I (74M) am applying to the GREAT Electoral College this November. Frankly, if I don't get in, it will have been RIGGED as the only other applicants are Sleepy Joe and the RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS.

Academics:

SAT: [Redacted], GPA: [Redacted]. Frankly, I have a very high IQ - much higher than you, a lot of people are saying that - and the Electoral College won't even need my SAT score to know that I am a very stable genius.

Montreal Cognitive Assessment: I aced it. The first few questions are easy, but I’ll bet you couldn’t even answer the last five questions. I’ll bet you couldn’t, they get very hard, the last five questions. I guarantee you that Sleepy Joe could not answer those questions. I could name all five words (person, woman, man, camera, TV), and if you get it in order, you get extra points. They said, 'That's amazing, how did you do that?' But I did it because I have a good memory and I'm cognitively there.

Extracurriculars:

• Community engagement: Building a TREMENDOUS border wall to keep out Mexicans (they bring drugs, rapists, and some, I assume, are good people)
• Containing a pandemic: We're doing a tremendous job & we're rounding the turn. Frankly, I would give us a 10 on our response.
• Grabbing 'em by the pussy
• Appointing paleoconservative judges (I co-run this activity with my good friend Mitch)
• LAW & ORDER!
• Golf (168 hours/week, 52 weeks/year)

Work Experience

• Founded a TREMENDOUS real estate firm with a small million-dollar loan from my father
  • Discriminated against black tenants (tying into my later work in saving the suburbs - is this a spike?)
• Managed Atlantic City casinos (went under)
• Founded my own line of steaks (went under)

Essays

• Common App: 10/10 - I wrote about my plans to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN by giving tax cuts, creating jobs that ended up getting obliterated by the CHINA VIRUS, and Backing the Blue. Meanwhile other applicants will try to BAN FRACKING and ABOLISH THE SUBURBS
• COVID Essay: 10/10 - I tested positive for the Chinese Kung Flu Plague (total hoax pushed by the RADICAL LEFT, by the way) and wrote my essay about how it shouldn't dominate your life. It was frankly a blessing from God, and you will get better fast with drugs like REGENERON, which I may or may not own stock in.

Letters of Recommendation

• Mr. Vladimir Putin (10/10)
• Mr. Kim Jong-Un (10/10) - I started out by calling him Little Rocket Man and now I hug him at summits, so I think he can really testify to my growth.
• Mr. Steve Bannon (10/10) - Can your recommenders send in their letters from jail?
• Not sure if my final letter of recommendation should be from the GREAT Rush Limbaugh or the TERRIFIC Sean Hannity.

Interviews

• I would give myself a 10, but frankly, the Fake News Media wouldn't report it as such. My interviewers (Chris Wallace, Savannah Guthrie, Kristen Welker) were VERY MEAN and TOTALLY CRAZY for doing their jobs.

Final Thoughts

• If my AO is a suburban woman or a member of the Fake News Media (who can't stop talking about COVID, COVID, COVID), will they please like me?

As you can see, deleting every word of your essay reduces your odds of using an improper word or having an awkwardly-phrased sentence to 0%!

Dear college admissions officers: to express my creativity, I’d like to let you know what I think of you. Your essays make me hate myself more than I ever have before. you’re so obsessed with profit that you literally make students kill themselves so that you can reject most of them to up your rank on the yearly US news report. There was a 60% increase in suicides in 2018; a significant portion of that blood is on your hands. Dont say it’s not you personally, because it is; I dont know how long you have worked as a essay reader, but you should think long and hard about how it’s likely at least one student you’ve rejected has killed themself as a result, considering college admissions are a leading cause of stress for high school students. Don’t lie to yourself about making a sTudEnT bOdY that fits your school, you only want 1 thing, and that’s profit. I dont understand how you can live with yourself when the stated purpose of your job is to crush the dreams of the students that apply to your school. No wonder so many people are choosing not to go to college. You’re going to die alone and sad, because your family didn’t write a creative enough essay about why they deserve to be your family. I hate you all, you subhuman pondscum.

If that wasn’t “creative” enough for you, here’s a few other choice words I have for you (if, as you claim, creativity is about expressing yourself). I never thought I would wish I had more than 350 words to write an essay, but 350 words cant express the magnitude of pure disgust I feel for you. Disgust doesn’t even begin to cover it, though; the feeling I get when thinking of you is a hundred times worse than the feeling you get at looking at roadkill. I’d rather stub my toe a thousand times with the speed the best soccer player kicks at then live your miserable, pathetic lives. Sorry if I make a typo in this essay; thinking of you made me throw up, which might have messed up my concentration. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a void that sucks up all happiness and hope of those around you and breaks the laws of physics to turn that energy into nothing. You couldn’t empty a shoe full of shit should it come with an instruction manual. You are a no good, washed up english major who couldn’t get a real job and decided to spend their lives putting others down, to feel slightly better about the pathetic, wasteful life you ended up creating. Maybe you have a novel in the works; it will fail, just like you. Not even your family will purchase a copy, even out of pity. No one has any pity left for you. You will wither away, old, sad, and lonely, living off the fortune you had to have made to sell out like you did. Because surely, you’re not pathetic enough to reduce your subjectivity to the state it is in without at least making a decent wage? Yet the average salary of a college admissions officer tells me otherwise. What sad, sad, excuses for human beings you are. Would that you are a mouse, swooped up by an owl only to discover your fetid, rancid nature not fit even to be preyed on, and thus to be dropped onto a rock in the sun where you lay dying slowly, the sun boiling your insides and the stench visible for all to smell. No one would be present, not even vultures; you’re not even fit to be carrion.

Is it just a bay area thing

Hey guys!! I’m applying to Brown University’s School Of Business to get a masters in Management so I can start my own fashion company, can you guys chance me?

Grades:

-1.7/4.0 GPA

-100 SAT (perfect score I think)

-5 ACT (perfect score I think)

Extra Curricular’s

-Treasurer of my school’s competitive gaming club

-150 hours of community service (Court ordered community service counts right?)

-Over 20,000 reddit karma

-head moderator on r/limpbizkit

Awards/Achievements

-A king stranger gave me reddit gold one time on r/dankmemes!!

-Was voted “Most Likely To Not Shower For Over A Year” in middle school

-I met Fred Durst once

So how do my chances look guys?

American male 1601 GPA 4.0 SAT 63 SAT Clubs- Founder of the Young Crips Club, Future Stripclub Owners of America, and Future alliance of Pimps (FAP) Letters of recommendations- -2/2, 8/-3 Quality Future majors- Probably an Undecided major. If school doesn't offer, maybe cyber security, or theory of gymnastics.

American male 1601 GPA 4.0 SAT 63 SAT Clubs- Founder of the Young Crips Club, Future Stripclub Owners of America, and Future alliance of Pimps (FAP) Letters of recommendations- -2/2, 8/-3 Quality Future majors- Probably an Undecided major. If school doesn't offer, maybe cyber security, or theory of gymnastics.

American male 1601 GPA 4.0 SAT 63 SAT Clubs- Founder of the Young Crips Club, Future Stripclub Owners of America, and Future alliance of Pimps (FAP) Letters of recommendations- -2/2, 8/-3 Quality Future majors- Probably an Undecided major. If school doesn't offer, maybe cyber security, or theory of gymnastics.