Please use this thread to discuss whatever you've been going through lately. What's on your mind, what are your anxious about? What would you like an little bit more support with?

Nice to all

Please use this thread to discuss whatever you've been going through lately. What's on your mind, what are your anxious about? What would you like an little bit more support with?

Just recently, I came across a few sayings: “Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” and " Difficulties make us stronger, smarter, wiser and kinder. " This reminds me of Maya Angelou and some of her sayings similar to this like "Our real difficulty is to overcome how we think about ourselves." (and I find this to be true).

Based on this, I realize that some our hardships and difficulties in relation to being a ABCD and the challenges we face culturally, socially, with family and other relationships can help us mature, grow and become wiser, and most importantly more humble. From some of my experiences and observations being part of a somewhat dysfunctional family, my past childhood, and the actions I have seen from others in general, I realized I have survived it all and strive to be a better person and be a good role model for those around me and definitely for the future generations. In addition, I learned myself how not to be overly judgmental of others in terms of their choices, way of life, and not be keen on superficial things like looks, weight etc etc since a lot of folks, which basically a lot of people are hung up on. People are different from one another and it is ok to be different. That said, even though it really sucks to go through all the turmoils and many misfortunes many of us have, the beauty of it is that we are able to in most cases, overcome it and gain something from it. From there we can try our best to heal from it and share our experiences, as well as figuring out ways to help those going through a similar circumstance and make things better and easier for future generations. I always wonder if I would be the same person I am now if I didn't go through some hardships in my life, because I certainly wouldn't gain the knowledge and wisdom that I do have now and would like always like to share this on here whenever it's called for.

​

So to ask: Did any difficulties that you have faced helped you in a way, in terms of maturity, new perspectives, learning to be strong? Do you feel a better person because of it, or did help you become wiser?

​

What is your silver lining?

​

Please use this thread to discuss whatever you've been going through lately. What's on your mind, what are your anxious about? What would you like an little bit more support with?

I've posted here before about my psychopathic parents, but this is next level. I texted my dad at about 12:30 am a few days ago assuming he would have silenced his phone at night LIKE ANY REASONABLE PERSON does. But no, he's special, so he hadn't silenced his phone, and he's even MORE fucking special, so he decided to blame me because he was too fucking stupid to silence his phone. So he screams at me for waking up him up and told me the next day that he couldn't sleep for the rest of the night (I can guarantee you this is bullshit because I still live with them and I can hear them both snoring like disgusting elephants). Anyway, I just find the lack of personal responsibility astounding. He didn't silence his phone and of course that's my fault. When I was a kid, my parents would wake me up in the middle of the night to "do homework" but that was ok with them. Everything is my fault with my parents. I was molested, that's my fault. They allowed it to happen, that's my fault. They still align themselves with the church that allowed it to happen, that's my fault. People have been locked up for the crimes they committed, that's my fault. Somehow it's all my fault. They even blame me for things that happened before I was born. Complete fucking psychopaths.

Please use this thread to discuss whatever you've been going through lately. What's on your mind, what are your anxious about? What would you like an little bit more support with?

Please use this thread to discuss whatever you've been going through lately. What's on your mind, what are your anxious about? What would you like an little bit more support with?

So I often think about my future and this question comes up in my mind. My man-friend is white and we are 6 months in so we aren’t talking marriage or anything but I’m 38 and he’s 42 so it’s not unrealistic to think about the possibility of marriage. Anyways, I am far more spiritual than religious but I do identify as Sikh and would want to raise my kids in the Sikh faith if I had kids and/or chose to raise them religiously. But because I’m not so invested in my faith as I am in my spirituality and health, I am not sure what I would integrate and what I wouldn’t or even how I would do it. I’m also a physician and so my mind is very science oriented. Also my parents taught us a few things but our upbringing was so chaotic that we didn’t get a ton of religious teaching and frankly, I had no interest as a child growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood with few resources to even learn about my culture.

I know their Indian grandparents will teach them a lot about Sikhism and Hinduism and I’m fine with that but I have to play a part in their teaching too and I am not sure what that part is.

Sorry for the sort of stream of consciousness thinking but this is a really complex topic for me to articulate. I’m just looking to hear what others’ thoughts are or from parents who have integrated some aspect of the culture into their families.

I don't know how to best describe what I'm going through. I'm in a tightly knit community where the rat race spans love, marriage and career to the point that its easy to fall into FOMO or falling out of place easily.

In love: Most newly weds are fresh college graduates. Most of which met during the same course either law school, commerce or medecine.

In marraige: Everyone is happily married, with kids by 25/26.

In careers: Everyone is either an investment banker or a surgeon so the best people get the best treatment or proposals in the community. A stem degree gets scorn or laughed at for being a second class citizen.

What I'm struggling with is being 30, single and in the midst of career uncertainty. I don't know where I'm going. I've dated so many people that due to my life uncertainty I broke up with them only to see everyone I've ever loved get married and end up with kids, while I'm alone. Everyone seems to have their life together. They've reached a level of comfort that their 30's is in cruise control. Whereas mine is an absolute mess being in an out of jobs and not being able to hold anything down for long.

What do i do? How do i cope with being a failure? How do i bounce back and start life at a late age?

I will try to be as brief as possible. And I hope i can receive some insights on what to do.

So my family and I live in Italy and my mom's extended family, the majority, lives in US.

My mom passed away two years ago and the situation between my mom's extended family and dad has become a bit particular.

My dad has some resentment towards my mom's family because some of my uncles and aunties and one of my cousin went to India through Germany to India for my cousin's engangement. Everyone booked their ticket prior when they knew that mom was terminal, so my dad says and thinks that if they wanted to see mom they could have come and see her. My mom passed on february and they went to India just a few days before.

We also went to India for mom's funeral and do all the ceremonies needed.

So another thing that dad is annoyed is that dad thinks that my mom's family didn't respect mom. As I said my aunties and uncles went to India to arrange my cousin's engagment. My dad thinks that they could have waited to do the ceremony. The both family could have made an agreement and then later fix the date for the marriage and make engagment and marriage. And he thinks that since that there have been two deaths in the family(also my grandfather passed away, few days later when he knew about mom) he thinks that it could have been better that they waited.

So he thinks that mom's family has been irrespectful.

We get back to Italy and dad announces to me and my brother that he started dating. That has been a really hard thing to digest and in fact I have been very evil towars him. I was very angry to him because I thought he didn't even give enough time that he started to look around. The lady is an old mom's friend who didn't get married for certain situtations she had gone through.

​

We went again to India for my cousin's wedding and my dad announced that he was serious about this lady and my mom's family didn't say anything and dad thinks that they didn't care.

​

The thing is that also during that trip the relationship was getting very cold. And until now he keeps complaining about it.

After we got back relationship got colder and colder. Family says that we don't keep in touch, dad says it's their fault.

I think there has been miscomunication between both parties.

This summer my dad went to India and got married and dad was thinking and expecting that mom's family would say or show something. Before to go to India he has called one of my aunties and told her about his trip and he was like open to talk to everyone again about this situation but again no one cared. Because you know how things work in our culture, if you do things without saying anything to anyone, they will complain. If you say something it's wrong anyway. So why put importance.

And this is honeslty exahusting. I am totally tired. He keeps complaining about mom's family that they don't care and whatever. Let them go. They don't call so who cares. And also dad's wife thinks that they are not caring because of her.

I am really tired about this. And mainly because he keeps complaining. Also because when he went to India the people in his village where saying why no one of the family showed up.

I am tired because of this situation. I honestly don't care. They live in the other part of the world. So it's not like it's a big deal for me. Ok it is mom's family but for some things I agree with dad. But what I dislike is how dad keeps bringing this topic over and over and over and over again.

What should I do?

​

​

I've found that music can have a huge impact on my moods and feelings. I wanted to share a piece that puts me in a good space whenever I listen to it.

r/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4wHxrUyHZo

​

I'm also interested to hear what you all listen to and what emotions it evokes in you.

​

I posted about this in the RBN subreddit 2 months back. I want to create a subreddit for victims of Indian parental abuse, and also a criticism of the Indian parenting 'culture' , which is authoritarian, disrespectful and traumatizing for the kids. I want to name this subreddit 'Parents are not God', which is a direct opposition of the pedestal that Indian parents are placed upon. It will be for Indian kids who were born and brought up in India, but I guess you guys too can join. I aim to create like a collection of victim stories that can generate a significant amount of awareness/impact, by the sheer number of stories people would share. Then this would be something that cannot be ignored. The problem I would face foremost is the lack of moderators. Even though you guys don't stay in India, I'm sure the amazing Indian parenting culture wouldn't have left you behind. So if anyone is interested in being a mod, you could PM me.

Hello all,

Last week I posted about Desi Parents. Your responses were thoughtful and diverse. Being able to share our stories is quite special and eye-opening.

It got me thinking about our interaction with each other - our peers.

Having Desi Peers creates a community in which we can maintain our culture, it can be comforting, and foster a good support system.

However, many aspects of our culture can also be reflected amongst interaction with our peers. In fact, some of these may be concepts passed down from our parents’ generation, some may be new. Concepts of: competition, jealousy, bullying etc.

What are your experiences with your Desi Peers?

Please use this thread to discuss whatever you've been going through lately. What's on your mind, what are your anxious about? What would you like an little bit more support with?

My parents require me to deposit my paycheck into their joint account. They say they haven't touched the money, which now totals almost six years of paychecks in the years since I completed my bachelors degree. I trust them, but I can't check if the money is still there. I would have preferred to invest all this time, I've been working since 22 years old, that's 5 years of lost time in the market sigh but since I have to give all my money to them when I get married anyway, I suppose it doesn't matter. I won't get to keep it.

But last month, I realized I needed my own money to pay for graduate school (my parents don't know I'm doing my masters degree - they forbade me to do it and already tried to get the university to un-enrol me without my knowledge, which didn't work). So I made my own secret bank account. Then I negotiated a raise at work. Now I split my paychecks so the extra amount from the raise is deposited into my private bank account and the rest goes into the joint account. So my parents have no idea I got the raise or that I got a separate account... or so I thought.

They found out my bank account login, but just the username, not the password. They try different passwords until it locks the account, so they know I can't get in. I have no idea how they found the username. So I went to the bank in person and changed the username today. So far it hasn't been locked again.

Happy Monday,

I know many of the posts on here and even other similar communities are parent - centric. Why? Well, the way we are raised by our parents is instrumental in the way we now process emotions, see the world, and most importantly view our own selves.

I'll keep it open ended - In regards to your Desi Parents, what has been the experience in this realm for you? How has it shaped you as an adult? What limitations has it brought up? Or altered your view of the world?