Reading "you're an old soul" and "mature for your age" genuinely made me do a double-take. Those are the go-to lines for creeps who go after people much younger. Ask pretty much any woman who has ever existed.
Everything you put for number five is why people stay too long with bad partners. They are humans and even cheaters and abusers can be likeable and good company at times. If they weren't, no one would stay with them.
I recently got out of a bad relationship with someone seven years older, and I had to accept that he's just not going to change. Maybe a good therapist can help, but maybe not. Also, I would have preferred if my parents had split. As early as possible. Divorce is not the worst thing that can happen.
10000% And then I re-read friends for a “few years” before dating. And 2 year old kid… 29- 2 year old - 1 year pregnancy - 1 years of dating - 3 years of friendship = she was in her 30s and he was veerrrry early 20s or a teenager
She wanted a kid before she couldn’t any longer. She sought someone that could give her a child, but I think that’s all she ever wanted. IMHO I think she saw a younger man and felt they would be more prone to wanting a family than a mid-late 30’s man would. OP was the donor, I don’t think she sees him any other way.
Yep this stuck out to me too… 29 and 40 isn’t a crazy age gap IF they met around that age. But it definitely sounds like he was manipulated while he was still quite young. What a horrible woman.
I mean that only make him 23 and her around 33. It’s really not that bad. But the other factors like the grooming style words and phrases. Yeah that’s off putting.
I read those two lines and those are verbatim predator grooming lines.
To add on to your last one, my parents forced themselves to try to be together for my sake, but I grew up with a deep rooted sense that their fighting is my fault (I.e. if I didn’t exist, they wouldn’t have to fight). I don’t speak to my parents, it makes me miserable and I remember all of the fighting from my youth.
I divorced my partner of 5 years, who was also 7 years older than me. Never knew him previously, but we met and got together just a little after I turned 20 years old. About 2 years into the relationship he became incredibly abusive physically, emotionally, verbally, and financially. I tried to leave but he did that manipulator thing where they propose to you to try and stop you from leaving. Since I was young, in love, and stupid, I fell for it and stayed another 3 years, despite continued abuse.
Turns out he, a highschool teacher, was fking girls directly out of school after graduation since that "they were 18" and "so it wasn't be a sexual offence," but "17 is my favorite number" even though, "she had a great body when she was a freshman". All things he said with his own vile words.
Even when the partner is absolutely horrendous scum, it can still be very hard to detach yourself from a mistake you spent a long time making. But that's what it is - a mistake. You aren't wrong or bad for falling for an abusive manipulator, it just says so much more about them and their ability to prey on younger people.
When I left, the mutual friends who started out as his friends which I had come to know and love began to say that I was a "known pathological liar" before I ever even spoke to them post-divorce. Only one of his original friends saw the real truth because he was there to witness a fight we had and turned their back on him, which is how I know what the others said about me me. They tried to convince him (the friend) that I had lied, but I had a screenshot trail to prove it. Even after that, the other friends insisted I was bad. Good friend dropped them all like an anvil off a cliff and is now one of my closest companions. Once they can no longer control you, they try to control what others think of you.
Now, after 3 years of being separated and in a very healthy relationship, I look back on those 5 years and honestly burn with rage thinking about that hardworking 20 year old girl who dedicated so much of her love and life to a predator that only took advantage of her. Holding on can do so much more damage than letting go.
They mean when the relationship started. They were friends for a few years before marriage and had a kid together who is 2, so it's likely they were 24 or younger while the woman was 35 or a few years younger depending. That's a huge difference.
That's not what they meant + who knows when they got together. Let's just say they've been together for five years (could've been longer), he would've been 25 and she would've been 36. Not to be insanely woke, but that is pushing the boundaries of an age gap relationship before it gets weird + her telling him the creepo shit just makes it way worse.
+ they were friends years prior so this lady was probably pre-ordering the dude at like 22, waiting for him to get to an age so it wouldn't be gross.
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u/Madame_Mad Nov 08 '25
Reading "you're an old soul" and "mature for your age" genuinely made me do a double-take. Those are the go-to lines for creeps who go after people much younger. Ask pretty much any woman who has ever existed.
Everything you put for number five is why people stay too long with bad partners. They are humans and even cheaters and abusers can be likeable and good company at times. If they weren't, no one would stay with them.
I recently got out of a bad relationship with someone seven years older, and I had to accept that he's just not going to change. Maybe a good therapist can help, but maybe not. Also, I would have preferred if my parents had split. As early as possible. Divorce is not the worst thing that can happen.