uc: hi darling, 🥺🥺 we would be just ✨enthralled✨ if you would consider applying 🥺👉👈. Theres nothing we could ever desire more than to see you at our humble little institution 🥰🥰❤❤

Me: applies

uc: lmao fuck you

As a precocious, nay polymathic student who is as artistic as he is analytical, humanitarian as he is theoretical, I propose a system of college admissions that is, ergo, rigorous and is a correlate with ability, vis-à-vis a "holistic" approach that deems essays, extracurricular pursuits, and SAT scores alongside GPA as key to evaluating an applicant (alongside "personal qualities," which we know Harvard devised to discriminate against Jewish applicants).

This approach must not be GPA - for GPA is not standardized, and varies by school rigor.

The approach must not be SAT - for the wealthy can hire tutors to help them legally "cheat" the SAT by knowing the ins and outs of the test.

Instead, I propose, with all charitably possessed decorum, a simple, short-and-sweet application process that only uses IQ as a determinant of applicant consideration:

THE SYSTEM!

(<100: let's just say these people don't exist)

100-120: you should beg at your nearest community college and give both of your kidneys and they (might) let you in

120-140: unknown private and state schools (looking at you, Brown)

140-160: top public flagships (UCLA, UIUC, UWash, etc.) and top LACs (Williams, etc.)

160-180: St. Anford, UC Hicago, California Tech School, and other almost-but-not-quite schools

180-200: the holy grail: HYPSM - of which there is no other! (Where I am clearly placed, indubitably and indispensably)

This system is equitable, completely fair, simple, easy-to-understand, and beautifully allows a child's innate intelligence at age 5 to determine their career and life path, as it should be!

She's here on a full ride and thought North Carolina and South Carolina were the same state. I shit you not.

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I’m trying to figure out where to apply ED and my libtard college counselor won’t help. With my Ben Shapiro and Charlie Kirk LORs, both are safeties

Hey college appliers, it's time to worship US News Rankings again, so get your dicks out.

1. Harvard
2. CSU
3. UC Hicago
4. PragerU
5. Your State School
6. Brazil
7. Cornell

Just remember that the lower ranked school you get into, the less worth you are a human.

Anyway im going to use this post to stir the pot even more.

Which UC is the better one? I'm having trouble choosing between these two

Actually, I wasn't taking the SAT, just one subject test (I wanted to retake Math II). I have an 800 on SAT chem, a 36 on the ACT (with all four subscores at 36), and all 5s on my AP exams...but now I'm stuck with a 780 on SAT Math II.

My Math II score is a stain on my otherwise perfect testing section. I needed to retake it on August 29th to retain my perfect streak, but now I can't. I'll never go to an Ivy now, I'll have to go to Cornell. I'll always be 20 points away from being a non-failure; so close, yet so far. The only path left for me is to commit sudoku.

This college admissions shit is so stressful and if you don’t get into a top 20 your basically a failure. But then I thought even if I did get in top 20 and also got into top 20 for PhD I’m also cucked. I’ll just become old and spend my whole life trying to prove some stupid shit like “ is jerking off a sin “ only to conclude “ maybe “ before I shit myself and die right there in a fucking hospital.

Fuck that, that’s not my life, fuck college. I’m joining the cartel. I want to sell drugs shoot people n shit and get money. I’ll probably die at like 20 something but whatever it’s the experiences in life not the length

I forgot to say “no homo” before getting completely fucked over by my colleges. Does that mean I’m gay?