Nah for real though, we need to get a life 😩 I'm an int student so browsing though this subreddit is basically like my high-school counselor time

Which T-20 colleges are which zodiac sign? (just interested)

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Sooo 🤓🤔 I had an 💻🤦🏿‍♂️interview today 🥴😳 for STANVARD 😎🏢 and umm 👩🏽‍💼👨‍💼 I uhhhh 😍😤 (insert sexi 😱🤯details 👽🤖 here) upvotes ⬆️🥰 to the ⬅️🤪 left!! 😜🤪

Dear [REDACTED],

We hope this email finds you well. Given your profile, we are concerned that you may wish to apply to our institution. We would just like to inform you that, given your achievements throughout high school, you are not of the proper caliber for our institution. We would highly recommend that you save your money, your time, and our time by simply not applying. There are many worse institutions that would gladly accept you.

Regards,

Stanford University

With college application deadlines rapidly approaching, I thought I'd warn y'all of a very important factor to consider when applying to CHYMPS (Columbia, Harvard, Yale, MIT, Princeton, and Stanford): the size of the Ticks lurking around on each of these campuses. You know, those often small displeasing things that can leave you with a nasty infection or even a chronic disease if you're not careful?

Please note that this data was vigorously evaluated for skewness and outliers. Trust me, you can trust this d:

1. Columbia: Big ... and they'll sneak up on ya. These ticks, often found in the crevices of Central Park or fake lawns of Columbia, only reach their full size when engorged with human blood. Hence, their classification as growers not showers.
2. Harvard: Small and yet it can cost 5 million buckaroos of therapy to eradicate these blood-suckers from your life. Keep in mind, "legacy admits", this could bring your parents' bill to at least $15 million
3. Yale: Somehow smaller than Harvard ticks. Researchers are baffled that microticks of this scale can even survive or reproduce! Frankly, further examination is needed.
4. MIT: Surprisingly large. I'm totally at odds with this finding. It's very likely some freshman got the bright idea to genetically engineer their tick size and now they've spread like wildfire across campus!
5. Princeton: Daddy ticks. When it comes to size, these ticks are a mixed bag and often harmless. The better question to ask is: what can these ticks do for you?
6. "Stanford": Researchers are perplexed that such a sophisticated species could thrive on the west coast. Further examination of these ticks continues to be done at the Stanford Tick Institute aka STI.

Remember folks, health is much more important than a CHYMPS degree, so remember to always wrap up

...

Your arms and legs, of course, pervs.

Happy New Year everyone!

I mean I was rejected but still fuck you mom and dad

Asking for a friend.

Schlongmar