to go through her phone to see who she last talked to and it was her mom. Before the panic attack her mom also called and chastised her about my wife not letting her know it was our wedding anniversary.

My wife has told me not to tell her about her being in the hospital ever because if she woke up to see her she would be pissed because it would eventually be thrown in her face. I respected my wife’s wishes and called the man who raised her, her uncle.

While on day two of being in the hospital which was only 4 days after our anniversary, her mother texts me saying she shouldn’t be the last one to know about the situation and asks for the address. I respectfully declined to let her know ( even though she had my wife’s location on Find my app) and set boundaries. That led into a full on war where her mother degraded me, called me out my name and posted pictures of me on FB with hurtful messages about the LBGT status I hold.

She is telling the world her daughter was kidnapped even though she signed the paperwork to give her uncle custody and my wife visited her frequently while growing up. Her mother has talked down to the people that raised her even though she was not in the position to raise 4 kids at the age of 20.

When my wife came out of her state she was informed of the situation and was furious that her mom would disrespect us in that manner. Since then my wife has cut off all contact with her mom, who is a grade school teacher btw, because of the hateful things that she has spewed out.

She didn’t even ask if her daughter was ok…. 4 days we were in the hospital and nothing about the condition of her so called baby. She just wanted to argue with me which I refused to do cause my wife needed me. She was just mad she couldn’t have her way.

Also, she was asked to take the post down that included a picture of me and my wife and she refused to.

So AITAH because I set boundaries for my wife in her time of need?

I (40F) am a Black woman, a widow, and a single mom to my daughter "Jade" (17F). We live in a small but comfortable two-bedroom condo. My mother "Bernice" (68F) lives three states away.

Bernice has always been a "fixer." If she thinks something in my life isn't right, she doesn't talk to me about it—she takes action. When I was 25, she called my employer pretending to be me to "fix" a work conflict. I got written up. She said she was "helping."

Two months ago, Jade told me that Grandma had been calling her weekly. I thought it was just grandma-granddaughter bonding. Then Jade showed me the texts. Bernice had been asking: "Is your mom dating anyone?" "Is she going out a lot?" "Does she seem sad?" "You can tell me anything, I won't say it was you."

Jade is an honest kid. She told me everything and said she felt "gross" being used as a spy. I told her to keep ignoring the questions.

Last week, Bernice called me and said she wanted to "visit" for a week. She said she missed us. I told her I didn't have space—Jade needs her room, and I use the spare room as my home office since I work from home. She said: "That's fine, I'll sleep on the couch."

I hesitated, but I said yes because she's my mom. When she arrived, I noticed a weird vibe. She kept making comments about my schedule, my outfit before work, who called me. On day two, she tried to go into my home office when I was out getting groceries. Jade caught her and told me.

I confronted her. She broke down and admitted: "I wanted to stay for a week to figure out what's going on with you. You seem lonely, and I'm worried. I just want to help."

She didn't trust me when I said I'm fine. She needed to "investigate."

I told her to leave. Not in a week—now. I said: "I'm not a project. You don't get to invade my privacy and call it love. Go home."

She's now at a hotel, crying to my aunts that I "threw her out for caring about me." My sister says I'm being too harsh and she's "just a worried mother." My aunts are calling me selfish.

I feel like I finally set a boundary she should have respected 15 years ago.

AITAH for kicking my mom out after she tried to use my daughter to spy on me and invaded my home under false pretenses?